Dear fellow neurodivergent parent,
If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by your child’s stimming or wondered about your own habits and mental health—like tapping, pacing, or humming—this is for you. Stimming isn’t something to fear or fix. It’s as normal for neurodivergent individuals as breathing, and embracing it can help us thrive as parents, partners, and individuals.
Let’s explore what stimming is, why it’s so important, and how we can reduce the shame and stigma around it—for ourselves and our kids.
Stimming, short for “self-stimulatory behavior,” refers to repetitive actions that help regulate emotions or sensory experiences. For neurodivergent individuals, stimming is a natural and meaningful way to:
• Find calm during overwhelming moments.
• Process sensory input in a world that can feel too loud or chaotic.
• Express emotions when words aren’t enough.
Some common examples of stimming include:
• Hand-flapping or finger-tapping
• Rocking back and forth
• Twirling hair or spinning objects
• Repeating words or phrases (echolalia)
• Playing with sensory toys like fidgets
Stimming helps the brain regulate itself, much like taking deep breaths when stressed. For neurodivergent individuals, it can serve a variety of purposes:
1. Regulating Sensory Input
The neurodivergent brain processes sensory input differently. Stimming helps block out overwhelming sensations or provides the stimulation needed to stay focused.
Big feelings—whether they’re joy, anxiety, or frustration—can feel even bigger for neurodivergent people. Stimming helps release and balance these emotions.
3. Communicating Needs
For individuals who are nonverbal or struggle with emotional expression, stimming can be a way to communicate: I’m excited, I’m stressed, or I need space.
When embraced, stimming has many positive effects on mental health. However, societal misunderstanding and stigma can create challenges.
The Positives
• Stress Relief: Stimming acts as a natural stress reliever, like a built-in coping mechanism.
• Focus and Grounding: It helps redirect attention and provides comfort in high-pressure situations.
• Self-Expression: Stimming can be joyful and empowering, offering a way to feel connected to your body and emotions.
The Challenges
The real problem isn’t stimming—it’s how the world reacts to it. Misunderstanding, judgment, and pressure to “stop” stimming can lead to:
• Shame and Anxiety: Feeling judged for stimming can cause self-doubt and emotional distress.
• Masking Behavior: Suppressing stimming to fit in can result in burnout, sensory overload, and emotional dysregulation.
Here’s the good news: you have the power to create a world where stimming is accepted and celebrated—starting in your own home.
1. Normalize Stimming
Talk about stimming as a natural and healthy behavior. Explain to your kids (and remind yourself!) that it’s their body’s way of taking care of them.
2. Create Safe Stimming Spaces
Make sure your home, school, or work environment allows for stimming without judgment. This might mean giving your child access to sensory tools or advocating for understanding with teachers and caregivers.
3. Reframe Stimming as a Superpower
Instead of seeing stimming as a distraction or “quirk,” celebrate it as a strength. It’s a tool that helps neurodivergent individuals process the world in their own unique way.
4. Use Tools and Resources
Fidget toys, weighted blankets, and other sensory-friendly items can make stimming more accessible and enjoyable.
I’ll be honest—embracing stimming hasn’t always been easy. Growing up, I was told to “stop fidgeting” or “sit still,” and I carried that shame for years. But as I learned more about my neurodivergent brain, I realized stimming wasn’t something to hide—it was a way to thrive.
Now, as a mom, I let my kids see me stim. When I tap my fingers during a tough moment or hum to calm myself, I’m showing them it’s okay to regulate their emotions in their own way. In turn, they’ve felt freer to flap, spin, and stim without fear of judgment.
If you’d like to learn more about stimming and how to support neurodivergent individuals, here are some helpful tools:
• Books:
• Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism by Barry M. Prizant
• NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity by Steve Silberman
• Online Communities:
• Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN)
• Sensory Tools:
• Fidget spinners, chewable jewelry, and noise-canceling headphones are widely available online and in stores.
Here’s the truth: stimming is as normal as breathing. It’s not something we need to fix or hide—it’s a vital part of how neurodivergent individuals thrive.
When we embrace stimming as a strength, we create a world where neurodivergent people feel safe, accepted, and celebrated—for exactly who they are.
With love and understanding,
Jamie