It’s okay to be! Feeling emotions can be difficult at first especially if you're used to pushing everything down. Everyone has a unique life, and our mental health plays a big role in how our “unique life” comes to be. Struggling with mental health is completely normal! It is just as normal as not struggling with mental health. Oftentimes, people associate the term “mental health” with derogatory words, stigma, as well as prejudice. Here at Long Island EMDR it is our mission to separate ourselves from what may be so heavily broadcasted. 

Throughout the past couple of years, the term “mental health” has been in the spotlight due to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic and its numerous effects on people’s mental well-being. However, much more is needed than an ongoing movement. In order for the movement to be effective, people must become comfortable with feeling! There are several organizations that have been created in order to support mental health treatment, advocacy, as well as research. Some of the organizations are:

1. American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
2. Strong Minds- Mental Health Africa
3. The Trevor Project
4. Born this Way Foundation
5. National Alliance on Mental Illness

But what about you?

Are you ready to start feeling? If the answer is yes, then let's begin meet with a Suffolk County therapist! If the answer is no, that is completely okay and you are on the right path towards doing so! Here are some steps that will help you start the journey towards an improved mental state of mind:

1. Identify: What exactly are you uncomfortable with feeling? Do you think it’s generalized or do you think that it’s situational? Asking yourself some questions about what you are feeling, experiencing, thinking is a great way to put a label to some of the emotions that are running through your head. But, once you identify the emotion, what do you do with it?
2. Self-compassion- The term compassion is defined as, “sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.” If we are able to have this sense of compassion towards others, why can’t we treat ourselves the same? Because it’s hard to!! Being nice to ourselves is more than just giving ourselves a pat on the back, acknowledge the pain or even acknowledge the happiness.
3. Self-awareness- Having a good sense of self-awareness can continue to help you practice self-compassion, mindfulness, coping skills, etc. You can practice self-awareness through journaling, meditating, breathing exercises, anything that allows you to focus on yourself.
4. Talk- Sometimes being alone with your own thoughts, feelings, and/or emotions can be overwhelming and intimidating. Which is normal, and why talking to others is so heavily encouraged. Being able to talk with a friend or family member may seem awkward or uncomfortable, but you may be opening a door that needs to be opened. Talking with a therapist is another great way to explore your mental health. 

Now ask yourself again, are you a stranger to learning more about your own mental health and are you ready to explore? If so call our office to meet with a Suffolk County therapist. I’d love to guide you on that Journey.

-Conor Ohland, MHC-LP

Do you find yourself struggling to work up the motivation to get things done during the winter months? Maybe you feel more lethargic and just not yourself? The shorter days of winter in New York can really affect our mood and overall mental wellbeing. So what can you do to shake the winter blues, lift your spirits and overcome the dark, gloomy winter days?

1. Check your Vitamin D Levels

Vitamin D is a nutrient that has been linked to sharper thinking and better emotional health. Sunlight is a major source of Vitamin D, and experts say we should get outside for at least 10 to 30 minutes per day. Since we have less hours of sunlight during the winter months, we naturally have lower levels of Vitamin D. Getting outside can be tough when it’s cold, but there are other ways you can still get nutrients from the sunlight. You can drink your morning cup of coffee by the window, or set up your work area in a space of your home/office that is filled with natural sunlight. They also make lamps that simulate natural light to help. 

2. Get Some Exercise

Even though it’s cold outside, we can still find ways to get in the recommended 30 minutes of exercise each day. And you don’t need to pay for a gym membership to accomplish this. You can still bundle up and take a walk outside, or you can find plenty of indoor exercises, too. Walk up and down the stairs in your house a few times, or stick with some of the basics like sit-ups, push-ups, lunges, and planks. You can even do a quick google search of at-home workouts and find millions of articles or videos to follow along, kick-box the winter blues goodbye.

3. Stay Consistent with your Sleep Routine

You may find yourself sleeping more during the winter months since it’s darker outside. Some doctors have even suggested that the darkness of winter disrupts our circadian rhythm (our “biological clock”), which affects our sleep-wake cycle. Try setting an alarm so you can get in the routine of going to bed and waking up at the same time every day. If you’re finding it hard to get to sleep, try a new bedtime routine like putting your phone on silent and winding down with a cup of herbal tea.

4. Pay Attention to your Diet

Eating a healthy diet is important year-round, but maybe you find yourself slacking a little more in the winter. Making a slight adjustment to your diet can boost your overall mood. Eating more protein and complex carbohydrates such as whole grains, fruits, and vegetables will give you more energy. You can also incorporate more Vitamin D into your diet to make up for the lack of sunlight we spoke about earlier. Things like fatty fish and fish oils are high in Vitamin D, but you can also find Vitamin D in some foods such as milk, orange juice, cereal and yogurts (check the Nutrition Facts on labels to be sure). Eating healthy is a good start to combating those winter blues.

5. See a Therapist

If making some of these adjustments doesn’t seem to be boosting your mood, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can help determine if you are experiencing the “winter blues”, or if it’s something more serious. If your mood starts to impact your work performance or other day-to-day tasks, you may have a depressive disorder like Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). A therapist will provide you support through the process, and will help you to identify coping skills that you can utilize for years to come. If you think psychotherapy may benefit you, feel free to reach out to our office to schedule an appointment.

 Much to the relief of mental health workers the stigma attached to depression is lessening as awareness increases. Times are changing and so are your options when it comes to seeking treatment for depression. EMDR can be an effective means to treat your depression when traditional options have not helped.

Most people are familiar with depression, or at least familiar with the fact that it exists and anyone can struggle with it. However, many people may not know where to start when it comes to how to treat it effectively. Traditional therapy and medication do help, without a doubt. But what happens when it’s just not enough or you aren’t feeling relief? If that question rings true for you, please know that you do have options for EMDR therapy for depression in Suffolk County, NY.

What is EMDR?

 I’d like to bring to your attention a treatment option, which you may or may not have heard of, known as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). Are you familiar with this treatment? During EMDR treatment, bilateral stimulation activates the opposite sides of the brain allowing the brain to release and redefine emotional experiences that are “trapped” within the brain. This type of stimulation actually resembles REM sleep as our eyes move from one side to the other. It is during sleep that the brain naturally sorts out our experiences from the day, discarding useless information and transferring memories appropriately.

Sometimes when we experience a traumatic events, big or small (i.e. getting in trouble at school, bullying, or the emotional trauma experienced when dealing with infidelity), these negative experiences can get “trapped” or “frozen” in the brain and they are unable to resolve naturally which may result in nightmares, depression, anger, anxiety, or emotional disturbance.

Along with the “trapped” negative experience is the negative emotional and sensory information, and childlike or initial interpretation of the experience.

Even locked away these negative emotions can still affect us greatly. We can be triggered by any number of things; a scent, a visual object, even being spoken to a certain way can trigger a memory or negative feeling, often without any understanding why. When a negative memory is triggered, the neurological response is protection and the result is a state of hyper-arousal commonly referred to as fight or flight. Stress hormones are released into the body and we find ourselves saying things without thinking or doing things that seem out of character. Unfortunately, the initial and untrue negative beliefs about oneself are reinforced.

What’s an EMDR session like? 

During a typical EMDR session you would be asked to identify a disturbing target memory. That memory is then processed using bilateral stimulation, the negative feelings, beliefs, or experience become desensitized, meaning they simply become less bothersome. The feelings, beliefs, and/or experience is then reprocessed and a new meaning is attached to the experience or triggers. As your brain arrives at a new conclusion, the original trauma no longer contains the negative emotional charge originally associated with it. The triggers are now neutral, the interpretation of the experience is now intentional and the beliefs about oneself are more positive and present hope instead of powerlessness.

Should I do it? So you may be wondering, “Is EMDR right for me?” Well, if you feel like your traumas, or inner demons, have too much power over you; and if you have a strong desire to be liberated from the traumas of your past, then, yes, EMDR may be a good fit for you.

Please keep in mind, EMDR is not only for those who have suffered significant trauma.

Reasons for choosing EMDR include a desire to let go of the rational, logical self and to be able to engage at a deeper level. If focusing solely on symptom management is not getting you the results you desire then you may benefit from EMDR, leading you to a deeper understanding of the root cause of the problem and allowing you to deal with it and find resolution.

If you have any thoughts or questions related to EMDR therapy for depression in Suffolk County, NY., or other mental health issues, please feel free to contact us. We would love to help you.

As human beings we are ever-growing. As time goes by we encounter new things that pique our interest or reflect on habits that we would like to take on. Despite having the mental motivation to form a new habit, we don’t always have the full buy-in to start the process. As a therapist specializing in depression therapy, I have some pro-tips to help you begin to tackle that beast. There are many ways to harness your motivation to get you towards your goals so we’ve included a short list of ways to ignite your inner fire to form a new habit. 

1. Reflect on Habits You Have Already Made

Sometimes getting started is the most difficult part and we need an extra boost to get going, especially when you are experiencing depression. One way to do this is to remember all the habits we have already formed to remind us of our past accomplishments with the goal for bringing that same energy into the present as we embark on forming a new habit. Another benefit of reminding ourselves of our capacity to grow is giving ourselves some positive reinforcement. While forming a new habit we can be quite hard on ourselves for any bumps we encounter along the process, however by reminding ourselves of times when we have overcome similar barriers we can redirect our focus to our ability to change and persevere. 

2. Make A List of Some Habits You Would Like To Have

Once you have that extra boost from reflecting on past accomplishments you can start to make a short list of habits you would like to have and choose which habit you would like to focus on. For more details on setting your intention, please see our blog post here.

3. Embody the Person Who Has The Habit

Now that we have a clear idea of our ability to change and a clear goal in mind, we can begin to embody the qualities of a person who has the habit we would like to have. By connecting with qualities of the person who has our desired habit, we will further reinforce our belief in our own capacity to change our patterns.  Depression does not need to run your life.

Forming new habits can be challenging and re-establishing our connection with our inherent motivation can be a key factor to our success. If you feel like you need additional support in enhancing your motivation, please call our office to meet with a therapist to help support you in your goals to live a full life. 

Best, 

Marissa Ahern, LMSW

Now more than ever, tension between those with differing political opinions is at an all time high. Challenges with the economy, a global pandemic, racial inequality, gun violence, and more-all of these issues have many looking toward a greater entity like our government help find a solution. Frustration, hopelessness, despair, and fear are prevalent, which has contributed to the intensity of the current political discord. What do you do when some of the strongest differences of beliefs and opinions are with your family and friends? Here are some strategies on how to handle political disagreements with the ones we love while respecting and preserving your mental health.

1. Avoid the topic all together.

There is no shame in knowing your triggers and doing your best to avoid them. Oftentimes, it is necessary to separate yourself until you are able to learn and incorporate the coping skills to manage your emotions when confronted with these troubling situations. This may not be a permanent solution; however, it can be a very valuable gift of self-compassion to know your emotional limitations. For some individuals you come across, it may never be a good idea to engage with them on this topic. Be brave enough to take a step back and avoid putting yourself in the line of fire to be hurt emotionally.  

2. Be open-minded

Some of you may scoff at this suggestion, stating to yourself, “ME be open minded? THEY need to be open minded!” This is where the expression, “Be the change you wish to see in the world” comes into play. Try to understand why the person thinks the way they do before dismissing their believes as outlandish or illogical. Suspend your judgements, and instead embody an attitude of curiosity and understanding. This will decrease defensiveness in the conversation and increase the likelihood that the other person will listen to what you have to say.

3. Remain calm.

As stated earlier, there are a number important issues at stake in the political sphere, which in turn can result in individuals being very passionate about their beliefs. This passion can easily turn to anger when not harnessed properly, or you come across someone with beliefs that you think are “part of the problem.” Anger clouds rational thought, and no productive discussion will occur when anger arises. Take deep breathes in and out through the nose. Do your best to keep your voice volume low and free of anger or sarcasm. Maintain non-confrontational body language through relaxed gestures, posture, and body movement. Even if the other person begins to escalate, if you remain calm it will most likely prevent the conversation from turning into an argument. Remind yourself, “This discussion is not worth my peace of mind.” 

4. Find Common Ground.

It is easy to focus on all of the ways that we are different from one another. In a political climate that pins one group against another, it can be challenging to avoid getting caught up in that line of thinking for ourselves. However, as a clinician who has extensive experience studying human behavior, one fact I know to be true is this: We are a lot more alike than we are different. Although the path to getting there may differ, most people are striving for happiness, safety, and connection. It may be helpful to try and find an issue you both can agree on in order to foster a mentality of togetherness rather than division. Look for even the smallest of opportunities to point out beliefs/values/desires that are similar. Doing so can be helpful in fostering the dynamic and of understanding, which will lead to a much more productive conversation.

5. Know when to walk away.

Learning how to handle political disagreements with the ones we love, involves learning when to walk away. Oftentimes, political conversations have a tendency of continuing in circles until one person gives up, stating, “Let’s just agree to disagree.” Although this statement may seem harmless, it can leave both parties feeling unheard and as if the conversation was a waste of time. Instead, try to end the conversation before it gets either too repetitive, argumentative, emotional, or unproductive. End the conversation by stating something like, “I appreciate the information you’ve given me. It has given me a lot to think about. Let’s revisit this at another time.” This ends the conversation respectfully, as well as validating the other person’s time and energy put forth into speaking with you.  

I hope you find these strategies helpful in maintaining peace of mind amongst what can be a triggering topic. Always remember to prioritize your mental health, reach out for support, and practice self-care before and after each interaction. You’ve got this!

By Alexandria Baxter, LMSW

Let’s be honest… the majority of people use social media every day. Social media is great in so many ways- it allows us to stay in touch with friends and family all across the world, helps us spread awareness about causes we care about and share meaningful events in our lives. As with everything some aspects of social media are not as great as others. As social media platforms advance and offer new ways to connect with other people, it also offers new ways to get access to more content faster which may cause us to spend more time scrolling through posts than we would like to admit. 

Here are some tips on how to build a healthier relationship with social media

1. Notice the Types of Content You Are Viewing

Each social media platform allows us to follow specific types of accounts with certain types of content. Take an inventory of the posts you’re seeing and notice what the overall message is. Notice how you feel about yourself after viewing your feed and identify what type of content could be causing you to feel negatively about yourself. 

2. Unfollow Accounts That Make You Feel Bad About Yourself

If you take an objective look at the types of accounts you follow and realize the majority of content features people who have body types that make you see yourself in a negative light, it is time to unfollow the account. We can unknowingly follow multiple accounts featuring people with idealized body types or lifestyles that can flood us with indirect messages saying that we aren’t enough. This can make us feel like we have to overcompensate to feel valid on the same platform that is making us feel “less-than” so we post content that we don’t always connect with to feel like we fit in. If you notice accounts you are following are causing this negative reaction within yourself, this can be an opportunity to follow content that sends positive affirmations so social media can truly be a fun pastime as intended. 

3. Pay Attention to How Many Hours/Day You Are On Your Phone

It’s unlikely that we keep a timer on while we’re doing a quick scroll through social media while we wait for a meeting to start or while we’re hanging out on the couch. We don’t realize that a quick 10 minutes here and there can actually add up to a few hours of our day. There are applications and settings on our smartphones that can help us keep track of our screen time. By genuinely tracking our screen time we can realize how much time per day we are actually disconnected from our present environment. 

4. Be Kind to Yourself

We can have a lot of judgments towards ourselves about our social media intake. Self-judgment is unhelpful because it further validates negative feelings we have about ourselves. This is why our final recommendation to build a healthier relationship with social media is to be kind to yourself if you choose to examine your current social media habits. Sometimes things get away from us other times we don’t realize the impact something has on us until we’re invited to take a look. Whatever your process is, be kind to yourself and remember that we can only do the best we can with the information available to us at the time. 

We all deserve to feel good about ourselves and we are all worthy of receiving content that will encourage us to think realistically and highly of ourselves. If you struggle with a negative self-image, please give our office a call so we can create a space to recognize your strengths together. 

-Marissa Ahern, LMSW

People reach out for therapy for numerous reasons and seek out many modalities to assist them in meeting their particular goals. When someone is interested in exploring family dynamics with other people in their lives, they can embark on this journey in two ways. One option is to begin with an individual therapist and inviting members of their family into sessions so the counselor can help facilitate exploration of the family dynamic and how it has impacted the individual client. Another way to address family conflict resolution style is to reach out as a family to engage in family therapy. While these two options may sound very similar, they are quite different since the therapist’s relationship to the people in the room vary depending on the type of session. In this post, we will explore what to expect when a family reaches out to begin family therapy. 

Starting Family Therapy

When a family reaches out to begin counseling it is important that each member of the family feels safe and comfortable to fully engage in the process without fear of judgment or fear of being attacked. In this way, the role of the family therapist is to focus on fostering the relationship between members of the family in the same way an individual therapist would focus on supporting an individual client. In practice, this means a family therapist is not united with or against any member of the family but rather functions to strengthen the connection between members of the group.

By remaining a neutral party, your family therapist can help you and your family express thoughts and feelings in a productive manner, explore themes within your family’s dynamic, analyze patterns of behavior and improve conflict resolution skills to bring you closer to one another. If these are goals you and your family would like to work on, please call our office to schedule a meeting with a family therapist today. 

-Marissa Ahern, LMSW

Let’s face it-the COVID 19 pandemic was something that most could have not imagined, let alone prepared for. Life as we knew it was immediately turned upside down. While there were many losses incurred, none seemed to compare to the families who lost loved ones to COVID-19. As a society, we were called on to do everything we could to prevent this from happening. This resulted in losing our way of life as we knew it and disenfranchised grief.

Disenfranchised grief is defined as experiencing grief and loss that is not readily recognized by a person, group of people, or society as a whole. The symptoms of grief are the same-experiencing shock, sadness, guilt, regret, anger, fear-however disenfranchised grief makes the process of grieving more challenging due to the lack of validation, social support, and rituals that are often associated with grief. This can induce feelings of isolation and powerlessness, leaving one to feel helpless to reducing their own pain and struggle. 

“But we were all going through the COVID-19 pandemic together,” you think. “Doesn’t this count for something?” While we can cite many examples of people making the best of a difficult situation during the pandemic, the undertone has always remained the same-our loss pales in comparison to the loss of human life. The time we lost with loved ones, the loss of our routines, missing graduations, homecoming, sports, weddings, travel plans, holiday traditions, and in general life as we knew it-these losses were expected of us to protect the greater good of human life. We told ourselves, “Those who lost loved one’s to COVID-19; THOSE are the people who are struggling.”

I am here to remind you that everyone’s grief matters. Loss in any form deserves to be validated, acknowledged, and processed. Symptoms of grief are not to be taken lightly, as left unattended can lead to depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges. It does not serve us to minimize, separate, or compare our losses. 

So, what can we do to cope with our disenfranchised grief?

1. Acknowledge and validate your loss. Hopefully this article started you on your journey of awareness in understanding that your loss MATTERS, regardless of the messages you have gotten from others, society, and yourself. Remind yourself that you are worthy of the time and space to grieve your loss.
2. Begin to get to the root of your grief. When dealing with grief, what you don’t address will ultimately address you. Avoid the urge to suppress your grief and hope it goes away; unresolved feelings have a tendency to resurface later on.
3. Write! Writing can be a therapeutic tool to uncover suppressed emotions. There are many writing prompts available online for coping with grief and loss. Do so slowly and with self-compassion, going at a pace that feels right to you.
4. Make your own grieving ritual. Part of the challenge of coping with disenfranchised grief is that there are no clear rituals to honor and provide closure for the grief experienced. Rituals will vary from person to person; however, it may help to pick a place that has emotional significance where you can spend time to honor what was lost.  
5. Find support. If there is a name for it, someone has experienced it. Seek out friends and family members that have experienced similar losses, or that you feel are supportive. Consider what you need from others and ask for it. As always, seeking professional help is recommended, as this individual is trained to guide you through this challenging process.

-Alexandria Baxter, LMSW

The Importance of Family Therapy

The common reasons why families go to family therapy are emotional and behavioral problems. These problems are not a child's fault alone, but rather a product of their environment, which is the family.

Although the term family is often associated with blood relatives, it also refers to those individuals who play a supportive role in a child's life. In order to be effective, family therapy must take into account the behavior of all these individuals.

During sessions, therapists are often called upon to take sides. This tactic can be an oversight since the therapist is being asked to treat an entire family. Focusing on a single member of the family can reinforce the therapist's preconceived notions about the family, which is not always helpful.

To avoid this problem, it is important for the psychiatric therapist to develop the ability to work across differences and to be objective.

The goal of family therapy is to improve the lives of all family members. While it can help a struggling family member, it also focuses on the whole family. The approach will depend on the family's situation and the characteristics of the different members.

For instance, a therapy session may focus on one member, while a more intensive approach may address the entire family. This will also depend on whether children are involved and the level of functioning of each individual. If you're in need of a family therapist get in contact with Long Island EMDR today

With the holidays looming near, we often feel overwhelmed in a variety of ways.  This time of year can often bring added feelings of anxiety, stress, and depression.  It seems like there is always something to do between gatherings, shopping, and preparing for our own festivities, and little time to focus on our own mental health needs.  Family may be coming from out of town, or maybe you’re hosting your friends for dinner.  The holidays can be stressful enough without the added pressure of wanting your home to look it’s best, while also preparing for everything else the holidays entail.  

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and like there is too much to do, and not enough time to do it, getting organized and cleaning out can help you to feel calmer, and more in control this holiday season.  Here are 5 ways to clean out and tidy up your home before the holidays.

1. Make a Cleaning To-Do List

Making lists is one of the best ways to start to organize your life and feel like you have a handle on all that you need to do.  Make a list of the rooms/areas that need cleaning (kitchen, bathrooms, baseboards, etc.), and feel the satisfaction and release of stress as each item gets checked off!

2. Make Room for New Toys

If you have children, you know that while the holidays are a time of magic, they can also be a time of stressful thoughts wondering where exactly you are going to put all of the new gifts your children receive.  Prior to the holiday, have your kids choose toys they no longer want or need.  This way, you can donate those items to children and families in need, while also making room for new toys.  This is the perfect time to also go through arts & crafts supplies and get rid of any old markers or crayons and any other broken toys before the holiday season.

3. Clean Out and Organize Closets

Along with toys, the holidays are a time where we often receive new clothes.  Take this time to go through your closets and donate any clothes, shoes, or coats that are in good shape but your family has outgrown.  Organizing your closets will help you to better utilize space, as well as make room for new items.

4. Clean Out Pantry, Refrigerator and Freezer

The holidays are a time for quality family time, cooking, and baking.  Make room for meals/leftovers by cleaning out your refrigerator and freezer prior to any baking nights and the holidays.  In addition, cleaning out your pantry will help prepare for any baking endeavors by ensuring you don’t buy ingredients you already have, or thinking you have something you don’t.

5. Ask for Help

While the holidays can be an extremely stressful time, there are ways to manage it.  Reach out to family and friends and ask for help.  If you have children, a spouse, or other family that lives with you, assign tasks from your cleaning list.  Remember to prioritize your needs and your own mental health.  Take time for yourself, slow down, and enjoy the holiday magic!

By Emily Kuhn, LMSW