Everyone ruminates. Whether it’s thinking about something we said to someone, something we did wrong, or some recent event that is stuck in our mind. Ruminating thoughts can be defined as repetitive and recurrent, negative, thinking about past experiences and emotions (Michael, et al., 2007). However, while everyone experiences ruminating thoughts at some point in their life, for some, rumination can be distressing, difficult to stop, and can lead to dysfunction in their day-to-day lives.

Why do we ruminate?

When we think about ruminating, it’s important to acknowledge that it often comes from an effort to cope with distress. For instance, analyzing an experience can better prepare us to encounter a similar experience in the future. Or it can help us mend some relationships that were negatively impacted by an event in the past. But, when these thoughts aren’t leading to any productive change we can see individuals obsess over these thoughts, become anxious and depressed, isolate, or begin using / increasing their use of mind-altering substances.

Types of ruminating thoughts?

Ruminating thoughts can be very diverse. For some, they may ruminate about their hands being dirty and that they may get sick. Others may ruminate about suicidal thoughts, including existential themes about the meaning of life. Some may continually think about a traumatic experience, like an assault or some form of abuse. As well, some of these ruminating thoughts may be untrue distortions of events. For example, repeatedly thinking about being sexually assaulted may come with false thoughts that the victim somehow provoked their assailant or deserved to be assaulted.

Are my ruminating thoughts true?

Our experiences mold our self-esteem, or the way we perceive our behaviors, abilities and traits. A traumatic experience can leave individuals with warped perceptions of themselves that can have a detrimental effect on their day-to-day lives. Especially the formation of a negative self-esteem, or negative self-concept, is associated with feeling disempowered, hopeless, and helpless. Ruminating on these experiences, or even these self-beliefs, has been shown to exacerbate and prolong negative moods, and hinder social interaction and problem-solving skills (Wang, et. al, 2018).

Are ruminating thoughts part of a diagnosis?

Ruminating thoughts can be associated with a number of mental health diagnoses, including:
● Depression 

● General and social anxiety 

● Substance abuse disorder 

● Bulimia 

● Binge eating disorder 

● Obsessive-compulsive disorder

● Post-traumatic stress disorder 

● Personality disorders, like borderline personality disorder 

There is hope!

Ruminating thoughts are treatable and manageable. Treatment often aims to interrupt the thought processes and improve coping skills to replace rumination. Some individuals find relief from medication management, cognitive-behavioral therapies, and mindfulness techniques. 

If you experience ruminating thoughts and are looking for a way to move forward, please call our office and schedule an appointment. Our licensed clinicians and therapists on staff would be more than happy to work with you.

-Nicholas Costa, SFT Social Work Intern

Being a parent is not easy. Being a mom is pretty rough too. I recently watched a show called “Better Things” about a single mother (working in Hollywood) raising her 3 daughters. At some point in the show, one of the daughters made a comment about single mothers. Another character said, “All mothers are single mothers.” That hit me hard. As supportive as my husband is, and as an amazing father he is to our two perfect little children, it wasn’t always like that. Today I can confidently say that I do not feel like a single mother. I feel like my partner contributes many things he once did not, whether it be with the children or with household responsibilities. At some point in my life with children, I felt like if I had to leave the house, I had to set my husband up like a babysitter and have diapers, wipes, cream, outfits, bottles, blankets, etc., all ready for him so he would have no hiccups during those times with the baby/toddler. 

That and along with the million other tasks I was responsible for, it became exhausting to say the least. I felt like I was on autopilot and not enjoying my life anymore. At that time, I was craving for my husband to just do and not be asked. It took a lot of therapy (individual and couples) for me to feel confident enough to communicate what I needed from him, and it took effort on his part to meet me halfway. We tell our children that we are a team, and everyone must do their part for each of us to feel happy and safe. My husband and I forgot what it meant to be a team to each other for a long time, and thankfully, today, I do feel like I have a trustworthy team member when raising our children. I do not leave my house with instructions for him like I would for a babysitter. I just leave knowing that he’s got this, and he does. In fact, he always was capable given the chance. 

We often feel overwhelmed and burnout because we feel like the only one on the team who is participating.  We plan most things, we are the ones packing for more than just ourselves for vacations. In the mornings, we get ourselves and 1,2, or 3+ people ready for the day, and then ready for bedtime at night. Learning and practicing ways to effectively communicate with confidence can help alleviate this feeling of burnout and make more time for us to be ourselves. 

The Mental Load

Kelly Gonsalves from mindbodygreen.com writes about The Mental Load that women typically go through in which she defines as: “The mental load is a term for the invisible labor involved in managing a household and family, which typically falls on women's shoulders. Also sometimes referred to as "worry work" or "cognitive labor," the mental load is about not the physical tasks but rather the overseeing of those tasks.” This comic explains it the best:   https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

Breaking the Cycle

It’s easier said than done- for sure I’ve lived this life. But putting in the work I promise is worth it. Here are some tips that have helped me to improve communication with my spouse.

1. Listening

Listening to what the other person is trying to say. As well as listening, not only to my children and my partner, but to myself. Listening to your feelings, triggers, warning signs, body sensations, or anything that might tell you that you need a break. Tips to Help You Actively Listen:

Focus fully on who is talking. This means not multitasking mama. Put the phone down, stop doing the laundry, stop thinking of the 20 other things you need to do.  Engage. Make eye contact and be fully present with that person. If you find it hard to concentrate on what they are saying, repeating their words in your head it’ll reinforce them. Or check in on yourself- maybe you are not in the best emotional state to be having this conversation. If that’s the case take a break and tell them you will talk in an hour when your calm so you can be really present for them

Avoid interrupting or trying to redirect the conversation to your concerns. If you are coming up with a rebuttal or how to get the conversation back to your main concern- you're not really listening to them. You cannot listen fully and be thinking about what you will say next. If your doing this it can show through your non-verbal cues like your body language and facial expressions. 

Show you understand what they are saying. Ask clarifying questions. Repeat a summary of what you heard so they can clarify for you. A lot of time miscommunication is what happens when we think another person is inferring something or we get fixated on the words they use- losing the message behind the words. Clarify. Some examples: “when you said ‘x’ are you saying that you feel ‘xyz’”.”what do you mean when you say…” “is this what you mean..” “Sounds like you are saying…”

Focus on understanding not judging. When we judge others there are a lot of value statements about what is right and wrong. Understanding is trying to see why they think the way they do, even if we don’t agree with it. It’s about empathizing with their position and understanding their pain-points- that’s how you find solutions. NOT the blame and shame game.

2. Paying attention to the non-verbal cues. 

Both your body language and theirs. Make sure you are “open” with your body language. No crossing of arms or legs. Face should be understanding or neutral and your tone is important. If either of you are showing non-verbal cues that you're angry or anxious- table the conversation till you are both calm.

3. Managing your emotions

Being a mother means repeating yourself, having tiny voices repeat themselves around you, making messes everywhere, and invading your personal space all day everyday. It is easy to feel as though you might explode with frustration. Learning how to manage those explosive feelings and reactions can not only help you to feel sane, but can teach your children by example how to control themselves. Learning how to manage your emotions may come in the form of daily meditation, individual/couples therapy, or even with medication as prescribed and monitored by a psychiatrist. This also means paying attention to your triggers and warning signs and “tapping out” when you need a break. Walking away and taking space, even if it’s in the bathroom for 5 minutes, can help you to recenter yourself so you are not losing it on the family.

4. Be assertive

Being assertive to get what you want is not always easy, especially if you feel the burden of being the primary caregiver/housekeeper/shopper/activity planner, you know the be-all-end-all? Learning how to and practicing how to be assertive can change your life for the better and alleviate some of the pressures in life. It can also instill self-confidence in your children when you hold your boundaries and empower them to learn how to do for themselves!  Honestly- same goes for the spouse. 

5. Surround yourself with positive people that lift you up!

 Having the right circle of support is key to really beginning to make these changes! Let’s be honest, for most of us we have been conditioned from childhood to help and please others. To neglect ourselves, our feelings and our needs. If you don’t get some people around you who are cheering you on to break the cycle- so that your kids don’t have that inner voice that says “my feelings and needs don’t matter”- it’s just going to be constant criticism from the people around you who instilled that value! And that coupled with change being so uncomfortable to begin with is not a good recipe for success. 

Sound Like You?

It takes a lot of work and consistency for oneself to feel confident and empowered enough to set boundaries and expectations that are reasonable for everyone involved (including you momma!!). Joining a support group with people going through similar struggles can be a helpful way to join forces and empower each other to take back our voice, our alone time, our self-care, our guilty pleasures, and most importantly, the confidence to achieve these things in an appropriate and reasonable way.  We all deserve this, and the saying “it takes a village” doesn’t just mean to raise a family, it also means to support the caregivers and mothers in our lives in different ways. If you are interested in receiving individual therapy from a woman who has truly been there, schedule with me today. If you feel you need a support group of like minded-woman join inquire about our “Don’t Know How She Does It Group”. I would love to help you become the woman you were born to be!

Sending Love,
Kristy Casper, LCSW

Art therapy is a newer form of therapy. It is an integrative mental health practice that is designed to improve the lives of individuals, families, and communities through the process of art-making, creative process, applied psychological theory, and human experience within a therapeutic relationship.

Art therapy should be done by a trained professional of art therapy. This will improve the  effectiveness as art therapists are trained to create art therapy exercises that are designed to not only support you but also to help move deeper into your therapeutic goal.  Art therapists are trained to use their knowledge to support your personal and therapeutic treatment goals throughout treatment. Art therapy has been used to improve cognitive and  sensorimotor functions, help support a better relationship with self-esteem and self-awareness, produce emotional resilience, promote insight, enhance social skills, reduce and resolve conflicts and distress.

Art therapy is a wonderful tool therapists use to help patients interpret, express, and resolve their emotions and thoughts. This is a newer type of therapy and was first established in the 1940s however the practice did not become more widespread till the 1970s. Like other expressive arts therapy, such as dance therapy or music therapy, it draws on creativity.

Inaccurate Use of Term 'Art Therapy'

Often people mistake  “Art therapy” for things that are not necessarily due  to a lack of knowledge about the profession. However these situations provide an opportunity to offer accurate information and educate the public. This modality must be done by a trained art therapist or it is technically not art therapy. Some products that are mistaken for art therapy are adult coloring books and paint by numbers. Art therapists are not art teachers, their goal is not to make you a better artist but to help you improve your mental state through the use of art.

How Art Therapy Works

Many people ask "What is art therapy and how does it work?" It is all about  expression. The process of creating is the most important thing, not the end product which is why anyone can do it. Often many people shy away due to a fear of not being an artist but this type of therapy is for anyone. It is designed to use the expressive arts as a way for people to understand and respond to their emotions and thoughts with a valuable new perspective, not only that artistic expression is good for mental health as it is often related to relaxation.

During a session, an art therapist works with clients to understand what is causing them distress. Then the therapist guides the client to create art with an art directive that addresses the cause of their issue or explores it further. During a session, art therapists may:

Through different mediums and art techniques art therapy engages the mind, body, and spirit in ways that are not dependent on verbal articulation alone. Due to the way it engages the body and mind it causes various symbols to be created through the art process, this process also invites modes of receptive and expressive communication, which can benefit those who have limitations of language.

Who are Art Therapists

Art therapists are clinicians who are trained both in traditional clinical therapy and art therapy. Art therapists work with people of all ages and various populations. All art therapists are required to follow an ethical code. All art therapists are also required to have a master’s level education, as well as engage in supervision hours under a trained professional in order to obtain their license. This prepares them for various populations and gives them the ability to perfect their work.

Where Art Therapists Work

Art therapists work with individuals, couples, families, and groups in diverse settings. Some examples include:

Does Art Therapy Work?

There is growing evidence that art therapy helps conditions such as anxiety and depression, trauma, low self-esteem, PTSD, Bipolar  and similar disorders. It has also been used with those facing terminal illnesses such as cancer and those hospitalized experiencing pain, as well as it has been used with people working to develop effective coping skills, including prison inmates

Many clients are reluctant to explore art therapy because they think that they have to have artistic talent for it to work or see it as "arts and crafts" rather than see it as an effective tool. This mindset can be very limiting and can hinder the  effectiveness for these clients. It is important to go in with an open mind.

Is Art Therapy a Good Fit?

There's no way to tell for certain whether art therapy is a good fit for any given person. Therapy is not one-size-fits-all, and a client and therapist may need to use multiple different approaches and techniques in order to find what works best for you. However, if a patient is drawn to art or has had trouble expressing with traditional therapy, art therapy may be a wonderful fit for you.

When choosing a therapist it is good to consider the following. As a potential client, ask about:

Often you should be able to tell in 1-3 sessions if this works for you.

Think Art Therapy Would Benefit You?

If you feel like art may be a good avenue for you to work through your mental health concerns please call our office and ask for Jillian Martino. Jill is our art therapist on staff and would be more than happy to help you work through your concerns through art. Jill specializes in LGBT issues, trauma, children and couples. Contact our office today to set up a free 15 minute consultation.

-Jillian Martino, CAT-LP

Do you find yourself struggling to work up the motivation to get things done during the winter months? Maybe you feel more lethargic and just not yourself? The shorter days of winter in New York can really affect our mood and overall mental wellbeing. So what can you do to shake the winter blues, lift your spirits and overcome the dark, gloomy winter days?

1. Check your Vitamin D Levels

Vitamin D is a nutrient that has been linked to sharper thinking and better emotional health. Sunlight is a major source of Vitamin D, and experts say we should get outside for at least 10 to 30 minutes per day. Since we have less hours of sunlight during the winter months, we naturally have lower levels of Vitamin D. Getting outside can be tough when it’s cold, but there are other ways you can still get nutrients from the sunlight. You can drink your morning cup of coffee by the window, or set up your work area in a space of your home/office that is filled with natural sunlight. They also make lamps that simulate natural light to help. 

2. Get Some Exercise

Even though it’s cold outside, we can still find ways to get in the recommended 30 minutes of exercise each day. And you don’t need to pay for a gym membership to accomplish this. You can still bundle up and take a walk outside, or you can find plenty of indoor exercises, too. Walk up and down the stairs in your house a few times, or stick with some of the basics like sit-ups, push-ups, lunges, and planks. You can even do a quick google search of at-home workouts and find millions of articles or videos to follow along, kick-box the winter blues goodbye.

3. Stay Consistent with your Sleep Routine

You may find yourself sleeping more during the winter months since it’s darker outside. Some doctors have even suggested that the darkness of winter disrupts our circadian rhythm (our “biological clock”), which affects our sleep-wake cycle. Try setting an alarm so you can get in the routine of going to bed and waking up at the same time every day. If you’re finding it hard to get to sleep, try a new bedtime routine like putting your phone on silent and winding down with a cup of herbal tea.

4. Pay Attention to your Diet

Eating a healthy diet is important year-round, but maybe you find yourself slacking a little more in the winter. Making a slight adjustment to your diet can boost your overall mood. Eating more protein and complex carbohydrates such as whole grains, fruits, and vegetables will give you more energy. You can also incorporate more Vitamin D into your diet to make up for the lack of sunlight we spoke about earlier. Things like fatty fish and fish oils are high in Vitamin D, but you can also find Vitamin D in some foods such as milk, orange juice, cereal and yogurts (check the Nutrition Facts on labels to be sure). Eating healthy is a good start to combating those winter blues.

5. See a Therapist

If making some of these adjustments doesn’t seem to be boosting your mood, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can help determine if you are experiencing the “winter blues”, or if it’s something more serious. If your mood starts to impact your work performance or other day-to-day tasks, you may have a depressive disorder like Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). A therapist will provide you support through the process, and will help you to identify coping skills that you can utilize for years to come. If you think psychotherapy may benefit you, feel free to reach out to our office to schedule an appointment.

The Importance of Family Therapy

The common reasons why families go to family therapy are emotional and behavioral problems. These problems are not a child's fault alone, but rather a product of their environment, which is the family.

Although the term family is often associated with blood relatives, it also refers to those individuals who play a supportive role in a child's life. In order to be effective, family therapy must take into account the behavior of all these individuals.

During sessions, therapists are often called upon to take sides. This tactic can be an oversight since the therapist is being asked to treat an entire family. Focusing on a single member of the family can reinforce the therapist's preconceived notions about the family, which is not always helpful.

long island therapist

To avoid this problem, it is important for the psychiatric therapist to develop the ability to work across differences and to be objective.

The goal of family therapy is to improve the lives of all family members. While it can help a struggling family member, it also focuses on the whole family. The approach will depend on the family's situation and the characteristics of the different members.

For instance, a therapy session may focus on one member, while a more intensive approach may address the entire family. This will also depend on whether children are involved and the level of functioning of each individual. If you're in need of a family therapist get in contact with Long Island EMDR today

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