treatment for chronic stress Long Island

The Weight You Carry: Chronic Stress Is More Than Mental

Imagine carrying a heavy backpack. You’ve been lugging it around for years. At first, you adjusted your posture and kept moving. But over time, your shoulders began to ache. Your knees gave out. Your breath became shallow. People might not see the weight, but you feel it every day.

This is what chronic stress feels like for many of us—especially here on Long Island, where busy schedules, long commutes, and family pressures can stretch us to the brink. If you’ve tried talk therapy but still find yourself anxious, exhausted, or emotionally reactive, it may be time for a different approach.

That’s where EMDR therapy comes in.

Why Traditional Talk Therapy May Fall Short for Chronic Stress

Talk therapy is a powerful tool. It helps us make sense of our thoughts, identify patterns, and gain insight into our behaviors. But for chronic stress—especially the kind stored deep in the body—insight isn’t always enough.

You can understand why you’re triggered. You can name what happened. And still, your body might react like it’s in danger when someone sends a sharp email or when plans suddenly change.

That’s because chronic stress doesn’t just live in your mind—it lives in your nervous system.

Your body remembers. It keeps score, just like Dr. Bessel van der Kolk describes in his groundbreaking book, The Body Keeps the Score. Even after the stressful event passes, your system may stay stuck in survival mode: fight, flight, or freeze.

What Is EMDR and How Does It Work for Chronic Stress?

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a research-backed therapy designed to help the brain and body process unhealed stress and trauma. Unlike talk therapy, EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (like guided eye movements or tapping) to activate both sides of the brain while recalling distressing experiences.

This dual process helps the brain reorganize how it stores emotional memories, so your body can finally recognize: I’m safe now.

💡 Research Insight: Studies like this one show EMDR is highly effective in reducing chronic stress symptoms—especially in people who haven’t fully responded to talk therapy.

Another meta-analysis published in Frontiers in Psychology found that EMDR significantly reduced anxiety and stress-related symptoms in adults, with lasting improvements.

Real-Life Example: From Wired and Tired to Calm and Present

One Long Island client, let’s call her "Amanda", came to weekly therapy feeling constantly “on edge.” A mom of two and full-time nurse, Amanda was no stranger to stress. But even small things—like a delayed train or a last-minute work shift—set her off emotionally.

She had been in talk therapy for years and understood why she reacted that way. But her body still tensed as if danger were right around the corner.

Within just a few EMDR sessions, Amanda noticed a shift. She didn’t feel instantly “fixed,” but she reported sleeping better, snapping less at home, and actually enjoying her mornings again.

Over time, her stress didn’t disappear—but it no longer ruled her life.

Why Long Island Residents May Especially Benefit from EMDR

Life on Long Island comes with unique stressors—dense traffic, high living costs, long commutes, and the pressure to do it all. Many of us are holding more than we realize, and weekly talk therapy may not be enough to keep us regulated.

EMDR offers a way to gently release the emotional weight you’ve been carrying for too long. It doesn’t require retelling your trauma in detail or spending years in therapy. It meets you where you are, and helps your nervous system do what it was built to do—heal.

Is Weekly EMDR Right for You?

If any of these resonate, EMDR may help:

You don’t have to keep carrying the invisible weight of chronic stress. You deserve to feel safe, calm, and fully present in your life.

Ready to Learn More?

At our Long Island therapy practice, we specialize in weekly EMDR for adults with chronic stress. Whether you're a burned-out professional, an overwhelmed parent, or someone who’s always felt “on edge,” we’re here to help.

✨ Click here to learn more about EMDR from the EMDR International Association.

Let EMDR Be the Reset Your Nervous System Has Been Waiting For.
You’ve done the hard work of surviving. Now it’s time to feel safe in your own skin again.

Give our office a call at 631-503-1539 or ill out a consultation form.

undiagnosed cptsd

When "Anxious" Was Just the Tip of the Iceberg

You’re doing all the right things.
Going to therapy. Meditating (well, trying). Journaling like it’s your job.
But deep down, it still feels like something’s… off. Like you’re missing a piece of the puzzle.

If you’re a woman who’s been called “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” or “just anxious,” you might not be broken — you might be living with undiagnosed CPTSD.

And trust me, you’re not alone. In fact, there’s an epidemic of women quietly drowning in symptoms that don’t fit in neat diagnostic boxes — because we weren’t taught that chronic stress, emotional neglect, and invisible trauma count as trauma, too.

Wait, What Is CPTSD? And How Is It Different From PTSD?

PTSD is often associated with one big, clear trauma: a car accident, assault, combat.

CPTSD — Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder — is what happens when the trauma is ongoing.
It’s not just what happened to you — it’s what kept happening, often in subtle, daily ways:

It’s death by a thousand paper cuts — and your nervous system remembers every single one.

Unlike PTSD, CPTSD doesn't always show up as flashbacks or nightmares. Instead, it looks like:

Now imagine layering this on top of being a woman in a world that rewards quiet compliance and punishes emotion. No wonder so many of us go undiagnosed.

Why CPTSD Is So Often Missed in Women

1. You Learned to Fawn, Not Fight

Women are socially conditioned to appease, accommodate, and smooth things over. So instead of lashing out, many of us fawn — the lesser-known trauma response.
You become the helper. The fixer. The one who never makes waves.
You disappear into roles, responsibilities, and relationships — and call it “being strong.”

But strength without support is survival, not safety.

2. You're Too “High Functioning” to Raise Alarms

You might look put-together on the outside — holding a job, raising kids, replying to emails on time — but inside, you're exhausted, disconnected, and battling internal chaos.

Because the world doesn’t recognize the kind of trauma that doesn't scream.
It whispers.

And whispering trauma? That’s prime territory for undiagnosed CPTSD.

3. Your Trauma Was “Normal”

When everyone around you had the same emotionally absent parents or chaotic home, you might not even realize you’ve experienced trauma.

But just because it was common doesn’t mean it was okay.

Unmet emotional needs during critical developmental years can leave scars — ones we carry into adulthood without names or validation.

How Undiagnosed CPTSD Shows Up in Everyday Life

Let’s paint a picture.

You’re in a meeting, and your boss gives you neutral feedback.
Suddenly your heart races. You replay the conversation for hours. You feel like you’ve failed. Again.

Or a friend forgets to text back, and your stomach sinks. You spiral:
Did I say something wrong? Are they mad? Did I ruin everything?

These aren’t overreactions. They’re emotional flashbacks — your body reliving old fear from situations where love, connection, or safety were threatened.

But Here’s the Good News: Your Body Wants to Heal

CPTSD may be stored in your nervous system, but it’s not a life sentence.

The brain is neuroplastic — meaning it can learn new ways of feeling safe, trusting, and present. But talking alone isn’t enough.

Because CPTSD lives in your body, not just your mind.

EMDR: A Game-Changer for CPTSD

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) isn’t just a buzzword — it’s a science-backed trauma therapy that helps the brain process and release traumatic memories.

Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR works with the brain’s natural healing process, using bilateral stimulation (like guided eye movements) to:

It’s especially powerful for undiagnosed CPTSD because it bypasses overthinking and goes straight to the source: the stored stress in your nervous system.

Bonus: You don’t have to talk through every traumatic detail. EMDR works even if you don’t remember everything clearly.

💡 6 Signs You May Be Living with Undiagnosed CPTSD (And It’s Not Just “Anxiety”)

🚩 Symptom💥 What It Might Actually Mean
Chronic guilt or shameEarly invalidation or neglect shaped your self-image
Overreacting to minor thingsEmotional flashbacks, not irrationality
People-pleasingA trauma response to avoid abandonment or conflict
Always on edgeYour nervous system stuck in hypervigilance
Feeling emotionally numb or disconnectedHypoarousal as a safety response
Trouble remembering your childhoodA common CPTSD defense mechanism

You Are Not Too Much — You’re a Woman With an Untold Story

And now you’re allowed to tell it — not just in words, but through tears, sensations, deep breaths, and finally learning how to be with yourself.

You were never meant to carry this alone.
And you don’t have to keep pretending you’re fine.

There’s nothing wrong with you.
There’s just a part of you still waiting for safety.
And safety is possible — with the right support.

FAQs About Undiagnosed CPTSD

1. Is CPTSD an official diagnosis?
In the ICD-11 (used internationally), yes. In the U.S., it’s still under the broader PTSD category, but many therapists recognize its unique presentation.

2. How is CPTSD treated?
Body-based, trauma-informed approaches like EMDR, somatic therapy, and parts work (IFS) are highly effective.

3. Can I have CPTSD even if I wasn’t abused?
Yes. Emotional neglect, inconsistent parenting, or chronic invalidation can all cause CPTSD.

4. How do I know if I’m dissociating or just zoning out?
Dissociation often includes a sense of detachment from your body, emotions, or surroundings and can last longer or feel more intense.

5. What’s the first step to healing CPTSD?
Find a trauma-informed therapist (especially one trained in EMDR or somatic modalities), and start with gentle, body-based regulation.

6. Will I ever feel “normal” again?
You may redefine what normal feels like — not numb or over-adapted, but deeply safe, connected, and self-led.

🌿 You Deserve to Be Seen, Heard, and Held

If you’ve been navigating life with a sense of being “too much” or “not enough,” know this: your experiences are valid, and healing is within reach.

At Long Island EMDR, we specialize in trauma care that goes beyond traditional talk therapy. Our approach integrates EMDR therapy and somatic trauma therapy to help you process and release the burdens of the past.

Whether you're in Suffolk County, NY, and prefer in-person sessions at our Bohemia or Smithtown locations, or you're anywhere in New York State seeking virtual support, we're here for you.

📞 Call us at 631-503-1539 or request a consultation to begin your healing journey.

You are not alone. You are not broken. You are becoming.

With compassion,

Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW
Founder, Long Island EMDR

The Day I Knew I Wasn’t “Just Overreacting”

It was a text message. Just five words.
But my heart pounded like I was being chased. My vision blurred. My body froze, then fizzed, then dissociated.

Logically, I knew I was safe.
Emotionally? My body had other plans.

If you've ever found yourself spiraling from a “small thing” — an email, a glance, a noise — and felt ashamed because you know better, this article is for you.

You’re not broken.
You’re somatically activated.
And talk therapy alone won’t quiet a nervous system still stuck in survival mode.

That’s where Somatic Trauma Therapy enters — not to replace talk therapy, but to speak to the parts of you words can’t reach.

Talk Therapy Tells the Story. Somatic Therapy Listens to the Body.

Talk therapy is powerful.
It gives us language. Insight. Patterns.

But trauma doesn’t live in your logic.
It lives in your body — in the clench of your jaw, the twitch of your shoulders, the way your breath vanishes without you realizing it.

Somatic trauma therapy focuses on what your body remembers, even when your brain forgets.
It’s about tracking sensations, not just thoughts.
It’s about re-patterning your nervous system, not just reframing your story.

And if you're stuck in chronic hyperarousal (always on alert) or hypoarousal (numb, shut down), this isn’t just helpful — it’s essential.

Why We Can’t Just “Think Our Way Out” of Trauma

You can say “I’m safe now” a thousand times. But if your nervous system doesn’t believe it, your body won’t relax.

That’s not weakness. That’s biology.

Trauma hijacks the autonomic nervous system — the part of your brain that controls survival functions. And it doesn’t care about logic. It cares about danger vs. safety.

Somatic therapy helps build safety from the bottom up:

Because healing doesn’t always look like breakthroughs. Sometimes it looks like finally taking a deep breath without fear.

🌀 7 Truths Somatic Trauma Therapy Teaches That Talk Therapy Often Misses

🚫 Talk Therapy Hits a Wall🌱 What Somatic Trauma Therapy Offers
“You’re overreacting.”There’s a valid survival response stored in your body.
“Try mindfulness.”But your body needs nervous system regulation first.
“Just calm down.”Calming requires learning what safety feels like, somatically.
“Journal about it.”What if your body’s too frozen to access words?
“Feel your feelings.”Somatic therapy helps you feel them without drowning.
“Talk through the memory.”Somatic work honors what’s preverbal, implicit, nonverbal.
“You need insight.”Healing often needs movement, breath, grounding — not more analysis.

The Moment My Body Said, “I’m Safe”

It wasn’t dramatic.
No big revelation.
Just me in a therapist’s office, doing an orienting exercise.
Looking around. Naming what I saw. Feeling my feet on the ground.

And suddenly — my shoulders dropped.
Not because I told them to. But because my body finally believed it could.

That’s somatic healing. Not forced. Felt.

Somatic Trauma Therapy Isn’t Woo-Woo. It’s Neurobiology.

This isn’t about crystals or chakras (though those are lovely too).
This is nervous system science backed by pioneers like Dr. Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) and Deb Dana (Polyvagal Theory).

Somatic therapy might include:

It’s gentle. It’s slow. It’s consent-based.
And most importantly — it works for those who’ve felt stuck in trauma loops that talk therapy alone couldn’t untangle.

FAQs About Somatic Trauma Therapy

1. What is somatic trauma therapy?
A body-focused approach to healing trauma that helps you regulate your nervous system and release stored stress.

2. Who is it for?
Anyone stuck in chronic fight, flight, freeze, or fawn — especially if talk therapy hasn’t been enough.

3. How is it different from regular therapy?
Somatic therapy works with physical sensations and nervous system responses instead of only focusing on thoughts and words.

4. Do I have to re-live trauma?
No. In fact, somatic work avoids overwhelm. It’s about small, safe steps — not diving into memories unprepared.

5. Can I combine somatic and talk therapy?
Absolutely! They work beautifully together — one speaks to your mind, the other to your body.

6. How do I find a somatic trauma therapist?
Look for someone trained in modalities like Somatic Experiencing, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, or Polyvagal-informed therapy.

🌿 Ready to Start Listening to Your Body?
If you’re feeling stuck in stress, spirals, or survival mode — know that there’s nothing wrong with you. Your body has been doing its best to protect you.

At Long Island EMDR, we specialize in trauma care that goes deeper than talk — integrating somatic trauma therapy for lasting, embodied healing.

Whether you’re in Suffolk County, NY, and want to visit us in Bohemia or Smithtown, or you live anywhere in New York State and prefer virtual sessions — we’re here.

📞 Call us at 631-503-1539 or request a consultation today.

You don’t have to think your way out of trauma.
You can feel your way into healing — one breath, one session, one gentle step at a time.

With compassion,
Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW
Founder, Long Island EMDR

The Rules You Never Agreed To

Smile politely.
Don’t talk too much.
Say yes when you want to say no.
Don’t be too loud, too emotional, too opinionated, too you.

Sound familiar?

If you’re a woman with CPTSD — especially a neurodivergent woman with ADHD or autism — chances are you didn’t just learn these rules. You absorbed them into your bones.

You learned to shrink.
To fawn.
To make yourself palatable at the cost of your own peace.

But what if healing CPTSD isn’t about becoming less “damaged”?
What if it’s about becoming more you — the you who was never too much, just too powerful for a world afraid of your light?

What Is CPTSD, Really?

CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) isn’t just about one traumatic event.
It’s the long-term impact of repeated emotional wounds — usually from early childhood — where your needs were ignored, minimized, or punished.

CPTSD shows up as:

For neurodivergent women, this gets tangled with years of masking, being misunderstood, and internalizing that your difference is something to hide or fix.

Why CPTSD Looks Different in Neurodivergent Women

Imagine your brain is wired for sensitivity — to noise, emotion, detail, rejection — and you’re growing up in a world that constantly misunderstands, corrects, or dismisses you.

Now add trauma.

What you get is not just overwhelm — you get overadaptation.

You become the chameleon. The achiever. The one who anticipates everyone’s needs but forgets your own. You carry the emotional weight of rooms that never noticed your struggle.

And when you break down? People say, “But you were doing so well.”

You weren’t. You were surviving. And survival isn’t the same as healing.

The Moment I Knew I’d Had Enough

One day, after apologizing for the 17th time in one conversation — for taking up space, for my tone, for my existence — something inside me cracked.

I looked in the mirror and saw not a mess, not a problem, not “too much” — but a woman in pain who had never been given the safety to just be.

That’s when I started real trauma work.
Not the kind that shames you for coping.
The kind that says: “You did what you had to. Now let’s help your nervous system feel safe enough to rest.”

🌿 7 Ways Neurodivergent Women Can Start Healing CPTSD

💔 CPTSD Pattern🌱 Healing Shift
Fawning/people-pleasingLearning to pause and check in before automatically saying yes
HypervigilanceUsing somatic tools to feel grounded and safe in your body
Shame spiralsNaming and befriending the inner parts carrying that shame
Masking constantlySlowly unmasking in safe spaces, and honoring sensory needs
Emotional flashbacksLearning to recognize them as body memories, not current truth
Chronic self-doubtRebuilding trust with yourself through small, self-led choices
IsolationFinding community that celebrates your neurodivergent truth

Healing Isn’t Linear — It’s a Spiral (and Sometimes a Nap)

You will revisit the same wounds.
You’ll think you’re “over it,” only to find a new layer.
You’ll cry, journal, scream into pillows, laugh at memes, set boundaries, and then doubt them. That’s healing.

CPTSD recovery — especially for neurodivergent women — isn’t about becoming more stable in a neurotypical way.
It’s about reclaiming your wholeness.

It’s learning that your “too much” was always just misread power.
Your “not enough” was someone else’s projection.
And your sensitivity? It’s your superpower — when you’re no longer using it just to survive.

FAQs About CPTSD in Neurodivergent Women

1. How is CPTSD different from PTSD?
CPTSD arises from long-term, repeated trauma, often in childhood, and impacts identity, self-worth, and relationships more deeply than single-event PTSD.

2. Can you have CPTSD and be neurodivergent?
Yes — and it’s common. Neurodivergent women often experience trauma from being misunderstood, unsupported, or shamed for their natural traits.

3. Why is healing CPTSD harder for women with ADHD or autism?
Because many therapies aren’t tailored to your sensory, emotional, and cognitive needs. You may have been misdiagnosed, invalidated, or encouraged to mask.

4. What kind of therapy helps with CPTSD?
Trauma-informed approaches like EMDR, somatic experiencing, parts work (IFS), and neurodivergent-affirming care are especially helpful.

5. Is full healing possible?
Healing doesn’t mean erasing the past — it means making peace with it. Full healing looks like deeper self-trust, softer nervous systems, and more joy.

6. Where can I start if this feels overwhelming?
Start by getting curious about your patterns — not with shame, but with compassion. Seek a therapist who sees all of you.

🌿 Ready to Start Your Healing Journey?
If you're located anywhere in New York State, we offer virtual therapy so you can get support from the comfort of your home. For those local to Suffolk County, we’d love to welcome you in person at one of our two cozy offices — one in Bohemia (South Shore) and another in Smithtown (North Shore).

To schedule an appointment, call us at 631-503-1539 or send in a consultation request — we're here when you're ready.

✨ You are enough. Just as you are. Always have been.

With warmth,
Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW
Founder, Long Island EMDR

The Eye-Contact Conundrum and Other Misunderstandings

It started like this:
A therapist tilted their head and gently asked, “Have you tried making more eye contact in conversations?”

I blinked. Hard.
Yes, I’d tried. I’d overtried. I’d trained myself to meet eyes just long enough to pass as “polite” but not so long it got weird.

But what they didn’t understand — what so many don’t — is that for neurodivergent women, it’s not about trying harder. It’s about being seen as we are, not as we should perform.

The Late Diagnosis Club (And the Mask You Didn’t Know You Were Wearing)

If you were diagnosed with ADHD or autism as an adult, welcome to the club no one warned you about.

It comes with:

Many neurodivergent women, especially those with childhood trauma, become master chameleons. We shapeshift into what each room expects — people-pleasing, perfectionistic, polite.
Until we burn out, shut down, or wonder if we’ve ever truly been known.

Trauma-informed therapy that actually understands neurodivergent wiring? That’s not a luxury — it’s a lifeline.

Why Regular Therapy Often Misses the Mark

Here’s the thing: Traditional therapy often assumes a neurotypical nervous system.

It might push:

But for neurodivergent women, the trauma isn’t just emotional — it’s neurological. The world has asked us to ignore, mute, or override our instincts for so long that our nervous systems are on constant high-alert.

That’s not dysfunction.
That’s adaptation.

The Therapy You Actually Deserve

You deserve therapy that:

In specialized trauma care for neurodivergent women, you’re not asked to be less.
You’re invited to be more fully you.

🧠 7 Reasons Neurodivergent Women Need Specialized Trauma Therapy

🌟 Unique Experience💡 Why Specialized Therapy Matters
Late diagnosis & identity confusionTherapy helps unpack the grief and discovery of finding out “you” later in life.
Masking & chronic burnoutSpecialized care validates the emotional exhaustion from years of camouflage.
Rejection sensitivityTrauma-informed therapists understand RSD as body-based, not personality-based.
Sensory overwhelmSessions are flexible — lighting, pacing, even timing can be adjusted to reduce overload.
Stigma from emotional intensityInstead of shaming “too much,” specialized care reframes it as depth and sensitivity.
Processing trauma differentlyYou’re allowed to use metaphor, visuals, or movement — not just sit and talk.
Desire for authentic connectionThese therapists understand your need to be seen, not “fixed.”

Your Brain Isn’t Broken. It’s Brilliant.

Maybe no one ever told you that your meltdowns were valid nervous system responses.
That your “overreactions” were actually underrated survival strategies.
That you don’t need to be more normal. You need to be more supported.

Therapy that actually gets your brain will:

You don’t need to translate yourself anymore.
You just need a space that speaks your language.

FAQs About Therapy for Neurodivergent Women

1. What makes therapy “neurodivergent-affirming”?
It acknowledges and celebrates neurological differences (like ADHD or autism) without trying to fix or change core traits.

2. Can therapy help with both trauma and sensory issues?
Yes! Many trauma-informed therapists integrate somatic, sensory, and nervous-system work tailored for neurodivergence.

3. What if I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling?
That’s okay. Neurodivergent therapy often uses metaphors, visuals, or alternative communication styles.

4. Is rejection sensitivity part of trauma or ADHD/autism?
Both. RSD is common in neurodivergent folks, and trauma-informed care can help soothe those flares.

5. What should I look for in a therapist?
Seek someone who’s trauma-informed and neurodivergent-affirming. Ask how they adapt sessions for sensory needs or communication differences.

6. Is virtual therapy okay for neurodivergent care?
Yes! In fact, many neurodivergent clients thrive with virtual sessions where they control the environment.

🌿 Ready to Start Your Healing Journey?
If you're located anywhere in New York State, we offer virtual therapy so you can get support from the comfort of your home. For those local to Suffolk County, we’d love to welcome you in person at one of our two cozy offices — one in Bohemia (South Shore) and another in Smithtown (North Shore).

To schedule an appointment, call us at 631-503-1539 or send in a consultation request — we're here when you're ready.

✨ You are enough. Just as you are. Always have been.

With warmth,
Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW
Founder, Long Island EMDR

people pleaser part

Confessions of a Chronic “Sure!”-Say-er

Once upon a group text, I was agreeing to three events I didn’t want to attend, baking gluten-free muffins for a potluck I wasn’t invited to, and proofreading a friend’s novel draft. In the same hour.

“Wow, you’re so kind!” they’d say.
And I’d smile — while my nervous system quietly screamed, “We hate it here.”

If this sounds familiar, you might be a people-pleaser. Not because you’re weak or desperate for approval — but because, at some point, you learned that your worth came from being needed, not just being you.

And if you grew up with childhood trauma, or your brain is wired neurodivergently (hello, RSD), then saying no might feel like betrayal, not a boundary.

Enter: Parts Work Therapy — also known as Internal Family Systems (IFS).
It didn’t just change my people-pleasing. It changed how I see myself.

Meet the Inner Crew: You’re Not One Voice, You’re a Choir

Before IFS, I thought I was one personality — just chronically confused.
After IFS, I realized: I’m a collection of parts, each with a role, a fear, and a story.

There’s the “People-Pleaser Part” — sweet, strategic, and terrified of rejection.
Then the “Protective Cynic” who rolls her eyes and says, “We’ll be abandoned anyway.”
And somewhere deep down? The “Little Me” — young, sensitive, and just wanting to be safe.

Parts work therapy taught me that:

The First Time I Said No (And Didn’t Spiral)

In a session, I finally gave space to the part of me that always says yes.
She was exhausted.
She held stories of being punished for saying no. Of love that was conditional. Of chaos she tried to manage by being helpful.

When I thanked her — yes, literally thanked her — she softened.

That weekend, someone asked me for a favor. And for the first time, I felt a pause.
Not panic. Not a rush to agree. Just… a pause.

“I’m not available for that, but I hope it goes well.” I said it kindly. Guilt showed up, but I could recognize it as just another part — not the boss of me.

I didn’t spiral.
I didn’t lose a friend.
I didn’t die of disappointment.

Instead, I gained trust with myself.

But What If All My Parts Hate Each Other?

Oh friend, that’s normal.
IFS isn’t about having perfect harmony — it’s about becoming the curious, compassionate observer of your parts.

Think of it like an inner roundtable:

That “Wise Self” is at the heart of parts work therapy.
It’s not another part — it’s you, underneath the programming. Calm. Connected. Curious.
And trust me, they’re still in there, no matter how loud the committee is.

💡 7 Ways Parts Work Therapy Frees You From People-Pleasing

🧩 IFS Insight💥 Why It Helps You Heal
You identify your partsAwareness turns confusion into clarity. You see which parts are acting up.
You build internal trustParts feel heard, not shamed. This calms the need to overperform.
You give your “yes” powerSaying “no” stops feeling like guilt — it feels like honesty.
You reduce RSD spiralsNaming your rejection-sensitive parts helps soothe them faster.
You honor your younger selfHealing childhood trauma means acknowledging the part that adapted.
You build a “Self-led” lifeYou make choices from grounded clarity, not fear of conflict.
You stop resenting othersBoundaries become proactive, not reactive. No more silent burnout.

You Are Not Too Much. You’re Just Many.

Here’s the truth: If you’ve spent your life people-pleasing, it’s because a part of you thought that was the only safe way to belong.

That part is brave.
That part is wise.
And that part deserves rest.

Parts work therapy didn’t erase my sensitivity — it honored it.
It didn’t make me cold — it made me clear.
And it didn’t demand I be someone else — it helped me come home to all of me.

So next time you’re tempted to say “yes” when you mean “no,” pause.
Ask yourself: Which part is speaking? What does it need?

Then let your Self respond — gently, wisely, bravely.

FAQs About Parts Work Therapy & People-Pleasing

1. What is parts work therapy or Internal Family Systems (IFS)?
IFS is a therapeutic approach that views your mind as made up of various parts, each with its own voice and role. It helps you create internal harmony through compassion, not control.

2. Can IFS help with childhood trauma?
Absolutely. IFS gently helps access and heal inner child parts that carry old wounds, without re-traumatizing.

3. Is people-pleasing really trauma-based?
Often, yes. People-pleasing can be a survival response developed from conditional love, neglect, or fear of abandonment.

4. How does IFS support neurodivergent people?
IFS respects sensory needs, internal conflict, and overactive inner critics — common for those with ADHD and autism.

5. Will I always have parts that people-please?
Parts don’t disappear — but they relax when they trust you’re leading. Over time, their roles evolve.

6. How do I start parts work therapy?
Find a therapist trained in IFS or explore resources like books by Dr. Richard Schwartz, the founder of the model.

🌿 Ready to Start Your Healing Journey?
If you're located anywhere in New York State, we offer virtual therapy so you can get support from the comfort of your home. For those local to Suffolk County, we’d love to welcome you in person at one of our two cozy offices — one in Bohemia (South Shore) and another in Smithtown (North Shore).

To schedule an appointment, call us at 631-503-1539 or send in a consultation request — we're here when you're ready.

✨ You are enough. Just as you are. Always have been.

With warmth,
Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW
Founder, Long Island EMDR

You’re Not ‘Too Sensitive’ — You’re Somatically Aware (and That’s a Superpower)

Once Upon a Flashback: The ‘Too Much’ Label

There I was again, sitting across from someone I thought got me — eyes a little too wide, posture leaning back like my words were actual gusts of wind. I had just shared how loud the room felt, how my chest got tight when they texted “k.” Instead of validation, I got “You’re just too sensitive.”

Too sensitive.
Too emotional.
Too dramatic.
Too everything.

If you’ve got a neurodivergent brain — especially if ADHD or autism is your home turf — those words hit different. They echo. They build a room inside your mind and never pay rent.

But what if I told you that sensitivity isn’t a flaw to fix — it’s a signal system you can tune into?

Welcome to the World of Somatic Awareness

“Somatic” comes from the Greek word soma, meaning “body.” Somatic therapy, in short, helps you learn how your body stores and processes experiences — especially stress, trauma, and emotions.

In a world that praises logic over intuition and “just ignore it” over “listen to your body,” being somatically aware feels radical. Rebellious, even.

And for the neurodivergent among us, who already sense the unsaid, feel the undercurrent of a room, and catch micro-movements others miss — learning how to navigate our inner body-world isn’t just healing. It’s revolutionary.

RSD: When Sensitivity Feels Like a Tsunami

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) isn’t just about feeling a little hurt when someone doesn’t text back. It’s a nervous-system thunderstorm. One small criticism and—bam—you’re spiraling. Heart racing, muscles tight, your brain shouting, “They hate me. I ruined everything. Again.”

Now here's the somatic truth: RSD isn’t all in your head. It’s in your nervous system.
The heat in your face? The clench in your gut? That’s your body trying to protect you, not betray you.

The Magic of Naming Sensations

Somatic therapy doesn’t force you to fix your “overreactions.” It invites you to notice them. To name the flutter in your chest, the drop in your belly, the ache behind your eyes.

Because here’s the thing:
👉 You can’t shift what you haven’t first welcomed.

So instead of pushing away the “too muchness,” somatic practice says: Get curious.
What does “rejected” feel like in your body?
What shape does “unseen” take in your breath?

Once you name it, you stop drowning in it.

How Somatic Therapy Gently Rewires the System

No cold couches or Freud vibes here. Somatic therapy is often slow, spacious, and deeply respectful of your pace.

Somatic Therapy might include:

And most importantly — a therapist who understands that your “sensitivity” isn’t a weakness. It’s a brilliant, overworked alarm system that finally gets to rest.

Okay, But How Is This a Superpower Exactly?

Let’s break it down with some plain talk and a punchy list — because if you’re anything like me, you love a good sensory-satisfying structure.

💫 7 Ways Being Somatically Aware Is Your Superpower

🌟 Trait💪 Why It’s Powerful
You feel deeplyThat means you're highly empathetic, intuitive, and great at reading the room.
Your body signals fastYou often catch shifts in energy before anyone else — which can make you a stellar friend, artist, or leader.
You self-reflect naturallySomatic awareness sharpens your emotional intelligence, helping you name and regulate feelings.
You pause before reactingTherapy trains your body to respond, not just react — turning hot-headed moments into calm clarity.
You value safetyYou’re more likely to build respectful, affirming relationships because your body won’t tolerate less.
You recover fasterOnce you understand your nervous system, you bounce back from overwhelm more efficiently.
You set boundariesYou notice when something’s “off” early, and you’re learning to act on it — boldly.

One Final Truth: You're Not Broken. You're Brilliant.

Let’s be real — the world isn’t exactly built for neurodivergent folks. And when your body is sounding alarms in a world that just tells you to “chill,” it’s easy to think something’s wrong with you.

But hear this: You’re not too sensitive.
You’re precisely sensitive enough to catch the signals most people miss.
And with the right support — somatic therapy, nervous system work, and self-trust — that sensitivity becomes your compass.

So next time someone says “you’re too sensitive,” smile and say,
“Thanks. It’s my superpower.”

FAQs About Somatic Therapy and Sensitivity

1. What is somatic therapy?
Somatic therapy is a body-focused approach that helps individuals process trauma and stress by tuning into physical sensations, movements, and nervous system responses.

2. How can somatic therapy help with ADHD or autism?
It helps regulate sensory overload, builds body-mind connection, and supports emotional resilience — especially important for those navigating hypersensitivity or executive dysfunction.

3. Is being “too sensitive” a real thing?
Sensitivity is a trait, not a flaw. For neurodivergent folks, it’s often an adaptive response to a world that overwhelms the senses.

4. Can somatic awareness reduce anxiety?
Yes! By learning to recognize and soothe bodily sensations, individuals often experience less anxiety and feel more grounded.

5. How do I start somatic therapy?
Look for therapists trained in modalities like Somatic Experiencing, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, or Polyvagal-informed therapy. Choose someone who respects neurodivergence.

6. Is somatic therapy safe for trauma survivors?
Absolutely. In fact, it's designed to be trauma-informed — working gently and slowly to avoid re-traumatization.

If you live in the state of New York we provide virtual therapy services to all of New York state. If you are local to Suffolk County, NY we have 2 in office locations! One on the South Shore in Bohemia, NY and one on the North Shore in Smithtown, NY! Give our office a call at 631-503-1539 or send in a consultation request to make an appointment.

You deserve to feel enough just as you are.

Sending Love & Light,

Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW

Founder

Long Island EMDR

I used to think a game was just a game. A toss of the dice. A harmless race to the finish.

But then I watched my child lose a simple game—and unravel like the world had ended.

Not just in tears, but in anguish. His fists clenched, his cheeks burned, and he screamed in a way that didn’t feel “normal.” And deep down, I felt my own storm rise with his.

That’s the part we don’t talk about: how we, the parents, fall apart too.

The Feelings Beneath the Outburst

At first, I saw only behavior. Then I learned about emotional dysregulation, rejection-sensitive dysphoria, and how kids with ADHD feel everything louder. It’s not about drama or defiance—it’s about neurobiology.

As ADDitude Magazine explains, children with ADHD experience emotions more intensely and struggle more to regulate them. Their brain doesn’t gently steer feelings—it slams the gas on joy, and the brakes fail on disappointment.

A small loss feels like a deep failure. A missed turn becomes a personal rejection.

What I once saw as “overreacting,” I began to understand as pain—and what I once tried to stop, I now try to hold space for.

When You’re Triggered by Their Pain

Here’s the part that took longer to name: sometimes, I’m not just heartbroken—I’m angry.

Because in those moments, I feel helpless. Or judged. Or ashamed. I feel like I’m the one failing. And those feelings come rushing up from somewhere deeper—my own story, my own wounds.

That’s when I breathe. Or step outside. Or cry in the bathroom.
And that’s okay, too.

Parenting a neurodivergent child teaches you a new emotional language—one where losing a game isn’t about the rules, but the story they believe it confirms.

We Can’t Bubble Wrap Their World

One of the hardest truths I’ve had to accept is this: I cannot protect my child from rejection, failure, or frustration.

I cannot edit life to make it soft and smooth. I cannot prevent other kids from winning, or teachers from misunderstanding, or the world from being unkind sometimes.

But I can make sure he doesn’t feel alone in it.

Because while pain is inevitable, aloneness is not.

That’s my job—not to erase the hard stuff, but to equip him to face it, to soften the edges with support, and to remind him—every time—that his worth isn’t tied to performance, and that his heart is always safe with me.

The Real Game Is Regulation

We don’t always win. Sometimes we quit early. Sometimes we cry. Sometimes we start over.

But we learn.

We breathe before we play. We name the “what-ifs” before they arrive. We practice how to lose—and how to love ourselves anyway.

And in those quiet moments after the storm—when he curls into me and says, “I didn’t mean to be that way”—I whisper back, “I know. You’re not bad. You just feel big.”

And sometimes, I need to say that to myself, too.

If you’re navigating this path, please know: you’re not alone. You’re not failing. You’re feeling. And that, too, is part of the healing. 💛

The Invisible Load No One Sees (Except Your Nervous System)

high achieving women

On paper, you’re thriving.
Your calendar is color-coded. You meet deadlines. You hold it all together like a boss — maybe because you are one.

But when the world quiets, when the emails stop and the house sleeps, you feel it. That low hum of anxiety. The emotional fatigue that coffee won’t fix. The heavy sense that something inside is always bracing for impact.

This isn’t burnout. This isn’t over-sensitivity.
This might be CPTSD — and you’re not alone. Especially if you're one of the many high-achieving women unknowingly carrying trauma in perfectly tailored blazers.

CPTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) isn’t always loud. It’s stealthy.
It doesn’t scream — it whispers behind your to-do lists and gold stars.
And here’s the truth: even the most capable woman can’t out-organize a dysregulated nervous system.

Why High-Achieving Women Are More Likely to Have Undiagnosed CPTSD

1. Achievement Became Your Armor

For many women, success isn’t just ambition — it’s a survival strategy.
Growing up, you may have learned that being “good,” “quiet,” “smart,” or “helpful” earned love and kept chaos at bay.

So you became excellent at everything — except resting.
Your nervous system learned that safety equals overfunctioning. That you’re only worthy if you're producing.

And when things feel unsafe emotionally?
You double down. You power through. You schedule a spin class.

2. The Trauma Was Subtle but Chronic

CPTSD doesn’t always stem from one “big” event.
It can come from a thousand smaller ones:

But because nothing dramatic “happened,” you may doubt yourself.
Yet your body remembers. The tension. The people-pleasing. The self-doubt.

3. You Keep It Together in Public — and Fall Apart in Private

Your co-workers admire your composure.
But your partner knows about the anxiety spirals.
You crash after big wins. You overthink every text. You replay conversations for days.

It’s not “just stress.” It’s emotional flashbacks in a pinstripe suit.

So, What Is CPTSD (Really)?

CPTSD is the residue of long-term emotional overwhelm that never found a safe way out.
Symptoms include:

But here’s what you need to know:
CPTSD is not a personality flaw. It’s a pattern your nervous system learned to survive.

What’s the Fix for a Woman Who Has No Time to Break Down?

That’s where EMDR intensives come in.

🧠 EMDR Intensives: The Nervous System Reset You Didn’t Know You Needed

Think of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) as a gentle rewiring process.
It helps your brain safely process traumatic memories that still trigger emotional storms.
And EMDR intensives are a time-efficient version for busy, high-achieving women who:

Instead of spreading your healing over a year, EMDR intensives offer 3-6 hour sessions in condensed formats, guided by trauma-informed therapists (like me, Jamie 😉) who get your pace and your pressure.

It’s like giving your nervous system a power nap — only better. You don’t just rest. You reclaim.

💡 6 Signs You’re a High-Achieving Woman Living with Silent CPTSD

🚩 What You Feel🌱 What’s Actually Happening
You’re always “on”Your nervous system is stuck in hyperarousal
You can’t relaxRelaxation feels unsafe without productivity
You avoid confrontationFawning to maintain perceived safety
You doubt your worth (despite success)Early trauma distorted your self-concept
You numb out with screens, food, or workUnprocessed emotion seeks quick escape
You over-function in crisesBecause chaos feels familiar, and silence feels threatening

Healing Is Not a Luxury. It’s Your Birthright.

You don’t need to earn peace with more perfection.
You don’t need to qualify for rest.

You’ve already proven your strength. Now it’s time to soften.
To reclaim your nervous system.
To stop surviving and start thriving — for real, not just on paper.

🌿 Let’s Make Healing Work for Your Schedule

If this article hit a nerve — or maybe your whole nervous system — that’s not by accident.

I work with high-achieving women like you every day. Women who are tired of hustling through trauma and are ready to heal deeply and efficiently.

✨ EMDR Intensives at Long Island EMDR are designed for your busy life, your brilliant mind, and your brave heart.

Whether you’re in Bohemia or Smithtown, NY, or anywhere in New York State for virtual care — I’ve got you.

📞 Call 631-503-1539 or request a consultation today.

Your to-do list can wait.
Your healing? That starts now.

With love and belief in your wholeness,
Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW
Founder, Long Island EMDR

A neurodivergent mom reading to her child.

If you’ve ever watched your child spiral into frustration after losing a game, you’re not alone. And if your child has ADHD, those reactions might be even more intense, emotional, and difficult to navigate.

But here’s the truth: for kids with ADHD, losing isn’t just disappointing—it can feel devastating.

Why Losing Feels So Hard for Kids with ADHD

Children with ADHD often struggle with emotional regulation, meaning they experience feelings more intensely and may have difficulty calming down after setbacks. Consequently, when they lose—whether it’s a board game or a playground race—it can trigger a flood of distressing emotions.

This reaction is usually rooted in several factors:

In turn, these strong emotions often lead to behavioral outbursts, which can negatively impact their social lives. It’s essential to recognize that these responses are not willful misbehavior, but rather a neurological response to emotional overload.

Misunderstood Reactions and Missed Opportunities

Unfortunately, many adults, including teachers and even well-meaning parents, misinterpret these responses. Instead of offering support, they might insist the child continue playing or remove them from the game altogether.

These approaches, though common, can be deeply harmful. They overlook a key opportunity to teach emotional resilience and reinforce connection. That’s where therapy for parents becomes an essential part of the puzzle. It provides insight, strategies, and the emotional toolkit needed to guide your child through these tough moments without shame.

Understanding the Role of Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)

Adding another layer to this complexity is Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)—a condition frequently co-occurring with ADHD. RSD leads to an extreme emotional sensitivity to perceived criticism, failure, or rejection. For a child with ADHD and RSD, losing can feel like a personal attack or confirmation that they’re “not good enough.”

To manage these overwhelming feelings, a comprehensive treatment approach is often recommended. This may include:

What Parents Can Do: Proven Strategies for ADHD

Thankfully, there are simple yet effective strategies parents can use to support their child in these situations:

  1. Start with Empathy: Say things like, “I see you’re upset—it’s okay to feel that way.” This validates their experience and builds trust.
  2. Set Up for Success: Choose games with shorter playtimes and simple rules to reduce emotional risk.
  3. Model Emotional Responses: Show how you handle losing gracefully to teach through example.
  4. Build Coping Tools Together: Teach deep breathing, counting, or guided visualizations for self-soothing.
  5. Invest in Professional Support: Consider working with therapists who specialize in ADHD. And remember, therapy for parents is just as crucial as therapy for kids.

Moving Forward With Confidence and Compassion

Ultimately, every tough moment is a teaching moment. By understanding your child’s inner world, you can shift from reacting to connecting. You’ll help them not only manage their emotions but also feel seen, safe, and supported.

You’re not just guiding your child through a meltdown—you’re empowering them for life.

Need support? We got you covered.

Give our office a call at 631-503-1539

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