We’ve all been there. We feel distressed, burdened by too many symptoms, and turn to Google with the hope of learning our ailment. We know “don’t go on WebMD” but do it anyway, and soon enough our somewhat mild anxiety spirals downward into the worst-case scenario; that catastrophic condition. We attribute a headache to an aneurysm, a persistent cough to lung cancer, or chest pain to a heart attack. Sometimes this investigative work is a good idea -- it may be that there is in fact a serious medical problem, and now that you are aware you are seeking immediate medical attention. There are times, too, where researching mental disorders can be beneficial as well if it warrants the desire to get a professional diagnosis, thus allowing for treatment.
However, as the mental health crisis among American youth intensifies, more are utilizing the internet for information rather than turning to trusted people in the past, such as health teachers. They are seeking out answers on social media platforms, particularly TikTok, to self-diagnosis with severe mental health problems. The video-makers may have no training or education in psychopathology, and even if they do, the viewers may not understand the subtle differences that come with formal diagnosis.
Social media-based psycho-education
Until somewhat recently, I was overall in favor of social media-based psychoeducation. And even now, I still do think this platform for psychoeducation has its purposes… but when done right. There are some clinicians who pioneered it, such as Kati Morton, LMFT, a well-recognized therapist on YouTube who has made dozens of relevant, accurate, well-researched videos on everything from coping skills to bereavement, generalized anxiety disorder to schizoid personality disorder. You name it, Kati has a video. And with over 15 years of impressive clinical experience, she knows her stuff!
But times have changed. Suddenly, the clinicians like Kati are not getting the ratings they once did. No longer considered viral, their approach to psychoeducation is now considered dry, boring, and just too long. Some youth do not want to watch 15 minutes of a clinician explaining every symptom of a disorder in the DSM-5 and getting into the nuances. They would prefer to see borderline personality disorder or schizophrenia explained by anyone – anyone – in a mere 15 to 30 seconds.
Concerns As I See Them...
One of the greatest concerns is when questioning who is explaining these diagnoses to youth. Often it is a person with a casual interest in psychopathology who bought a copy of the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, the bible of psychiatric diagnoses) and read through it. The problem is that the DSM-5 was never meant to be used as the one and only source of information on mental disorders, but only as a reference for clinicians. It is much like holding onto a textbook from a college biology class – sure, the text will provide reliable, accurate information, but it is not meant to be considered the only source for knowledge. Much like it would be wrong to call oneself a biologist for having read one book on the subject, so too is it wrong to act like a clinician for reading the DSM-5.
Diagnosis is an artform as much as it is a science. It is taught through knowledge, then refined through experience and keen observation. Like it takes a pianist years of practicing the piano rather than only reading music theory, it is the same as a clinician. Practice is paramount.
You may be thinking, “I get what you’re trying to say, but surely, it’s not that big of a deal, right? I mean, it’s not like psychotherapists are diagnosing something like cancer. And it doesn’t seem like therapists really know all that much.”
In short, it takes a long time to be considered a mental health professional. The process varies by the profession itself, but for the purpose of this writing, let us examine the journey from a social work student up to a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW).
So you think someone on TikTok knows more than a licensed professional? Consider the following…
To be recognized as a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) in New York State, which allows a person to diagnose, assess, and treat a mental disorder, one must have completed the following in this order:
1) Have an education that includes a master’s degree in social work (MSW), not a similar degree, with at least 12 semester hours of clinical coursework acceptable to the New York State Education Department (NYSED). The MSW must from a school accredited by the Council on Social Work Education (CSWE).
2) Next, pass a standardized, costly exam to become a licensed master social worker (LMSW). **A LMSW is unable to diagnose or treat a mental disorder unless under direct supervision.
3) After, accumulate at least 3 years of post-MSW supervised experience in psychotherapy, diagnosis and assessment-based treatment planning acceptable to the NYSED. This supervisor must be the person’s employer (no “outside” supervisors), and the supervisor must be a LCSW, psychologist, or psychiatrist. The 3 years is considered 2,000 hours, but the person must still wait 3 years even if they gain the 2,000 hours first.
4) Complete additional trainings, such as the identification and reporting of child abuse.
5) Take the clinical social worker exam, another expensive standardized test.
6) After becoming a LCSW, the person must then complete 36 hours of acceptable formal continuing education during every 3-year registration period.
In other words, being able to truly comprehend the DSM-5 from reading up to practice is a long, lengthy journey!
Knowing this now, can you see why clinicians raise their eyebrows when a 16-year-old on TikTok is providing psychoeducation and self-diagnosing themselves?
Self-Diagnosis can be beneficial… Sometimes
As a clinician, I have witnessed an uptick in adolescents and young adults who have fallen into the self-diagnosis trap. This can be a good thing -- the newfound information can direct them toward getting professional help.
Additionally, turning to TikTok and social media in general can be psychologically positive for youth because it can remind them that they are not alone in their struggles. It can validate their experience by putting a label to it.
Self-Diagnosis can be harmful
Even though there can be benefits to self-diagnosis, it is a slippery slope. It may cause people to incorrectly diagnose themselves, which in turn can make them avoid a professional assessment and turn to the wrong treatments.
I can attest that during some intakes, clients have told me they terminated with their previous therapist and psychiatrist because they were in very strong disagreement with the diagnosis. (There is the occasional case where a diagnosis can in fact be wrong since unlike medicine, behavioral health is based on observation, not something black-and-white such as an MRI or bloodwork.)
TikTok and social media can provide false information since they do not tend to consider the subtleties of diagnosis and assessment. As I previously said, the time limits only allow for the symptoms to be bullet-listed at best. Yet even still, another alarming reason for the argument against self-diagnosis is due to biased self-perception – that is, we tend to think and believe differently about ourselves than what is observed, since it can be hard to have complete self-awareness.
Furthermore, diagnosis is further complicated by the fact that the same condition can present itself differently in a child, adolescent, or adult. Put simply, the same symptoms may not apply to every developmental stage or age bracket. To provide an example, it is considered premature and reckless to diagnose a 13-year-old suffering from mood swings with borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder. Rather, it must be considered that it is normal for a young adolescent to experience shifts in emotion. And there is a pediatric disorder to account for such mood swings in their most extreme form, known as disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (DMDD). Adolescent depression is another excellent example; its symptoms and presentation can be different from that witnessed in adult depression.
When it comes to diagnosis, therapists must consider the spectrum of experiences a person is experiencing, along with when they happen, the severity, and the duration. Mainly, how all these issues come together to impact someone in their daily living.
What to do if you’ve fallen into the self-diagnosis trap
First, this is nothing to be ashamed of! It is normal for people to want to learn more about themselves. Developing a core sense of identity is a developmental goal to achieve throughout adolescence and young adulthood, and with that desire comes introspection. You are not “odd” for wanting to discover yourself – you are doing exactly what you need to do.
But if you have turned to TikTok as the authority for anything on mental illness, and you have found yourself thinking “yep, I have this… and that… and that…” ask yourself, “so what is keeping me from a formal diagnosis from a clinician?” or “so why do I not trust in my clinician?”. Listen to your intuition. Dive deeper. Perhaps you are in denial about something suggested to you about yourself by your clinician. It could be you are fearful to know what a healthcare professional has determined. Maybe you find having a self-diagnosed condition makes you feel included into a part of a community; it brings words to your experience. Whatever the reason, you are not at fault. You are only trying to make sense of things.
But maybe, just maybe, consider that TikTok should be for entertainment purposes only – not the replacement for professional help! If you are ready to seek help from a licensed professional our team would love to assist you. Contact us today.
