When it comes to healing from trauma, one of the most painful and often misunderstood experiences is sibling sexual abuse (SSA). If you're a survivor, you’ve likely lived with secrets so heavy they warp the shape of your life. Maybe you've tried therapy before and left feeling like no one really saw you. Or maybe the silence in your family made you question your own truth.
At Long Island EMDR, we hear you. And we believe you.
Why Sibling Sexual Abuse Deserves More Attention
Did you know that sibling sexual abuse may be the most common form of intrafamilial sexual abuse—yet it’s the least talked about? According to a recent qualitative study published in Child Abuse & Neglect (van Berkel et al., 2025), survivors often wait decades before disclosing the abuse. They fear breaking their families apart, not being believed, or even being blamed.
And when they finally seek therapy? Many describe feeling dismissed, pathologized, or boxed into rigid treatment plans that don’t fit the complexities of their story.
One participant in the study shared: "It would be very nice if there was someone sitting across from you who would say, ‘I believe you’... There has never been anyone; I missed that in mental healthcare.”
That’s unacceptable. And it’s something we’re actively working to change.
What Makes SSA Different—and How We Respond
Sibling sexual abuse often occurs in families where boundaries are already blurred. Survivors may have grown up protecting their sibling’s reputation, managing their parents' reactions, or feeling like they were the ones who destroyed the family by speaking up. This form of abuse isn't just about what happened behind closed doors—it’s about what was never said, never acknowledged, and never healed.
Here’s how we approach SSA therapy differently at our practice:
1. We build trust before anything else.
We know many survivors of SSA have had painful experiences with therapists who pushed too fast, minimized their pain, or couldn’t hold space for the contradictions—like still loving your sibling or feeling numb during sessions. We start by listening. Fully. Without agenda.
2. We treat relational trauma, not just the trauma “event.”
SSA fractures entire family systems. We hold space for that grief, especially the grief of losing connection to parents or feeling exiled by relatives who don’t “get it.” Even if family therapy isn’t possible, we explore how these dynamics continue to impact your safety, identity, and relationships today.
3. We tailor therapy to your stage of healing.
This study emphasized that survivors need different things at different points in their journey. Whether you’re just beginning to remember what happened, or you're deep into processing body memories and dissociation, we’ll meet you there—not rush ahead.
4. We value your strength—not your compliance.
You're not broken. You’re resourceful. You adapted to survive, and those adaptations—like disconnection or avoidance—deserve respect. We honor your protective strategies and help you learn new ones when you're ready.
Research-Informed, Human-Centered
This post was inspired by “Just listen to me”: Experiences of therapy after childhood sibling sexual abuse (van Berkel et al., 2025). You can read the full article here, especially if you're a clinician looking to deepen your understanding of SSA.
For therapists: I urge you to approach these clients with reverence. That means no rushing. No assuming. No generic protocols. Show them that therapy can be different—and that you can be different.
For survivors: Your healing is not linear. Your needs are valid. And you deserve therapy that sees all of you—not just your symptoms, but your story.
You are not too much. You are not beyond help. And you don’t have to carry this alone.
Sending Love & Light,
Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW