The weight of these symptoms can make you feel:

• Overwhelmed by the relentless stress and trauma.
• Isolated from loved ones and colleagues who may not understand.
• Trapped in a cycle of darkness, affecting every aspect of your life.

Our team at Long Island EMDR provides specialized treatment for first responders dealing with the symptoms mentioned earlier. We understand what you are going through and know how challenging it can be. You are not alone, and we are here to help you find a path forward.

Picture a life where you:

• Conquer the demons of trauma and stress.
• Regain your emotional balance and vitality.
• Reconnect with your loved ones on a deeper level.
• Rediscover your passion for your work, feeling a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Our evidence-based therapies are designed to help first responders move forward, no matter how challenging their past experiences have been. Our program utilizes treatments like eye movement desensitization and reprocessing and EMDR intensives to help individuals make progress more quickly. By implementing more flexible scheduling options, we make treatment even more accessible.

If you're ready to take action and work on improving your life, then Long Island EMDR is here to support you. When you join our program, we provide you with a welcoming environment that caters to your specific needs. We offer tailored programs and individualized support, all in the name of ensuring that you can achieve the best possible outcomes.

How Trauma Therapy for First Responders Works:

Our treatment program begins by identifying your specific pain points and what you would like to work on during therapy. Afterward, our experienced clinicians create a customized treatment plan tailored to your needs. Your treatment may include EMDR intensives or other evidence-based therapies that help reduce symptoms like stress, depression, and suicidal ideation. By taking this approach, we can offer flexible treatment schedules, and get more rapid results.

Benefits of Trauma Therapy for First Responders:

Our evidence-based therapies are designed to help first responders from the invisible wounds of your profession. We offer the support and guidance needed to take that first step forward. By prioritizing our patients' mental health needs, we can help first responders get back on track to live the lives they deserve. With our innovative treatment program and compassionate approach, we are committed to your success.

If you're struggling with symptoms of stress, depression, or post-traumatic stress, we want you to know that help is available. At Long Island EMDR, we offer innovative and evidence-based treatment that has been shown to be effective for first responders. Our compassionate approach prioritizes our clients' needs and fosters a supportive environment that leads to healing and progress. If you're ready to take that first step forward, then contact us today and start your journey to healing.

Flashbacks are our brain’s way of processing traumatic events that we’ve experienced. Our subconscious taps into those important memories but they are not contained- meaning they tend to spill out everything related to the traumatic event. For many individuals, this experience can be just as terrifying as the initial event, and result in panic or anxiety.

Flashbacks usually happen without warning. Most result from a “triggering” that occurs by an external experience. Triggers are typically sensory-based experiences that manifest via smells, sounds, tastes, textures that remind the person of the traumatic event. The sound of fireworks or a car backfiring can remind a soldier of gunfire. I once had a patient who would have flashbacks around flower shops, as the overwhelming smell of flowers would bring him back to his sister’s funeral.  

Living with flashbacks is very difficult, but with practice there are some ways you can work through these disturbing events:

1. Remember

Remind yourself that you are in a safe place and having a flashback. Use that self-talk and tell yourself, as many times as necessary, that these are only memories until you can feel yourself begin to calm.

2. Empower Yourself

3. Breathe

Fear and panic causes our breathing to become shallow and erratic. Shallow our erratic breathing exacerbates the stress we feel in that moment because our body is literally panicking from a lack of oxygen. In these fearful moments, when we slow our breathing and take deeper and deeper breaths, we actually signal to our brain and body that everything is okay. One of my favorite breathing tricks is to trace one hand with the opposite. When you go up a finger breathe in, then breathe out as you trace back to the palm of you hand. Repeat till you are calm and your breathing is regular. A meditation app such as Insight Timer can be very helpful too.

4. Honor the Experience

Going through trauma alone is not really advisable. I understand there may be feelings of shame, guilt, fear that are preventing you from feeling comfortable opening up. However, it is important for you to have supports.

Stay Shining,

Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW

By Jaclyn Martinez, LMSW - Long Island EMDR

People’s motivation to exercise can vary so significantly depending on their personal values, goals, hobbies, and ways they take care of themselves. 

My Journey with Exercise

On one hand, there are people like me who struggle to get motivated to work out. I know it’s good for me, and I’ve seen amazing results in the past. My close friend Jessica Lopez is a personal trainer who helped me lose a significant amount of weight, tone up, and improve my overall mood, energy, and confidence after giving birth to my first child. I never felt better, and was so grateful to her for her guidance and expertise! But over time, I noticed that with additional responsibilities and a second baby on the way, I slowed down my exercise routine to the point of being out of commission for at least 2 years. My energy is always low, I’m always grumpy, and then I get all butt hurt by the fact that I’m fluffier than I prefer these days. And whose fault is that?!

But anyway, there are other people who dedicate their lives to exercise, not just for the desired physical outcomes, but because it’s like a high for them (ugh I wish I had that!). People like my friend Jessica base their lives around wellness rituals such as exercising, nutrition, and grounding to maintain positive energy in their lives. 

As reflected by Jessica Lopez, Personal Trainer, “Reaching your fitness goals is such an excellent tool to see exactly what you’re capable of with unrelenting focus and dedication. Along the way you develop habits that will allow you to keep the results. Exercising and eating a healthy, balanced diet will boost your overall mood, it’ll positively affect your decision-making skills, and even raise your own standards and expectations for yourself”. 

Benefits of Exercise

Multiple studies have shown that regular exercise can significantly improve overall mood as well as clinical symptoms of depression and anxiety. According to Mayo Clinic, ways that exercise improve mental wellness include the endorphin (a cannabis-like brain chemical) releases, distraction from stressors, improved self-confidence, socializing (meeting new people at the gym or having a consistent work out buddy) and promotes healthy coping rather than turning to substances or overeating. 

The National Center for Biotechnology Information notes that with aerobic exercise, anxiety and depression symptoms decrease due in part to increasing blood flow to the brain, stimulating parts of the brain such as the limbic system, responsible for motivation and emotion; and the hippocampus, which is responsible for memory, mood, and motivation. This blood flow in the brain helps to foster improved mood, energy, and motivation to keep up with regular exercise and fitness goals for both physical and emotional wellness.

So why do mental health providers recommend exercise? It’s not just to torture you, I promise. It is because exercising, even just taking 30 minute walks out in nature with beautiful scenery 3 days a week not only gets your blood pumping, but it can be quite relaxing and grounding to have that self care. It helps you to be able to get out of your head for a little while and just focus on the present moment. You can notice your surroundings, how your body feels, and just observe your thoughts and let them pass without judgment. Incorporating these pieces of mindfulness alongside working out can be very emotionally empowering in addition to having improved self confidence.

How do we get motivated to create and maintain the habit of working out? 

So here, we need to get creative. Motivation is not a one-size fits all. We have to take a look at what our reasons for increasing physical activity are; whether that be to improve physical health conditions, bodybuilding and/or toning, losing weight in general, or coping with emotional symptoms such as those that come with depression, anxiety, grief, and/or trauma. 

After establishing your motivator for working out, it’s time to create a schedule. Figure out how many days per week and at what times will be the most realistic for you so that you hold yourself accountable to your exercise goals. You’re doing this for a reason, so find ways to keep yourself in check and stay consistent. It gets easier and more routine when you maintain the consistency of making these new changes. 

Next, it’s time to figure out what form of exercise your body and mind need to have the best possible self care. Whether that be 30 minute walks, jogging, zumba, weight training, crossfit, body lifting, yoga, barre, pilates, or whatever floats your boat. Find your groove and stick to it. Make sure that whatever form of physical activity you choose is something you actually enjoy, otherwise it's easy to come up with a million excuses on why “I’m too busy to work out today”. 

Working out and engaging in wellness does not have to be a drag. We can find ways to fit this into our daily routines at least 3 times per week to have a noticeable change to our mood, energy, cognition, and productivity in our lives. I highly recommend hiring a personal trainer to help you assess your current needs to ensure your fitness goals are being properly and safely addressed as they have the expertise to help you reach your goals safely. You will feel a world of difference with a little added consistency and encouragement from others, such as personal trainers, or fellow work out buddies to improve physical health and have an emotional outlet. 

By Jaclyn Martinez, LMSW - Long Island EMDR

Sources:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1470658/

By Jillian Martino, CAT-LP

What is Self-Love?

So, what is self-love? We all talk about it and influencers constantly preach about it. But what exactly is self-love? Why do we all want it? Most importantly, how do we get there? Self-love is the practice of having a positive attitude towards yourself. The main ingredient of self-love is learning to accept and appreciate yourself for who you are and understanding your worth and value. When you are actively engaging in self-love, you are able to have a healthy relationship with yourself and take care of your emotional, physical, and mental wellbeing. Loving yourself is about being kind and compassionate to yourself, as well as recognizing and honoring your needs.

Finding, accepting, and loving yourself is the best thing you can do for your own growth and mental health. When you love yourself, you truly understand yourself. Learning to love yourself also helps us go after what we want, because we finally know what we deserve, making life more fulfilling.

For a lot of us this sounds great on paper but sounds as realistic to us as wizards and warlocks. So, this begs the question, how do we learn to love ourselves when we were taught against it from birth? This blog will explore that exact thing. Before we can make you a self-love master, we need to talk about what is blocking and making loving yourself so hard.

The Impossible Task of Self Love

Loving yourself doesn’t come naturally to all of us. Even though it’s something we are all capable of, some of us find it harder than others to unconditionally love ourselves. I myself was one of those people, knowing firsthand how hard it can be. I have also learned also how to move through the high and lows that come with this journey.  

Self-love can be difficult because we often have trouble accepting ourselves as we are and recognizing our own worth. It can be difficult to practice self-love when we are surrounded by messages from society that tell us that we are not enough or that we need to compare ourselves to others, not to mention the standards we set for ourselves or from our families. We cannot have self-love without acknowledging our own unique strengths, challenges, vulnerabilities-accepting ourselves in spite of our “imperfections”. It requires us to focus on our needs, and not feel selfish or guilty for taking care of ourselves. It's not easy, but with practice, self-love can become one of the easiest and most rewarding parts of our life. Let’s breakdown some of the common reasons people struggle with self-love: 

 What you think is self-love isn’t realistic… 

Sometimes loving yourself is hard because we have an unrealistic definition of self-love. Have you ever taken a moment to think about what it means to you to love yourself??  If you are anything like me, you believe self-love is some giant overly indulgent act of kindness to yourself, and frankly who has time for that? Not me. Where was I supposed to fit in an hour of self-care with my schedule? I loved a “Treat-yo self” moment, but it fit better in Parks and Recreation than in my world. 

The problem was I didn’t understand that self-love isn’t something I needed to carve time out for, but a mindset that I could carry throughout my day.

It’s not about blocking out an hour to have a bath or get a facial (although this is a great way to give yourself some love and care), but rather it is embedded in all of the actions you take throughout the day. Starting as early as the moment we wake up. 

The truth is caring for ourselves begins with how we speak to ourselves: 

• Self-love is saying kind things about yourself.
• Self-love is praising yourself for all that you do.
• Self-love is affirming that you’re worthy. 

It can be hard to be positive, especially when we are used to being negative with ourselves. Trust me even, I’m still working on it, but you can begin to bring in more self-love by canceling out some of the negativity with positive affirmations. Here are a few affirmations that I love: 

• I accept myself for who I am.
• I accept myself for where I’m at 
• I love myself unconditionally. 
• I am loveable. 

Some fun ways I like to include affirmations into my life is by writing them on my mirror or by setting reminders on your phone, so they pop up in the day. Setting them as your phone background is also another fun easy way to make affirmations a staple in your life. 

Learning to love yourself is about being mindful of the choices we make throughout the day and paying attention to how our choices affect our wellbeing. 

2. You are hardwired to have a negative bias for yourself.

Most humans struggle with shame, which is one of the largest reasons we have trouble loving ourselves. Shame keeps us focused on the “should ofs”, “could ofs”, and “buts” of our life. Shame is the voice in our head saying we are never enough, and we can always do better. It keeps us focused on our past failures and not where we are right now. Shame’s main goal is to convince us we are not worthy of love. For a lot of us, shame can be very convincing. 

We experience shame when we feel a sense of guilt, humiliation, and/or embarrassment around who we are.  Oftentimes, it is connected to the belief that we are failing to meet social expectations or our own personal standards. It makes us feel unworthy or inadequate and can lead to a laundry list of negative feelings such as depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. It is important to recognize the difference between guilt and shame, as guilt is often a sign of healthy self-reflection and accountability, while shame can be damaging in the long run. Guilt is, "I'm sorry I made a mistake” while shame is, “I’m sorry, I am a mistake.”

Before I learned to love myself, I was the queen of self-deprecation.

The truth is that it is easy to fixate on all of the things we’ve ever done wrong and go over all the ways in which we wish it was different for the rest of our lives. However, our thoughts can’t change the past. All we can do is accept that we’re human and sometimes. We may not like who we were or things we have done. If anything, that is even more reason to send that little you love. In the wise words of Rupaul “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” Can I get a hell yeah?? Self-love means showing up and presenting yourself to the world fully without fear or shame. The truth is that it can only come from you!

For as long as I could remember I would look back to the decisions I made in my late teens and think “Girly what were we thinking?” I would berate myself for all that I was, and all of the things I thought I should have been that I clearly wasn't reaching.  The truth is that I was powered by a whole lot of shame. No matter what I did, I was never enough, and my family was really good at reminding me of that exact thing. 

Dealing with Shame

It was easy for me to live in this space of shame. It was all I knew and was fed to me in so many areas of my life (but we’ll get into that in a further section). Shame is hard, but it took me actively choosing to make a difference, to change the narrative of what I had been telling myself, and finally seeing myself for who I am and not who I thought I was. Sometimes you have to draw a hard line in the sand and decide you deserve better than being your own bully. I needed to choose to love myself in every form- especially the parts that felt so impossible to deal with. 

3. The War between Acceptance and Perfectionism 

It can be hard for us to love ourselves because how we feel about ourselves is based on what others think of us. This can become our mentality for many reasons, such as:  

• Growing up in a household where love is conditional.
• Being mistreated in a romantic relationship
• Someone has said something horrible to you.
• Social media and comparing ourselves to others.
• Struggles with perfectionism. 

We were all born worthy and loveable, however over time along the way we collect a narrative from other people that we aren’t all these things. As we experience negative situations/interactions, it can affect us and damage our self-worth. 

This lack of self-worth leads to us becoming our harshest critics-and start to focus on our flaws and scrutinizing our flaws to no end.

We end up being a perfectionist and start comparing ourselves to others, asking ourselves why we aren't thinner, prettier or smarter. In some areas, being a perfectionist can be a good thing, but when it comes to ourselves, it’s a losing battle. You’re not a project, and ‘perfectionism’ doesn’t exist. However, many of us get stuck on feeling as though we need to be perfect by society standards, or unrealistic standards we or our families have set for us. For many of us, our parents, teachers, or other significant people around us have told us who and what we should be from a young age. You might have thought that you’ve needed to be financially stable, a certain weight, or in a relationship in order to be worthy. 

Avoid Unhealthy Comparisons

It can become very easy to get stuck in the loop of comparing ourselves to others, especially with the unattainable perfectly photoshopped bodies we see on social media and the external expectations that have been set for us by society. All these comparisons do is keep us stuck in an endless cycle of not fully seeing ourselves and accepting ourselves for who we are. 

4. You think self-love is selfish… 

Okay so let’s talk about one of the biggest misconceptions around self-love. 

Self-love is entirely selfless. Loving yourself does not harm anyone, but what it does is make you a better friend, partner and colleague. Why? Because when we love ourselves, we are happier. We show up for ourselves, go after what we deserve, and never accept anything less.

After I was able to stop telling myself that I was selfish for loving myself, a change happened. People in my life started to comment on how I seemed lighter, happier, and more me. I started attracting healthier friends and partners. I finally not only knew who I was but loved who I was, and the right people noticed.

It may sound narcissistic to focus on loving yourself first. But it’s not. The point isn’t to believe you’re better than others, or to accept things about yourself that you really do need to change. It’s about developing a healthy and nurturing relationship with you!

Self-Love Mastery 

The act of loving ourselves is our birthright and brings you to the life you are dreaming of. We are the key to having everything we want, but first we have to believe we are deserving of it. Like the saying goes, “Love yourself first and everything else falls into place.”

 Self-love is essential for a healthy and balanced life. It means understanding your needs and feelings, and responding to them in a positive, adaptive way.

Here are some tips on how to practice self-love during your day to day:

• Practice positive self-talk. You deserve it! Don’t forget our affirmations!
• Spend time engaged in activities that make you feel good.  Surround yourself with people who don’t judge you and accept you unconditionally, no matter where you are in life. 
• Take care of your physical health. Eat a balanced diet, get regular exercise, and remember to rest when you need to.
• Let go of perfectionism. Remember being perfect isn’t real, and being human is one of the most beautiful things we can be. Mistakes help us grow, so lean into them. 
• Celebrate yourself whenever you can. Acknowledge your accomplishments and take pride in them.
• Set healthy boundaries! Don’t be scared to say “no” when you need to and be clear about your needs and wants.

Learning to love ourselves is an ongoing process. It takes time, effort, and lots of patience. But it’s worth it and mostly you’re worth it. Self-love will bring you more joy and happiness in life, and it’s something that we all deserve. I know it may feel impossible, but you are capable! <3 Jillian Martino, CAT-LP

We all go through unenjoyable experiences, which can be unpleasant all the way up to a full-blown crisis.  At the mild end of this spectrum, it could be the cat seriously stunk up the litter box, you forgot to put out the garbage before the collection time, or someone left just a quarter-cup of milk left in the carton – you know, enough for them to lazily put it back in the refrigerator, but not enough for you to do anything with it. These are all a series of annoyances but generally they are not enough to disrupt our entire day.

There are also those times in our lives when we will experience far more severe circumstances, such as the death of someone we cared about, the end of a relationship, or financial hardships. Sometimes these events can be compounded, too, further adding to the burden. For instance, perhaps you were the caregiver to the person who died. During the caregiving journey, your romantic partner became fed up with your anxiety about the person’s illness and oncoming death, and so they broke up with you. That exacerbated your stress further, and you found yourself recklessly spending to cope with all the stressors. But then you fell behind on paying your credit cards, utilities, and other bills. As a result, you feel as if you are drowning from all the pressures.
However, some people, such as those with borderline personality disorder (BPD) feel the distress of these situations more intensely than others. Furthermore, their psychological pain can be seemingly out of nowhere, as if driven only by internal factors – it can be difficult for them to identify the source or reason of the pain, and only know that it hurts.

It is important to learn effective, healthy, long-term skills to properly cope with intense psychological pain, thereby surviving crises. For those with BPD or other disorders where emotional pain can be especially sharp, if they have not learned the right coping skills to tolerate these issues and the emotions, they may end up coping through dangerous or impulsive means for an immediate “fix” to the situation (i.e.., self-harm, substance abuse, promiscuous sex, overspending, etc.). These behaviors may feel helpful in the moment because they take the edge off, but in the long term they are only making things harder for the individual.

And why is this pain more intolerable? Consider the following. Dr. Marsha Linehan, Ph.D., ABPP, who developed a renowned therapy for BPD called dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), said, “people with borderline personality disorder (and those like them) are people with third-degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.”

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

Through DBT, people who experience severe emotional turmoil can learn distress tolerance skills that will let them endure painful situations and cope with the urges to surrender to harmful behaviors. Dr. Linehan splits distress tolerance skills into three groups: crisis survival techniques, sensory body awareness, and reality acceptance. Please note as this article is meant to be a simple introduction to DBT, the skills listed below all pertain to crisis survival skills; it is not meant to be an exhaustive, final list of all the distress tolerance skills!

Distress Tolerance

DBT is a subform of cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). Originally, it was designed for people with BPD and/or suicidal ideation – essentially, the people in the greatest emotional turmoil. Over time, research found that DBT can be effective in the treatment of other mental health diagnoses, too, such as depressive disorders, anxiety disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Some of the skills are useful regardless of if a person has a mental illness or not, and simply need a better way to cope with a situation.

DBT is especially beneficial for people with a highly sensitive temperament.

DBT is taught in four modules: mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. This article will only focus on distress tolerance as the writer plans to cover the other modules in future articles.

The Goals of Distress Tolerance

According to Dr. Linehan, the point of the distress tolerance skills is the following:

• Survive crises without making them worse through behaviors.
• Accept reality as it is. Replace suffering and feeling “stuck” with manageable, normal pain and the belief of moving forward from the crisis.
• Become liberated of having to “give in” to intense emotions, desires, and urges.

The When/Why/How to Use Distress Tolerance Skills for Crisis Survival

The crisis survival skills are considered skills of last resort. They should not be executed for coping with minor frustrations, or changing a situation or emotion, as those issues are better for the emotional regulation skills. Rather, the crisis survival skills should be employed for the following cases – anytime there is an actual or perceived crisis:

• An individual is going through severe emotional or physical pain that will not be relieved soon (i.e., diagnosed with a serious, chronic medical issue).
• Someone wants to behave on an emotion or urge that will only make the outcome worse (i.e., drinking to “drown out” a problem).
• A situation is exhausting and overwhelming, but there are needs that must be addressed (i.e.., someone may feel depressed about a heated argument with their romantic partner, but they still need to care for their baby).
• Someone desires to “fix” an issue that cannot be resolved right away.

Below are three of the distress tolerance skills for crisis survival.

Final Points…
The skills listed above are not the typical “psychology 101 self-help” skills, but rather are ones that are meant to be utilized only after being fully understood to thus prevent misuse that could end up making the situation backfire. Without context and more background, it can be difficult to know when, why, and how to properly use the skills. This writer emphasizes the importance of working with a DBT-informed therapist for DBT skills. Contact Long Island EMDR today if you are interested in such help!

– Valerie Smith, LMSW, CFTG

What are some of the most commonly asked questions about the LGBT+ community? Ranging from the coming out process all the way to questions about LGBT+ marriage, there’s curiosity surrounding the curious. However, in this case we will keep it so that curiosity does not kill the cat. It’s okay to be uncertain, uninformed, puzzled, perplexed, anything when it comes to a topic that you have not heard much about. Being ignorant towards a particular subject does not make you an ignorant person; however, speaking out of ignorance can lead to further ignorance. Below are some commonly asked questions about the LGBT+ community.

What is the coming out process like?

For me it was a process, my friend. It was something that I was juggling around in my head, self-doubting, felt shameful, it was something that I kept secret for too long. For some, the coming out process does not start with the individual telling friends or family about how they identify, the process starts at the very first inkling of curiosity. I had to come out to myself first, I had to figure out who I am before I made myself vulnerable. I think it can be really hard for some people to come out because of their families beliefs or morals, but what is most important is that you do what is healthiest for you; which is living your true self.

For me, the hardest people for me to “come out” to were myself, my father, and my sister. This is not because of our values or beliefs, because deep down I knew that my family would be accepting. However, you do have those thoughts that try to prove you wrong. I have had a great relationship with my dad and my sister, which is why I think it was harder for me to bring myself to speak my truth. I think it was harder for me to initiate the conversation because I was still afraid of the reactions for some reason. 

I will say that now that I have come out, I have been happy with living the life that I always thought I would deny myself of.

How should I know what pronoun to use if I’m unsure?

If you’re not sure, that’s okay! Usually the rule of thumb is that if you are unsure of someone's pronouns, you can either ask them or use “they/them” until you are sure. It’s not a shameful thing to be unsure, the fact that this is a question you may have shows understanding as well as effort towards being compassionate. If it is your first time meeting someone and you are unsure of what pronouns they use, asking the question of “What are your pronouns?” can open a lot of doors. 

Asking this simple question can allow the individual to become comfortable, may reduce their social anxiety, may reduce their worries about discrimination, as well as allows the individual to be referred to in a way that feel ostracized. 

Did you choose to be LGBT+?

I think this is a very commonly asked question by society. The question is being LGBT+ a choice or is it something that is genetic? If you ask around the LGBT+ community, you may get several different responses depending on who you ask. For me, I think a lot of people neglect the history of LGBT+ people before there were terms for sexual orientations and gender identities. There have been some historical depictions of LGBT people in rock paintings as well as medical texts; which shows how this has carried on through generations. 

Epigenetics are a part of our gene expression in our DNA. To be a little scientifical, gene expression can be altered throughout generations while the genetic code itself can remain unaltered. These changes can occur during development and can be passed down through generations. There has been some talk that some of these changes in gene expression can be linked to same-sex attraction. 

If you ask someone who is LGBT+ if they chose to be that way, you may be met with a response along the lines of “Yes, I chose to live a path filled with discrimination.” 

Are those who identify as LGBT+ a danger to children?

Simply, no. There is no evidence attached to the thinking that LGBT+ people may be a danger to children. It is this kind of thinking that continues the stigmatization of the community. If it is your preference as a parent to restrict anything relating to LGBT+ to your kids, that’s fine because that’s your parental choice. However, if you are restricting your children in fear that they will become gay, that’s just not how it works. Portraying LGBT+ people as dangerous to your children is offensive, inaccurate, and just damaging to those children figuring out their own sexual orientation or gender identity.

What kind of human rights violations are LGBT+ people exposed to?

There are a lot of human rights violations that people are subjected to on a daily basis, simply because of who they are. Across the world, there are active human rights violations occurring. For those who are a part of the LGBT+ community, some are physically attacked, some are kidnapped, some are sexually assaulted, some are murdered for who they love. There are some countries where same-sex relationships can result in jail or worse. There are violations that can be experienced in the workplace, out in public, in schools, at home, anywhere. 

LGBT children will often be met with bullying, teasing at school because of their identity and it may not end at school; oftentimes the home life of these children are much tougher. It may get to the point that the LGBT child does not feel safe enough to go to school, and therefore cannot get the same education as all the other students. For those who identify as transgender, they may even be denied their identity papers for their process of changing their identity to their preferred identity.

There is a lot of work to be done as a society to avoid all of this!

Is it possible to change someones sexual orientation or gender identity?

Again, simply no. Someone’s sexual orientation and/or gender identity cannot be changed or altered. Conversion therapy has been disproven plenty of times, although some still believe in its supposed effectiveness. Conversion therapy is a human rights violation in of itself because of the severe trauma that can be inflicted. It is very uncommon to see conversion therapy around now, although it still is legal in some states. Also, I think a more important question that should be asked is why would one want to even change someone else's identity?

What now?

Like it was said in the beginning, there is nothing wrong with being curious about something! It is always better to ask questions rather than to just make up assumptions about something, no matter the subject area. You may have some other questions relating to the LGBT+ community, and my advice to you is to do your research! Doing your own research and learning is a great way to be well-informed, which in result may even help others become more informed.

-Conor Ohland

In the groundbreaking self-help book Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect, Webb and Musello introduce the idea of emotional neglect – an inconspicuous force from childhood that cannot be easily detected or noticed but may be significantly affecting someone in the present. It is so profound that it shapes our perceptions of ourselves, our families, and even the world. And because it happened in our earliest years within our families, without proper role models to educate us on how to regulate our emotions, many of us will not even recognize we struggle. Instead, we wade through the murky waters of life with a sense of uncertainty. We may have great difficulty with emotional regulation, feel distanced from our parents or other primary caregivers, and have turbulent relationships with others.

Emotional neglect is the most common form of child maltreatment. It is also the most hidden. Adults who experienced emotional neglect in our childhoods were usually not neglected in the broadest sense of the word (that is, our basic needs met. Also, we likely did not experience or witness physical or sexual abuse. On the surface, it may seem like we had the “normal, cookie-cutter” childhood. And because of this sense of normalcy, we truly may not know we went through emotional neglect.

Emotional neglect is not about what happened in our childhoods. It is about what did not happen, what was never spoken, and what cannot be remembered.

The 10 Red Flags of Emotional Neglect

1. You feel empty, numb, or like you are more of an “outsider” rather than “participant” in life. Some people describe this as feeling like they are “always running on autopilot mode.”

2. You bury your true self. You are convinced if others saw you as you truly are, your faults and all, they would dislike you. It may also be a challenge for you to show your vulnerability to others (to let down that “wall”) because you have a fear of rejection.

3. Self-discipline is hard for you. And as a result, you may judge yourself as lazy or a chronic procrastinator. You may also have issues with binge-eating, compulsive shopping, etc. 
4. You are strong – but this is your greatest strength and weakness. You are fiercely independent and self-reliant, which others admire about you. But it is to the point you are terrified of being dependent on someone else, even your own partner. You will do whatever possible to prevent having to ask for help or looking needy.
5. In school, you may have been that person who asked the teacher if you could work solo instead of with a partner or group. Why? Because you knew you would get the work done rather than having to put that trust in others.
6. You try to feel only the easy, light emotions like happiness and excitement. You block yourself off from having the darker, heavier emotions to prevent yourself from feeling them and others cannot notice. It is to the point you think you must always be happy or else there is something wrong with you. 
7. You are “emotionally blind” – you struggle with defining your emotions or even noticing you are feeling them. Others may accuse you of “always being mad” when to you it feels normal. Or perhaps you say “I don’t know what I’m feeling” when asked.
8. You are loving, compassionate, and forgiving toward others, but you are bitter and piercingly critical at yourself. You may even hate yourself. Ironically, you are also more understanding when others make the same mistakes or reactions and you give them a pass, but you are quick to tear yourself apart.
9. You feel perpetually angry and resentful at yourself. You fully blame yourself for your lack of happiness.
10. You do not know who you are. Sure, you know the raw facts about yourself. You know where you went to college or what you do for your career or whatever. But you struggle with the deeper things at the core. You may not have a solid idea of your likes and dislikes, your values, or your beliefs. You may come across as a social chameleon, taking on the interests of the people you associate with to hide your own shaky sense of self.
11. Your care for yourself and others ends at a certain point. You may be amazing at giving practical advice, but not emotional support. You may feel awkward when others cry or otherwise show their vulnerability, or perhaps you are okay with that, but you do not allow yourself to be the same way.

Are you ready to foster yourself with love by overcoming the burdens of emotional neglect? Reach out to any of the talented therapists at Long Island EMDR. We all have a thorough education in emotional neglect as a requirement of being trauma therapists. You can reach us at 631-503-1539 and explore our team of clinicians here!

Works Cited

Webb, J., & Musello, C. (2019). Running on empty: Overcome your childhood emotional neglect. Morgan James Publishing.

About the author, Valerie Smith, LMSW

Valerie Smith, LMSW, CFTG, is a therapist, social worker, and certified forest therapy guide at Long Island EMDR under the supervision of our clinical director, Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW. Valerie possesses a bachelor and master’s degree in social work from Adelphi University and Fordham University, both from which she graduated summa cum laude. Valerie is also a certified forest therapy guide through the Association of Nature and Forest Therapy (ANFT), where she trained in the Rocky Mountains to master sensory-based, mindful activities through a biophilic perspective. Valerie is passionate about the health benefits of a plant-based diet as well as holistic wellness. Valerie is trained in EMDR and TF-CBT, with experience in DBT-informed skills. She focuses her treatment on adolescent girls and young women with C-PTSD and PTSD. Additionally, she helps people with life-threatening disease and their caregivers. Finally, she works alongside those experiencing grief and bereavement, especially young adults who lost one or both of their parents/guardians.

So your child has “Come out”? You may be feeling a lot of feelings right now, anger, confusion, upset and so on.  Whether your child comes out as gay, bisexual, nonbinary or transgender, it can be a impactful moment for everyone involved.This experience can be surprising and may leave you will a lot of feelings to process. Even parents who are allies of the LGBTQIA+ community may struggle at first to express their feelings in a helpful way, or feel a sense of loss for the future they have imagined for their child. However  while this may be difficult I encourage you to remember, your child “Coming out” means this may be the first time your child feels comfortable enough to share with you who they truly identify as. This moment is a gift and can lead to a beautiful connection between you and your child even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. So let’s discuss how we get there. 

As you begin to move through this new parenting journey with your child, it is important to remember the emotions you may be feeling are likely ones your child has also been experiencing and most likely for a much longer time.  Some of the feelings your child may have been experiencing before coming are  guilt, denial, fear of rejection, depression and uncertainty. These feelings are all normal.

Your child coming out is an opportunity  where you can help your child feel things they may have never thought they could: unconditional love, acceptance, pride, and hope for the future. Below are some helpful tips in order to help you feel more comfortable in your childs new identity as well as ways for you to show your queer child support.

What is the LGBTQIA+ Community?

One of the first things you can do to support your child is to learn about their community. It can be helpful to learn common terms in the queer community in order to communicate properly  while being respectful. So what does LGBTQIA+ stand for?  

• Lesbian;

• Gay;

• Bisexual;

• Transgender;

• Queer or Questioning;

• Intersex;

• Asexual or Ally; and,

• And a spectrum of other identities and orientations are represented by the +.

It is important to remember that a person does not choose to be gay. A person’s sexual orientation and gender identity is natural instinct, and not a result of parenting or other outside influences. This has also been proven through both medical and scientific research.

Research has shown that children begin to develop a sense of their gender orientation  as early as preschool or kindergarten.This means our child can know who they are by the earliest age of 5 years old.  At this time it is not uncommon to start seeing signs of your child realizing they are “different.” It is  important at this time to listen to your child without  judgment or reservation no matter what age they come out at. Your child may also  express feelings surrounding the concept of them questioning their sexuality or gender. I know this may be difficult but it is important to remember this is not just a phase, but likely something your child has been struggling to understand from a very young age. 

This process can be confusing and your child may move through multiple identities throughout this process, however it is crucial to support your child through all these changes as this can lead to resentment, guilt, depression and so on from your child in the future. Some children may never go through a process of multiple identities, there is no right or wrong way for your child to discover who they are.  There is no specific way someone who identifies as a part of the community should look or act.

Let’s talk Support!

Unfortunately even though we are beginning to live in a world more accepting of the LGBTQIA+ community many people still view hetro relationships as the standard. Due to this, there has been a long history of violence and hateful treatment of LGBTQIA+ individuals. In many communities and religious groups to this day, people who are openly queer are unwelcome.

School-age children who identify as queer are at-risk for bullying and now with social media much of this harassment has moved to online. Teens who are struggling to understand and accept their LGBTQIA+ identity without support from loved ones face a unique set of challenges.

According to research done by the Trevor Project: 

• Nearly half of LGBTQ youth (48%) reported engaging in self-harm in the past year.
• 40% of LGBTQ youth seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year.
• 1 in 3 LGBTQ youth reported being physically threatened or harmed at some point because of their LGBTQ identity.

Due to this, mental health concerns for teens in the LGBTQ community are something that must be acknowledged. However, your support and unconditional love can drastically improve a child in this position’s mental health. 

In other words: Offering your support and love can be one of the easiest and most powerful ways you can help your child feel more comfortable through this journey.

Tips on How to Show Support to an LGBTQ Loved One:

1. Let the love show!
   Words of affirmations are one of the easiest ways to help your child feel supported. The words “I love you” is a simple way to help your child feel accepted no matter their identity. While this experience can be overwhelming and leave you with many complex emotions, do not  underestimate the importance of reminding your child they are loved. While you can’t turn back time and undo pain you have created by making negative/ thoughtless remarks, putting your best foot forward letting your child know you love them can do wonders.
2. Make Home feel like a safe haven.
   Home should be a place where everyone in the family feels safe, respected and supported. Some ways you can make your LGBTQIA+ child feel happy at home is by:
   • Using their identified pronouns, or preferred name
   • Eliminating the use of slurs and harmful language
   • Calling out bias, discrimination, and hate speech, and refusing to allow this behavior from guests or other family members
3. Be an advocate and an ally.
   Just like any other child it is your job as a parent to be an advocate for your child’s needs. Pay attention to warning signs of a need for mental health support. If you suspect or your child has told you they are being bullied make sure to discuss with your child, a teacher and the school on ways you can make your child’s experiences away from you more comfortable.Make sure to stay on top of issues like this. 
4. Educate yourself.
   Take some time to learn about the LGBTQIA+ community even if you aren’t yet fully comfortable or supportive of this experience, education can help you begin to get there.Often we reject things we do not understand, learning more about your child’s new community may give you the ability to meet your child where they are. If your religious beliefs or cultural beliefs  are part of why you are struggling to  supporting the queer community, i encourage you to realize we can offer love and support even when we do not agree fully with the actions of someone and their life. 

Find support.
As I have continually stated throughout this blog, THIS IS NOT EASY, at times you will feel overwhelmed, lost, confused and so many other emotions. Due to this it is important to also take care of you here, consider seeking mental health support not just for your child but also for you. Seek out support groups, it can be helpful to speak to other parents also moving through this experience. Family therapy with your child can also be helpful in order to move through whatever heavy feelings may be coming up for both of you with a trained professional.

So Where Can I Find Therapy?

If you or your child are looking for LGBTQIA+ affirming counseling, Long Island EMDR is a wonderful resource. We offer various types of therapy such as Art therapy, EMDR, Family Therapy, Trauma Therapy, Telehealth and so many other resources. Our culturally competent staff are trained to provide all our clients the tools to navigate through whatever experiences they are going through. We want to help you not only to feel good in your skin  but to also feel supported and heard throughout this journey. 

Read more about our clinicians taking on new clients here  or call us at 631-503-1539 to speak with one of the members of our team! 

We are wishing you a beautiful experience of discovering the beauty that is your child and we hope to offer you support in whatever way we can!

-Jillian Martino, CAT-LP

Therapy has come a long way with becoming normalized in our culture. More people are comfortable with letting others know themselves or a loved one is engaged in therapy. Seeking help in this manner is more likely today to be viewed as a strength rather than a weakness. Although some of the old ideas that therapy is only for “crazy” people may still remain, especially depending on a person’s age, culture, religion, and upbringing, individuals are more open to therapy now than ever before. What about group therapy?

I recently ran a therapeutic group for individuals who experience anxiety and depression. I suggested the group out to my current clients who attend individual therapy with me. Some exhibited resistance to joining the group, of which I believe to be representative of concerns regarding participating in the group therapy process. Below are some quotes from clients regarding their resistance to the group therapy process, along with my clinical expertise and knowledge of what we know about group therapy.

“I don’t need group therapy. I have individual therapy and that is all I need.”

Before seeking individual therapy, many people I work with resisted doing so with the same argument, “I don’t think I need it.” In Western civilization, we are programmed to value individualism, which involves being independent and self-reliant. Asking for help can be seen as weakness and is often a last resort. As stated earlier, this maladaptive belief has been challenged over the years, however it may still take time, energy, and suffering before we are able to convince ourselves to utilize the help and support available to us. While individual therapy IS extremely beneficial, why not use all the resources available? Also, while a therapist can offer one perspective/set of experiences, group members can offer countless.

“I don’t trust people.”

People may think, “It was hard enough for me to open up to you, now you want me to do it again with a bunch of strangers?” There are many reasons why not trusting people is a great reason TO join group therapy. As part of joining a therapeutic group, group members must sign a group agreement which clearly outlines the rules and expectations of the group. Group members are bound to confidentiality in order to preserve the safety and security of the group. It is the job of the group facilitator to ensure a safe and protected group atmosphere. Also, you are able to share as much or as little as you wish in a group setting. Many members spend a majority of initial group sessions just listening or sharing very little. You have control of what you chose to share with the group, and when. A therapeutic group is a great way to rebuild trust of others, due to the high measure of structure and emotional safety measures that are in place.

“What can these people tell me that a trained professional can’t?”

Many express being weary of taking advice or suggestions from someone who “is at the same level as me.” However, along with therapy being destigmatized, there is also a large amount of scientific evidence that shows that peer support is an extremely effective modality of helping others. Many agencies hire peer support specialists in addition to trained counselors to meet with and offer support, as both are scientifically proven to be beneficial. Although feedback can occur in a group setting, it is more so the shared experiences and common humanity that make group therapy so powerful. Understanding that you are not alone with your emotions, fears, and challenges can be extremely therapeutic. Fostering connection in a meaningful way is something we all crave, and the impact of this can often not be explained in words.

There are a number of groups out there with different topics, focuses, demographics, and structure. Check out the Group Therapy page of our website under “Services” to learn more about upcoming groups with Long Island EMDR. Give yourself the gift the support and comfort that group therapy provides; you have little to lose and everything to gain.

- Alexandria Baxter, LMSW

Losing a parent is a life-changing, profound experience that almost everyone will go through at least once. In fact, the death of a parent is one of the most common types of death, and as a society, we expect we will outlive our parents. As a result, while the grief that accompanies the death of a parent can quickly be recognized with the inundation of flowers and sympathy cards, this commonality seems to minimize the loss and makes us think we should “get over” it soon. The truth is, it can still be a tremendous loss – and this sense of “get over it” can make the healing even more difficult because it comes with guilt.

While the death of a parent regardless of one’s age is universally a colossal experience, the death of a mother or father as a young adult can be even more devastating because it is compounded with unique obstacles. For instance, there are milestones that the parent is expected to be present for, such as college graduations or weddings, and it can seem impossible for anyone else to fill that space. Plus, for young adults, this type of loss can be especially difficult because they are on the cusp of dependence versus independence. While they strive to depend on themselves, they still may turn to their parents for financial assistance, emotional support, or the wisdom of lived experience.

And we know this much: When a parent dies suddenly or expectedly, there is an absence – an emptiness, perhaps – that arrives with the realization someone so significant is gone. Regardless of the relationship dynamics, whether it was balanced and warm versus chaotic or cold, the death will have a huge impact.

Some beliefs among young adults who have dealt with the death of one or both parents

“I feel so alone and misunderstood.”

“My best friend says she ‘get its’ because she lost her grandma. But I lost my mom. It’s just not the same.”

“I will never feel loved that way again.”

“Everyone is telling me I need to ‘get over it’ and start living my life. But how am I supposed to move forward knowing I’ll never hear Mom’s voice ever again?”

“Dad’s gone. Who is going to walk me down the aisle?”

“I’m so sick and tired of my friends complaining about their silly problems! They have no idea what it’s like to be in this much pain!”

“I’ve always wanted to be a mother. I wanted so desperately to have a family of my own. Now that I’m pregnant, I should feel excited. But instead, I’m just thinking about that my baby will grow up without grandparents.”

“Thanksgiving is going to be weird this year. Dad always sat at the head of the table. He always carved the turkey. He always said grace. I just don’t even want to go.”

“Mom has been an absolute mess ever since Dad’s been gone. I want to help her, but she doesn’t seem to care that I’m hurting too. It feels like she’s gone too even though she’s here.”

“They say they’re ‘here for me’ but they’re not. No one wants to talk about Dad anymore now that the funeral’s over. If I say something, I’ll sound negative.”

“My friends have told me I need to start ‘living my life’ again. They’re sick of me being so mopey and depressed. I’ve noticed they’re pulling away from me. Now I feel like I’ve not only lost my parents, but even my own friends, the same people who said they’ll always be there for me no matter what.”

“I hate to admit it… I feel guilty saying it… but yeah, I’m jealous of my friends. While they’re looking forward to happy things like getting married or graduation, I’m taking care of my mother who is terminal. She’s going to die and that’s that.”

“It pisses me off when people tell me ‘She’s in a better place now.’ It invalidates how I’m feeling.”

The adult orphan syndrome following the death of a parent

For most people, they have known their parent(s) longer than anyone else in their lives. Whether the relationship was positive or negative, or there were additional issues like separation, parents still shape their children.

The identity of “son” or “daughter” is the first identity upon us all. Most people were cared for by their parents as they grew up, even if not done well, and their parents witnessed all the obstacles along the way – seeing all the rises and falls, all the happiness and despair, all the pulling in and pushing away for guidance.

By adulthood, we have formed far more identities while carrying over some from childhood. Yet the age never matters – we continue to be a son or daughter, the role carried from since the beginning.

To lose a parent thus brings about a role loss. When I lost both of my parents, I realized my first role – “I am a daughter” – was destroyed too. And my first sense of constancy, of a promise something will always endure, had died too. We all seem to realize we will likely outlive our parents, but the idea of them dying is so often shaken off until it happens. We see the relationship as permanent as the sun rising with every dawn.

Losing a parent in adulthood can bring about complicated emotions, one of them being abandonment. Even people who are very independent from their parents can still feel abandoned because the sense of constancy has been disrupted.

For young adults who were the main caregiver for an aging, disabled, or ill parent, the grief can be exacerbated since two roles are now lost: the role of being one’s child but also serving as their “parent.” It may also mean having to adopt new roles in the family going forward, such as needing to help the surviving parent with paying bills because they feel overwhelmed and that was always done by their spouse.

All of these issues are recognized by some researchers as what they call “adult orphan syndrome” in that the feelings of abandonment, confusion, role changes, lack of support, and idea of being alone are universal regardless of age. For some, the idea of being an orphan as an adult may sound insensitive to children who are orphaned, but it is not meant to compare or dull that pain – only meant to show that the feelings and complications can still exist.

It is interesting, too, that this type of loss has no such word in English. An orphan literally means a child whose parents are dead. A widow is a woman who lost her spouse; a widower a man who lost his spouse. Yet why not a word for those who lost a parent in adulthood?

Challenges faced by young adults experiencing parent loss

Although parent loss can be painful at any age, there are differences that are driven by our age brackets.

First of all, most young adults have parents who are alive and likely well. They may be mostly independent, but they know they can still rely on their parents when needed (obviously there are exceptions, but I am speaking in general). They and their friends will be “going home” for the holidays during college breaks to stay with their parents. They know their parents will be there at their commencement ceremonies, sharing in their joy for their successes. They excitingly call their parents when they get engaged, wanting them to be the very first people to know. Then during the engagement months, their parents are involved too, with the mother helping with choosing the dress and adorning her daughter on her wedding day, and the father walking her down the aisle. Parents, too, are also usually the first to learn when their child and the child’s partner are expecting a baby. And they are there for the baptism or other ceremonies, there for the birthday parties, the holidays, for help with childcare.

While these above milestones can still occur despite the death of one or both parents, it feels different. I will honestly admit I skipped my commencement ceremonies from college and graduate school (the pandemic did postpone the latter ceremony by a year, but regardless, I still did not go even when it was happening). I did not want to be “that person” who was there without their parents, that adult orphan. And while I was proud of myself, having been summa cum laude both times, I did not feel there were others to share in that sense of accomplishment.

I can also say that among my friends and family members, most of them do not understand what I have gone through as a parentless young adult. That is not subjective; it is factual. Some are fortunate to still have their parents. Others have lost their parents, but that was not until their mothers and fathers were in their geriatric years. My grandmother died at the advanced age of 93, an age considered a “life well lived.” My mother died at 57. While the adult orphan syndrome happens at any age, and pain is pain, it still does not feel the same. There is the lingering thought, “she should be here.”

Healing from parent loss as a young adult

The goal of bereavement therapy is not to “get back to normal.” That is impossible, for life has forever changed due to the death of the parent. The idea of having to “move on” is counterproductive, and in fact can make someone feel worse because they are burying the emotions they need to process. Instead, the goal after such a loss is to learn to redefine one’s life and to feel fulfilled despite the loss. It also not only the loss itself that must be explored, but also the update in roles, the severance of expectations, and all other things that come with death.

Losing one’s parent can unearth disturbing thoughts. It can make someone question their own mortality with the realization they too will die someday. They may think things like, “since Dad died at 45, that means I’ll die at 45 too” even if they realize that is irrational. Additionally, it can make one reflect on the importance of other relationships in their lives. One person may become closer to their siblings or friends, while others may distance themselves, and still others may decide to focus solely on their spouses and their children.

Such a loss can also be an inspiration to make newfound changes in one’s life – some for the better. For me, I was smacked with the realization of, “I must rely on myself. I am an adult” the moment my father died. This realization did not strike me when I moved out at age 19 to live across the country. It did not fall upon me on my wedding day. Hell, it did not even come up during the discussions with my husband about starting our own family. No, it really took him dying for me to have this fricken’ epiphany. Only a month after his death, I was on job interviews to have greater opportunities. Right now on the weekends, I am house-hunting with my husband rather than doing the same ol’, some ol’ things we did with our friends. We are trying to conceive.

I was already following a plant-based and low-alcohol lifestyle, but after my father died, I made the full commitment to being healthy. I make selective, nutritious choices, and I do not drink at all. A healthy lifestyle is my priority now, my sworn vow to myself, because I don’t want to die the way my parents did if I can help it. I want to live. One profound effect of the loss of one or both parents is the opportunity for positive changes.

The next step

Long Island EMDR recognizes the aftermath of a death is a significant, life-altering process. Some of our clinicians specialize in grief and bereavement, including having specialized training in this important field. We offer individual therapy and group therapy for this topic. In fact, we are even starting a group called Millennials in Mourning, which is specifically for Millennials and older Zoomers who have experienced parental loss. It will be led by me, Valerie Smith!

Reach out today to learn how we can help you navigate through this challenge while building a brighter future.

About the author, Valerie Smith, LMSW
Valerie Smith, LMSW, CFTG, is a therapist, social worker, and certified forest therapy guide at Long Island EMDR under the supervision of our clinical director, Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW. Valerie possesses a bachelor and master’s degree in social work from Adelphi University and Fordham University, both from which she graduated summa cum laude. Valerie is also a certified forest therapy guide through the Association of Nature and Forest Therapy (ANFT), where she trained in the Rocky Mountains to master sensory-based, mindful activities through a biophilic perspective. Valerie is passionate about the health benefits of a plant-based diet as well as holistic wellness. Valerie is trained in EMDR and TF-CBT, with experience in DBT-informed skills. She focuses her treatment on adolescent girls and young women with C-PTSD and PTSD. Additionally, she helps people with life-threatening disease and their caregivers. Finally, she works alongside those experiencing grief and bereavement, especially young adults who lost one or both of their parents/guardians.