Many of my clients have difficulty living the life they want and need to feel truly happy. They struggle with expectations placed on them by others, feelings of guilt if they put themselves first and most days feel like they cannot catch their breathe. Trauma therapy can help you to end old patterns and put yourself first. Self-care isn't selfish- I know it's a clique but it is true. You need to take care of you to be your best self for your family, friends and career. If this is speaking to you, strap in- I have some Pro-tips for you.

1. Evaluate Your Values

What is most important to you? List 3 things. Could be family, honesty, integrity, compassion, trust etc. Then you need to start seeing if your actions actually align with your values. Those that do keep at them- those that don't make an effort to change them. For example, if you choose "family, compassion and health" and you are offered an additional work shift. Is taking this shift detracting from your family time? Do you need a mental health break or day off to take care of you? If so say no. If it's to help a colleague who is going through a rough time and you feel you have enough time on another day to take care of you and spend time with family and you want to honor that "compassion" value you can also say yes. Seeing how our actions are in align with our values helps us to begin living a life that makes us happy- not a life that is spent trying to appease or please others.

2. Set Some Boundaries

In set with setting those values is setting up some boundaries with those around us. When we have no boundaries- meaning we having difficulty saying no or often do things out of pleasing others even if it's not what we want- we continue to feel exhausted, unhappy and overwhelmed. Boundaries despite what childhood may have taught you are actually healthy. Saying "No I'm sorry I can't go out tonight", "No I won't be able to take on that extra project with my current workload as it stands",or "I would appreciate if you refrained from "xyz" in front of my children" is the first step to reducing our triggers, reducing your stress load and giving yourself the time to focus on you and do what makes YOU happy.

3. Let Go of the Guilt

Often times my clients struggle with boundaries because of the guilt they feel in saying no to others. They feel responsible to take on the problems of those around them. They are accustom to the role of "fixer". Those around them, often family members but sometimes even colleagues or bosses sometimes push back on boundaries set and plead or ridicule them if they don't get what they want. I'm not going to say setting boundaries is an easy task when you are accustom to saying "yes" to everything because your role has always been to put others before you. But I will say the more you stick to your boundaries, the less others push back over time. It helps to see if keeping those boundaries is in alignment with your values or the type of person you are aspiring to be. Simple answer my look like "yes, I value helping others". With a closer look though it's easy to see it is hard to be our best self for others when you are running on empty. As I often tell my trauma therapy clients, and as they say on the air plane "put your mask on first" before you help those around you. It also helps to make a list of the short term positive gain of letting others violate your boundary and the long term consequences. For example, lets say you have difficulty saying no at work and are constantly taking on additional tasks asked of you.

After making this list you may decide to have a conversation with your boss and say "I would love to be able to help with that project but I already have 3 other projects I am currently working on. I will need to finish those first before I can take on any more. It's important to me that the quality of my work meets the standard and I am afraid I won't be able to complete all projects to our client's expectations." Starting an honest dialogue can help you feel more in control and will likely make you a better employee. Same with friends and family, when you are happier and more relaxed you can be your best self for your spouse, children, parents and friends. If this seems daunting, trauma therapy can surely help you work through your fears and doubts.

Need Help?

If this sounds daunting, you may need some extra support in navigating beginning to set boundaries and taking back control of your life. This is really common with clients who have trauma, are children of alcoholics, were parentified children (children that functioned more as parents), and those with low self-esteem and attachment difficulties (as they often fear boundaries will push others away). Trauma therapy can help! Just like my clients you can take back your life, begin to feel in control, less overwhelmed, more peaceful and joyful. You deserve happiness too. If you need the extra support in getting there give our office a call. We would love to help you on that journey.

Sending love & light,

Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW

Having an Emotional Support Animal (ESA) has grown in popularity over the past 10 years, however animal assisted therapy is not a new concept. The Greeks were the first to notice that horses could lift the spirits of sick patients as far back as 600 BC. Animal assisted therapy was again present during the 1600s, when horses were utilized to help improve the health of their patients physically and mentally. During the 1800s, Florence Nightingale noted the reduction of anxiety in her psychiatric patients when they spent time with animals. 

You may ask yourself this question, “Isn’t just having a pet enough?” Having a pet has been proven to have innumerable mental health benefits, for example:

• Lowered stress levels due linked to lowering blood pressure and heart rate
• Helping cope with depression due to the elevation of mood, encouragement of physical activity, and healthy distraction from negative thoughts
• Reduction in feelings of isolation and loneliness
• Improved sense of well-being
• Improved sense of control over one’s life due to the consistency and routine of caring for a pet 

So, with all of these benefits, you may question the need for an emotional support animal. Here are some notable differences between having a pet and having an emotional support animal:

1. An emotional support animal is prescribed for a specific mental health diagnosis, such as anxiety, depression, panic attacks, PTSD, and Autism Spectrum Disorder. Without one of these qualifying diagnoses, it is unlikely that your pet will be approved as an emotional support animal.
2. Emotional Support Animals will spend more time with you, both inside and outside of the home. They often accompany individuals to work, school, traveling, and other situations that may trigger mental health symptoms to arise.
3. Emotional Support Animals are allowed to stay in rental properties where pet restrictions are in place. The Housing Amendments Act states that landlords must make reasonable accommodations for tenants to live with their emotional support animals.
4. Emotional Support Animals have more access to public spaces. Although it is up to each public space to make their own judgement about whether or not an emotional support animal can enter their domain, individuals are much more likely to be accommodating for an Emotional Support Animal. 
5. And finally, Emotional Support Animals can travel with you via airplanes as a result of the Air Carrier Access Act, which means you do not have to spend your vacation apart from one another.

Next steps

If you believe an ESA will aid your mental health, the next steps are to talk to a licensed mental health provider to gain the proper diagnosis and documentation in order to do so. Your existing pet can become an Emotional Support Animal, or you can obtain a new animal solely for this purpose. Certain breeds offer more benefits than others, however there are no restrictions on what qualifies as an ESA. As with any healthy coping skill, you will gain the most benefits for your mental health from having an Emotional Support Animal in conjunction with mental health treatment/therapy, so keep this in mind when making your decision. 

By Alexandria Baxter, LMSW

It’s okay to be! Feeling emotions can be difficult at first especially if you're used to pushing everything down. Everyone has a unique life, and our mental health plays a big role in how our “unique life” comes to be. Struggling with mental health is completely normal! It is just as normal as not struggling with mental health. Oftentimes, people associate the term “mental health” with derogatory words, stigma, as well as prejudice. Here at Long Island EMDR it is our mission to separate ourselves from what may be so heavily broadcasted. 

Throughout the past couple of years, the term “mental health” has been in the spotlight due to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic and its numerous effects on people’s mental well-being. However, much more is needed than an ongoing movement. In order for the movement to be effective, people must become comfortable with feeling! There are several organizations that have been created in order to support mental health treatment, advocacy, as well as research. Some of the organizations are:

1. American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
2. Strong Minds- Mental Health Africa
3. The Trevor Project
4. Born this Way Foundation
5. National Alliance on Mental Illness

But what about you?

Are you ready to start feeling? If the answer is yes, then let's begin meet with a Suffolk County therapist! If the answer is no, that is completely okay and you are on the right path towards doing so! Here are some steps that will help you start the journey towards an improved mental state of mind:

1. Identify: What exactly are you uncomfortable with feeling? Do you think it’s generalized or do you think that it’s situational? Asking yourself some questions about what you are feeling, experiencing, thinking is a great way to put a label to some of the emotions that are running through your head. But, once you identify the emotion, what do you do with it?
2. Self-compassion- The term compassion is defined as, “sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.” If we are able to have this sense of compassion towards others, why can’t we treat ourselves the same? Because it’s hard to!! Being nice to ourselves is more than just giving ourselves a pat on the back, acknowledge the pain or even acknowledge the happiness.
3. Self-awareness- Having a good sense of self-awareness can continue to help you practice self-compassion, mindfulness, coping skills, etc. You can practice self-awareness through journaling, meditating, breathing exercises, anything that allows you to focus on yourself.
4. Talk- Sometimes being alone with your own thoughts, feelings, and/or emotions can be overwhelming and intimidating. Which is normal, and why talking to others is so heavily encouraged. Being able to talk with a friend or family member may seem awkward or uncomfortable, but you may be opening a door that needs to be opened. Talking with a therapist is another great way to explore your mental health. 

Now ask yourself again, are you a stranger to learning more about your own mental health and are you ready to explore? If so call our office to meet with a Suffolk County therapist. I’d love to guide you on that Journey.

-Conor Ohland, MHC-LP

As human beings we are ever-growing. As time goes by we encounter new things that pique our interest or reflect on habits that we would like to take on. Despite having the mental motivation to form a new habit, we don’t always have the full buy-in to start the process. As a therapist specializing in depression therapy, I have some pro-tips to help you begin to tackle that beast. There are many ways to harness your motivation to get you towards your goals so we’ve included a short list of ways to ignite your inner fire to form a new habit. 

1. Reflect on Habits You Have Already Made

Sometimes getting started is the most difficult part and we need an extra boost to get going, especially when you are experiencing depression. One way to do this is to remember all the habits we have already formed to remind us of our past accomplishments with the goal for bringing that same energy into the present as we embark on forming a new habit. Another benefit of reminding ourselves of our capacity to grow is giving ourselves some positive reinforcement. While forming a new habit we can be quite hard on ourselves for any bumps we encounter along the process, however by reminding ourselves of times when we have overcome similar barriers we can redirect our focus to our ability to change and persevere. 

2. Make A List of Some Habits You Would Like To Have

Once you have that extra boost from reflecting on past accomplishments you can start to make a short list of habits you would like to have and choose which habit you would like to focus on. For more details on setting your intention, please see our blog post here.

3. Embody the Person Who Has The Habit

Now that we have a clear idea of our ability to change and a clear goal in mind, we can begin to embody the qualities of a person who has the habit we would like to have. By connecting with qualities of the person who has our desired habit, we will further reinforce our belief in our own capacity to change our patterns.  Depression does not need to run your life.

Forming new habits can be challenging and re-establishing our connection with our inherent motivation can be a key factor to our success. If you feel like you need additional support in enhancing your motivation, please call our office to meet with a therapist to help support you in your goals to live a full life. 

Best, 

Marissa Ahern, LMSW

Now more than ever, tension between those with differing political opinions is at an all time high. Challenges with the economy, a global pandemic, racial inequality, gun violence, and more-all of these issues have many looking toward a greater entity like our government help find a solution. Frustration, hopelessness, despair, and fear are prevalent, which has contributed to the intensity of the current political discord. What do you do when some of the strongest differences of beliefs and opinions are with your family and friends? Here are some strategies on how to handle political disagreements with the ones we love while respecting and preserving your mental health.

1. Avoid the topic all together.

There is no shame in knowing your triggers and doing your best to avoid them. Oftentimes, it is necessary to separate yourself until you are able to learn and incorporate the coping skills to manage your emotions when confronted with these troubling situations. This may not be a permanent solution; however, it can be a very valuable gift of self-compassion to know your emotional limitations. For some individuals you come across, it may never be a good idea to engage with them on this topic. Be brave enough to take a step back and avoid putting yourself in the line of fire to be hurt emotionally.  

2. Be open-minded

Some of you may scoff at this suggestion, stating to yourself, “ME be open minded? THEY need to be open minded!” This is where the expression, “Be the change you wish to see in the world” comes into play. Try to understand why the person thinks the way they do before dismissing their believes as outlandish or illogical. Suspend your judgements, and instead embody an attitude of curiosity and understanding. This will decrease defensiveness in the conversation and increase the likelihood that the other person will listen to what you have to say.

3. Remain calm.

As stated earlier, there are a number important issues at stake in the political sphere, which in turn can result in individuals being very passionate about their beliefs. This passion can easily turn to anger when not harnessed properly, or you come across someone with beliefs that you think are “part of the problem.” Anger clouds rational thought, and no productive discussion will occur when anger arises. Take deep breathes in and out through the nose. Do your best to keep your voice volume low and free of anger or sarcasm. Maintain non-confrontational body language through relaxed gestures, posture, and body movement. Even if the other person begins to escalate, if you remain calm it will most likely prevent the conversation from turning into an argument. Remind yourself, “This discussion is not worth my peace of mind.” 

4. Find Common Ground.

It is easy to focus on all of the ways that we are different from one another. In a political climate that pins one group against another, it can be challenging to avoid getting caught up in that line of thinking for ourselves. However, as a clinician who has extensive experience studying human behavior, one fact I know to be true is this: We are a lot more alike than we are different. Although the path to getting there may differ, most people are striving for happiness, safety, and connection. It may be helpful to try and find an issue you both can agree on in order to foster a mentality of togetherness rather than division. Look for even the smallest of opportunities to point out beliefs/values/desires that are similar. Doing so can be helpful in fostering the dynamic and of understanding, which will lead to a much more productive conversation.

5. Know when to walk away.

Learning how to handle political disagreements with the ones we love, involves learning when to walk away. Oftentimes, political conversations have a tendency of continuing in circles until one person gives up, stating, “Let’s just agree to disagree.” Although this statement may seem harmless, it can leave both parties feeling unheard and as if the conversation was a waste of time. Instead, try to end the conversation before it gets either too repetitive, argumentative, emotional, or unproductive. End the conversation by stating something like, “I appreciate the information you’ve given me. It has given me a lot to think about. Let’s revisit this at another time.” This ends the conversation respectfully, as well as validating the other person’s time and energy put forth into speaking with you.  

I hope you find these strategies helpful in maintaining peace of mind amongst what can be a triggering topic. Always remember to prioritize your mental health, reach out for support, and practice self-care before and after each interaction. You’ve got this!

By Alexandria Baxter, LMSW

Let’s be honest… the majority of people use social media every day. Social media is great in so many ways- it allows us to stay in touch with friends and family all across the world, helps us spread awareness about causes we care about and share meaningful events in our lives. As with everything some aspects of social media are not as great as others. As social media platforms advance and offer new ways to connect with other people, it also offers new ways to get access to more content faster which may cause us to spend more time scrolling through posts than we would like to admit. 

Here are some tips on how to build a healthier relationship with social media

1. Notice the Types of Content You Are Viewing

Each social media platform allows us to follow specific types of accounts with certain types of content. Take an inventory of the posts you’re seeing and notice what the overall message is. Notice how you feel about yourself after viewing your feed and identify what type of content could be causing you to feel negatively about yourself. 

2. Unfollow Accounts That Make You Feel Bad About Yourself

If you take an objective look at the types of accounts you follow and realize the majority of content features people who have body types that make you see yourself in a negative light, it is time to unfollow the account. We can unknowingly follow multiple accounts featuring people with idealized body types or lifestyles that can flood us with indirect messages saying that we aren’t enough. This can make us feel like we have to overcompensate to feel valid on the same platform that is making us feel “less-than” so we post content that we don’t always connect with to feel like we fit in. If you notice accounts you are following are causing this negative reaction within yourself, this can be an opportunity to follow content that sends positive affirmations so social media can truly be a fun pastime as intended. 

3. Pay Attention to How Many Hours/Day You Are On Your Phone

It’s unlikely that we keep a timer on while we’re doing a quick scroll through social media while we wait for a meeting to start or while we’re hanging out on the couch. We don’t realize that a quick 10 minutes here and there can actually add up to a few hours of our day. There are applications and settings on our smartphones that can help us keep track of our screen time. By genuinely tracking our screen time we can realize how much time per day we are actually disconnected from our present environment. 

4. Be Kind to Yourself

We can have a lot of judgments towards ourselves about our social media intake. Self-judgment is unhelpful because it further validates negative feelings we have about ourselves. This is why our final recommendation to build a healthier relationship with social media is to be kind to yourself if you choose to examine your current social media habits. Sometimes things get away from us other times we don’t realize the impact something has on us until we’re invited to take a look. Whatever your process is, be kind to yourself and remember that we can only do the best we can with the information available to us at the time. 

We all deserve to feel good about ourselves and we are all worthy of receiving content that will encourage us to think realistically and highly of ourselves. If you struggle with a negative self-image, please give our office a call so we can create a space to recognize your strengths together. 

-Marissa Ahern, LMSW

With the holidays looming near, we often feel overwhelmed in a variety of ways.  This time of year can often bring added feelings of anxiety, stress, and depression.  It seems like there is always something to do between gatherings, shopping, and preparing for our own festivities, and little time to focus on our own mental health needs.  Family may be coming from out of town, or maybe you’re hosting your friends for dinner.  The holidays can be stressful enough without the added pressure of wanting your home to look it’s best, while also preparing for everything else the holidays entail.  

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and like there is too much to do, and not enough time to do it, getting organized and cleaning out can help you to feel calmer, and more in control this holiday season.  Here are 5 ways to clean out and tidy up your home before the holidays.