- Valerie Smith, LMSW
Imposter syndrome is a common issue among entrepreneurs. This psychological pattern leads individuals to doubt their abilities and accomplishments, feeling like a fraud in their professional endeavors. It's often experienced by high achievers who struggle with anxiety and perfectionism, leaving them constantly questioning their own competence. Imposter syndrome can severely affect an entrepreneur's self-confidence, and even hinder their business success. However, there is a proven therapy that can help combat imposter syndrome, and it's called EMDR. In this blog post, we'll explore how EMDR can help entrepreneurs overcome imposter syndrome and find the confidence they need to succeed.
Defining imposter syndrome
Imposter syndrome is a phenomenon that many entrepreneurs experience. It refers to a deep-seated feeling of inadequacy and self-doubt, despite evidence of success and competence. Those with imposter syndrome often struggle with feelings of fraudulence, as if they are "faking it" and will eventually be found out as imposters.
This can have significant effects on an entrepreneur's confidence, motivation, and overall well-being. It can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and even burnout.
Fortunately, there is a therapeutic technique called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) that has shown promise in helping individuals with imposter syndrome to overcome these feelings of self-doubt and build a stronger sense of confidence. In the following sections, we'll explore the effects of imposter syndrome in more detail and how EMDR can be used to address it.
The effects of imposter syndrome
Imposter syndrome is a pervasive feeling of self-doubt and fear of being exposed as a fraud, despite evidence of accomplishments and competence. This phenomenon is not limited to individuals with low self-esteem, as high-achieving individuals and successful people are among the most likely to experience imposter syndrome. According to a Kajabi study, entrepreneurs and small business owners are quite commonly victims of the imposter phenomenon.
This study found that 84% of entrepreneurs and small business owners suffer from imposter syndrome. Moreover, over 20% of entrepreneurs worry about being exposed for a lack of knowledge or ability, and over 20% believe they have only become successful by chance. Imposter syndrome can manifest in many ways in your business, including:
- Difficulty setting realistic goals
- Struggles with decision-making
- Fear of rejection or failure
- Lack of self-confidence
- Tendency to avoid taking risks
- Overthinking and obsessing over small details
- Inability to enjoy success or acknowledge achievements
All these effects can have a significant impact on your business and can hinder growth and progress. Therefore, addressing imposter syndrome is essential for entrepreneurs to overcome their fears and doubts and build confidence in their abilities.
Fortunately, EMDR therapy can help individuals struggling with imposter syndrome find relief from these negative feelings and thoughts.
How EMDR can help?
Entrepreneurs who experience imposter syndrome often feel trapped in a cycle of negative self-talk and limiting beliefs. However, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) can help individuals break free from these patterns and reframe their self-perceptions.
EMDR is a therapy that involves focusing on a traumatic memory while performing specific eye movements or other bilateral stimulation techniques. This process can help individuals process and integrate these memories, allowing for a greater sense of clarity and self-awareness.
When it comes to imposter syndrome, EMDR can be especially helpful in uncovering and addressing underlying issues related to self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence. Through EMDR, individuals can identify the root causes of their imposter syndrome and develop more positive and self-affirming beliefs.
By working with a trained EMDR therapist, entrepreneurs with imposter syndrome can rewire their brains and transform their negative self-talk into positive affirmations. Over time, they may begin to experience a greater sense of self-confidence, which can lead to improved performance and greater success in their business ventures.
Overall, EMDR can be an incredibly effective tool for entrepreneurs struggling with imposter syndrome. By addressing underlying issues and transforming limiting beliefs, individuals can cultivate a greater sense of confidence and success in both their personal and professional lives.
Case study
Meet Julia. She had been running her small business for almost three years, but even though she had gained recognition and appreciation from her clients, she couldn't shake off the feeling that she was a fraud. Julia struggled with imposter syndrome, which was holding her back from making important business decisions and expanding her venture.
That's when Julia turned to EMDR. She had heard about the therapy from a friend and was intrigued by its potential to help her overcome her feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. During her EMDR sessions, Julia worked with a trained therapist who guided her through a series of eye movements while recalling triggering events from her past.
Through this process, Julia was able to identify the root causes of her imposter syndrome. She realized that her inner critic was fueled by messages she received from her parents, who always compared her unfavorably to her older sibling. With EMDR, Julia was able to release these negative beliefs and create new, positive ones about herself.
After a few sessions, Julia felt a shift in her mindset. She felt more confident in her abilities as an entrepreneur and no longer second-guessed her decisions. She was able to present her business to potential investors with a newfound sense of conviction and self-assurance.
Where to start
If you're an entrepreneur struggling with imposter syndrome, know that you're not alone. EMDR therapy can be an incredibly effective way to process the anxiety and self-doubt that comes with this phenomenon. As a fellow business owner who has found success with EMDR, I highly recommend it as a treatment option.
One thing to consider is scheduling an EMDR intensive. These programs allow you to complete the treatment in just a few days, rather than having to carve out time each week for sessions. This can be especially helpful for busy entrepreneurs who have a lot on their plate.
If you're interested in exploring EMDR for imposter syndrome, I invite you to schedule a free consultation with me or someone on my team. We'll be happy to discuss your options and answer any questions you may have. Don't let imposter syndrome hold you back any longer - take the first step toward feeling confident and capable today.
Sending Love & Light,
Have you ever felt disconnected from your inner strengths? EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Intensive Therapy is a powerful tool that can help you access and unlock the potential held within. EMDR Intensive Therapy is a condensed form of traditional EMDR therapy that allows for rapid transformation and resolution of the underlying issues that are preventing you from achieving your full potential. This form of intensive therapy can help you to bridge the disconnect between what you know and how you feel internally, leading to lasting positive change.
What is EMDR Intensive Therapy?
EMDR Intensive Therapy is a powerful and effective form of trauma therapy that can help individuals achieve rapid transformation and overcome a wide range of emotional and psychological challenges. This type of therapy is based on Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), a scientifically-proven method that utilizes specific eye movements, taps, or sounds to help patients reprocess traumatic memories and release negative emotions and body sensations.
EMDR Intensive Therapy takes this approach a step further, providing patients with a personalized treatment plan that is tailored to their unique needs and goals. This type of therapy is typically conducted over a period of 2-4 days, with multiple sessions scheduled throughout the day to provide concentrated and intensive support.
The goal of EMDR Intensive Therapy is to help patients achieve rapid transformation by solving the disconnect between what they know and how they feel internally. By helping individuals reprocess negative experiences and emotions, this therapy can help them unlock their inner strengths and gain greater control over their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Overall, EMDR Intensive Therapy is an effective and efficient form of trauma therapy that can provide significant benefits for individuals struggling with a wide range of emotional and psychological challenges. If you're looking to achieve rapid transformation and overcome trauma, consider exploring the benefits of EMDR Intensive Therapy.
How Does EMDR Intensive Therapy Work?
EMDR Intensive Therapy works by focusing on the connection between your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations. It's a form of trauma therapy that utilizes bilateral stimulation (BLS) to help you process and reprocess traumatic events that may be causing you emotional distress.
During an EMDR Intensive Therapy session, your therapist will guide you through a series of eye movements, taps, or sounds while you recall traumatic memories. The BLS is designed to activate both sides of your brain, which can help you process your emotions and reframe negative beliefs about yourself.
One theory is that BLS mimics the rapid eye movements (REMs) that occur during sleep, which are thought to help the brain process and consolidate memories. As such, EMDR Intensive Therapy can help you achieve rapid transformation by creating new neural pathways and breaking old negative patterns of thought.
Another way that EMDR Intensive Therapy works is by addressing the disconnect between what you know and how you feel internally. Many people with trauma have rationalized their traumatic experiences but still feel trapped in negative emotions or physical symptoms. EMDR Intensive Therapy can help you identify and work through these disconnections, allowing you to feel more congruent and empowered.
Overall, EMDR Intensive Therapy is an effective and research-based form of trauma therapy that can help you unlock your inner strengths and achieve rapid transformation. If you're struggling with emotional distress related to trauma, EMDR Intensive Therapy may be a viable option for you.
