Refocusing Your Intention and Resetting Your Goals
We’re about a month into the new year and this can be the time where commitment to our resolutions can start to become lackluster. Sometimes difficulties to maintaining our goals can lead to disappointment in ourselves and cause us to fall into this negative headspace where we wind up resenting our overall objective and decide it no longer matters. Where we get ourselves into trouble is when we pick ourselves apart for not being thin enough, productive enough, healthy enough, etc and we wind up setting these outrageous goals for ourselves that we don’t have the tools to reach and then get disheartened when we haven’t magically ridden ourselves of our love of ice cream on January 1st.
Growth is a wonderful thing- whether it be that we are going to start a new workout routine or that we are going to start carving out time for ourselves every day to enjoy and recharge. But setting a goal that truly means a lot to us as individuals is very different than setting one that we feel we need to attain to be valuable. If this is resonating with you, now may be a good time to refocus and reset your intention for your goals, both short and long term. Below are some questions to ask yourself as you check in regarding your current goal. Keep in mind that if you come across a question and think “Welp, didn’t do that. Better luck next year,” don’t worry! This is not a sign that your journey is doomed but rather an opportunity to possibly identify and overcome a barrier. We’ll say it a few times in this post but to start, remember you have permission to make changes along the way and any step you have taken to work towards something meaningful to you is something to be celebrated.
1: Is the goal vague or specific?
Having specifics can be helpful because we see the actual steps needed to achieve our goal. For example, if my goal is to be more patientI might not really understand what more patience would look like in different scenarios. So I could decide, for example, to be more patient with my family members when it comes to cleaning the house. Maybe that means meeting with my household and saying I’ll do my best to give my family members a full day before mentioning dirty dishes in the sink.
2: How are you measuring your success?
Is there a way that you will know you are achieving or working towards your goal? If my goal is to improve my organization skills I may measure my organization by my ability to identify what’s on the agenda for the day or maybe I will be able to accomplish my tasks for the day or week on time. By doing this I’ll have a clear marker to compare my progress to.
3: How attainable is your goal?
Whatever your goal is it may be helpful to check in to see if there are any pre-requisites to accomplishing your objective or if your goal seems so large that it is overwhelming, this may be a good time to break it up into smaller parts. For example, it will definitely be difficult to achieve my goal of walking 2 miles a day if I don’t have appropriate sneakers on day one.Furthermore, not being able to meet my first objective but trigger that disappointment we mentioned earlier and could direct me into a loop where I’m so busy focusing on my disappointment and allowing other things to get in the way, that I don’t actually start working towards my goal. Something that can be really empowering when we feel like our plan isn’t planning out the way we hoped is giving ourselves credit for what we have done to achieve this goal.Maybe I’ll celebrate when I prioritize going to get a pair of shoes and setting an alarm for the next morning to start my walking plan. It’s amazing how acknowledging a component of a larger objective can cause a surge of motivation to continue forward.
4: How relevant is your goal?
Goals are important. They encourage us to grow and prevent us from becoming complacent in things that are truly important to us. However sometimes we wind up setting a goal that does not exactly align with our intention. If it seems like what you’re working towards combats with your values and long-term aspirations, this may be a sign that the goal is not relevant to your overall purpose. If that’s the case it may be helpful to take a moment and examine what the cause of misalignment between the present goal and your mission is and perhaps, reassess and redefine your goal so they co-exist. This is not to say your goal should be attained without effort but rather your goal should reflect a true commitment what is important to us.
5: Is This Goal Time-Bound?
Deadlines can be helpful to keep us motivated and serve as a check in regarding our progress to keep us on track. For example, if I want to train for a marathon in a year, I’m more likely to meet this goal if I’m mindful of my deadline so I might come up with a monthly objective to increase my endurance and stamina. If I don’t hold myself accountable to a timeline I may be more likely to push off my workouts and my goal may slip further and further away from me. With this in mind, take a note of your goal and see if there is a realistic timeline to achieve your goal. As we said earlier, breaking a big goal into smaller parts can be very empowering. In this way setting deadlines for each smaller component can enhance our motivation even more by holding us accountable for checking in and keeping us invested consistently along the way.
6: Is There Anything That Could Get In The Way of Steps 1-5?
Life happens and sometimes we can’t anticipate what lies ahead. Our plans for achievement are not finite. We can be flexible in the steps we take to achieve success. So if there have been barriers or unforeseen disruptions in staying on track, give yourself permission to re-evaluate your plan to address these obstacles. Lastly, give yourself permission to adapt and, again, don’t forget to acknowledge the work you have already put in to grow.
Being a mom is hard, being a mom who strives to meet your child’s every need is taxing but well worth the effort. How do we balance meeting our children’s needs and taking care of ourselves? Being a good mom doesn’t mean neglecting yourself for the sake of your baby. What your child needs most is a happy mama who is able to be their calm and support. Self-care is really important for both you and your little one. What self-care looks like and what that means for each person is different. At Long Island EMDR we provide Postpartum Therapy for moms experiencing postpartum depression and/or anxiety. Here is a list of suggestions of what you can do for self-care so afterwards, you are more ready and able to meet the needs of your little one.
- Support.
Support is number one because it makes taking a needed break possible. Utilizing grandparents, your partner, other family members or close friends is important. If you have supports around you, ask for help. I know we want to do it all but sometimes even someone coming by for you to cook without the baby on you or take a shower alone will help you to feel relaxed. I struggled the first few months with leaving my son for any stretch of time but if you are comfortable, a walk outside in the park or dinner out with your partner is a good way to relax and center yourself. As I said earlier just having someone come over so you can enjoy little things like cooking, showering, or reading alone may be the bit of relaxation you need.
Understandably, this is not always possible if you have a limited support network. The phrase “it takes a village” really is true so it is important that you work on building your supports. Finding like-minded parents that you feel comfortable leaving your child/children with can be a great source of relief.
No matter whom you leave your child with make sure they know how you want your child taken care of when you’re away. Tell them your preferences for medications. Teach them your child’s hunger cues and ways you soothe your child when he/she becomes upset. Always leave an emergency contact list.
- Exercise.
If possible go to the gym when your spouse is still home (before work or after). If you’re like me and that’s not possible, join a gym where you can bring your baby. I go to Fit4mom, which has the added benefit of also being a second support network of like-minded moms (at least in my location).
- Take a relaxing bath.
If you can’t get anyone to supervise your little ones, bring them in with you. My child loves baths. So its usually relaxation time for us both.
- Read.
I really love reading and always feel accomplished after I finish a good book.
- Take a walk!
If it’s nice out put on that baby carrier and take your baby with you. Just being outdoors is relaxing. Michael and I go on walks often. He likes to look at nature and usually is lulled to sleep while we walk. Fresh air and a change of scenery can be nice, especially in the early months where you may feel like your stuck in the house.
- Meditate.
Whether you have 5 minutes or an hour, meditation is a great way to relax and center yourself. I love the app Insight Timer they have all sorts of meditations and they vary in time commitments. I also love the “sleep” feature so you can drift off to sleep and the app turns off when the meditation is finished.
- Color.
Seriously. I know it sounds childish to some but there are an array of adult coloring books that really are quite relaxing to do.
- Gratitude Journal.
Did you know studies actually show you can train your brain to be more positive by writing down 3 positive things a day? The list should be specific, not “my husband, my child, work”, but more like ” my child is healthy”, “I’m able to breastfeed”, ” my husband is supporting me in returning (or not returning) to work”. Postpartum therapy can assist you in identifying what is going right if you are feeling so anxious or hopeless you cannot think of a single thing to be grateful for.
- Call a friend.
If you can’t get out and you have no one able to come to you, a phone call can be a lifeline. Call someone who is supportive and willing to listen. Catching up with a friend or relative can really brighten your day.
- Listen to music.
Even if it’s music on while you have a spare minute to vacuum the floor. Crank up some old jams and dance around yourself. I love to sing, my dancing skills are not so great (but I will still dance like a fool), and I find singing really helps to release anxiety.
Take care of yourself. On an airplane they always tell you to put your mask on first. You need to be calm and happy to help your child be calm and happy. You’re also modeling good coping strategies for your child. They learn more from what you do, then what you say.
If you need some more help with navigating postpartum symptoms and want to begin postpartum therapy, please reach out to our office.
Sending love and light,
Memes can be spread so easily, and pack so much emotion and relatability into a concise visual package, which has led their popularity to skyrocket. As meme popularity increased, so did different types of memes. Now you can find a meme to coincidence with any life experience you can think of. For many young adults, memes serve as a way to express emotions and relate to one another. They also put a funny and relatable spin on difficult issues, and help people to not feel as alone with the issues they are going through.
Once such issue is depression. Although depressive symptoms can sometimes be viewed as a trendy, philosophical, existential view of the world, depression is actually serious mental health diagnosis that involves persistent sadness, lack of motivation, hopelessness, and inability to find joy in life. If you believe you may be depressed, please contact a healthcare professional and get the help you deserve.
If you have depression, you know that one of the challenges in feeling that you are alone, that no one has ever experienced the despair you have experienced, and you have little to hope that things will get better. The fact countless results come up when you google, “Depression Memes” demonstrates that there are people out there that DO understand, and are trying to use humor as a way to cope. Here you will find this therapist’s 5 favorite “Depression Memes” explained from a therapeutic standpoint:
Sadness triggered by an event or situation is natural. Those who haven’t experienced depression often equate it with feeling sad. This results in many people offering advice on how to deal with depression by comparing it to how they overcame sadness in their lives. However, depression is more than sadness, and has can oftentimes have no “cut and dry” cause. Oftentimes, when you are depressed, family and friends will remind you of everything you have in your life in an effort to make you feel better. This may in fact make you feel worse, because you tell yourself, “You have no right to feel this way. Other people have it worse.” However, depression is real, and you have every right to feel the way you feel.
2.
“Cheer up!” “Do something that you love to do!” “Try to make yourself feel better!” These are common, misguided attempts from others help people with depression. Again, this may help someone is experiencing sadness, but depression is often accompanied a loss of interest in activities that you once found pleasurable. So, when you are depressed, engaging in activities that you used to enjoy seems pointless and monotonous. If anything, doing things you once loved may deepen feelings of hopelessness when you realize, as the character above has, that nothing makes you happy anymore.
3.
“Binge watching” has become the norm with the advent of streaming platforms, and is easy to fall into the trap of doing so, especially in coping with depression. Episodes play automatically one after the other, and shows are available for seasons at a time. The lack of energy combined with the lack of motivation experienced by the depressed person can make watching episode after episode an effortless pastime, while remaining sedentary for long periods of time can actually lead you deeper into a downward spiral.
4.
In addition to experiencing apathy, lack of motivation, and hopelessness, depression can have negative consequences on an individual’s ability to socialize. Depression can impact on how a person functions in the world and how they relate to others. Normal, everyday interactions with people can feel like the equivalent of lifting a 50lb weight. Individuals with depression often feel like they are a burden, which can cause them to limit their social interactions, or avoid socializing all together. It can often be difficult to “keep up appearances” and match the seemingly effortless flow of conversation with others. This can be exhausting, as shown by the expression of Michael B. Jordan in the meme above.
5.
Depression is often accompanied by negative, pervasive thought patterns. Someone with depression could be trying their best to get through the day, when without warning, self-rejecting, self-loathing thoughts intrude their mind. These thoughts can be all-consuming and debilitating, and combined with the lack of motivation and energy, have the capacity to quickly derail any bit of initiative the depressed person is taking toward maintaining their daily functioning.
Depression memes provide comic relief for a serious, dark, and challenging mental health diagnosis. The first step of recovering from this diagnosis is identifying that you have it. Again, if you believe you may be depressed, please contact a healthcare professional and get the help you deserve. Depression memes can allow you to feel a sense of connection that there are other people out there that understand. And if enough people out there understand the problem, the more hope that can be fostered for a solution.
- Alexandria (Alex) Fairchild, LMSW
Returning to school may be challenging for parents and children alike. The pandemic is still not over and many children, teens and parents have concerns about staying safe once school starts. Moreover, we are not sure what to expect as far as new rules in the school and changes to their normal school routines. Though we cannot predict what will happen, it will be helpful to keep your child’s a home routine as normal as possible. Children may find it difficult to adjust back to their school routines after such a long break – parents may too. Here are some helpful tips to address their concerns and any possible behavioral issues:1. Be calm and comforting while communicating with your child.
It’s important to monitor your tone and facial expression. More than anything your child will be able to tell how your feel about these changes from these cues. If you seem worried it will only serve to heighten their anxiety. Make sure your facial expression and body positioning is relaxed; get down on your child’s level and offer comforting words.2. Listen and Validate Feelings.
This change is going to cause a range of emotions for kids some may be excited, happy, sad, scared, angry, worried or frustrated. Whatever the emotion, let your child now you understand where they are coming from. Take into account what they may be feeling and try to see the situation from their point of view. “ I understand you are frustrated you cannot sit next to your friends at lunch that is hard and I know you have been excited to go back to school so you can spend more time with them.” “I know understand you are worried about seeing your friends again when you have not seen them in so long. I know the first day will be hard but you are such a (funny/sweet/caring) boy/girl and I know you will reconnect with them again. Everyone has been away from their friends for a while and is probably feeling just like you.”3. Set Limits and Boundaries.
Help your child to see the bigger picture and help them to find solutions to their concerns. Let them know that it’s okay to have big feelings but some behaviors are just not acceptable. Be sure to remain, calm, clear and assertive in limit setting. “I know it is difficult to wake up so early again when you are so used to sleeping in late. We have to go back to school though. What can we do to make your morning routine easier for you?” “I know you are used to staying on Xbox late but we have to get back into school routine. The Xbox needs to go off by 8 o ‘clock.” “I see that you are upset but it is not okay to hit/bite/yell”What to Look Out For:
Covid-19 was a big adjustment for our kids and going back to school will be another big adjustment. Some children have a harder time expressing or stating their feelings and may display some of the following behaviors:- Changes in sleeping or eating habits, sleeping/eating less or more than their usual
- Isolating or withdrawing to their room
- Difficulty concentrating or “zoning out”
- Difficulty separating form their caregiver or becoming “clingy”
- Fidgeting and restlessness
- Irritability and moodiness
- School refusal
- Physical complaints such as stomach aches, headaches or feeling dizzy
- Looking for reassurance or asking a lot of questions