1. Make a Cleaning To-Do List

Making lists is one of the best ways to start to organize your life and feel like you have a handle on all that you need to do.  Make a list of the rooms/areas that need cleaning (kitchen, bathrooms, baseboards, etc.), and feel the satisfaction and release of stress as each item gets checked off!

2. Make Room for New Toys

If you have children, you know that while the holidays are a time of magic, they can also be a time of stressful thoughts wondering where exactly you are going to put all of the new gifts your children receive.  Prior to the holiday, have your kids choose toys they no longer want or need.  This way, you can donate those items to children and families in need, while also making room for new toys.  This is the perfect time to also go through arts & crafts supplies and get rid of any old markers or crayons and any other broken toys before the holiday season.

3. Clean Out and Organize Closets

Along with toys, the holidays are a time where we often receive new clothes.  Take this time to go through your closets and donate any clothes, shoes, or coats that are in good shape but your family has outgrown.  Organizing your closets will help you to better utilize space, as well as make room for new items.

4. Clean Out Pantry, Refrigerator and Freezer

The holidays are a time for quality family time, cooking, and baking.  Make room for meals/leftovers by cleaning out your refrigerator and freezer prior to any baking nights and the holidays.  In addition, cleaning out your pantry will help prepare for any baking endeavors by ensuring you don’t buy ingredients you already have, or thinking you have something you don’t.

5. Ask for Help

While the holidays can be an extremely stressful time, there are ways to manage it.  Reach out to family and friends and ask for help.  If you have children, a spouse, or other family that lives with you, assign tasks from your cleaning list.  Remember to prioritize your needs and your own mental health.  Take time for yourself, slow down, and enjoy the holiday magic!

By Emily Kuhn, LMSW

Depression is a challenging mental health diagnosis, to say the least. It is a complex mental health disorder and disease of the brain, occurring when certain brain chemicals become imbalanced. Depression has social, psychological, and biological origins, and can be triggered by many factors, including stressful life events, genetics, illness, and more. Due to the complex nature of what causes depression, it can take an equally complex, multi-faceted approach to manage this disorder. Keep reading to learn how to combat depression in New York.

One of the challenges in managing depression is that hopelessness, lack of motivation, and lack of energy are symptoms of the disorder that make it difficult to do the things that will help control your symptoms. Also, there is often a delay in improvement due to the apathy experienced by depressives that makes it feel as if what you are doing is not paying off; making you want to quit before these coping skills can take effect. Please read the following tips to combat depression in New York with this in mind. Start small and keep going, despite your brain telling you that what you are doing is not paying off. That is the depression talking. The following tips are scientifically proven to help to manage depression:

1. Stay Active.

When you have depression, energy levels can drop drastically. However, last thing you want to do when you are depressed is to remain inactive. It's scientifically proven that physical activity fights depression. Exercising increases the neuro-plasticity of your brain releases neurochemicals called endorphins, which help to elevate mood. Start small; get your heart rate up 10 minutes a day, then work your way up to 20 minutes. Do your best to get out of the house; take a walk, find somewhere scenic, park, beach, nature trails, or just around the block. Any bit counts!

Do your best to maintain a routine. Sleeping too much or too little, skipping meals or exercise, and neglecting your personal needs all feed into and exacerbate depression, so combatting this with a daily routine that addresses these needs can be extremely beneficial. Start by giving yourself 3 MUSTS to do during the day, such as taking a walk, engaging in one act of self-care, and calling a friend. Do this consistently for a week, then add one item to your routine each week, and before you know it you will have built a routine with healthy habits to keep your depression at bay.

2. Stay Connected.

When depressed, you may experience negative thoughts telling you to isolate and not burden others with your problems. Try not to listen to these thoughts! They are a symptom of the hopelessness of depression not based in reality. Giving voice to your struggles to another person can lighten your burden and start to turn the tides of depression. Instead of being a burden, your friend or loved one will most likely be flattered that you trust them enough to confide in them.

Try to move beyond small talk. In order to develop a connection that will ease your loneliness and depression, it helps to take a risk and truly open up. Sticking to small talk and limiting yourself to a surface connection with others might actually make you feel even lonelier. Open up about what you’re going through, the feelings you’re experiencing. 

If this seems too much, even the simple act of putting yourself in a social atmosphere can alleviate depressive symptoms. Try going to a place where there are people who may have similar interests as you, or even to a public spot like a museum, park, or mall, where you could enjoy being amongst people and feel a sense of connection.

3. Worry Less.

This is easier said than done. Worries are completely normal, but can become problematic when persistent and pervasive. Excessive worrying can hurt your well-being and lead to a state of chronic anxiety or stress, which if left untreated can lead to depression. 

Stopping worrying involves confronting our beliefs, values, and emotions. Explore the origins of your worry, take constructive action when you are able, and accept what is outside of your control. Investigating your worries can be a helpful way to put these thoughts into their proper perspective. Observe your thoughts as an outsider-what would a friend or relative tell me in this situation? Am I being irrational? Is there evidence to combat my worry? 

Bottom line: Don’t believe everything you think!

4. Be Mindful.

Mindfulness is the practice of purposely bringing your attention in the present moment without judgment. This can be beneficial in managing in depression by learning to detach and distance yourself from depressive thoughts. Mindfulness can help you realize that depression-fueled thoughts are just thoughts and not facts. Becoming emotionally attached to these thoughts is them often triggers negative thought spirals, not the thoughts themselves. One exercise that can assist with this is called “thought detachment,” where you imagine your thoughts are drifting clouds or leaves floating by while you practice not engaging them or becoming attached to them.

Also, instead of actively suppressing or resisting depressive thoughts, which may worsen symptoms, try to accept them. Acceptance does not mean resigning or giving up, it means acknowledging the feelings or thoughts are present, and letting go of things outside of your control. Research suggests that practicing acceptance can help improve symptoms of depression, quality of life, and ability to function.

5. Find Positives.

Depression can make things seem even worse than they really are. When you’re depressed, everything is filtered through a lens of negativity. By recognizes this, you can start to change your perspective to a more positive viewpoint.

Find simple sources of joy. A symptom of depression is anhedonia, which means you do not find pleasure in activities you normally found pleasurable. However, push yourself to do things that will boost your mood throughout day. Listening to uplifting music, watching funny television shows or videos, spending time with your pet, or being out in nature are some simple examples of joy-boosting activities.

Find one thing to be grateful for. When you’re depressed, especially at this awful time, it can seem that everything in life is bleak and hopeless. But even in the darkest days, it’s usually possible to find one thing you can be grateful about. It sounds cheesy but acknowledging your gratitude can provide relief from negative thinking and break the negative cycle of depression.

6. Self-Care.

Self-care can be difficult when you are depressed, because of the lack of energy, motivation and feeling unworthy of deserving anything positive that often accompany depression. Start by aiming for small goals like getting up out of bed, getting in the shower, sitting in a different room, and getting some sunlight or fresh air.

Pay attention to your senses. Take the time to see, feel, hear, taste and touch. Things like getting out in the sun, listening to music, getting a hug or eating tasty foods all help to soothe you. Activities that appeal to the senses boost frontal lobe functioning, which is helpful in combatting depression

With all of these suggestions, remember there is no “quick fix.” It may take weeks of developing a routine with the items listed before you start to feel better. However, if practiced regularly, it is scientifically proven that you will feel better with your depressive symptoms. If you feel you need additional support in managing your depression in New York, contact our office, we'd love to help you on your road to recovery.

By Alexandria Baxter, LMSW

Sometimes we convince ourselves that taking time to recharge is a luxury we can’t afford. However that is not true. Whether we can proactively allot an hour a day for ourselves or we have an unplanned ten minute gap between two meetings, we have time to take for ourselves. In this article we will take a look at how to prioritize self care.

Regardless of which group you belong to, you can use your time to reconnect with old friends, take some time outside or anything that will leave you feeling more centered. An important thing to keep in mind when it comes to using our downtime wisely is to make sure that whatever we are doing during our break increases our sense of wellbeing. With all the social media platforms, we may automatically go to our newsfeed and mindlessly scroll during unplanned free time. However, we may notice that after we’ve gotten lost in social media posts we don’t feel any more rejuvenated than when we started. This tells us that we didn’t use our time as wisely as we would have liked. 

A lot of times we believe we are important if we are busy, especially important if we are unbelievably busy. We forget to remind ourselves that busyness often leads to stress and dissatisfaction with our lives. This is why we value time off from work and vacation so highly because those are times when we are either not busy or significantly less busy. It is time we can take to slow down and reset.

It can be helpful to sit down and make a list of things we want to have more of in our lives so when we get a block of free time, no matter how long it is or if it is planned or unplanned, we have an idea of how to feel more recharged after that time rather than getting lost in a social media newsfeed. So my challenge for you is to sit down at some point in the next week and make a list of things that bring you joy and have it saved in your phone or keep a copy in your wallet so next time you get a surprise 10 minute break, you can use it wisely. 

If you are unsure of how to start, here are a few ideas to get your self-care going:

1. Make a list of old friends or family you have fallen out of touch with. Next time you have a few minutes, send them a text or give them a call to set up a time to have dinner or meet for coffee to catch up.

2. If you enjoy getting some sun, maybe take a walk around the block or sit outside for a few minutes.

3. Make a Spotify playlist of songs that remind you of good times in your life. 

4. Keep options of your favorite drink nearby & make yourself a cup of your favorite tea or coffee next time you have a few minutes. 

5. Get yourself a gift card to a nearby bakery or shop that has snacks you enjoy. 

6. Breathe. Sometimes simply doing nothing can be the most rewarding thing. Close your eyes and take 5 deep breaths while thinking of nothing but the feeling of inhaling & exhaling. Try to count one breath at a time from 1-5, anytime your mind wanders, start over again at 1 until you can reach 5 without wandering off, (Even if you have to restart 5 times, this will likely take you less than a minute). 

You Deserve to be a Priority

No one wins the game where the busiest, most stressed person gets a medal. Life is not one great big emergency, chronically not taking care of yourself is. Self-care is not selfish. If you find yourself struggling with separation busyness from importance, remind yourself that you are important regardless and can prove it to yourself by prioritizing time for you to recharge & reset so you can conquer what lies ahead of you. If you feel you need additional support in reducing your stress and figuring out your life goals, give our office a call.

Mindfulness practices have gained more popularity in recent years. When we think of mindfulness a lot of us may think of yoga or deep meditations in a forest somewhere. These are both wonderful practices but may not resonate with everyone. Mindfulness is the practice of doing one thing, with your full attention, at a time. When we allow ourselves to focus solely on one thing and permit ourselves to be in the present moment, we give ourselves the opportunity to be fully engaged in the here and now moment rather than having one foot in the present and the other in whatever our mind is thinking about. This can sound challenging at first but with effort, we can give ourselves the tools to enhance our concentration, decrease our stress and fully attune to what is going on around us. 

Where to Start?

A great way to begin our foundational for mindfulness is to start by focusing on one thing, any one thing. In reality, this can be difficult since we are socially programmed to maximize every second by multitasking as much as possible. This means pursuing mindfulness can be challenging. It’s okay. There are no expectations and just like anything, it will take time, dedication and practice to hone your skills. To prevent from becoming frustrated or judging ourselves for struggling at first, we can encourage ourselves to show ourselves compassion and gratitude for trying something new to improve our well-being. If we begin a mindfulness practice, anything from driving our car to focusing on our breath, and we notice our mind is wandering elsewhere, we can gently recognize it and redirect ourselves back to the focus of our practice in the present moment. We can do this each time we have noticed our mind has wandered and by redirecting it each time, we are reminding ourselves that we have control over our thoughts and are capable of overcoming distractions. 

Each person is different so naturally, how we start may be different as well. One person may pick mindfully listening to a song while another may choose to mindfully drink a beverage while another may decide to mindfully focus on their breath. There is no wrong way to practice mindfulness as long as you are staying engaged in the present moment and bringing yourself back whenever you notice your mind has wandered. 

Benefits of Mindfulness

Staying present can have wonderful benefits, it can reduce our stress, enhance our concentration and improve our sleep. This is because when we allow our minds to buzz about from topic to topic, stressor to stressor we are actually putting ourselves through that stress twice. If something is truly going to be challenging, then it will be challenging whether we perseverate about it or not so when we focus on how difficult it will be we are ensuring we will struggle both times. By honing our mindfulness skills, we allow ourselves to be engaged and focused in the present and give ourselves room to enjoy what is in front of us. Mindfulness can be a wonderful tool for those struggling with anxiety, emotional dysregulation due to trauma reminders, relationship stressors and a myriad of other challenges. If you feel this is something you are struggling, please reach out so we can enhance your mindfulness practice together.