The Benefits of EMDR Intensive Therapy
EMDR Intensive Therapy is a powerful and effective trauma therapy that has helped countless individuals achieve rapid and lasting transformation. Some of the key benefits of this approach include:
- Quick Results: EMDR Intensive Therapy is designed to achieve results quickly, typically within a matter of weeks rather than months or years.
- Holistic Healing: Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR Intensive Therapy works on multiple levels, helping to address both the conscious and unconscious aspects of trauma.
- Deeper Understanding: EMDR Intensive Therapy helps to bridge the gap between what you know intellectually and how you feel internally, helping you to gain a deeper understanding of your trauma and its impact on your life.
- Lasting Change: Because EMDR Intensive Therapy works on multiple levels, it can often achieve more lasting change than traditional talk therapy or medication alone.
- Personalized Treatment: EMDR Intensive Therapy is tailored to each individual's specific needs and goals, ensuring that you receive the treatment that is most effective for you.
Overall, EMDR Intensive Therapy offers a powerful and holistic approach to healing from trauma. Whether you are struggling with PTSD, anxiety, depression, or other related issues, this approach can help you unlock your inner strengths and achieve the rapid transformation you need to move forward with confidence and resilience.
Who Can Benefit from EMDR Intensive Therapy?
Anyone who has experienced trauma or has struggled with certain emotions and behaviors can benefit from EMDR intensive therapy. Trauma therapy can be a long and difficult process, but EMDR intensive therapy is a faster and more effective option for those who want to experience rapid transformation. It is especially useful for people who feel disconnected between what they know and how they feel internally. Whether you have experienced a single traumatic event or multiple traumatic experiences over time, EMDR intensive therapy can help you process and release negative emotions that may have been stored in your body. It can also help with anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions. With EMDR intensive therapy, you can begin to unlock your inner strengths and find healing and peace in your life.
What to Expect during an EMDR Intensive Therapy Session
If you've decided to try EMDR Intensive Therapy as a form of trauma therapy, it's understandable that you may feel some apprehension about what to expect during your session. Rest assured, EMDR Intensive Therapy is a non-invasive approach that focuses on your internal sensations, thoughts, and feelings, helping you to reconnect with your inner strengths and heal from traumatic experiences.
At the start of your emdr intensive session, your therapist will begin by establishing a safe and secure environment. They will then ask you to identify a specific trauma or issue that you want to address during your session. This issue will be broken down into smaller, manageable components, which will serve as the focus of your EMDR Intensive Therapy session.
As the session progresses, you will be asked to recall the traumatic event, along with any accompanying emotions and physical sensations. You'll also be guided through a series of eye movements, taps, or sounds, depending on the EMDR Intensive Therapy technique that your therapist uses.
During this process, you may experience various physical sensations, emotions, and images, all of which will help to identify and process your trauma. You'll be encouraged to talk about your experiences and express your emotions throughout the session, and your therapist will provide guidance and support every step of the way.
As the session comes to a close, your therapist will help you to develop a personalized plan for continuing your healing journey. This may include homework, self-care strategies, or recommendations for follow-up sessions.
Overall, EMDR Intensive Therapy is a powerful tool for rapid transformation, allowing you to connect with your inner strengths and unlock your full potential. By understanding what to expect during your session, you can approach EMDR Intensive Therapy with confidence and experience the many benefits that this approach has to offer.
Examples of Rapid Transformation through EMDR Intensive Therapy
EMDR intensive therapy has been shown to have transformative results, often achieving in weeks what traditional trauma therapy might take years to accomplish. Here are some examples of the rapid transformation that can occur through EMDR intensive therapy:
- A military veteran who suffered from severe PTSD after returning from combat was able to experience a dramatic reduction in his symptoms after just a few weeks of EMDR intensive therapy. He reported feeling more calm and relaxed, and was better able to manage his anxiety and panic attacks.
- A survivor of childhood abuse and neglect was struggling with a range of issues including anxiety, depression, and feelings of worthlessness. After just a few weeks of EMDR intensive therapy, she began to feel more self-confident and less burdened by her past trauma.
- A client with a history of addiction and codependency had been in traditional talk therapy for years with little progress. Through EMDR intensive therapy, she was able to identify and address the root causes of her addiction, and was able to achieve sobriety and build healthy relationships.
These are just a few examples of the powerful transformative effects of EMDR intensive therapy. Whether you're struggling with trauma, anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges, EMDR intensive therapy can help you unlock your inner strengths and achieve rapid transformation.
We are now booking intensives for the summer season. Please contact our office.
Sending Love & Light,
Are you looking for an EMDR therapist near you? If so, you are not alone. Many people are searching for qualified EMDR therapists in their area to help them with a variety of issues. The search for an EMDR therapist near me can seem daunting, but it doesn't have to be. With the right resources and tips, you can easily find a qualified EMDR therapist near you to help you with your unique needs. In this blog post, we will outline the steps you can take to make the search for an EMDR therapist near me simpler.
What is EMDR?
If you're searching for an EMDR therapist near me, you may be wondering what EMDR actually is. EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing and is a psychotherapeutic modality that helps people who have experienced a life-changing event, especially if the event was traumatic in nature.
EMDR works by reducing and even eliminating the negative emotional burden attached to the trauma. Numerous studies have supported the efficacy of EMDR for the treatment of trauma and PTSD. In fact, EMDR is particularly beneficial for those who have suffered a single traumatic event.
During an EMDR session, the patient focuses on a specific traumatic memory while simultaneously paying attention to an external stimuli, such as moving their eyes back and forth. This technique gives the brain space to “digest” and release the previously unprocessed trauma.
The EMDR process is an 8 stage process that is carried out by a qualified EMDR therapist over the course of several weeks. Some patients may show improvements as early as the third or fourth session. If you're looking for an EMDR therapist near me, it's important to find someone who is qualified and experienced in this therapeutic technique.
Consider whether you prefer weekly EMDR or intensive EMDR
When searching for an EMDR therapist near me, it's important to consider whether you prefer weekly EMDR or intensive EMDR. Weekly therapy provides a slower, more gradual approach to processing traumatic memories and developing coping mechanisms for complex trauma. This approach can be beneficial for those who need to integrate therapy into their daily lives and reduce the intensity of their emotions.
On the other hand, EMDR intensive offers a different approach that can provide transformative results for clients dealing with complex trauma and C-PTSD. An intensive approach involves longer therapy sessions over a shorter period of time, allowing for faster progress and the ability to process traumatic memories at a deeper level. Additionally, the increased accountability and focus on specific problems can be incredibly helpful.
Ultimately, the decision between weekly therapy and EMDR intensive comes down to personal preference and individual needs. It's important to find a qualified therapist who can help guide you through this decision-making process and develop a treatment plan tailored to your unique needs.
When investing in your mental health, it's important not to let the cost or time commitment deter you from taking the necessary steps towards a brighter future. By prioritizing your mental health and committing to therapy with a qualified EMDR therapist near me, you can work towards healing and creating a better quality of life for yourself.
Look in the following directories
If you're searching for an EMDR therapist near me, you'll want to explore different directories. Luckily, there are a few helpful platforms that can aid in your search.
One of the most popular directories for finding a therapist is Psychology Today. This website features an easy-to-use filter system that allows you to narrow down your search by location, specialty, and even insurance coverage. With their verification process, you can rest assured that the clinicians listed on the website are qualified to practice therapy.
Another directory to consider is Good Therapy. Like Psychology Today, Good Therapy has a verification process to ensure that clinicians listed on their platform are licensed professionals. They also offer filter features, making it easier for you to find an EMDR therapist near you.
If you want to specifically find an EMDR therapist near me, check out the EMDRIA website. EMDRIA is the credentialing body for EMDR therapists, meaning that they can verify who is credentialed as an EMDR therapist in your area. You can use their directory to find clinicians who have completed EMDR training and certification.
Keep in mind that these directories are only tools to aid in your search. It's important to also read the reviews and visit the therapist's website to get a better understanding of their approach and experience. Once you've narrowed down your options, schedule a few consultations to see who you fit best with.
Read the Reviews!
Now that you have searched for an EMDR therapist near me, it's time to start researching. One of the best ways to learn more about a potential therapist is by reading reviews. It's important to note that not all reviews are created equal. You want to find reviews that give specific information about the therapist's use of EMDR therapy.
To find reviews, start by looking on the therapist's website or social media profiles. Many therapists will post reviews from clients. Another great place to look is on Google or Yelp. Type in "EMDR therapist near me" and then read through the reviews of any therapists that come up in your search results.
When reading reviews, pay attention to the following:
- Are clients mentioning that the therapist is specifically trained in EMDR therapy?
- Do they mention any improvements in their symptoms or how EMDR therapy helped them?
- Are there any negative reviews about the therapist's use of EMDR therapy?
It's important to note that every therapist will have some negative reviews. What's important is to look for patterns. If multiple people mention that the therapist doesn't use EMDR therapy effectively or is not trained in it, that should be a red flag.
Reading reviews is a great way to get a sense of what working with a specific EMDR therapist near me might be like. It can also help you narrow down your list of potential therapists. However, don't make your final decision based solely on reviews. It's important to schedule consultations and talk with potential therapists to see if you are a good fit.
Schedule a few consultations to see who you fit best with
Now that you've done your research on EMDR and found potential therapists through directories and reviews, it's time to schedule some consultations to see who you fit best with. Keep in mind that just because a therapist is trained in EMDR, it doesn't necessarily mean they are fully competent or continuing their education.
During these consultations, be sure to ask about their level of EMDR training and experience. Are they continuing their education and receiving ongoing consultation? Have they received their Level 1 or 2 status from EMDRIA? These are important questions to ask to ensure you're getting the best possible care.
It's also crucial to trust your gut when searching for the right fit. Who did you feel most comfortable with? Who was easiest to talk to? Who seemed to understand your needs and what you're looking for in therapy?
At Long Island EMDR, we understand how important it is to find the right therapist. That's why we offer free consultations to help you find a therapist that is the best fit for you. Don't hesitate to schedule a consultation with us to see if we can help you on your journey to healing. Remember, with a little research and some consultations, you can find an EMDR therapist near me that is right for you.
Sending Love & Light,
Are you dealing with complex trauma and looking for an effective, cost-efficient solution? EMDR intensives may be the answer. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is an evidence-based therapy that can help individuals suffering from C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). EMDR intensives are shorter, more intensive sessions of EMDR, compared to the traditional weekly therapy. In this blog post, we will be discussing how EMDR intensives can provide transformative results and how they are more cost-effective than weekly therapy.
What is an EMDR intensive?
EMDR intensive therapy is a powerful treatment option for individuals struggling with complex trauma or C-PTSD. An EMDR intensive is a condensed and focused period of time for counseling, providing efficient and effective relief for those who are emotionally suffering. This therapy method involves a dedicated period of time ranging from three hours to multiple days in one week.
It's important to note that EMDR intensive therapy is not for everyone, as the goal is to follow the natural healing process. However, for those who are able to commit to this intensive psychotherapeutic approach, it can help reduce distress around traumatic or adverse events, shift long-held beliefs, and ultimately help approach life and relationships in a more aligned way. Investing in your mental health through an EMDR intensive may be a life-changing decision.
What are the benefits of an EMDR intensive?
EMDR intensives offer numerous benefits, especially for those suffering from complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). Here are a few key advantages:
1. Condensed format: EMDR intensives allow clients to make significant progress in a shorter period than traditional weekly therapy sessions. This condensed format can help eliminate weeks or months of living with trauma symptoms.
2. Reduced lost work time: Since sessions are completed over two or three days, it greatly reduces lost work time, making it easier to fit treatment into a busy schedule.
3. Cost-effectiveness: Although there is a larger upfront cost, the shorter duration of treatment overall can save money in the long run.
4. Shorter wait times: Waiting lists for good trauma treatment providers can be long. However, with EMDR intensives, clients can get through treatment in the same week they start, reducing wait times.
5. State-of-the-art modality: Intensives are being studied in the literature as a state-of-the-art modality for trauma, making them an effective treatment option.
6. Accessibility: Clients who are out of town or out of state can take advantage of access to excellent treatment quickly, making only one trip to complete treatment. Even local clients with transportation or childcare complications can make arrangements for a single weekend.
Overall, EMDR intensives are an effective and efficient way to address trauma and other mental health concerns, making them a valuable investment in your overall well-being.
How does an EMDR intensive differ from weekly therapy?
While weekly therapy sessions can be highly effective, an EMDR intensive offers a different approach that can provide transformative results for clients dealing with complex trauma and C-PTSD. One of the main benefits of an EMDR intensive is the ability to make faster progress and process traumatic memories at a deeper level. This is because the intensive approach allows clients to fully immerse themselves in therapy and stay focused on their therapeutic goals over a short period of time.
Another key advantage of the intensive approach is the increased accountability that comes with working with a therapist for an extended period of time. Both the client and therapist have a heightened sense of responsibility and commitment to the treatment process. The intensive approach can also be ideal for clients who have one or two specific problems they want to work on.
However, weekly therapy also has its benefits. Gradual progress, better integration of the therapy process into daily life, reduced intensity of emotions, and more flexibility with scheduling can all be important factors for some clients. Ultimately, the choice between an intensive or weekly approach will depend on the client's specific needs, therapeutic goals, and personal preferences.
Regardless of which approach a client chooses, investing in one's mental health should be a top priority. By committing to therapy and working with a qualified therapist, clients can make progress towards healing and moving forward in their lives. Don't let the cost or time commitment deter you from taking the necessary steps towards a brighter future.
Why invest in your mental health now?
When it comes to mental health care, economic value is an important consideration. While weekly therapy sessions may seem like the more affordable option, investing in an EMDR intensive can actually be more cost-effective in the long run. A large, well-designed randomized study found that an intensive 1-week course of evidence-based PTSD therapy had the same outcome as delivery of the same treatment over several months - except that the results were achieved much more quickly in the intensive format (Ehlers et al, 2014). This means that investing in an EMDR intensive can save you time and money, while also providing more rapid relief from symptoms.
But why are EMDR intensives so effective? For starters, they differ from weekly therapy in that they involve a much more concentrated and focused treatment approach. Instead of spreading out treatment over several months, an EMDR intensive condenses treatment into a week-long period, allowing for greater treatment efficiency and a reduced risk of destabilization. Additionally, an intensive format helps to reduce the risk of life crises disrupting treatment, as clients can fully immerse themselves in the therapeutic process (Greenwald et al, 2020).
Perhaps most importantly, EMDR intensives offer rapid results, which can help to prevent further suffering or harm from symptoms of C-PTSD. This is due in part to the fact that the intensive format eliminates time spent on activities like checking in at the beginning of each session, addressing current crises and concerns, focusing on stabilizing and coping skills that the client won't need after trauma healing and assisting the client in regaining composure at the end of the session. All of these factors help to make EMDR intensives a highly effective and cost-effective option for those looking to prioritize their mental health and well-being.
Could I benefit from intensive EMDR treatment?
If you have experienced any type of trauma, including complex trauma, then EMDR treatment could potentially benefit you. Complex PTSD, or C-PTSD, can result from ongoing trauma and can lead to symptoms such as hypervigilance, emotional dysregulation, and difficulty with trust and attachment. EMDR treatment is effective in addressing the symptoms of C-PTSD, as well as other types of trauma.
Some signs that you may benefit from EMDR treatment include:
- Flashbacks or intrusive thoughts related to the trauma
- Avoidance of certain people or situations
- Difficulty regulating your emotions, such as feeling numb or disconnected
- Difficulty sleeping or experiencing nightmares
- Chronic pain or other physical symptoms related to the trauma
EMDR treatment can help to reduce these symptoms and improve your overall mental health and well-being.
EMDR intensives are particularly effective in treating complex trauma, or C-PTSD, as they allow individuals to delve deeper into their traumatic experiences and process them more fully. Unlike weekly therapy, where the focus may be more on managing symptoms, EMDR intensives are designed to target the root cause of the trauma and provide a transformative experience. By dedicating several days or weeks to an intensive EMDR session, individuals can make significant progress in a shorter period and experience a more lasting impact on their mental health. Additionally, EMDR intensives can be more cost-effective than weekly therapy, as the total number of sessions required may be lower overall. Overall, investing in your mental health through EMDR intensives can provide transformative results and lead to a more fulfilling and joyful life.
If you are interested in exploring whether EMDR intensive treatment could benefit you, feel free to give our office a call to set up a free consultation.
Sending Love & Light,
By Jaclyn Martinez, LMSW - Long Island EMDR
People’s motivation to exercise can vary so significantly depending on their personal values, goals, hobbies, and ways they take care of themselves.
My Journey with Exercise
On one hand, there are people like me who struggle to get motivated to work out. I know it’s good for me, and I’ve seen amazing results in the past. My close friend Jessica Lopez is a personal trainer who helped me lose a significant amount of weight, tone up, and improve my overall mood, energy, and confidence after giving birth to my first child. I never felt better, and was so grateful to her for her guidance and expertise! But over time, I noticed that with additional responsibilities and a second baby on the way, I slowed down my exercise routine to the point of being out of commission for at least 2 years. My energy is always low, I’m always grumpy, and then I get all butt hurt by the fact that I’m fluffier than I prefer these days. And whose fault is that?!
But anyway, there are other people who dedicate their lives to exercise, not just for the desired physical outcomes, but because it’s like a high for them (ugh I wish I had that!). People like my friend Jessica base their lives around wellness rituals such as exercising, nutrition, and grounding to maintain positive energy in their lives.
As reflected by Jessica Lopez, Personal Trainer, “Reaching your fitness goals is such an excellent tool to see exactly what you’re capable of with unrelenting focus and dedication. Along the way you develop habits that will allow you to keep the results. Exercising and eating a healthy, balanced diet will boost your overall mood, it’ll positively affect your decision-making skills, and even raise your own standards and expectations for yourself”.
Benefits of Exercise
Multiple studies have shown that regular exercise can significantly improve overall mood as well as clinical symptoms of depression and anxiety. According to Mayo Clinic, ways that exercise improve mental wellness include the endorphin (a cannabis-like brain chemical) releases, distraction from stressors, improved self-confidence, socializing (meeting new people at the gym or having a consistent work out buddy) and promotes healthy coping rather than turning to substances or overeating.
The National Center for Biotechnology Information notes that with aerobic exercise, anxiety and depression symptoms decrease due in part to increasing blood flow to the brain, stimulating parts of the brain such as the limbic system, responsible for motivation and emotion; and the hippocampus, which is responsible for memory, mood, and motivation. This blood flow in the brain helps to foster improved mood, energy, and motivation to keep up with regular exercise and fitness goals for both physical and emotional wellness.
So why do mental health providers recommend exercise? It’s not just to torture you, I promise. It is because exercising, even just taking 30 minute walks out in nature with beautiful scenery 3 days a week not only gets your blood pumping, but it can be quite relaxing and grounding to have that self care. It helps you to be able to get out of your head for a little while and just focus on the present moment. You can notice your surroundings, how your body feels, and just observe your thoughts and let them pass without judgment. Incorporating these pieces of mindfulness alongside working out can be very emotionally empowering in addition to having improved self confidence.
How do we get motivated to create and maintain the habit of working out?
So here, we need to get creative. Motivation is not a one-size fits all. We have to take a look at what our reasons for increasing physical activity are; whether that be to improve physical health conditions, bodybuilding and/or toning, losing weight in general, or coping with emotional symptoms such as those that come with depression, anxiety, grief, and/or trauma.
After establishing your motivator for working out, it’s time to create a schedule. Figure out how many days per week and at what times will be the most realistic for you so that you hold yourself accountable to your exercise goals. You’re doing this for a reason, so find ways to keep yourself in check and stay consistent. It gets easier and more routine when you maintain the consistency of making these new changes.
Next, it’s time to figure out what form of exercise your body and mind need to have the best possible self care. Whether that be 30 minute walks, jogging, zumba, weight training, crossfit, body lifting, yoga, barre, pilates, or whatever floats your boat. Find your groove and stick to it. Make sure that whatever form of physical activity you choose is something you actually enjoy, otherwise it's easy to come up with a million excuses on why “I’m too busy to work out today”.
Working out and engaging in wellness does not have to be a drag. We can find ways to fit this into our daily routines at least 3 times per week to have a noticeable change to our mood, energy, cognition, and productivity in our lives. I highly recommend hiring a personal trainer to help you assess your current needs to ensure your fitness goals are being properly and safely addressed as they have the expertise to help you reach your goals safely. You will feel a world of difference with a little added consistency and encouragement from others, such as personal trainers, or fellow work out buddies to improve physical health and have an emotional outlet.
By Jaclyn Martinez, LMSW - Long Island EMDR
Sources:
By Jillian Martino, CAT-LP
What is Self-Love?
So, what is self-love? We all talk about it and influencers constantly preach about it. But what exactly is self-love? Why do we all want it? Most importantly, how do we get there? Self-love is the practice of having a positive attitude towards yourself. The main ingredient of self-love is learning to accept and appreciate yourself for who you are and understanding your worth and value. When you are actively engaging in self-love, you are able to have a healthy relationship with yourself and take care of your emotional, physical, and mental wellbeing. Loving yourself is about being kind and compassionate to yourself, as well as recognizing and honoring your needs.
Finding, accepting, and loving yourself is the best thing you can do for your own growth and mental health. When you love yourself, you truly understand yourself. Learning to love yourself also helps us go after what we want, because we finally know what we deserve, making life more fulfilling.
For a lot of us this sounds great on paper but sounds as realistic to us as wizards and warlocks. So, this begs the question, how do we learn to love ourselves when we were taught against it from birth? This blog will explore that exact thing. Before we can make you a self-love master, we need to talk about what is blocking and making loving yourself so hard.
The Impossible Task of Self Love
Loving yourself doesn’t come naturally to all of us. Even though it’s something we are all capable of, some of us find it harder than others to unconditionally love ourselves. I myself was one of those people, knowing firsthand how hard it can be. I have also learned also how to move through the high and lows that come with this journey.
Self-love can be difficult because we often have trouble accepting ourselves as we are and recognizing our own worth. It can be difficult to practice self-love when we are surrounded by messages from society that tell us that we are not enough or that we need to compare ourselves to others, not to mention the standards we set for ourselves or from our families. We cannot have self-love without acknowledging our own unique strengths, challenges, vulnerabilities-accepting ourselves in spite of our “imperfections”. It requires us to focus on our needs, and not feel selfish or guilty for taking care of ourselves. It's not easy, but with practice, self-love can become one of the easiest and most rewarding parts of our life. Let’s breakdown some of the common reasons people struggle with self-love:
What you think is self-love isn’t realistic…
Sometimes loving yourself is hard because we have an unrealistic definition of self-love. Have you ever taken a moment to think about what it means to you to love yourself?? If you are anything like me, you believe self-love is some giant overly indulgent act of kindness to yourself, and frankly who has time for that? Not me. Where was I supposed to fit in an hour of self-care with my schedule? I loved a “Treat-yo self” moment, but it fit better in Parks and Recreation than in my world.
The problem was I didn’t understand that self-love isn’t something I needed to carve time out for, but a mindset that I could carry throughout my day.
It’s not about blocking out an hour to have a bath or get a facial (although this is a great way to give yourself some love and care), but rather it is embedded in all of the actions you take throughout the day. Starting as early as the moment we wake up.
The truth is caring for ourselves begins with how we speak to ourselves:
- Self-love is saying kind things about yourself.
- Self-love is praising yourself for all that you do.
- Self-love is affirming that you’re worthy.
It can be hard to be positive, especially when we are used to being negative with ourselves. Trust me even, I’m still working on it, but you can begin to bring in more self-love by canceling out some of the negativity with positive affirmations. Here are a few affirmations that I love:
- I accept myself for who I am.
- I accept myself for where I’m at
- I love myself unconditionally.
- I am loveable.
Some fun ways I like to include affirmations into my life is by writing them on my mirror or by setting reminders on your phone, so they pop up in the day. Setting them as your phone background is also another fun easy way to make affirmations a staple in your life.
Learning to love yourself is about being mindful of the choices we make throughout the day and paying attention to how our choices affect our wellbeing.
2. You are hardwired to have a negative bias for yourself.
Most humans struggle with shame, which is one of the largest reasons we have trouble loving ourselves. Shame keeps us focused on the “should ofs”, “could ofs”, and “buts” of our life. Shame is the voice in our head saying we are never enough, and we can always do better. It keeps us focused on our past failures and not where we are right now. Shame’s main goal is to convince us we are not worthy of love. For a lot of us, shame can be very convincing.
We experience shame when we feel a sense of guilt, humiliation, and/or embarrassment around who we are. Oftentimes, it is connected to the belief that we are failing to meet social expectations or our own personal standards. It makes us feel unworthy or inadequate and can lead to a laundry list of negative feelings such as depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. It is important to recognize the difference between guilt and shame, as guilt is often a sign of healthy self-reflection and accountability, while shame can be damaging in the long run. Guilt is, "I'm sorry I made a mistake” while shame is, “I’m sorry, I am a mistake.”
Before I learned to love myself, I was the queen of self-deprecation.
The truth is that it is easy to fixate on all of the things we’ve ever done wrong and go over all the ways in which we wish it was different for the rest of our lives. However, our thoughts can’t change the past. All we can do is accept that we’re human and sometimes. We may not like who we were or things we have done. If anything, that is even more reason to send that little you love. In the wise words of Rupaul “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” Can I get a hell yeah?? Self-love means showing up and presenting yourself to the world fully without fear or shame. The truth is that it can only come from you!
For as long as I could remember I would look back to the decisions I made in my late teens and think “Girly what were we thinking?” I would berate myself for all that I was, and all of the things I thought I should have been that I clearly wasn't reaching. The truth is that I was powered by a whole lot of shame. No matter what I did, I was never enough, and my family was really good at reminding me of that exact thing.
Dealing with Shame
It was easy for me to live in this space of shame. It was all I knew and was fed to me in so many areas of my life (but we’ll get into that in a further section). Shame is hard, but it took me actively choosing to make a difference, to change the narrative of what I had been telling myself, and finally seeing myself for who I am and not who I thought I was. Sometimes you have to draw a hard line in the sand and decide you deserve better than being your own bully. I needed to choose to love myself in every form- especially the parts that felt so impossible to deal with.
3. The War between Acceptance and Perfectionism
It can be hard for us to love ourselves because how we feel about ourselves is based on what others think of us. This can become our mentality for many reasons, such as:
- Growing up in a household where love is conditional.
- Being mistreated in a romantic relationship
- Someone has said something horrible to you.
- Social media and comparing ourselves to others.
- Struggles with perfectionism.
We were all born worthy and loveable, however over time along the way we collect a narrative from other people that we aren’t all these things. As we experience negative situations/interactions, it can affect us and damage our self-worth.
This lack of self-worth leads to us becoming our harshest critics-and start to focus on our flaws and scrutinizing our flaws to no end.
We end up being a perfectionist and start comparing ourselves to others, asking ourselves why we aren't thinner, prettier or smarter. In some areas, being a perfectionist can be a good thing, but when it comes to ourselves, it’s a losing battle. You’re not a project, and ‘perfectionism’ doesn’t exist. However, many of us get stuck on feeling as though we need to be perfect by society standards, or unrealistic standards we or our families have set for us. For many of us, our parents, teachers, or other significant people around us have told us who and what we should be from a young age. You might have thought that you’ve needed to be financially stable, a certain weight, or in a relationship in order to be worthy.
Avoid Unhealthy Comparisons
It can become very easy to get stuck in the loop of comparing ourselves to others, especially with the unattainable perfectly photoshopped bodies we see on social media and the external expectations that have been set for us by society. All these comparisons do is keep us stuck in an endless cycle of not fully seeing ourselves and accepting ourselves for who we are.
4. You think self-love is selfish…
Okay so let’s talk about one of the biggest misconceptions around self-love.
Self-love is entirely selfless. Loving yourself does not harm anyone, but what it does is make you a better friend, partner and colleague. Why? Because when we love ourselves, we are happier. We show up for ourselves, go after what we deserve, and never accept anything less.
After I was able to stop telling myself that I was selfish for loving myself, a change happened. People in my life started to comment on how I seemed lighter, happier, and more me. I started attracting healthier friends and partners. I finally not only knew who I was but loved who I was, and the right people noticed.
It may sound narcissistic to focus on loving yourself first. But it’s not. The point isn’t to believe you’re better than others, or to accept things about yourself that you really do need to change. It’s about developing a healthy and nurturing relationship with you!
Self-Love Mastery
The act of loving ourselves is our birthright and brings you to the life you are dreaming of. We are the key to having everything we want, but first we have to believe we are deserving of it. Like the saying goes, “Love yourself first and everything else falls into place.”
Self-love is essential for a healthy and balanced life. It means understanding your needs and feelings, and responding to them in a positive, adaptive way.
Here are some tips on how to practice self-love during your day to day:
- Practice positive self-talk. You deserve it! Don’t forget our affirmations!
- Spend time engaged in activities that make you feel good. Surround yourself with people who don’t judge you and accept you unconditionally, no matter where you are in life.
- Take care of your physical health. Eat a balanced diet, get regular exercise, and remember to rest when you need to.
- Let go of perfectionism. Remember being perfect isn’t real, and being human is one of the most beautiful things we can be. Mistakes help us grow, so lean into them.
- Celebrate yourself whenever you can. Acknowledge your accomplishments and take pride in them.
- Set healthy boundaries! Don’t be scared to say “no” when you need to and be clear about your needs and wants.
Learning to love ourselves is an ongoing process. It takes time, effort, and lots of patience. But it’s worth it and mostly you’re worth it. Self-love will bring you more joy and happiness in life, and it’s something that we all deserve. I know it may feel impossible, but you are capable! <3 Jillian Martino, CAT-LP
We all go through unenjoyable experiences, which can be unpleasant all the way up to a full-blown crisis. At the mild end of this spectrum, it could be the cat seriously stunk up the litter box, you forgot to put out the garbage before the collection time, or someone left just a quarter-cup of milk left in the carton – you know, enough for them to lazily put it back in the refrigerator, but not enough for you to do anything with it. These are all a series of annoyances but generally they are not enough to disrupt our entire day.
There are also those times in our lives when we will experience far more severe circumstances, such as the death of someone we cared about, the end of a relationship, or financial hardships. Sometimes these events can be compounded, too, further adding to the burden. For instance, perhaps you were the caregiver to the person who died. During the caregiving journey, your romantic partner became fed up with your anxiety about the person’s illness and oncoming death, and so they broke up with you. That exacerbated your stress further, and you found yourself recklessly spending to cope with all the stressors. But then you fell behind on paying your credit cards, utilities, and other bills. As a result, you feel as if you are drowning from all the pressures.
However, some people, such as those with borderline personality disorder (BPD) feel the distress of these situations more intensely than others. Furthermore, their psychological pain can be seemingly out of nowhere, as if driven only by internal factors – it can be difficult for them to identify the source or reason of the pain, and only know that it hurts.
It is important to learn effective, healthy, long-term skills to properly cope with intense psychological pain, thereby surviving crises. For those with BPD or other disorders where emotional pain can be especially sharp, if they have not learned the right coping skills to tolerate these issues and the emotions, they may end up coping through dangerous or impulsive means for an immediate “fix” to the situation (i.e.., self-harm, substance abuse, promiscuous sex, overspending, etc.). These behaviors may feel helpful in the moment because they take the edge off, but in the long term they are only making things harder for the individual.
And why is this pain more intolerable? Consider the following. Dr. Marsha Linehan, Ph.D., ABPP, who developed a renowned therapy for BPD called dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), said, “people with borderline personality disorder (and those like them) are people with third-degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.”
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
Through DBT, people who experience severe emotional turmoil can learn distress tolerance skills that will let them endure painful situations and cope with the urges to surrender to harmful behaviors. Dr. Linehan splits distress tolerance skills into three groups: crisis survival techniques, sensory body awareness, and reality acceptance. Please note as this article is meant to be a simple introduction to DBT, the skills listed below all pertain to crisis survival skills; it is not meant to be an exhaustive, final list of all the distress tolerance skills!
Distress Tolerance
DBT is a subform of cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). Originally, it was designed for people with BPD and/or suicidal ideation – essentially, the people in the greatest emotional turmoil. Over time, research found that DBT can be effective in the treatment of other mental health diagnoses, too, such as depressive disorders, anxiety disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Some of the skills are useful regardless of if a person has a mental illness or not, and simply need a better way to cope with a situation.
DBT is especially beneficial for people with a highly sensitive temperament.
DBT is taught in four modules: mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. This article will only focus on distress tolerance as the writer plans to cover the other modules in future articles.
The Goals of Distress Tolerance
According to Dr. Linehan, the point of the distress tolerance skills is the following:
- Survive crises without making them worse through behaviors.
- Accept reality as it is. Replace suffering and feeling “stuck” with manageable, normal pain and the belief of moving forward from the crisis.
- Become liberated of having to “give in” to intense emotions, desires, and urges.
The When/Why/How to Use Distress Tolerance Skills for Crisis Survival
The crisis survival skills are considered skills of last resort. They should not be executed for coping with minor frustrations, or changing a situation or emotion, as those issues are better for the emotional regulation skills. Rather, the crisis survival skills should be employed for the following cases – anytime there is an actual or perceived crisis:
- An individual is going through severe emotional or physical pain that will not be relieved soon (i.e., diagnosed with a serious, chronic medical issue).
- Someone wants to behave on an emotion or urge that will only make the outcome worse (i.e., drinking to “drown out” a problem).
- A situation is exhausting and overwhelming, but there are needs that must be addressed (i.e.., someone may feel depressed about a heated argument with their romantic partner, but they still need to care for their baby).
- Someone desires to “fix” an issue that cannot be resolved right away.
Below are three of the distress tolerance skills for crisis survival.
Final Points…
The skills listed above are not the typical “psychology 101 self-help” skills, but rather are ones that are meant to be utilized only after being fully understood to thus prevent misuse that could end up making the situation backfire. Without context and more background, it can be difficult to know when, why, and how to properly use the skills. This writer emphasizes the importance of working with a DBT-informed therapist for DBT skills. Contact Long Island EMDR today if you are interested in such help!
Do you have that pesky voice in your head constantly shutting you down? Maybe you hear it say, “be a man”; “just do better”; “suck it up and deal”; “talking about your feelings makes you weak”; or “dude, no one wants to hear about your problems, just push through”. Seems familiar?
You are not alone. Men across multiple cultures to include the United States of America are constantly told to bottle up their emotions and not talk about their feelings because vulnerability is seen as weakness. This is not only a cultural norm, but something that families instill in young boys growing up, in professional career settings, and in interpersonal relationships throughout our lives. But it’s all bullshit. If you want to know the truth, allowing yourself the space and strength to be vulnerable and discuss what you are going through makes you a man with courage; the courage to help yourself when you need to in a healthy way.
The defining stereotyped image of whats makes someone a “man” includes expectations to use aggression (verbal and/or physical) to solve their problems, suppressing emotions and never talking about their problems, isolating themselves and withdrawing (“because no one wants to hear your problems”), expected to be effortlessly attractive and/or in shape, value sexual conquests over emotional intimacy, homophobia, and be tough/intimidate others to get their way and/or defend themselves.
Because our culture tells us that men should just sit down and shut up about their vulnerabilities, this often leads to self-destructive means of coping in men. Whether that be alcohol and/or substance misuse or abuse; or sabotaging personal and/or professional relationships with terrible communication skills and next to no problem solving abilities.
According to Benita N. Chatmon, PhD, MSN, RN, CNE, “Depression and suicide are ranked as a leading cause of death among men. Six million men are affected by depression in the United States every single year. Men (79% of 38,364) die by suicide at a rate four times higher than women (Mental Health America [MHA], 2020). They also die due to alcohol-related causes at 62,000 in comparison to women at 26,000. Men are also two to three times more likely to misuse drugs than women (Center for Behavioral Health Statistics and Quality, 2017). These statistics are troubling because they reinforce the notion that males are less likely to seek help and more likely than women to turn to dangerous, unhealthy behaviors.” (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7444121/)
So, how can we help challenge the negative stereotypes men are expected to live up to? How do we break the stigma so that men can achieve the felt safety in asking for help from others, whether that be trusted loved ones or professionals?
First, it is essential to normalize the idea of seeking mental health treatment. When we have a medical condition like Diabetes or Hypertension, there's no shame in going to the doctor and/or dietitian for guidance and/or medication management. So, why should there be shame in seeking out help for issues like Depression, Anxiety, or Trauma? I feel that the reason this happens all too often is that we can’t just look inside the brain anytime we want to see what’s going on from a chemical or physiological standpoint. So, because we can’t physically see and/or measure exactly whats going on or why we feel the way we do, it becomes stigmatized as “a figment of our imagination” or “over-exaggerating”. This is beyond infuriating because mental health concerns are just as legitimate and can potentially become just as, if not more devastating than some medical conditions.
In my career, I’ve seen lives destroyed by Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychosis, Depression, and Anxiety. Although such conditions don’t always lead to debilitation and/or significant decrease in functioning, they sometimes do and this is pathologized by cultural norms in America, especially for men. As noted above, men are expected to sit down and shut up, and not talk about their feelings because…”who cares, just deal and push through”.
In addition to normalizing the idea of seeking help, it is also important to be able to talk with trusted loved ones about what you are going through. Also, find ways to educate yourself about your mental health issues, maybe even do your homework about what condition you’ve been diagnosed with and what to expect in therapy. A wonderful resource for learning more general information about mental health diagnoses and treatments is National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). Please see the link for their main website listed here. https://nami.org/Home. Talk with your mental health provider openly about your diagnosis, what to expect in treatment, and any negative feelings that come with attending therapy. Your therapist is there to help. Try to use the time and calm space in therapy sessions to explore the negative stigmas around men seeking mental health care and how this has affected you and your relationships to yourself, others, and the world. This helps the therapist understand your world and your experience so that they can provide the appropriate tools to help. It is also beneficial to outreach others who are having the same or similar experiences as you; this can build compassion for others and feeling more understood and grounded in knowing that you are not alone.
Men, just know that we all have baggage and you are not broken. You deserve to have the felt safety of seeking mental health care and addressing the concerns you have in a productive and healthy way.
- Jackie Martinez, LMSW (NY), LCSW (NC)
According to a study conducted by the insurance company Lemonade, 7 out of 10 American households have at least one pet. Pets are considered beneficial for mental health, providing companionship, emotional support, and entertainment. Furthermore, as is stated by the National Institutes of Health, pets are also found to improve human health by decreasing cortisol levels, lowering blood pressure, and improving mood.
If you are reading this article, chances are you are grieving the death or absence of a beloved pet, or you have learned your pet is terminal. Maybe there is something else going on. If not, you may be doing research to help someone who is going through such experiences. Whatever your reason for being here right now, I think we can all agree the key importance of pets in our lives cannot be dismissed.
We have all heard (or made) the statement, “that animal got me through a dark, bad time in my life.” I vividly recall my dachshund, Sierra, who I adopted only a few months after the death of my mother. While I knew she could not replace my mother, her unconditional love did help to fill the heavy void within my heart. As a dog with special needs (she was born with microphthalmia, which affected her vision) and me as a human broken by despair, we helped each other. Indeed, Sierra was my best friend.
Sadly, Sierra is no longer here, but I will never forget the bond we shared.
The therapist/writer, Valerie, with Sierra.
When we consider the comfort, joy, and support given to us by pets, it makes sense why losing them can be devastating to our psyches. For some of us, our pets are closer to us than our own family members and friends – and indeed, they are our family members, repairing the wounds we suffered from others. Pets can offer the connection we need to remind ourselves we are loved. Simply think of the last time your dog ran to greet you as you came through the front door or your cat snuggled and purred on your lap.
Grieving a pet after euthanasia (being “put down”)
For some people, one of the most painful, difficult decisions they will ever need to make is to allow their beloved pet to be euthanized or “put down.” Euthanasia is frequently the merciful decision if the animal’s prognosis is poor. However, the realization of knowing you made a critical decision regarding your pet’s health and life can result in guilt, thus intensifying the grief process. You may swarm yourself with the “what-if” thoughts, such as, “should I have got a second opinion from another veterinarian?” or “is it at all possible the veterinarian was wrong and more could’ve been done?” or “did my cat even really want to die despite her being so sick?”
Unlike humans, who can help prepare for their demise through completing advanced directives, pets are incapable of making their own decisions. Thus, it is not surprising that devoted pet owners may feel complex emotions about if they did the right thing.
Grieving a pet due to an accident
A few years ago, I scheduled for my cats to be spayed. Since this was a routine procedure and my cats were seemingly healthy, I had expected nothing catastrophic to happen. Instead, I figured my cats would be fine, and that I was doing the right thing by helping control the excessive cat overpopulation. Luna recovered well. Tragically, though, my lovely dilute calico Maine Coon mix, Starla, died from the anesthesia. Post-mortem, the veterinarian discovered she had a hereditary form of hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, which is relatively common in the breed. I was devastated, shocked, and angry. I never thought trying to be a responsible pet owner would result in my cat’s untimely death.
In time, I realized Starla likely would’ve died young regardless due to her underlying condition. But in that tsunami of grief, it was difficult for me to think clearly. Rather, I thought there was an injustice.
Like my experience, some pet owners have complicated grief due to an accident that killed their pet. Whether this be a health-related issue like my Starla, or perhaps a beloved dog getting out and run over by a car, or a cat running away, such an unexpected event can complicate the grief process. They may also experience guilt or think they have failed their companion.
Starla as a young kitten, a few months before the veterinary procedure.
Grieving a pet due to surrender/rehoming and other such reasons
A final form of grief over a pet is not due to death at all, but rather in instances that an owner needs to make the difficult decision to rehome their pet. This can be for a myriad of reasons. Perhaps their animal is aggressive and thus unsafe around the children. Maybe someone in the home is ill, requiring much care, and stretching resources thin for the caregiver. Or perhaps the pet owner is experiencing unforeseen circumstances, such as job loss, eviction, or other life-changing events. The person could have become disabled and realized they do not have the ability to care for something dependent on them. Whatever the reason, the person has made the decision to give up their pet.
This type of grief presents its own challenges. Like the other two types, there is guilt, but it can be even more severe because it can be coupled with a sense of betrayal. Furthermore, such owners are also stigmatized by others, such as animal shelters’ social media pages that can portray them to have no justified excuse whatsoever to surrender their animal. This type of loss often is faced in secrecy because the owner is afraid to admit the reason behind what happened, aware they may be shunned for the violation of a social norm.
Whatever the reason for the pet loss, it is loss. It hurts. And it can hurt just like any other loss. Grief is not only for the death or absence of people.
The following are ways to help cope with the loss.
1. Recognize your grief is valid.
As a grief therapist, I can assure you it is normal to be distraught after the loss of a pet. There have been moments when my clients have confessed that they feel more heartbroken over losing their pet versus significant people in their lives. Some express feeling embarrassed or ashamed, saying things like, “the truth is, I’m sadder about my dog dying than my grandfather, but I know I’m supposed to be sadder about my grandfather.” In response, I challenge them to consider that unlike their grandfather, they lived with their dog. Their dog was never callous toward them, never judgmental, only a loving friend. And thus, of course it makes sense they would feel more grief for their dog.
For some people, pet loss can be the most difficult loss they have ever experienced. It is important for us to normalize this type of grief.
2. Understand that grief presents differently for everyone
Grief will manifest itself differently depending on the individual. In a family who lost their pet, one person may be angry. Another could be crying nonstop. Still another may seem indifferent. One person may say “she was just a cat” and think about getting another cat right away, while someone else may exclaim, “she was more than ‘just’ a cat; she was my friend, and no, I don’t want another cat!”
All people will progress through their grief journeys at their own pace, facing difficult obstacles and emotions. It is also not a linear process; instead, grief can “go backward” or be experienced more like a web or set of highs and lows. These experiences are normal.
To be of support to someone grieving their pet, simply validate their emotions. Let them know it is okay to feel the way they do.
Remember, too, that other pets in the household can grieve. When Starla died, Luna wandered aimlessly around the home for days to look for her. She seemed to finally realize Starla was not coming home. Since then, I added other cats to the family. Luna tolerates them, but she has never shown the bond with them she had with Starla.
3. Join a support group
Some individuals do not want or need a support group. For those who would like to feel less alone or are having a hard time coping because they feel their loss is misunderstood, they can benefit from peer support. They can find solace in communicating with others who are going through the same thing. There are many support groups on social media platforms such as Facebook specifically for pet loss.
4. Talk with a therapist
Yes, it is okay (and encouraged!) to reach out to a therapist to help grieve the loss of a pet and to learn coping skills for effectively managing that loss. As a grief therapist myself who has had my many heavy cries for losing a beloved pet, I will never judge you for talking about this issue to me. And it’s not just me – there're many therapists out there who would love to work with you through this issue, offering compassion, empathy, and loving support. You are not “weird” for grieving.
5. Honor your pet through memorials and rituals
For some people, a healthy way to express their grief is to honor their pet through memorials and rituals. Some veterinarians will send a grieving owner a sympathy card along with mold of the animal’s paw print. Meanwhile, some owners may choose to keep their dog’s collar or their cat’s favorite toy. Other owners may find comfort in reading the poem called The Rainbow Bridge, which suggests pets go to a special place in heaven accessible by crossing a rainbow-colored bridge.
Some people may find comfort in burying their animal in their backyard, while others may choose to do so at a pet cemetery. Others may do neither, choosing to keep the cremains, and others may not want any objects to serve as reminders. Again, there is no right or wrong decision here – all that matters is what will help you.