What is C-PTSD? How is it Similar and Different from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) are both neurobiological disorders that occur when someone experiences or witnesses a traumatic event. Examples include, but are not limited to, war or combat, natural disasters, physical or sexual assaults, and life-threatening accidents.

Almost all of us associate PTSD with veterans. We understand combat is gruesome on the body and devastating to the psyche. If only we look at the faces of our veterans when they return, it is clear that war is hell. We know, even without words, that they went through something far beyond the scope of normal human experience. In fact, generations before the term “post-traumatic stress disorder” became known, PTSD was known by other names: war neurosis, shell shock, soldier’s heart, or combat fatigue. Furthermore, much of the research, advocacy, awareness, and treatment options for PTSD have been through means such as the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. Thus, it makes sense we as a collective society to visualize a soldier in battle when we think of PTSD.

However, many times PTSD is most prevalent in people who have experienced dangerous, life-altering events. It seems to be most frequent in survivors of sexual assault or those who went through or witnessed violent car accidents, both which involve powerlessness, danger, and terror. Furthermore, PTSD can occur in populations that often are forgotten to be traumatic, such as ICU stays.

It is believed most people will experience at least one traumatic event in their lives, and a fourth will develop PTSD. It is not known how many people live with Complex-Post Traumatic Disorder, C-PTSD.

Symptoms of PTSD

There are three types of PTSD symptoms:
Hyperarousal symptoms. People with PTSD may have sense-of-threat symptoms, as if they are on edge and hypervigilant of their environment. They can have a startled response such as jumpiness.

Re-experiencing symptoms. Nightmares and flashbacks are the hallmark symptoms of PTSD. The individual may “go through” the trauma again via memories, via sensory experiences and emotions. The individual may feel the same smells, sights, sounds of the trauma.

Avoidance symptoms. Those living with PTSD will participate in avoidance symptoms, as in avoiding triggers associated with the trauma. This is broad, and can include places, situations, people, or events (i.e., holidays). They may also attempt to drown the symptoms through self-medicating with alcohol or other substances.

What is Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?

C-PTSD is a multilayered version of PTSD involving prolonged or chronic attacks on an individual’s sense of safety, self-worth, and integrity. This is dissimilar to PTSD, which is the result of one traumatic event. The ongoing maltreatment causes a multitude of additional symptoms, which shape neuropsychological development such as personality.

C-PTSD results from situations of chronic powerlessness and a lack of control. This can be from long-standing domestic violence (whether experienced or witnessed), sex trafficking, or child maltreatment. However, it is most common in those who were subjected to child abuse or neglect at a very early age. This is prevalent if the harm is by a caregiver or other significant adult. Also, multiple traumas increase the risk of developing C-PTSD.

Symptoms of C-PTSD

People with C-PTSD have compounded symptoms of both PTSD and those from other mental health disorders. These may include the following:

Psychosomatic issues: Psychosomatic issues are physical issues without a medical explanation. This can be caused or worsened by a psychological reason such as stress. It is common for people with C-PTSD to have vague physical symptoms such as dizziness, chest pains, abdominal aches, and headaches.

Emotional flashbacks: A flashback is a vivid, intense experience in which a person will relive some parts of a trauma. Some people feel as if it is happening in the present. Stereotypically, people tend to think of the war veteran who is having a “movie-like” flashback in which the event unfolds again in its entirety. However, a flashback does not need to be so extreme – and usually they are not.

Difficulty regulating emotions: Those with C-PTSD may experience sharp, vivid emotions which can be inappropriate for the situation. These rapid shifts in mood can be misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder, which can have similar features but are not the same.

Flat affect: People with C-PTSD may also have a flat affect, meaning they appear numb, somber, or emotionless to others. This body language can be misinterpreted by others, making people think the individual is feeling a certain way or is aloof. In truth, the person may have a rich, complex inner world of their emotions and be feeling very differently than how they are expressing themselves.

There are several reasons for a flat affect. One powerful reason is because the individual may not have witnessed emotional expression in their formative years, thus in turn they have been sharpened to be “flat” as an adult. To explain it plainly, imagine a primary caregiver not smiling at their baby. The baby mimics and responds to the caregiver by also not smiling. This is sharpening the baby to respond such a way going forward.

Other Symptoms of C-PTSD

A lack of emotional vocabulary: Finally, individuals with C-PTSD may have difficulty with articulating their emotions or they may not understand what they feel; that is, there is an absence of an emotional vocabulary. They may struggle in therapy when asked “what are you feeling?” and respond with “I don’t know” or they may describe a physiological feeling instead (i.e., tiredness, nausea). This is because in the context of prolonged trauma they had to adapt to shutting down their emotions to survive. For example, they may have been programmed in their earliest years to think “emotions are bad” because they were consistently invalidated or punished for emotional expression by their caregivers.

Dissociation: Dissociation happens to everyone. Dissociation is a sensation of feeling disconnected from oneself and the world through a sensory experience, thought, sense of self, or time. A person who dissociates may feel depersonalization (detached from their body) or derealization (feeling as if their surroundings are unreal). And at one time or another, all of us have dissociated. Getting lost in a daydream, forgetting the details of a car drive, or spacing out during a boring class lecture are all examples of dissociation.

When applied to trauma, dissociation is an innate coping mechanism. It is a protective action taken by the mind to let an individual survive a traumatic experience. At the time of the event, dissociation is beneficial, especially for children as they often lack insight and more sophisticated coping skills. However, the downside of dissociation is that when someone has dissociation and is at risk of developing C-PTSD or another trauma-related disorder, the dissociation does not resolve the trauma. In adulthood, the effects of dissociation can negate the ability to trust, form and maintain healthy relationships, and prioritize self-care. Through the phenomenon of mind-body separation, individuals may develop self-destructive behaviors such as ones that keep them dissociated (“I can’t tell when I’m feeling hungry, so I eat less than I should”) or ones to make them dissociate (“I drink alcohol to numb myself so I don’t have to feel my despair”).

Negative core beliefs: Individuals with C-PTSD may have the core belief “I am not safe” or “the world is unsafe.” Alternatively, they may have other core beliefs (“I am unlovable” or “I am not worthy of respect”, for example). These core beliefs are deeply ingrained, at the pool of their identities, which can mean the individual is unaware they even carry such beliefs until they develop more insight.

Relationship difficulties: Individuals with C-PTSD can struggle with developing and maintaining healthy relationships. Such individuals struggle with feeling able to trust others due to their traumatic histories; thus, they may isolate themselves or feel intensely uncomfortable with “opening up” to others. Or they may respond inappropriately in a social situation. Unfortunately, these factors only enhance their risk of disapproval or misunderstanding by others, which makes them more susceptible to social isolation or ridicule.

Additionally, people with C-PTSD are more susceptible to entering and remaining in abusive relationships – especially those who already experienced abuse. 

Treatment for C-PTSD

C-PTSD is a treatable condition. However, clients (patients) should be cautious when selecting their therapist. The treatment of complex trauma is a specialty, and not all therapists have the knowledge, skills, or experience to adequately support those who have C-PTSD. Thus, it is encouraged to “screen” the therapist during the consultation session by asking for their background in treating C-PTSD. Much like we may make thoughtful, careful choices about our medical doctors, the same should be done for therapists too!

Ask the therapist about their intervention styles (treatment approaches) as well.

The following treatments are frequently utilized for C-PTSD treatment:

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy. In EMDR, the individual reflects on a trauma while following a bilateral stimulus that results in the eyes moving back-and-forth.
• Trauma processing therapies.
• Exposure therapy, in which individuals re-experience their traumas in a safe, controlled environment.
• Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), which focuses on the relationship between cognitions (thoughts), emotions, physiological sensations, thereby changing the resulting behaviors.
• Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), an off-set from CBT which also includes interpersonal effectiveness (relationship skills), emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and mindfulness.
• Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), a behavioral therapy that challenges and changes unhelpful beliefs associated with the traumatic events

Looking For a Therapist?

All of our counselors here at Long Island EMDR specialize in trauma work. We have a variety of sub-specialties within that including sexual assault, domestic violence, infertility, childhood abuse/neglect, loss of a loved one and bullying.

Wishing you healing and light,

-Valerie Smith, LMSW

How Does Trauma to One Family Member Affect the Entire Family Unit?

When a family member is traumatized it can have a ripple effect on the entire family unit. The nuclear family being parents, partners and siblings will often endure the shock to the system when one member of the family experiences trauma. These family members can either serve to be supports or obstacles to the member of the family that experienced trauma. At their worst the family unit itself can become a system in which the traumatized individual is essentially retraumatized continually based on their families treatment towards them, opinions about them or new role they cast for them after the traumatic experience occurs.

What Does This Look Like When a Child is the Victim of Trauma?

For example, if a teenage girl is raped by a stranger and the parents belittel and blame the teenager for “being stupid”, not “knowing better”, dressing a certain way or being in a certain place- this inevitably leaves that child feeling like they are to blame for what happened to them and something is inherently wrong with them to have caused such a thing to occur. This can leave that teenage girl feeling hopeless, lost, unsupported and very alone.

If she then begins to act out and becomes promiscuous, or her grades drop because she has PTSD and cannot focus as well, or become irritable and has more outbursts towards the parents, the child again will likely be blamed for their behavior. All of her cries for support, her showing she is struggling will only continue to serve the narrative that that child is inherently bad, defective, and unlovable. The parents' reaction to her only continues to show her the world is unsafe, unsupportive, and people in general are not to be counted on or trusted. 

Consequences of When it is Not Discussed

Well meaning parents who struggle to cope with what happened to their child may shy away from conversations about how it’s affecting the child and carry on as if nothing happened- minimizing the effects of what happened to that child. This can foster children feeling all those same feelings, unloved, unsupported but also fosters this idea that “it’s in my head”, “it wasn’t that bad” or “I have no reason to still be upset/sad/angry” causing them to bury their shame, guilt and fears as it is not welcomed to discuss in the household. 

In both cases, parents' own trauma may account for their responses. A parent may be too triggered by that child’s sexual abuse to listen to them discuss it causing scenario 2. Alternatively, the parent could have their own history of sexual assault and blame themselves so they project their anger and blame on the child as they never fully coped with what happened to them. Furthermore, a parent’s lack of experience dealing with trauma themselves can cause them to feel inadequate in supporting their child in coping with trauma.

What Effect Can a Traumatized Parent Have on Their Children?

There are two main ways that children are affected when a parent is traumatized:

1. Witnessing a parent’s trauma.
2. Experiencing posttraumatic symptoms of the parent.

1. Witnessing a Parents Trauma

Witnessing could be through a child witnessing domestic violence or sexual assault of their parent. Children who witness a parent’s trauma may feel fearful and anxious. They may always be on guard, wondering when the next violent event will happen, waiting for the next shoe to drop. This can be seen in different behaviors depending on the child’s age.

Family Trauma Signs in Children under 5:

• Regressive behaviors such as bed wetting, thumb sucking and increased need for attention (whining/crying). 
• Difficulty falling and/or staying asleep
• Development stutters
• Development of fear-based behaviors such as hiding
• Severe symptoms of separation anxiety

Signs in Elementary School Children:

• Feelings of guilt and self-blame for the abuse
• Low self esteem
• Decrease in academic performance
• Increased behavioral issues at school
• Difficult making and keeping friends
• Somatic complaints such as stomach aches or headaches with no known medical cause

Signs in Teens:

• Acting out or oppositional behaviors
• High-Risk Behaviors such as unprotected sex, drug/aclohcol use, stealing, crimal behaviors
• Low self-esteem
• Low threshold for stress

It is important to note that there is a distinction between common behaviors for girls and boys- though this does not mean it cannot present in the opposite way. Boys are more likely to engage in oppositional, aggressive, and what we would generally call “acting-out” activities. Girls are more likely to “act-inward” and thus struggle with low-self esteem, depression, self-harming, and socially isolative behaviors.

2. Experiencing posttraumatic symptoms of the parent

Re-Experiencing Symptoms:

PTSD can cause flashbacks and/or nightmares which are what we call re-experiencing symptoms. These symptoms can occur quickly and seemingly to bystanders as “out of nowhere”. They usually bring with them strong feelings and emotions of guilt, shame, anger, grief or fear. For some individuals the flashbacks can be so severe they feel as if the memory is occurring in real time. To children and partners this can be quite scary. The parent’s behavior is unpredictable. They may not understand why the family member is acting this way or what caused it. It can cause children to worry about that parent, feeling that their parent is too fragile to take care of them. For a partner it can put them in a caregiver role and make them feel hopeless about how to get their partner back to who they were before the trauma. 

Avoidance and Numbing Symptoms:

It is common for anyone experiencing PTSD to try to avoid trauma reminders and/or triggers. This may cause them to avoid people, places and things that remind them of their trauma. It can also cause them difficulty in experiencing joy and pleasure in things they used to love. Leaving that family member to feel detached or cut-off from their partner and children. Avoidance and Numbing can leave partners and children feeling unloved, unsupported and unimportant. They may be hesitant to go to family events, holidays, kids games and struggle to connect with and engage with their loved ones like they used to. 

Because the re-experiencing symptoms are so upsetting, people with PTSD try not to think about the event. If you have PTSD, you may also try to avoid places and things that remind you of the trauma. Or you may not feel like doing things that used to be fun, like going to the movies or your child's event. It can also be hard for people with PTSD to have good feelings. You may feel "cut off" from family and children. As a result, children may feel that the parent with PTSD does not care about them.

How Does Trauma of One Sibling Effects the Other Siblings?

In my work, I have seen children whose siblings have experienced trauma struggle with many of the same trauma reactions and negative core beliefs. This is often due to parents focusing on trying to help the traumatized child and thus the sibling feeling neglected or pushed aside and unsupported. These children then tend to have a lot of the same acting-out or acting-in behaviors we described above. Many of them struggle with core beliefs of “I am responsible” “I have to be in control”; “I am unimportant/unlovable/defective”. This also occurs in children who are terrified of what happened to their sibling, happening to them or anyone else they love. This can make a child chronically anxious and fearful of the world.

Where to Start if You're Struggling With Family Trauma

If this is all feeling a bit “close to home” you may want to reach out for support for yourself and your loved ones. Therapy will focus not just on the individual who has experienced trauma but also incorporate family sessions so that we work though any re-traumatizing interactions that are occurring within the family system. Here at Long Island EMDR we are all perfectly imperfect humans who have been through our own “stuff”. We will not judge you, what happened or the aftermath. Our goal is to help you and your family work through what has happened so that you can feel and be the close, loving supportive happy family that you once were or that you long to be. No judgment. Just support and encouragement.

What Therapy Will Look Like for Family Trauma:

Our assessments will focus on both individual and interpersonal consequences of the trauma, including parent-child interactions, discipline, communication and other areas of family functioning. Depending on your family situation, we may recommend individual sessions for multiple family members who are being affected by the aftermath of the trauma, in conjunction with family sessions to work on the interpersonal relationships when everyone is ready. As always our approach will be tailored to each unique family and individual. We have a range of therapists and modalities, including: EMDR, TF-CBT, art therapy, bereavement counseling and couples counseling, to ensure that each family and family member has an approach that works for them.

Infidelity is a painful and traumatic experience that can leave lasting emotional scars for those involved. It can lead to feelings of betrayal, anger, and distrust, and can even result in the development of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). For those struggling to cope with the aftermath of infidelity, there is hope for healing and breaking the cycle of trauma. One powerful tool to overcome the trauma of infidelity is through PTSD therapy, specifically Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. In this blog post, we will explore how EMDR therapy can help individuals break free from the trauma of infidelity and move towards a path of healing and recovery.

Understanding Infidelity as a Trauma:

Infidelity is not simply a betrayal or breach of trust in a relationship. It can also be experienced as a deeply traumatic event that can leave lasting emotional scars. Understanding infidelity as a trauma involves recognizing the profound impact it can have on an individual's well-being.

When infidelity occurs, it shatters the foundation of trust that a relationship is built upon. The pain and shock of discovering a partner's unfaithfulness can cause intense emotional distress. Anxiety symptoms, such as constant worry, racing thoughts, and difficulty sleeping, may become overwhelming. Depression symptoms, including feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed, can also arise. The shock and pain can be very difficult to overcome the trauma caused by infidelity.

In some cases, the trauma of infidelity can lead to the development of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). PTSD symptoms can include intrusive thoughts, nightmares, hypervigilance, and avoidance of anything that triggers memories of the infidelity.

Understanding infidelity as a trauma is crucial in order to address the deep emotional wounds it can cause. Recognizing the impact of infidelity as a traumatic experience allows individuals to seek the appropriate support and treatment for PTSD. Engaging in therapy, such as EMDR therapy, can help individuals process and heal from the trauma. This can enable them to regain a sense of safety, trust, and self-worth.

The Connection Between PTSD and Trauma Bonding:

In the context of infidelity, trauma bonding can occur when the betrayed partner develops a deep emotional attachment to their unfaithful spouse or partner. This attachment is often rooted in feelings of fear, dependency, and a distorted belief that the unfaithful partner is the only source of love and support. These intense emotional bonds can be incredibly challenging to sever, even in the face of ongoing emotional and psychological harm.

For individuals who have experienced infidelity and developed trauma bonding, the combination of PTSD and trauma bonding can be particularly challenging to overcome. The symptoms of PTSD, such as intrusive thoughts, nightmares, and hypervigilance, can reinforce the trauma bond and make it even harder for the individual to break free.

Addressing trauma bonding in therapy is essential for individuals seeking treatment for PTSD related to infidelity. Therapists trained in trauma-focused approaches, such as EMDR therapy, can help individuals understand and process the trauma bond. By addressing both the PTSD symptoms and the trauma bond, individuals can work towards breaking free from the cycle of trauma and begin the journey towards healing and recovery.

In the next section, we will explore how EMDR therapy can be a potential solution for trauma-related issues, including trauma bonding in the context of infidelity.

EMDR Therapy: A Potential Solution for Trauma-Related Issues:

In the context of infidelity, EMDR therapy can help individuals struggling with anxiety and depression symptoms. Anxiety treatment is a significant component of EMDR therapy, as it addresses the constant worry, racing thoughts, and difficulty sleeping that often accompany the trauma of infidelity. By using techniques such as bilateral stimulation, which involves moving the eyes back and forth or tapping on the body, individuals can process and desensitize their traumatic memories, leading to a reduction in anxiety symptoms.

Similarly, EMDR therapy can also be effective in addressing depression symptoms. By reprocessing the traumatic memories associated with infidelity, individuals can begin to regain a sense of self-worth and find healing from the profound sadness and loss of interest in once-enjoyed activities. The therapy process allows individuals to process the emotions connected to the trauma and replace negative beliefs about themselves with more positive and empowering ones.

Through the power of EMDR therapy, individuals can overcome the emotional trauma left by infidelity and begin their journey towards healing and recovery. It is important to seek a trained and experienced EMDR therapist who can guide and support individuals through this transformative therapy process. With dedication and perseverance, individuals can break free from the cycle of trauma and move towards a brighter and more fulfilling future.

The Role of EMDR Intensives in Overcoming Trauma:

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy is a powerful tool in overcoming trauma, including the emotional wounds caused by infidelity. But what role do EMDR intensives play in the journey towards healing?

EMDR intensives are extended therapy sessions that allow individuals to delve deeper into their trauma and work through it in a concentrated period of time. These sessions typically last several days and involve multiple therapy sessions each day. The length and intensity of EMDR intensives allow for a more comprehensive and focused approach to trauma processing.

One of the main benefits of EMDR intensives is the ability to establish and maintain momentum in the healing process. Unlike traditional therapy, which may only occur once a week or every few weeks, EMDR intensives provide consistent and continuous support. This helps individuals stay engaged in the healing process and make significant progress in a shorter time frame.

EMDR intensives also allow individuals to immerse themselves fully in the therapeutic experience. By dedicating a block of time solely to healing, individuals can more effectively process and integrate their traumatic experiences. This deep level of focus can facilitate breakthroughs and create lasting change.

Another advantage of EMDR intensives is the opportunity for the therapist and client to develop a stronger therapeutic relationship. Spending extended time together allows for a deeper level of trust and understanding to develop, which can enhance the therapeutic process.

While EMDR intensives can be intense and emotionally challenging, they offer a unique and powerful approach to overcome trauma from infidelity. They provide a space for individuals to work through their pain, process their emotions, and ultimately, move towards a path of healing and recovery. Through the support and guidance of an experienced EMDR therapist, individuals can break free from the cycle of trauma and embrace a brighter future.

Embracing the Journey Towards Healing:

Recovering from the trauma of infidelity is not an easy journey, but it is possible. It requires a commitment to healing and a willingness to embrace the journey towards healing. One important aspect of this journey is seeking out appropriate treatment, such as EMDR therapy, to address the emotional scars left by infidelity and break free from the cycle of trauma.

Anxiety treatment is a significant component of EMDR therapy, as it helps individuals manage the constant worry, racing thoughts, and difficulty sleeping that often accompany the trauma of infidelity. Through EMDR therapy, individuals can learn effective coping mechanisms and strategies to reduce anxiety symptoms, regain a sense of control, and restore a sense of safety.

Additionally, embracing the journey towards healing involves a commitment to self-care and self-compassion. This may involve engaging in activities that bring joy and promote emotional well-being, such as exercise, spending time in nature, or practicing mindfulness and relaxation techniques.

It is also important to seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist who specializes in trauma and infidelity. Connecting with others who have experienced similar pain and trauma can provide a sense of validation and understanding, while also offering the opportunity for shared healing and growth.

Finally, embracing the journey toward healing requires patience and self-forgiveness. Healing takes time, and setbacks may occur along the way. It is important to remember that healing is not linear, and that progress can be made even in the face of challenges.

By embracing the journey towards healing, individuals can break free from the cycle of trauma and create a brighter future filled with resilience, strength, and a renewed sense of self.

Performance anxiety is a common struggle that affects individuals in various areas of their lives. Whether it be in school, work, or personal relationships, the fear of not meeting expectations can be overwhelming and paralyzing. For some individuals, this fear may stem from past traumas and experiences, leading to a condition known as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Fortunately, there are effective treatments for PTSD that can also help alleviate the symptoms of performance anxiety. In this blog post, we will explore the role of PTSD treatment in overcoming performance anxiety and unlocking one's full potential.

Understanding Performance Anxiety and Its Impact on Your Potential

Understanding the impact of performance anxiety on your potential is crucial in finding ways to overcome it. When we constantly worry about performing well, we become hyper-focused on our perceived failures and shortcomings, rather than on our strengths and abilities. This negative mindset can hinder our progress and prevent us from taking risks and stepping out of our comfort zones.

Performance anxiety can be particularly challenging for individuals who have experienced past traumas, leading to the development of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The symptoms of PTSD, such as anxiety, panic attacks, and depression, can intensify performance anxiety and make it even more debilitating.

However, it's important to remember that there are effective treatments for both PTSD and performance anxiety. Seeking therapy, such as trauma counseling or anxiety treatment, can provide tools and strategies to help manage and overcome these challenges. One evidence-based treatment for PTSD is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, which can help individuals process traumatic memories and alleviate symptoms.

By understanding the impact of performance anxiety on our potential and seeking appropriate treatment, we can break free from self-criticism, embrace confidence growth, and unlock our full potential in any field or area of our lives. It is possible to achieve inner calm and focus, set and achieve goals, and find balance in managing our self-expectations and dealing with pressure. Let's explore how to overcome performance anxiety and unleash our true potential.

Embracing Confidence Growth: Breaking Free from Self-Criticism

To embrace confidence growth, it is important to challenge these negative self-beliefs and replace them with positive and empowering thoughts. Recognize that making mistakes and experiencing setbacks are a natural part of growth and learning. Instead of dwelling on perceived failures, focus on your strengths and past achievements. Remind yourself of your unique talents and capabilities that have led you to where you are today.

Additionally, seeking support from others can be incredibly helpful in breaking free from self-criticism. Whether it be through therapy, counseling, or talking to trusted friends and family members, sharing your anxieties and fears can provide a fresh perspective and valuable insights. Consider exploring trauma treatment, such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, which has shown promising results in alleviating anxiety symptoms and promoting confidence growth.

Remember, confidence is not about being perfect or never making mistakes. It is about recognizing your worth, embracing your unique abilities, and believing in your capacity to grow and overcome challenges. By breaking free from self-criticism and embracing confidence growth, you can unlock your full potential and thrive in whatever field or area of your life you desire.

Goal Setting: The Pathway to Success

Setting goals is a crucial step in overcoming performance anxiety and unlocking your full potential. Goals provide us with a clear direction and purpose, allowing us to focus our energy and efforts on what truly matters. When setting goals, it is important to be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART). By following this framework, you can create goals that are realistic and attainable, increasing your confidence and motivation.

Additionally, breaking down larger goals into smaller, more manageable steps can help reduce feelings of anxiety. Celebrating each milestone along the way will boost your self-esteem and keep you motivated to continue striving for success.

Remember, goal setting is not about perfection or comparing yourself to others. It is about personal growth and progress. By setting goals that align with your values and aspirations, you can navigate through performance anxiety with purpose and determination. Keep in mind that it is okay to adjust your goals as you learn and grow. The most important thing is to stay focused, stay motivated, and stay committed to unlocking your full potential.

Mastering Inner Calm and Focus: The Essential Ingredients to Excel

Mastering inner calm and focus are essential ingredients for excelling and unlocking your full potential. When we are overwhelmed by performance anxiety, our minds become cluttered with self-doubt and negative thoughts, making it difficult to stay focused and perform at our best. By practicing mindfulness and developing relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises or meditation, we can cultivate a sense of inner calm and clarity.

Additionally, exploring therapeutic approaches like EMDR therapy can help individuals address past traumas and reduce the symptoms of anxiety and depression. EMDR therapy is a highly effective treatment that uses eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation to help individuals process and heal from traumatic experiences.

By incorporating these strategies into our daily lives, we can quiet the noise of self-doubt and anxiety, and create a space where we can focus and perform at our peak. Remember, mastering inner calm and focus takes practice and patience, but the rewards are well worth it.

Overcoming PTSD as a Step towards Self-confidence and Unleashing Potential

Seeking appropriate treatment, such as EMDR intensive therapy, can help individuals process and heal from traumatic experiences, reducing the symptoms of PTSD and enhancing overall well-being. This therapy focuses on reprocessing traumatic memories, allowing you to release the negative emotions associated with them. As you heal from past traumas, you will experience a newfound sense of self-confidence and resilience, enabling you to overcome performance anxiety and unlock your full potential.

By taking the necessary steps to overcome PTSD, you are paving the way for personal growth and success. Remember, it is never too late to seek help and reclaim control of your life. You have the power within you to overcome PTSD and unleash your true potential.

Achieving Balance: Healthy Self-expectations and Dealing with Pressure

Achieving balance between healthy self-expectations and dealing with pressure is a crucial step in overcoming performance anxiety and unlocking your full potential. It's important to recognize that while setting high standards for yourself is beneficial, setting unrealistic expectations can be counterproductive and contribute to feelings of anxiety and overwhelm.

To achieve balance, start by being kind and compassionate towards yourself. Remind yourself that it's okay to make mistakes and that setbacks are a part of growth. Focus on progress rather than perfection and celebrate small victories along the way.

Managing pressure is also essential. Break tasks into manageable chunks and prioritize self-care. Find healthy coping mechanisms like exercise, journaling, or spending time with loved ones to reduce stress. Setting boundaries and learning to say no when necessary can also help manage external pressures.

Remember, balance is about finding harmony between striving for success and taking care of your well-being. By maintaining healthy self-expectations and effectively managing pressure, you can navigate performance anxiety with grace and confidence, ultimately unlocking your true potential.

Experiencing a car accident can be a traumatic and life-altering event. Aside from physical injuries, it can also leave a lasting impact on one's mental health. Many individuals who have been in a car accident often develop anxiety symptoms, such as persistent fear, hypervigilance, and flashbacks. These symptoms can significantly affect their daily lives and prevent them from moving on from the traumatic experience. Fortunately, there is an effective therapy that can help individuals cope with these anxiety symptoms - Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. EMDR therapy can help individuals struggling with car accident-related anxiety and is an effective treatment option.

Reclaim Your Life After a Car Accident - Break Free from Anxiety!

If you have even been in a car accident, the aftermath of such a traumatic experience can take a toll on your mental and emotional well-being. If you're dealing with:

1. Avoidant Behavior: Constantly trying to avoid situations that remind you of the accident, such as driving, or shying away from discussions and activities associated with a lost loved one.
2. Extreme Mood Changes: Suffering from persistent mood swings and sadness that just won't fade away, signaling a possible case of PTSD.
3. Detachment: Feeling emotionally distant from loved ones, losing interest in once-beloved activities, and experiencing extreme loneliness.
4. Flashbacks: Being haunted by intrusive, distressing memories of the accident that can trigger anxiety or depression, making it hard to engage in everyday activities.
5. Frustration: Struggling with overwhelming frustration and anger, whether it's about the accident itself or the mounting medical bills and financial strain.

You may have developed PTSD in response to the accident and would benefit from Anxiety Treatment

Imagine a life where you:

• Face your fears and travel confidently on the road, free from anxiety.
• Cherish the memories of your loved one and participate in activities they enjoyed.
• Find emotional balance and regain your connection with loved ones.
• Say goodbye to distressing flashbacks and reclaim your life with ease.
• Manage your frustrations constructively and regain control of your finances.

What Treatments are Most Effective in Dealing with PTSD after a Car Accident?

Our brain likes to "code" things. If we experience trauma our brain codes that experience and all things associated with it as threats. There are some problems with this coding though. For example, let's say you were hit by a blue car. Now every time you see a blue car, you get muscle tightness, and begin experiencing anxiety- but blue cars in and of themselves are not threats. EMDR takes the traumatic event stored in the "emotional" part of our brains and assists in making connecting with the "logical" reasoning part of our brain. This way the memory is stored more accurately and we do not experience the physical anxiety symptoms that occur when the memory is stored and processed inaccurately.

How to Start Treatment for PTSD Post-Car Accident in Suffolk County, NY?

Don't let the trauma of a car accident continue to control your life. You have the power to heal and thrive once more. Reach out to us for a consultation, and let's begin your journey toward a life free from anxiety and PTSD. You deserve to live without fear and embrace the peace and joy that awaits you.

The weight of these symptoms can make you feel:

• Overwhelmed by the relentless stress and trauma.
• Isolated from loved ones and colleagues who may not understand.
• Trapped in a cycle of darkness, affecting every aspect of your life.

Our team at Long Island EMDR provides specialized treatment for first responders dealing with the symptoms mentioned earlier. We understand what you are going through and know how challenging it can be. You are not alone, and we are here to help you find a path forward.

Picture a life where you:

• Conquer the demons of trauma and stress.
• Regain your emotional balance and vitality.
• Reconnect with your loved ones on a deeper level.
• Rediscover your passion for your work, feeling a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Our evidence-based therapies are designed to help first responders move forward, no matter how challenging their past experiences have been. Our program utilizes treatments like eye movement desensitization and reprocessing and EMDR intensives to help individuals make progress more quickly. By implementing more flexible scheduling options, we make treatment even more accessible.

If you're ready to take action and work on improving your life, then Long Island EMDR is here to support you. When you join our program, we provide you with a welcoming environment that caters to your specific needs. We offer tailored programs and individualized support, all in the name of ensuring that you can achieve the best possible outcomes.

