I used to think I was flexible.
Adaptable.
Easygoing.
Low maintenance.
A chameleon, really—blending in wherever I went. Reading the room. Shifting my tone. Softening my edges. Changing the channel on who I was depending on who I was with.
It looked like confidence.
It felt like safety.
But it was exhausting.
Because here’s the truth I couldn’t admit for a long time:
I didn’t know who I was outside of the people I was trying to please.
When You Become Who They Need, You Lose Who You Are
It starts young. Maybe for you, too.
You learned what made people happy.
What kept you out of trouble.
What earned you praise.
What made you “easy to love.”
You learned to shape-shift before you had the language for it.
To mask.
To manage.
To perform.
It kept you safe.
It made you successful.
And now?
It’s making you tired in your bones.
The Chameleon Isn’t Bad—She’s Just Done
I want to be clear: The chameleon part of you isn’t the enemy.
She kept you afloat when the waters were rough.
She got you through the boardrooms and breakups and baby years.
She helped you fit in when feeling “other” felt unbearable.
But now?
She’s worn thin.
You don’t want to be palatable. You want to be free.
You don’t want to be agreeable. You want to be authentic.
You don’t want to be perfect. You want to be real.
So Who Are You Beneath the Layers?
This question used to scare me.
Now it sets me on fire.
Who are you when no one’s watching?
What would you say if you weren’t filtering?
What would you wear, create, scream, or sing if you weren’t performing?
This is not about burning it all down.
It’s about coming home.
To the soft part of you.
To the weird part of you.
To the part you’ve muted for too long.
You Were Never Meant to Disappear in Order to Belong
Read that again.
You don’t have to shrink to be safe.
You don’t have to hustle to be lovable.
You don’t have to blend in to be worthy.
The truest version of you?
She’s been waiting.
Quietly.
Patiently.
And she’ll meet you the moment you stop contorting and start listening.
You Don’t Need to Perform Here
You are not “too much.”
You are not “not enough.”
You are already everything you were meant to be.
So take off the costume.
Peel back the mask.
Let the chameleon rest.
You’re allowed to be seen now.
Sending Love & Light,
Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW