Anxiety sucks. Sometimes it feels like our brains have been hijacked. We get caught on an endless hamster wheel of “what if’s”, self-doubt, and mind-reading that inevitably has us feeling worse. And no, I’m not going to tell you to just “stop worrying” because as a fellow anxious human I am well aware that if you could just stop- you would have by now. What I will say is we can make efforts every day to be more present, in the moment so that we lessen the amount of time we spend worrying and increase our enjoyment with what is going well in your life. Here are some of the top things that have helped my anxious clients, (and me), take back some control:

 

  1. Focus on right now.

    As anxious people, a lot of us tend to be “planners”. We “must” figure out every detail and spend a lot of time thinking about our futures. Goals are great and can be super motivating and helpful but when the future is uncertain we are likely just feeding that anxiety monster in our brain. When you start worrying about something you cannot fix, control or solve right now put it away until you can think about it without the charged emotions or you are in a better place to tackle that issue. Instead, of running on that hamster wheel take a mental break. Pause. Breathe and pay attention to what’s happening right now. Ground yourself by identifying 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell and name 1 thing you are grateful for. Even if something serious is happening, taking that 30 seconds to focus on the present will help you calm so you can manage the situation at hand.

  2. Gratitude Journaling.

    Seems silly but plenty of studies have shown that just by acknowledging specific things you are grateful for each day helps to rewire your brain to focus more on the positives than the negatives (as us anxious folx tend to do).  Be specific though and work it into your routine. I have found each morning when I wake up or at night before bed seems to be the best times. There are even now apps for your phone that will prompt you to put in your gratitude entry for the day, our favorites are: "Presently: A Gratitude Journal"  for Android  and "Grateful: A Gratitude Journal" for IOS. For tips on how to make the most out of your gratitude journaling check out this super helpful article.

  3. Be an observer and accept your anxiety without judgment. 

    This I will say can take some practice but it is worth the time put in. It’s helpful to remember that anxious thoughts are just that- thoughts. They are not facts. They do not indicate something will  happen, they are simply thoughts. It can be helpful to say to yourself “this is just my anxiety talking. I am okay” or “this feeling will pass”. Acknowledging our anxiety gives it less power, as we are not taking it as face value, just saying “hi I see you” and continuing on with our day. You have felt anxious before and though it does suck, you know it will pass. Trying to eliminate our anxiety sends the message that it is intolerable and only makes us to focus more of our attention on how we really dislike the feelings and sensations we are experiencing- serving to increase your panic.

  4. Focus on what is in your control. 

    There are a lot of things that stress us out that we have absolutely no control over. For example: the upcoming election, Covid-19, being laid-off, or having to do remote learning. Event's like these can be really tough for an anxious person because we feel we have no control. Focusing on what we can do helps us to not spiral, stay positive and have a healthier outlook on life. Here is an exerciseto help you look at whats in your control: Get a piece of paper and write at the top whatever your anxiety. Than make 2 columns: What can I control? What is out of my control? For visual learners this helps to be in the moment and truly rationalizing your anxious thoughts. Focusing on what we have control over makes us feel more in control. Which decreases our anxiety.

  5. Break down big goals into smaller steps.

    For you future planners out there- break down the big stuff into littler steps.When there are 20 items on your to do list it can seem really overwhelming. Break it down over the week to what you can do each day. When you have a big task with lots of steps, write down the smaller steps and give yourself due dates for those steps. When you have large future goals you have no idea how you are going to accomplish (i.e. graduating school, getting your dream job, buying a home) set small goals to help you get there and focus on the small goals for now. Such as, setting aside money each paycheck for a house, or searching for a better job with a pay increase so you can afford to buy a house.

As always, if you feel you need further assistance managing your anxiety, contact a local therapist or speak with your doctor. Anxiety can be a really challenging thing to manage and seeking help to learn the skills you need to cope can have a significant positive impact on your overall health, well-being and future.

Returning to school may be challenging for parents and children alike. The pandemic is still not over and many children, teens and parents have concerns about staying safe once school starts. Moreover, we are not sure what to expect as far as new rules in the school and changes to their normal school routines.   Though we cannot predict what will happen, it will be helpful to keep your child’s a home routine as normal as possible. Children may find it difficult to adjust back to their school routines after such a long break – parents may too. Here are some helpful tips to address their concerns and any possible behavioral issues:  

1. Be calm and comforting while communicating with your child.

It’s important to monitor your tone and facial expression. More than anything your child will be able to tell how your feel about these changes from these cues. If you seem worried it will only serve to heighten their anxiety. Make sure your facial expression and body positioning is relaxed; get down on your child’s level and offer comforting words.

2. Listen and Validate Feelings.

This change is going to cause a range of emotions for kids some may be excited, happy, sad, scared, angry, worried or frustrated. Whatever the emotion, let your child now you understand where they are coming from. Take into account what they may be feeling and try to see the situation from their point of view. “ I understand you are frustrated you cannot sit next to your friends at lunch that is hard and I know you have been excited to go back to school so you can spend more time with them.”   “I know understand you are worried about seeing your friends again when you have not seen them in so long. I know the first day will be hard but you are such a (funny/sweet/caring) boy/girl and I know you will reconnect with them again. Everyone has been away from their friends for a while and is probably feeling just like you.”

3. Set Limits and Boundaries.

Help your child to see the bigger picture and help them to find solutions to their concerns. Let them know that it’s okay to have big feelings but some behaviors are just not acceptable. Be sure to remain, calm, clear and assertive in limit setting.   “I know it is difficult to wake up so early again when you are so used to sleeping in late. We have to go back to school though. What can we do to make your morning routine easier for you?”   “I know you are used to staying on Xbox late but we have to get back into school routine. The Xbox needs to go off by 8 o ‘clock.”   “I see that you are upset but it is not okay to hit/bite/yell”  

What to Look Out For:

Covid-19 was a big adjustment for our kids and going back to school will be another big adjustment. Some children have a harder time expressing or stating their feelings and may display some of the following behaviors:     All of the above are normal reactions to stress. If your child is experiencing these symptoms it may be helpful to contact your school social worker, guidance counselor or find a local therapist to help them learn to cope with their stessors.   To get an idea of what changes may take place to your child’s school routine please check out CDC guidelines at the following link: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/community/schools-childcare/schools.html How to quell your child’s anxiety when we are still unsure when schools are opening?   With Covid-19 still very much a part of our daily lives and no real direction as to when things will go back to “normal” it can be challenging to ease your child’s anxiety about when school will start again. As a general rule these two things will help you- help them manage their anxiety and expectations.  
  1. Listen and Validate Feelings. I know this was discussed in a previous blog post (link post here) but it cannot be stressed enough. Whatever your child is feeling is totally valid. It’s scary to not know when things will open up again and life will go back to normal. Online learning has been challenging for many kids and it may very well continue to be challenging. Validating how they are feeling will go a long way in easing their anxiety even if you do not have any definite answers for them.
  2. ROUTINE! I cannot stress enough the importance of maintaining some kind of routine with kids during this crisis. Every day they should still wake up by a set time, eat: breakfast lunch dinner around the same time, do school work for a set period of time and schedule in some fun breaks. Breaks are important. In school kids have lunch, recess, music, art and gym class. It’s incorporated into their routine for a reason- kids need a mental break. Schedule set blocks of time for work and set blocks for break time- still structured and ideally not playing video games (as it’s often a struggle to get them to reengage after). Youtube and Pinterest have great ideas for craft projects for younger kids and art ideas for teens. I am a big fan of the “how to paint x” videos and origami instructional videos. Outside time to run and play is also a needed and welcomed activity especially for our kids who struggle with ADHD. Even a music break where you have a family dance party can help get some of their frustrated energy out. Heck you can even have them help make lunch or a fun snack (like ants on a log) for the kids who love to cook and bake. Creative outlets are so important for our youth.
  Sample Routine:   8am- wake up 8:30- eat breakfast 9-11- school work 11-12- creative break 12- lunch time 12:30-2:30- school work   If your child struggles with certain subjects- it may be good to pair an “easy” subject and a “hard” subject in each school block. This way if Sammy struggles with Math and Science we are not expecting her to do what’s most challenging for 2 hours straight.   If you as a parent do not have the luxury of getting to work form home during this crisis and feel like it is unrealistic to expect your childcare to get the bulk of this schoolwork done- I feel you! Create a schedule for when you get home. Have your child do easier work with their daytime caregiver and whatever may require a little more assistance from mom or dad they can do with you once you get home. It may be nice to do a rewarding activity once their done as a kind of “carrot” for them to get their work completed. Weather that be bedtime stories together, a movie, playing catch outside or earning a sticker on a chart to work towards a bigger thing (a toy they want a date night with mom or dad) for those parents who cannot feasibly accommodate an added activity each night.   As always, if you are having significant difficulties getting your child to complete work or feel that this is becoming a constant battle- seek additional help. A therapist, your school social worker or guidance counselor will be able to help you figure out what is not working and identify solutions to make your day with your child go a bit more smoothly. All these changes are really tough for us as adults to deal with- and it is just as hard for our kids. A little extra support may be all they need to get back on the right track.
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