How Trauma Therapy for First Responders Works:

Our treatment program begins by identifying your specific pain points and what you would like to work on during therapy. Afterward, our experienced clinicians create a customized treatment plan tailored to your needs. Your treatment may include EMDR intensives or other evidence-based therapies that help reduce symptoms like stress, depression, and suicidal ideation. By taking this approach, we can offer flexible treatment schedules, and get more rapid results.

Benefits of Trauma Therapy for First Responders:

Our evidence-based therapies are designed to help first responders from the invisible wounds of your profession. We offer the support and guidance needed to take that first step forward. By prioritizing our patients' mental health needs, we can help first responders get back on track to live the lives they deserve. With our innovative treatment program and compassionate approach, we are committed to your success.

If you're struggling with symptoms of stress, depression, or post-traumatic stress, we want you to know that help is available. At Long Island EMDR, we offer innovative and evidence-based treatment that has been shown to be effective for first responders. Our compassionate approach prioritizes our clients' needs and fosters a supportive environment that leads to healing and progress. If you're ready to take that first step forward, then contact us today and start your journey to healing.

Trauma can sneak up on us, often hidden in plain sight. Whether a personal setback or a larger
life event, its impact can be profound and far-reaching. Understanding and recognizing the signs
of trauma is crucial, not just for our well-being but also for those around us. This article aims to
guide you through the subtle and not-so-subtle indicators of trauma. We'll explore what to look
out for, from physical symptoms to emotional changes. Recognizing the signs of trauma is the
first step towards healing them for good.

Understanding Trauma: A Brief Explanation

Trauma is an emotional response to a deeply distressing or disturbing event. It can stem from a
variety of situations, like an accident, the loss of a loved one, or any event that shakes us to our
core. Everyone reacts differently to trauma, and what deeply affects one person might not
impact another in the same way. It's important to know that trauma isn't just about the big, life-
altering events. It can also arise from smaller yet significant experiences, especially during
childhood.

A crucial aspect of trauma is its potential long-term effects. For some, the echoes of past trauma
can trigger addiction in later life. That happens as individuals turn to substances or behaviors in
an attempt to cope with unresolved emotional pain or stress. Understanding this link is vital, as it
helps in recognizing why some people might develop addiction issues and highlights the
importance of addressing trauma to break this cycle.

Physical Signs of Trauma

Physical Signs of Trauma
Recognizing the physical signs of trauma is a key step in understanding how deeply it affects
us. These signs often manifest in ways that we might overlook. Here are some common
physical symptoms:
● Exhaustion: Feeling constantly tired, even after a good night's sleep.
● Sleep Issues: Struggling to fall asleep, stay asleep, or experiencing nightmares.
● Appetite Changes: Eating too much or too little, which wasn't the case before.
● Physical Pain: Unexplained aches and pains, like headaches or stomach problems.
These symptoms are your body's way of signaling that something isn't right. It's easy to dismiss
them as just being stressed or busy. However, if you notice these changes in yourself or
someone close to you, it could be a sign of underlying trauma. Paying attention to these
physical cues is crucial for recognizing the need for care and support.

Emotional and Psychological Signs

Alongside physical signs, trauma often leaves emotional and psychological marks that can be
just as telling. These signs can sometimes be harder to notice, as they're deeply personal and
vary greatly from one person to another. Here's what to look out for:
● Mood Swings: Rapid changes in mood, from anger to sadness, without a clear reason.
● Anxiety and Fear: Constant feelings of nervousness or being on edge, often about
things that didn't bother you before.
● Depression: Persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or losing interest in activities
you used to enjoy.
● Flashbacks and Nightmares: Reliving the traumatic event in your mind can feel
overwhelmingly real.
● Avoidance: Steering clear of people, places, or activities that remind you of the trauma.
Understanding that these signs are normal responses to abnormal events is crucial. They are
not signs of weakness but indications that your mind is trying to cope with something difficult. If
you or someone you know is showing these signs, it's a hint that seeking support could be
beneficial.

Behavioral Changes Indicating Trauma

Trauma doesn't just impact our minds and bodies; it often shows up in our actions and
behaviors, too. These changes can be a clear signal that someone is struggling with
unprocessed trauma. Keep an eye out for these behavioral signs:
● Withdrawal: Pulling back from social interactions, even from close friends and family.
● Irritability: Getting easily upset or angered, often over minor issues.
● Loss of Interest: Not wanting to engage in hobbies or activities that used to be
enjoyable.
● Risky Behaviors: Engaging in activities that are out of character, like reckless driving or
substance abuse.
● Changes in Routine: Significant shifts in daily habits, like sleeping patterns or personal
hygiene.
These behaviors are often a person's unconscious way of dealing with overwhelming emotions
or memories. They might not even realize the changes themselves. Recognizing these signs is
important for understanding and supporting someone dealing with trauma. It's not about labeling
them but about offering a helping hand.

When to Seek Help

Knowing when it's time to seek help for trauma can be a turning point in your journey toward
healing. If you're finding that the signs of trauma are interfering with your daily life, relationships,
or well-being, it's a clear indicator that professional support could be beneficial. That is
especially true if you're feeling overwhelmed, if your coping mechanisms aren't working, or if
you're noticing a persistent decline in your mental health.
In these circumstances, reaching out to a professional, like a trauma therapist, can provide the
tools and support you need to process and move beyond your trauma. Techniques like Eye
Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) are particularly effective for many people.
This therapy is designed to help you confront and reframe your traumatic experiences in a safe
and supportive environment.
Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It's about taking control of your life and
choosing to heal. If you're unsure about where to start, consider reaching out to a mental health
professional who can guide you through your options and help you find the right path for your
healing journey.

How to Support Someone Experiencing Trauma

Supporting someone who is dealing with trauma can make a significant difference in their
healing process. The key is to offer support in a respectful and understanding way. Start by
simply being there for them. Listen without judgment or the urge to offer quick fixes. Sometimes,
just having someone to talk to can be incredibly relieving for someone dealing with trauma.
Encourage them gently to seek professional help if they haven't already, but remember, the
decision to seek therapy must be theirs. You can help by providing information about available
resources or even offering to accompany them to an appointment, but avoid pressuring them.
Also, respect their need for space and time. Trauma recovery is not linear, and everyone heals
at their own pace. Be patient and maintain a supportive presence in their life. Small gestures
like checking in on them, offering to help with day-to-day tasks, or just spending time together
can be comforting.

Embracing Healing: A Step Towards Recovery

In sum, recognizing the signs of trauma is a vital step toward healing and recovery. Whether it's
physical symptoms, emotional changes, or behavioral shifts, being aware of these signs can
lead to timely support and care. If you or someone you know shows these signs, don't hesitate

to reach out for help. Every step taken towards understanding and addressing trauma is a move
towards a healthier, more fulfilling life.

Much to the relief of mental health workers the stigma attached to depression is lessening as awareness increases. Times are changing and so are your options when it comes to seeking treatment for depression. EMDR can be an effective means to treat your depression when traditional options have not helped.

Most people are familiar with depression, or at least familiar with the fact that it exists and anyone can struggle with it. However, many people may not know where to start when it comes to how to treat it effectively. Traditional therapy and medication do help, without a doubt. But what happens when it’s just not enough or you aren’t feeling relief? If that question rings true for you, please know that you do have options for EMDR therapy for depression in Suffolk County, NY.

What is EMDR?

 I’d like to bring to your attention a treatment option, which you may or may not have heard of, known as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). Are you familiar with this treatment? During EMDR treatment, bilateral stimulation activates the opposite sides of the brain allowing the brain to release and redefine emotional experiences that are “trapped” within the brain. This type of stimulation actually resembles REM sleep as our eyes move from one side to the other. It is during sleep that the brain naturally sorts out our experiences from the day, discarding useless information and transferring memories appropriately.

Sometimes when we experience a traumatic events, big or small (i.e. getting in trouble at school, bullying, or the emotional trauma experienced when dealing with infidelity), these negative experiences can get “trapped” or “frozen” in the brain and they are unable to resolve naturally which may result in nightmares, depression, anger, anxiety, or emotional disturbance.

Along with the “trapped” negative experience is the negative emotional and sensory information, and childlike or initial interpretation of the experience.

Stress hormones are released into the body and we find ourselves saying things without thinking or doing things that seem out of character. Unfortunately, the initial and untrue negative beliefs about oneself are reinforced.

What’s an EMDR session like? 

During a typical EMDR session you would be asked to identify a disturbing target memory. That memory is then processed using bilateral stimulation, the negative feelings, beliefs, or experience become desensitized, meaning they simply become less bothersome. The feelings, beliefs, and/or experience is then reprocessed and a new meaning is attached to the experience or triggers. As your brain arrives at a new conclusion, the original trauma no longer contains the negative emotional charge originally associated with it. The triggers are now neutral, the interpretation of the experience is now intentional and the beliefs about oneself are more positive and present hope instead of powerlessness.

Should I do it? So you may be wondering, “Is EMDR right for me?” Well, if you feel like your traumas, or inner demons, have too much power over you; and if you have a strong desire to be liberated from the traumas of your past, then, yes, EMDR may be a good fit for you.

Please keep in mind, EMDR is not only for those who have suffered significant trauma.

Reasons for choosing EMDR include a desire to let go of the rational, logical self and to be able to engage at a deeper level. If focusing solely on symptom management is not getting you the results you desire then you may benefit from EMDR, leading you to a deeper understanding of the root cause of the problem and allowing you to deal with it and find resolution.

If you have any thoughts or questions related to EMDR therapy for depression in Suffolk County, NY., or other mental health issues, please feel free to contact us. We would love to help you.

In this blog post, we will take a closer look at these two approaches and explore their similarities, differences, and effectiveness as PTSD treatments.

Understanding the Basics of Trauma Therapy

Trauma therapy is a specialized form of therapy designed to help individuals who have experienced a traumatic event or are struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It aims to address the emotional and psychological impact of trauma and provide effective tools for healing and recovery.

Trauma therapy can encompass various treatment modalities, such as TF-CBT and EMDR. These approaches are evidence-based and have shown significant efficacy in treating trauma and PTSD.

If you are seeking PTSD help, trauma counseling, or anxiety and depression treatment, trauma therapy could be an effective option for you. It is essential to find a therapist who specializes in trauma and has experience with the specific treatment modality that resonates with you.

In the next sections, we will explore two popular approaches to trauma therapy, TF-CBT, and EMDR, in more detail and examine their benefits, drawbacks, similarities, and differences.

An In-depth Look at TF-CBT Therapy: Benefits and Drawbacks

TF-CBT (Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is a widely used and highly effective approach to trauma therapy. It combines cognitive behavioral therapy techniques with trauma-specific interventions to help individuals overcome the effects of traumatic experiences. One of the key benefits of TF-CBT is its focus on addressing both the emotional and cognitive aspects of trauma. This approach helps individuals understand how their thoughts and beliefs about the traumatic event contribute to their emotional distress and symptoms.

Despite its many benefits, TF-CBT does have some drawbacks. It can be time-consuming, requiring several sessions over a period of months. This can be a barrier for individuals who have limited time or financial resources. Additionally, TF-CBT may not be suitable for everyone. Some individuals may find it challenging to engage in the cognitive and exposure-based aspects of the therapy, while others may prefer a more experiential approach.

In summary, TF-CBT is an evidence-based therapy that has shown significant effectiveness in trauma treatment. It offers a range of benefits, including symptom reduction and practical coping skills. However, it is important to consider individual preferences and needs when choosing trauma therapy, as TF-CBT may not be the best fit for everyone seeking anxiety treatment or PTSD help.

Evaluating EMDR Therapy: Strengths and Weaknesses

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is another popular and effective approach to trauma therapy. It was originally developed to help individuals process traumatic memories by utilizing bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements or hand taps, to facilitate the processing of distressing experiences. One of the key strengths of EMDR is its ability to target and process specific traumatic memories, which can lead to significant symptom reduction and emotional healing.

EMDR has been found to be effective in treating PTSD, as well as other conditions like anxiety and phobias. It offers a unique and structured approach to trauma processing, allowing individuals to reprocess distressing memories and replace negative beliefs and emotions associated with the trauma with more adaptive ones. EMDR also emphasizes the importance of creating a sense of safety and empowerment during the therapy process, which can be particularly beneficial for individuals who may feel overwhelmed or disempowered by their traumatic experiences.

However, it is important to note that EMDR may not be suitable for everyone. Some individuals may find the bilateral stimulation or the process of revisiting traumatic memories too distressing or overwhelming. Additionally, EMDR requires specific training and expertise on the part of the therapist, so it may not be widely available or accessible in all areas. It is essential to work with a trained and experienced EMDR therapist who can provide proper guidance and support throughout the therapy process.

Comparing TF-CBT and EMDR: Similarities and Differences

Comparing TF-CBT (Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) allows us to understand the similarities and differences between these two effective trauma therapy approaches.

One key similarity between TF-CBT and EMDR is their evidence-based nature. Both approaches have undergone extensive research and is effective in treating trauma and PTSD. They provide individuals with valuable tools and techniques to process and heal from their traumatic experiences.

However, TF-CBT and EMDR differ in their specific methods. TF-CBT primarily focuses on cognitive restructuring and exposure therapy, helping individuals challenge and change negative thoughts and behaviors associated with their trauma. On the other hand, EMDR utilizes bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements or hand taps, to facilitate the processing of distressing memories and emotions.

Additionally, TF-CBT often involves family or caregiver involvement, while EMDR is typically an individual therapy approach. This distinction can be essential depending on the individual's support system and their specific needs and preferences.

Ultimately, the choice between TF-CBT and EMDR will depend on individual factors such as personal preferences, the severity of symptoms, and the expertise and availability of therapists. It is crucial to consult with a trained professional to determine which approach aligns best with your needs and goals for trauma therapy.

How to Choose the Right Trauma Therapy for You

When it comes to choosing the right trauma therapy for you, it's essential to consider a few factors. Firstly, think about your personal preferences and what resonates with you. Are you more comfortable with a structured approach like TF-CBT, or do you prefer the idea of utilizing bilateral stimulation with EMDR? Take some time to research and understand the core principles and techniques of each therapy to see which one aligns best with your needs and goals.

Secondly, consider the severity of your symptoms and the level of support you have available. If you have a strong support system and prefer a therapy that involves family or caregiver involvement, TF-CBT may be the right choice for you. On the other hand, if you feel more comfortable with an individual therapy approach and want to focus specifically on processing traumatic memories, EMDR may be a better fit.

Lastly, consider the availability and expertise of therapists in your area. Look for professionals who specialize in trauma therapy and have experience with the specific approach you're interested in. Remember, finding the right therapist is crucial for effective trauma treatment.

Final Thoughts and Considerations:

As we reach the end of our exploration into trauma therapy and the comparison of TF-CBT and EMDR, it's important to consider some final thoughts and considerations. Both approaches have been extensively researched and have shown significant efficacy in treating trauma and PTSD. However, it's essential to remember that every individual is unique, and what works for one person may not work for another.

When deciding trauma therapy, it's crucial to take into account your personal preferences, the severity of your symptoms, and the level of support you have available. Reflect on what resonates with you and aligns best with your needs and goals. Additionally, consider the expertise and availability of therapists in your area, as finding the right professional is vital for effective treatment.

Remember, trauma therapy is a deeply personal journey, and finding the right approach is crucial for your healing and recovery. Take the time to explore your options, ask questions, and trust your intuition. With the guidance of a trained professional, you can embark on a path of healing and find relief from the impact of traumatic experiences. You deserve to live a life free from the burdens of trauma, and trauma therapy can provide the support and tools you need to make that possible.

With love and support,

Kristy Casper, LCSW

Many of my clients have difficulty living the life they want and need to feel truly happy. They struggle with expectations placed on them by others, feelings of guilt if they put themselves first and most days feel like they cannot catch their breathe. Trauma therapy, like EMDR for example, can help you to end old patterns and put yourself first. Self-care isn't selfish- I know it's a clique but it is true. You need to take care of you to be your best self for your family, friends and career. If this is speaking to you, strap in- I have some Pro-tips for you.

1. Evaluate Your Values

What is most important to you? List 3 things. Could be family, honesty, integrity, compassion, trust etc. Then you need to start seeing if your actions actually align with your values. Those that do keep at them- those that don't make an effort to change them. For example, if you choose "family, compassion and health" and you are offered an additional work shift. Is taking this shift detracting from your family time? Do you need a mental health break or day off to take care of you? If so say no. If it's to help a colleague who is going through a rough time and you feel you have enough time on another day to take care of you and spend time with family and you want to honor that "compassion" value you can also say yes. Seeing how our actions are in align with our values helps us to begin living a life that makes us happy- not a life that is spent trying to appease or please others.

2. Set Some Boundaries

In set with setting those values is setting up some boundaries with those around us. When we have no boundaries- meaning we having difficulty saying no or often do things out of pleasing others even if it's not what we want- we continue to feel exhausted, unhappy and overwhelmed. Boundaries despite what childhood may have taught you are actually healthy.

3. Let Go of the Guilt

Often times my clients struggle with boundaries because of the guilt they feel in saying no to others. They feel responsible to take on the problems of those around them. They are accustom to the role of "fixer". Those around them, often family members but sometimes even colleagues or bosses sometimes push back on boundaries set and plead or ridicule them if they don't get what they want. I'm not going to say setting boundaries is an easy task when you are accustom to saying "yes" to everything because your role has always been to put others before you. But I will say the more you stick to your boundaries, the less others push back over time. It helps to see if keeping those boundaries is in alignment with your values or the type of person you are aspiring to be. Simple answer might look like "yes, I value helping others." With a closer look though it's easy to see it is hard to be our best self for others when you are running on empty.

Short Term Positive of Not Holding My Boundary	Long Term Consequences of Not Holding My Boundary
-Don't feel guilty	-I am overwhelmed and burning out
-My boss is happy	-It's hard to complete additional work assigned in my work hours so I am constantly bringing work home
-I get positive praise	-I am working so hard that when I am done I have no energy to engage meaningfully with my husband and kids
	-I feel taken advantage of and under appreciated
	-My workload will never decrease if I do not voice concern with the disproportionate work I get in comparison to colleagues

After making this list you may decide to have a conversation with your boss and say "I would love to be able to help with that project but I already have 3 other projects I am currently working on. I will need to finish those first before I can take on any more. It's important to me that the quality of my work meets the standard and I am afraid I won't be able to complete all projects to our client's expectations." Starting an honest dialogue can help you feel more in control and will likely make you a better employee. Same with friends and family, when you are happier and more relaxed you can be your best self for your spouse, children, parents and friends. If this seems daunting, trauma therapy can surely help you work through your fears and doubts.

Need Help?

If this sounds daunting, you may need some extra support in navigating beginning to set boundaries and taking back control of your life. This is really common with clients who have trauma, are children of alcoholics, were parentified children (children that functioned more as parents), and those with low self-esteem and attachment difficulties (as they often fear boundaries will push others away). Trauma therapy can help! Just like my clients you can take back your life, begin to feel in control, less overwhelmed, more peaceful and joyful. You deserve happiness too. If you need the extra support in getting there give our office a call.

Sending love & light,

Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW