Self love is a concept that was first promoted by the Beat Generation of the 1950s, and again in the early 1960s during what was known as the “Hippie Era.” self love has gained popularity in recent years due to psychological research finding it an essential component for positive mental health and well-being. Even despite its rise in popularity, self love can be a challenging concept for many, often confused with being egotistical, self-indulgent, or too “touchy feely”. Despite the many misconceptions regarding self love that exist, the truth of the matter is that self love is a critical part of recovering from mental health challenges. Without self love, it will be extremely difficult to believe you are worth implementing the healthy strategies will allow you to feel better. Here are some simple techniques that can assist you on your journey toward unconditional self love.

1. Engage in Self-Reflection.

We often spend much time and energy moving from one distraction to the next. Taking time out of our busy schedules for self-reflection is an important part of learning to love yourself unconditionally. After all, how can you truly love what you don’t know? Self-reflection can be very simple-taking 5 minutes of your day to sit quietly and assess how you are feeling, journaling, meditating, sitting in nature, or deep breathing. Anything that can stop the noise of your mind and connect you to the present moment can be a great way to get in touch with your true self and bring you closer to loving yourself.

2. Be Kind to Yourself.

Be mindful of the way you treat yourself. “Bring the mind, and the body will follow.” This is a common saying that holds true on the journey toward self love. Often this means going outside of our comfort zone and making positive decisions for ourselves despite not feeling that we deserve it. Increase your healthy intake-be it people, conversation, self-talk, food, exercise, or rest. Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend or loved one; with kindness, compassion, and patience. Although this may feel unnatural, by treating yourself this way you are proving that you are worthy of love and respect, and doing so consistently will allow this belief to sink in.

3. Forgive Your Mistakes.

You are human and are bound to make mistakes. If there is a name for what you did, someone else has done it. Giving yourself permission to be human is one of the greatest gifts you can give. Forgiveness is not an easy journey, however letting go of the past allows you room to become the person you are truly meant to be. Someone who forgives and loves themselves is also less likely to hurt others in the future. One strategy is writing down a letter of apology to those you’ve harmed, including yourself. You can make amends to others when enough time has passed, and to do so will not cause additional harm. Most of all, let go and remind yourself that you are much more than a few bad decisions.

4. Maintain Healthy Relationships.

People are not born hating themselves. Oftentimes, a lack of self love comes from life experiences/relationships that cause you to internalize the belief that you are not good enough or defective in some way. Take note of the relationships in your life and how they make you feel. Everyone is accountable for their own happiness; however, some individuals (due to their own flaws) can trigger feelings of unworthiness in us. Work on setting healthy boundaries with these people, and focus the majority of your attention and energy on pursuing relationships that allow you to feel safe, happy, and cared for.

5. Accepting Yourself as you are Right Now.

Everyone is a work in progress. It is easy to fall into the trap of “I’ll love myself when…” and fill in the blank with whatever goal or next level we want to reach. There is always going to be room for improvement, so don’t waste time putting off loving yourself. After all, achieving your goals will be a lot easier with the help of self love. Stop comparing yourself to others, or telling yourself you “should” be a certain way. You are exactly who you are meant to be at this moment. Embrace the journey.

-Alexandria Baxter, LMSW

Many of my clients have difficulty living the life they want and need to feel truly happy. They struggle with expectations placed on them by others, feelings of guilt if they put themselves first and most days feel like they cannot catch their breathe. Trauma therapy can help you to end old patterns and put yourself first. Self-care isn't selfish- I know it's a clique but it is true. You need to take care of you to be your best self for your family, friends and career. If this is speaking to you, strap in- I have some Pro-tips for you.

1. Evaluate Your Values

What is most important to you? List 3 things. Could be family, honesty, integrity, compassion, trust etc. Then you need to start seeing if your actions actually align with your values. Those that do keep at them- those that don't make an effort to change them. For example, if you choose "family, compassion and health" and you are offered an additional work shift. Is taking this shift detracting from your family time? Do you need a mental health break or day off to take care of you? If so say no. If it's to help a colleague who is going through a rough time and you feel you have enough time on another day to take care of you and spend time with family and you want to honor that "compassion" value you can also say yes. Seeing how our actions are in align with our values helps us to begin living a life that makes us happy- not a life that is spent trying to appease or please others.

2. Set Some Boundaries

In set with setting those values is setting up some boundaries with those around us. When we have no boundaries- meaning we having difficulty saying no or often do things out of pleasing others even if it's not what we want- we continue to feel exhausted, unhappy and overwhelmed. Boundaries despite what childhood may have taught you are actually healthy. Saying "No I'm sorry I can't go out tonight", "No I won't be able to take on that extra project with my current workload as it stands",or "I would appreciate if you refrained from "xyz" in front of my children" is the first step to reducing our triggers, reducing your stress load and giving yourself the time to focus on you and do what makes YOU happy.

3. Let Go of the Guilt

Often times my clients struggle with boundaries because of the guilt they feel in saying no to others. They feel responsible to take on the problems of those around them. They are accustom to the role of "fixer". Those around them, often family members but sometimes even colleagues or bosses sometimes push back on boundaries set and plead or ridicule them if they don't get what they want. I'm not going to say setting boundaries is an easy task when you are accustom to saying "yes" to everything because your role has always been to put others before you. But I will say the more you stick to your boundaries, the less others push back over time. It helps to see if keeping those boundaries is in alignment with your values or the type of person you are aspiring to be. Simple answer my look like "yes, I value helping others". With a closer look though it's easy to see it is hard to be our best self for others when you are running on empty. As I often tell my trauma therapy clients, and as they say on the air plane "put your mask on first" before you help those around you. It also helps to make a list of the short term positive gain of letting others violate your boundary and the long term consequences. For example, lets say you have difficulty saying no at work and are constantly taking on additional tasks asked of you.

After making this list you may decide to have a conversation with your boss and say "I would love to be able to help with that project but I already have 3 other projects I am currently working on. I will need to finish those first before I can take on any more. It's important to me that the quality of my work meets the standard and I am afraid I won't be able to complete all projects to our client's expectations." Starting an honest dialogue can help you feel more in control and will likely make you a better employee. Same with friends and family, when you are happier and more relaxed you can be your best self for your spouse, children, parents and friends. If this seems daunting, trauma therapy can surely help you work through your fears and doubts.

Need Help?

If this sounds daunting, you may need some extra support in navigating beginning to set boundaries and taking back control of your life. This is really common with clients who have trauma, are children of alcoholics, were parentified children (children that functioned more as parents), and those with low self-esteem and attachment difficulties (as they often fear boundaries will push others away). Trauma therapy can help! Just like my clients you can take back your life, begin to feel in control, less overwhelmed, more peaceful and joyful. You deserve happiness too. If you need the extra support in getting there give our office a call. We would love to help you on that journey.

Sending love & light,

Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW

Now more than ever, tension between those with differing political opinions is at an all time high. Challenges with the economy, a global pandemic, racial inequality, gun violence, and more-all of these issues have many looking toward a greater entity like our government help find a solution. Frustration, hopelessness, despair, and fear are prevalent, which has contributed to the intensity of the current political discord. What do you do when some of the strongest differences of beliefs and opinions are with your family and friends? Here are some strategies on how to handle political disagreements with the ones we love while respecting and preserving your mental health.

1. Avoid the topic all together.

There is no shame in knowing your triggers and doing your best to avoid them. Oftentimes, it is necessary to separate yourself until you are able to learn and incorporate the coping skills to manage your emotions when confronted with these troubling situations. This may not be a permanent solution; however, it can be a very valuable gift of self-compassion to know your emotional limitations. For some individuals you come across, it may never be a good idea to engage with them on this topic. Be brave enough to take a step back and avoid putting yourself in the line of fire to be hurt emotionally.  

2. Be open-minded

Some of you may scoff at this suggestion, stating to yourself, “ME be open minded? THEY need to be open minded!” This is where the expression, “Be the change you wish to see in the world” comes into play. Try to understand why the person thinks the way they do before dismissing their believes as outlandish or illogical. Suspend your judgements, and instead embody an attitude of curiosity and understanding. This will decrease defensiveness in the conversation and increase the likelihood that the other person will listen to what you have to say.

3. Remain calm.

As stated earlier, there are a number important issues at stake in the political sphere, which in turn can result in individuals being very passionate about their beliefs. This passion can easily turn to anger when not harnessed properly, or you come across someone with beliefs that you think are “part of the problem.” Anger clouds rational thought, and no productive discussion will occur when anger arises. Take deep breathes in and out through the nose. Do your best to keep your voice volume low and free of anger or sarcasm. Maintain non-confrontational body language through relaxed gestures, posture, and body movement. Even if the other person begins to escalate, if you remain calm it will most likely prevent the conversation from turning into an argument. Remind yourself, “This discussion is not worth my peace of mind.” 

4. Find Common Ground.

It is easy to focus on all of the ways that we are different from one another. In a political climate that pins one group against another, it can be challenging to avoid getting caught up in that line of thinking for ourselves. However, as a clinician who has extensive experience studying human behavior, one fact I know to be true is this: We are a lot more alike than we are different. Although the path to getting there may differ, most people are striving for happiness, safety, and connection. It may be helpful to try and find an issue you both can agree on in order to foster a mentality of togetherness rather than division. Look for even the smallest of opportunities to point out beliefs/values/desires that are similar. Doing so can be helpful in fostering the dynamic and of understanding, which will lead to a much more productive conversation.

5. Know when to walk away.

Learning how to handle political disagreements with the ones we love, involves learning when to walk away. Oftentimes, political conversations have a tendency of continuing in circles until one person gives up, stating, “Let’s just agree to disagree.” Although this statement may seem harmless, it can leave both parties feeling unheard and as if the conversation was a waste of time. Instead, try to end the conversation before it gets either too repetitive, argumentative, emotional, or unproductive. End the conversation by stating something like, “I appreciate the information you’ve given me. It has given me a lot to think about. Let’s revisit this at another time.” This ends the conversation respectfully, as well as validating the other person’s time and energy put forth into speaking with you.  

I hope you find these strategies helpful in maintaining peace of mind amongst what can be a triggering topic. Always remember to prioritize your mental health, reach out for support, and practice self-care before and after each interaction. You’ve got this!

By Alexandria Baxter, LMSW

Let’s be honest… the majority of people use social media every day. Social media is great in so many ways- it allows us to stay in touch with friends and family all across the world, helps us spread awareness about causes we care about and share meaningful events in our lives. As with everything some aspects of social media are not as great as others. As social media platforms advance and offer new ways to connect with other people, it also offers new ways to get access to more content faster which may cause us to spend more time scrolling through posts than we would like to admit. 

Here are some tips on how to build a healthier relationship with social media

1. Notice the Types of Content You Are Viewing

Each social media platform allows us to follow specific types of accounts with certain types of content. Take an inventory of the posts you’re seeing and notice what the overall message is. Notice how you feel about yourself after viewing your feed and identify what type of content could be causing you to feel negatively about yourself. 

2. Unfollow Accounts That Make You Feel Bad About Yourself

If you take an objective look at the types of accounts you follow and realize the majority of content features people who have body types that make you see yourself in a negative light, it is time to unfollow the account. We can unknowingly follow multiple accounts featuring people with idealized body types or lifestyles that can flood us with indirect messages saying that we aren’t enough. This can make us feel like we have to overcompensate to feel valid on the same platform that is making us feel “less-than” so we post content that we don’t always connect with to feel like we fit in. If you notice accounts you are following are causing this negative reaction within yourself, this can be an opportunity to follow content that sends positive affirmations so social media can truly be a fun pastime as intended. 

3. Pay Attention to How Many Hours/Day You Are On Your Phone

It’s unlikely that we keep a timer on while we’re doing a quick scroll through social media while we wait for a meeting to start or while we’re hanging out on the couch. We don’t realize that a quick 10 minutes here and there can actually add up to a few hours of our day. There are applications and settings on our smartphones that can help us keep track of our screen time. By genuinely tracking our screen time we can realize how much time per day we are actually disconnected from our present environment. 

4. Be Kind to Yourself

We can have a lot of judgments towards ourselves about our social media intake. Self-judgment is unhelpful because it further validates negative feelings we have about ourselves. This is why our final recommendation to build a healthier relationship with social media is to be kind to yourself if you choose to examine your current social media habits. Sometimes things get away from us other times we don’t realize the impact something has on us until we’re invited to take a look. Whatever your process is, be kind to yourself and remember that we can only do the best we can with the information available to us at the time. 

We all deserve to feel good about ourselves and we are all worthy of receiving content that will encourage us to think realistically and highly of ourselves. If you struggle with a negative self-image, please give our office a call so we can create a space to recognize your strengths together. 

-Marissa Ahern, LMSW

People reach out for therapy for numerous reasons and seek out many modalities to assist them in meeting their particular goals. When someone is interested in exploring family dynamics with other people in their lives, they can embark on this journey in two ways. One option is to begin with an individual therapist and inviting members of their family into sessions so the counselor can help facilitate exploration of the family dynamic and how it has impacted the individual client. Another way to address family conflict resolution style is to reach out as a family to engage in family therapy. While these two options may sound very similar, they are quite different since the therapist’s relationship to the people in the room vary depending on the type of session. In this post, we will explore what to expect when a family reaches out to begin family therapy. 

Starting Family Therapy

When a family reaches out to begin counseling it is important that each member of the family feels safe and comfortable to fully engage in the process without fear of judgment or fear of being attacked. In this way, the role of the family therapist is to focus on fostering the relationship between members of the family in the same way an individual therapist would focus on supporting an individual client. In practice, this means a family therapist is not united with or against any member of the family but rather functions to strengthen the connection between members of the group.

By remaining a neutral party, your family therapist can help you and your family express thoughts and feelings in a productive manner, explore themes within your family’s dynamic, analyze patterns of behavior and improve conflict resolution skills to bring you closer to one another. If these are goals you and your family would like to work on, please call our office to schedule a meeting with a family therapist today. 

-Marissa Ahern, LMSW

Sometimes we convince ourselves that taking time to recharge is a luxury we can’t afford. However that is not true. Whether we can proactively allot an hour a day for ourselves or we have an unplanned ten minute gap between two meetings, we have time to take for ourselves. In this article we will take a look at how to prioritize self care.

Regardless of which group you belong to, you can use your time to reconnect with old friends, take some time outside or anything that will leave you feeling more centered. An important thing to keep in mind when it comes to using our downtime wisely is to make sure that whatever we are doing during our break increases our sense of wellbeing. With all the social media platforms, we may automatically go to our newsfeed and mindlessly scroll during unplanned free time. However, we may notice that after we’ve gotten lost in social media posts we don’t feel any more rejuvenated than when we started. This tells us that we didn’t use our time as wisely as we would have liked. 

A lot of times we believe we are important if we are busy, especially important if we are unbelievably busy. We forget to remind ourselves that busyness often leads to stress and dissatisfaction with our lives. This is why we value time off from work and vacation so highly because those are times when we are either not busy or significantly less busy. It is time we can take to slow down and reset.

It can be helpful to sit down and make a list of things we want to have more of in our lives so when we get a block of free time, no matter how long it is or if it is planned or unplanned, we have an idea of how to feel more recharged after that time rather than getting lost in a social media newsfeed. So my challenge for you is to sit down at some point in the next week and make a list of things that bring you joy and have it saved in your phone or keep a copy in your wallet so next time you get a surprise 10 minute break, you can use it wisely. 

If you are unsure of how to start, here are a few ideas to get your self-care going:

1. Make a list of old friends or family you have fallen out of touch with. Next time you have a few minutes, send them a text or give them a call to set up a time to have dinner or meet for coffee to catch up.

2. If you enjoy getting some sun, maybe take a walk around the block or sit outside for a few minutes.

3. Make a Spotify playlist of songs that remind you of good times in your life. 

4. Keep options of your favorite drink nearby & make yourself a cup of your favorite tea or coffee next time you have a few minutes. 

5. Get yourself a gift card to a nearby bakery or shop that has snacks you enjoy. 

6. Breathe. Sometimes simply doing nothing can be the most rewarding thing. Close your eyes and take 5 deep breaths while thinking of nothing but the feeling of inhaling & exhaling. Try to count one breath at a time from 1-5, anytime your mind wanders, start over again at 1 until you can reach 5 without wandering off, (Even if you have to restart 5 times, this will likely take you less than a minute). 

You Deserve to be a Priority

No one wins the game where the busiest, most stressed person gets a medal. Life is not one great big emergency, chronically not taking care of yourself is. Self-care is not selfish. If you find yourself struggling with separation busyness from importance, remind yourself that you are important regardless and can prove it to yourself by prioritizing time for you to recharge & reset so you can conquer what lies ahead of you. If you feel you need additional support in reducing your stress and figuring out your life goals, give our office a call.

We all give and receive love differently. This makes connecting with a partner, friend or family member with a different love language challenging if we do not realize what our different love languages are. In 1992, Gary Chapman wrote The Five Love Languages: How To Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate,  where he outlines each form that we can give or receive love and affection from meaningful people in our lives. You can have more than one love language and most likely identify with each, however we all express love primarily through one of the five languages of love below. By understanding our love language and that of those around us, we can begin to develop a map of how to enhance or maintain our connection to important people in our lives. 

1. Quality Time.

People with this love language give and show love by simply spending time around people they care about. The activity is not necessarily important as long as it has meaning and they receive their loved one’s undivided attention. 

2. Words of Affirmation.

People who resonate with words of affirmation display and receive love through words and verbal validation. Anything from notes, loving texts or verbal appreciation during a conversation mean the most to individuals who value words of affirmation. 

3. Acts of Service.

Others understand love as actions for those they care about. This can be anything from helping with chores to preparing a meal. The love is in the act of doing for someone else. 

4. Physical Touch.

Physical touch can be anything related to physical intimacy. Those who express love through physical touch want to be physically close to the ones they love and be affectionate physically. 

5. Gifts.

Finally, others express love through gift giving or gift receiving. For individuals with this love language, gifts are tokens that they are present in their loved one’s hearts and minds. 

What Does It Mean?

Not all people who are close have the same love language. It is possible for individuals in a relationship to express and receive love differently than their partners which is why it is imperative to acknowledge and participate in each partner’s love language so each person’s needs are acknowledged and validated in order to sustain a lasting relationship. This is part of the natural give and take of every healthy, meaningful relationship. It takes time and attention to become aware of our love language and that of those in our lives to enhance and maintain our connection to our loved ones. If you feel you are struggling with feeling connected to those in your life, please call our office so we can explore ways for you to navigate the path of felt connection.

By Marissa Ahern, LMSW 

A traumatic event is an occurrence that overwhelms our stress response system. When we endure trauma from someone close to us we can develop a trauma bond, especially when we experience trauma repeatedly by an attachment figure. A trauma bond occurs when the abused develops sympathy or affection towards their abuser. This can happen over any time period and rarely, if ever, develops into a healthy relationship. A trauma bond can cause the abused to experience guilt, confusion and self-judgment when analyzing their feelings towards their abuser, however this type of bond, while unhealthy, can originate from a protective place in the abused person.

How Trauma Bonding Occurs from Our Fight, Flight Or Freeze Response

Our brains have a survival response system, often referred to as the “Fight, Flight or Freeze” response. The body can activate this response system if our brains detect danger and turn on different pathways to get us out of the dangerous situation safely. This is the same response system that is responsible for the increase in adrenaline we experience after we hear an unexpected loud noise or are startled. It is our “Fight, Flight or Freeze” response system has allowed our species to survive for as long as we have and it is this system that becomes activated when we experience trauma. 

Survivors who endure abuse from their loved ones, especially their parents as children or their partners as adults, go through an extremely complicated process to try to make sense of their relationship with the abuser. In an effort to allow the survivor to be able to function with their abuser the brain may turn on protective defense mechanisms in the form of dissociation, forgetting or minimizing abuse or even to take responsibility if the abuse with an attachment figure. For example, it would be extremely difficult for a child to function with the knowledge that they have to rely on the same person who is mistreating them so the brain may “try to make sense” of the abuse by using one of the above tactics to allow the child to still function with their abuser day to day. This is not the say that abuse is therefore alright. It is not and no one deserves to be mistreated or abused. 

What This Does Not Say About The Survivor

1. That the abuse did not happen.
2. That they want the abuse to happen.
3. That they deserve abuse.
4. That there is something “wrong” with them.

What This Means

Forming a trauma bond with an abuser does not mean there is something wrong with the survivor but rather speaks to the survivor’s ability to survive in a dangerous, unpredictable environment. No one deserves to be in a dangerous, unstable relationship or environment. If you feel you may have this type of attachment to a person who has made you feel unsafe, please call our office to work through your emotions related to trauma bonding to enhance self-compassion and secure safety for current and future relationships. 

By Marissa Ahern, LMSW

Adult-ing can be really hard. One thing that makes it easier is having a healthy social circle of people you can rely on in times of stress. As discussed in last week's post, socialization is one major player in the vast array of things effecting our overall mental health. However, I often hear from clients how difficult it is to expand their social circle and increase their supports. After college or high school we kind of run out of the large pool of prospective individuals that we can potentially make into long lasting friendships. After school, we move away, have difficult schedules that don’t seem to match up or just end up with very different life stages or interests. So where do we go from here? Here are some ideas for working on strengthening and expanding your social-circle:

1. Reach out to a Colleague at Work

Once school is over, work becomes the new place to meet people, who you are around often, and build new relationships that can turn into supportive and beneficial friendships. You can start by having lunch with your colleagues, discussing similar challenges or experiences you share at work and similar interests that brought you both to that field. Once you are work buddies you can move to inviting them out for dinner or a community trip (wine tasting, movie night, hiking or beach day). Like all things if you nurture the relationship it should grow and blossom. 

2. Volunteer

Volunteering is a great option for stay-at-home parents, who don’t have the option of meeting people at work. Or the busy-bodies who just love to fill their “free-time” with something to do. Often volunteers come to the same place again and again on the same days so you can see the same people and begin to develop rapport with them. Volunteering also just is a nice way to give back and often makes us feel good about ourselves for being a part of “something bigger” or for helping someone else in need. 

3. Coffee Time with a Friend

Coffee dates are a great way to reconnect with an old friend after work, on the weekend or anytime you have an hour or so free. They can also be a really inexpensive way to just get out of your house and feel connected to another human. If you don’t like coffee, lunch or tea is always a good option. 

4. Call a Loved One Regularly

Time easily can escape us. Setting up a set time to check in with mom, dad, an aunt or a sibling weekly or biweekly can help us to remember to connect with those we love. The consistency in communication will serve to strengthen your relationship and make you feel more comfortable discussing concerns with them should you need support in the future. 

5. Plan an Outing Once a Month

In Covid times I know this can be difficult. So maybe for now it’s a virtual game night if your not comfortable with groups just yet. Outdoors is also a great option, such as an organized hike. There are truly so many beautiful places on Long island to visit my favorites include: Elizabeth Morton Sanctuary, Nissequogue State Park, Montauk Point, Jones Beach (really any beach I’m happy) and Blydenburgh County Park. You can also visit the vineyard, go apple picking (or really any seasonal picking) or go to a drive-in movie. An added bonus is that planning an event gives you something to look forward to, which is always a great mood booster. 

6. Call or Email an Old Friend

Reconnecting with an old friend that you lost touch with can be a good mood booster and possibly open up an avenue to rekindling that friendship. Sometimes we just fall out of touch and a phone call or email can go a long way to bringing back the closeness you once had. 

7. Get a Work-Out Buddy

This helps you two-fold: 1) it is a designated time to spend with a friend, family member or partner which is sure to build your relationship and 2) it makes it more likely that you will exercise consistently which is proven to boost mood and help regulate stress. 

8. Schedule a Weekly Dinner Date

I tell all my adult how have partners, especially married with kids, to schedule in date night. It’s so essential to get that alone time. I do understand weekly may not be in everyone babysitting budget but even biweekly or once a month can go a long way to improving your relationship with your partner. If you are not dating or married a girls night or out night weekly with friends is always a great stress-reliever as well.

9. Join a Gym Class or a Club

Seems silly but if you commit to something weekly like a class or a club, you will see the same people there every week! Even better, they are likely to have similar interests. It’s a good practice of self-care and a good way to expand your social circle.

10. Ask a Friend Over for Dinner

Now this can be an old friend, a colleague you are getting closer with, you can do a double date night with your partners. Whatever works for you. For the parents out there, asking one of your child’s close friend’s parents over for dinner (and a play date) is a great way to again expand that social circle.

What to do When you are too Stressed to Even Begin?

So I know that making friend’s is not as easy as checking off some of those to-do items listed above for everyone. Some people may have social anxiety or low self-esteem or really nagging self-talk that can make them feel really stuck when starting this process. If that sounds like you, please reach out to our office. We would love to help you work through those stressors, anxieties and negative thoughts so you can start building the life you really want. 

Stay Shining,

Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW

It’s a known fact that our species are social beings. We evolved by living in communities relying on one-another to help us meet our daily needs like: food, child-care, shelter, safety, and of course emotional well being. Nowadays though, that sense of community seems to have dissipated in our individualistic society. Life get’s busy, we have to work, we have to pay our bills and socialization has become more of a luxury than a daily given. But it truly is essential for our emotional and mental well being to have a supportive network of friends and family to help us through tough times.

Socialization & Brain Chemistry

One of the most calming experiences can be to spend time with people who make you feel loved and understood. Face-to face interaction can counter act our body’s “fight or flight” response by releasing a slew of hormones that elevate our mood. When we socialize with those we love our brain releases “oxytocin” which is a lovely little chemical that boosts mood. Oxytocin is produced by a part of the brain which is instrumental in regulating many of the most basic and necessary physical rhythms of the body: sleep, hunger, thirst, and emotional reaction. Oxytocin has also been shown to be the driving factor in the triggering of another fabulous chemical “Dopamine”. Dopamine release signals feelings of pleasure and supports behaviors we need to survive- such as eating, drinking and procreating.

Socialization & Reduction of Dementia Risks

Building social networks and participating in social activities are like exercises for your brain because they keep your mind agile and improve cognitive function. In a California study published by the American Journal of Public Health, researchers reported that older women who managed large social networks reduced their risk of dementia by 26%. Furthermore, women who had daily contact with their individuals in their social circle cut their risk of dementia by almost half!

Socialization Effects on Depression & Anxiety

Close supportive relationships with friends, family and colleagues act as a buffer to hashes of the real world. They improve our feelings of self-worth, lower our symptoms of depression and anxiety and help us to feel accepted. When you have loved ones to lean on in times of stress and to fill your life with fulfilling activities, you are less likely to struggle with anxiety and depression related symptoms. 

Socialization & Stress

Socializing is just a good way in general to take your mind off the stressors of life. Participating in social activities alleviates pressure, gives us something to look forward to on the hard days and take our mind off of stressors easier than when we do activities alone. 

In Summation

Socialization is a basic NEED. We all need to feel loved and accepted by others. It fuels our brain chemistry; affecting our mood, diet, thought patterns and self-esteem. If you or a loved one need help in becoming more social due to struggling with mental health symptoms, we would be glad to help you get there. Contact our office to see how we can assist you in moving towards the life you want and deserve. 

Stay Shining,

Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW