The Eye-Contact Conundrum and Other Misunderstandings

It started like this:
A therapist tilted their head and gently asked, “Have you tried making more eye contact in conversations?”

I blinked. Hard.
Yes, I’d tried. I’d overtried. I’d trained myself to meet eyes just long enough to pass as “polite” but not so long it got weird.

But what they didn’t understand — what so many don’t — is that for neurodivergent women, it’s not about trying harder. It’s about being seen as we are, not as we should perform.

The Late Diagnosis Club (And the Mask You Didn’t Know You Were Wearing)

If you were diagnosed with ADHD or autism as an adult, welcome to the club no one warned you about.

It comes with:

A lifetime of gaslighting (mostly self-directed).
A trophy for “Most Likely to Be Called ‘Too Much’.”
And a mask so seamless you forgot it was a mask.

Many neurodivergent women, especially those with childhood trauma, become master chameleons. We shapeshift into what each room expects — people-pleasing, perfectionistic, polite.
Until we burn out, shut down, or wonder if we’ve ever truly been known.

Trauma-informed therapy that actually understands neurodivergent wiring? That’s not a luxury — it’s a lifeline.

Why Regular Therapy Often Misses the Mark

Here’s the thing: Traditional therapy often assumes a neurotypical nervous system.

It might push:

“Just talk it out” — when verbal processing feels overwhelming.
“Sit still and focus” — when your body wants to pace or stim.
“Challenge your thoughts” — when your inner world is more sensory than semantic.

But for neurodivergent women, the trauma isn’t just emotional — it’s neurological. The world has asked us to ignore, mute, or override our instincts for so long that our nervous systems are on constant high-alert.

That’s not dysfunction.
That’s adaptation.

The Therapy You Actually Deserve

You deserve therapy that:

Recognizes sensory overwhelm as real, not dramatic.
Knows rejection sensitivity isn’t about being thin-skinned — it’s a nervous system flinch.
Welcomes stimming, fidgeting, tangents, and silence.
Sees your need to “over-explain” not as a burden, but as brilliance.
Holds space for the trauma of misdiagnosis, medical gaslighting, and not being believed.

In specialized trauma care for neurodivergent women, you’re not asked to be less.
You’re invited to be more fully you.

🧠 7 Reasons Neurodivergent Women Need Specialized Trauma Therapy

🌟 Unique Experience	💡 Why Specialized Therapy Matters
Late diagnosis & identity confusion	Therapy helps unpack the grief and discovery of finding out “you” later in life.
Masking & chronic burnout	Specialized care validates the emotional exhaustion from years of camouflage.
Rejection sensitivity	Trauma-informed therapists understand RSD as body-based, not personality-based.
Sensory overwhelm	Sessions are flexible — lighting, pacing, even timing can be adjusted to reduce overload.
Stigma from emotional intensity	Instead of shaming “too much,” specialized care reframes it as depth and sensitivity.
Processing trauma differently	You’re allowed to use metaphor, visuals, or movement — not just sit and talk.
Desire for authentic connection	These therapists understand your need to be seen, not “fixed.”

Your Brain Isn’t Broken. It’s Brilliant.

Maybe no one ever told you that your meltdowns were valid nervous system responses.
That your “overreactions” were actually underrated survival strategies.
That you don’t need to be more normal. You need to be more supported.

Therapy that actually gets your brain will:

Work with your rhythm, not against it.
Celebrate your pattern-seeing, deep-feeling, nonlinear brilliance.
Hold your trauma with tenderness, not textbook techniques.

You don’t need to translate yourself anymore.
You just need a space that speaks your language.

FAQs About Therapy for Neurodivergent Women

1. What makes therapy “neurodivergent-affirming”?
It acknowledges and celebrates neurological differences (like ADHD or autism) without trying to fix or change core traits.

2. Can therapy help with both trauma and sensory issues?
Yes! Many trauma-informed therapists integrate somatic, sensory, and nervous-system work tailored for neurodivergence.

3. What if I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling?
That’s okay. Neurodivergent therapy often uses metaphors, visuals, or alternative communication styles.

4. Is rejection sensitivity part of trauma or ADHD/autism?
Both. RSD is common in neurodivergent folks, and trauma-informed care can help soothe those flares.

5. What should I look for in a therapist?
Seek someone who’s trauma-informed and neurodivergent-affirming. Ask how they adapt sessions for sensory needs or communication differences.

6. Is virtual therapy okay for neurodivergent care?
Yes! In fact, many neurodivergent clients thrive with virtual sessions where they control the environment.

🌿 Ready to Start Your Healing Journey?
If you're located anywhere in New York State, we offer virtual therapy so you can get support from the comfort of your home. For those local to Suffolk County, we’d love to welcome you in person at one of our two cozy offices — one in Bohemia (South Shore) and another in Smithtown (North Shore).

To schedule an appointment, call us at 631-503-1539 or send in a consultation request — we're here when you're ready.

✨ You are enough. Just as you are. Always have been.

With warmth,
Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW
Founder, Long Island EMDR

Therapy That Actually Gets Your Brain: Why Neurodivergent Women Need Specialized Trauma Care