As an EMDR therapist living with ADHD and childhood trauma, I’ve seen firsthand how these experiences intertwine. Many neurodivergent moms with ADHD have also faced developmental trauma, often rooted in neglect or emotional abandonment. When caregivers fail to provide the nurturing support that neurodivergent children need, it can leave lasting wounds. If you’re an ADHD mom navigating these challenges, you’re not alone. Here are common core wounds and reflections on how to start healing.
1. Self-Esteem Struggles
When caregivers don’t understand or validate us as children, we can grow up feeling fundamentally flawed or unworthy of love.
• The Challenge: If my caregivers couldn’t see and accept the real me, does that mean I’m unlovable?
• The Work: As an EMDR therapist, I know that healing begins with confronting these deeply held beliefs. We can reprocess past experiences, challenge negative self-perceptions, and cultivate self-compassion. You are not broken—you are worthy of love and acceptance just as you are.
2. People-Pleasing Tendencies
Many ADHD trauma survivors learn to prioritize others’ needs in hopes of earning love and approval, often at the cost of their own well-being.
• The Challenge: Maybe if I meet everyone’s demands and expectations, I’ll finally be enough.
• The Work: Setting boundaries and respecting your own capacity is deeply uncomfortable but transformative. EMDR can help desensitize the fear of rejection and build confidence in your worth, even when you can’t be everything for everyone. True connection doesn’t require you to sacrifice yourself.
3. Chronic Burnout
For neurodivergent moms with trauma histories, the drive to “keep it together” and mask struggles can lead to overwhelming burnout. The pressure to appear in control often drains what little energy remains.
• The Challenge: I can’t let anyone see me struggling; I have to handle it all.
• The Work: Vulnerability is a strength. Allowing others to see you when you’re struggling—and seeking support when you need it—can be deeply healing. EMDR therapy can address the underlying fear of showing weakness and help you cultivate safe, trusting connections.
4. Rejection Sensitivity
Rejection sensitivity can be heightened by ADHD and trauma, making even small interactions feel intensely painful or anxiety-provoking.
• The Challenge: I’m always bracing for rejection. Will I be hurt again?
• The Work: Healing involves learning to trust yourself and others again. With EMDR, we can reprocess past rejections and reduce the emotional charge they hold. By showing up as your true self, you create space for authentic connections with those who genuinely accept you.
5. Demand Avoidance
For ADHD trauma survivors, even basic tasks can feel overwhelming and painful. If you weren’t given nurturing support and life skills as a child, adult responsibilities can trigger deep feelings of inadequacy.
• The Challenge: I can’t meet everyone’s expectations when I’ve never been properly cared for myself.
• The Work: Grieving what you didn’t receive is part of the process. EMDR therapy can help you reprocess unmet needs and find ways to care for your inner child. Building gentle routines and prioritizing self-compassion can make “adulting” less overwhelming.
6. Perfectionism and Performance
Many neurodivergent moms with trauma feel driven to be perfect, hoping to earn love and validation through flawless performance.
• The Challenge: I need to be perfect to be valued or loved.
• The Work: Perfection is not the answer; it’s often a protective response to past wounds. EMDR therapy can help you let go of this exhausting cycle, showing you that you’re enough, just as you are. Embracing imperfection allows you to be present and authentic, for yourself and your family.
Finding Healing as an ADHD Mom
Living with ADHD and trauma is complex, but healing is possible. Through EMDR therapy, I’ve witnessed powerful transformations. We can reprocess painful memories, reduce triggers, and challenge deeply rooted beliefs that no longer serve us.
Healing involves self-compassion, boundary-setting, and finding supportive spaces where you can be fully seen and accepted.
You are not alone. You are not broken. You deserve to heal, thrive, and live authentically.
Does this resonate with you? Let’s create a space to share, reflect, and support one another on the path to healing.
With love,
Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW