Let’s face it-the COVID 19 pandemic was something that most could have not imagined, let alone prepared for. Life as we knew it was immediately turned upside down. While there were many losses incurred, none seemed to compare to the families who lost loved ones to COVID-19. As a society, we were called on to do everything we could to prevent this from happening. This resulted in losing our way of life as we knew it and disenfranchised grief.
Disenfranchised grief is defined as experiencing grief and loss that is not readily recognized by a person, group of people, or society as a whole. The symptoms of grief are the same-experiencing shock, sadness, guilt, regret, anger, fear-however disenfranchised grief makes the process of grieving more challenging due to the lack of validation, social support, and rituals that are often associated with grief. This can induce feelings of isolation and powerlessness, leaving one to feel helpless to reducing their own pain and struggle.
“But we were all going through the COVID-19 pandemic together,” you think. “Doesn’t this count for something?” While we can cite many examples of people making the best of a difficult situation during the pandemic, the undertone has always remained the same-our loss pales in comparison to the loss of human life. The time we lost with loved ones, the loss of our routines, missing graduations, homecoming, sports, weddings, travel plans, holiday traditions, and in general life as we knew it-these losses were expected of us to protect the greater good of human life. We told ourselves, “Those who lost loved one’s to COVID-19; THOSE are the people who are struggling.”
I am here to remind you that everyone’s grief matters. Loss in any form deserves to be validated, acknowledged, and processed. Symptoms of grief are not to be taken lightly, as left unattended can lead to depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges. It does not serve us to minimize, separate, or compare our losses.
So, what can we do to cope with our disenfranchised grief?
- Acknowledge and validate your loss. Hopefully this article started you on your journey of awareness in understanding that your loss MATTERS, regardless of the messages you have gotten from others, society, and yourself. Remind yourself that you are worthy of the time and space to grieve your loss.
- Begin to get to the root of your grief. When dealing with grief, what you don’t address will ultimately address you. Avoid the urge to suppress your grief and hope it goes away; unresolved feelings have a tendency to resurface later on.
- Write! Writing can be a therapeutic tool to uncover suppressed emotions. There are many writing prompts available online for coping with grief and loss. Do so slowly and with self-compassion, going at a pace that feels right to you.
- Make your own grieving ritual. Part of the challenge of coping with disenfranchised grief is that there are no clear rituals to honor and provide closure for the grief experienced. Rituals will vary from person to person; however, it may help to pick a place that has emotional significance where you can spend time to honor what was lost.
- Find support. If there is a name for it, someone has experienced it. Seek out friends and family members that have experienced similar losses, or that you feel are supportive. Consider what you need from others and ask for it. As always, seeking professional help is recommended, as this individual is trained to guide you through this challenging process.
With the holidays looming near, we often feel overwhelmed in a variety of ways. This time of year can often bring added feelings of anxiety, stress, and depression. It seems like there is always something to do between gatherings, shopping, and preparing for our own festivities, and little time to focus on our own mental health needs. Family may be coming from out of town, or maybe you’re hosting your friends for dinner. The holidays can be stressful enough without the added pressure of wanting your home to look it’s best, while also preparing for everything else the holidays entail.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and like there is too much to do, and not enough time to do it, getting organized and cleaning out can help you to feel calmer, and more in control this holiday season. Here are 5 ways to clean out and tidy up your home before the holidays.
- Make a Cleaning To-Do List
Making lists is one of the best ways to start to organize your life and feel like you have a handle on all that you need to do. Make a list of the rooms/areas that need cleaning (kitchen, bathrooms, baseboards, etc.), and feel the satisfaction and release of stress as each item gets checked off!
- Make Room for New Toys
If you have children, you know that while the holidays are a time of magic, they can also be a time of stressful thoughts wondering where exactly you are going to put all of the new gifts your children receive. Prior to the holiday, have your kids choose toys they no longer want or need. This way, you can donate those items to children and families in need, while also making room for new toys. This is the perfect time to also go through arts & crafts supplies and get rid of any old markers or crayons and any other broken toys before the holiday season.
- Clean Out and Organize Closets
Along with toys, the holidays are a time where we often receive new clothes. Take this time to go through your closets and donate any clothes, shoes, or coats that are in good shape but your family has outgrown. Organizing your closets will help you to better utilize space, as well as make room for new items.
- Clean Out Pantry, Refrigerator and Freezer
The holidays are a time for quality family time, cooking, and baking. Make room for meals/leftovers by cleaning out your refrigerator and freezer prior to any baking nights and the holidays. In addition, cleaning out your pantry will help prepare for any baking endeavors by ensuring you don’t buy ingredients you already have, or thinking you have something you don’t.
- Ask for Help
While the holidays can be an extremely stressful time, there are ways to manage it. Reach out to family and friends and ask for help. If you have children, a spouse, or other family that lives with you, assign tasks from your cleaning list. Remember to prioritize your needs and your own mental health. Take time for yourself, slow down, and enjoy the holiday magic!
Depression is a challenging mental health diagnosis, to say the least. It is a complex mental health disorder and disease of the brain, occurring when certain brain chemicals become imbalanced. Depression has social, psychological, and biological origins, and can be triggered by many factors, including stressful life events, genetics, illness, and more. Due to the complex nature of what causes depression, it can take an equally complex, multi-faceted approach to manage this disorder. Keep reading to learn how to combat depression in New York.
One of the challenges in managing depression is that hopelessness, lack of motivation, and lack of energy are symptoms of the disorder that make it difficult to do the things that will help control your symptoms. Also, there is often a delay in improvement due to the apathy experienced by depressives that makes it feel as if what you are doing is not paying off; making you want to quit before these coping skills can take effect. Please read the following tips to combat depression in New York with this in mind. Start small and keep going, despite your brain telling you that what you are doing is not paying off. That is the depression talking. The following tips are scientifically proven to help to manage depression:
1. Stay Active.
When you have depression, energy levels can drop drastically. However, last thing you want to do when you are depressed is to remain inactive. It's scientifically proven that physical activity fights depression. Exercising increases the neuro-plasticity of your brain releases neurochemicals called endorphins, which help to elevate mood. Start small; get your heart rate up 10 minutes a day, then work your way up to 20 minutes. Do your best to get out of the house; take a walk, find somewhere scenic, park, beach, nature trails, or just around the block. Any bit counts!
Do your best to maintain a routine. Sleeping too much or too little, skipping meals or exercise, and neglecting your personal needs all feed into and exacerbate depression, so combatting this with a daily routine that addresses these needs can be extremely beneficial. Start by giving yourself 3 MUSTS to do during the day, such as taking a walk, engaging in one act of self-care, and calling a friend. Do this consistently for a week, then add one item to your routine each week, and before you know it you will have built a routine with healthy habits to keep your depression at bay.
2. Stay Connected.
When depressed, you may experience negative thoughts telling you to isolate and not burden others with your problems. Try not to listen to these thoughts! They are a symptom of the hopelessness of depression not based in reality. Giving voice to your struggles to another person can lighten your burden and start to turn the tides of depression. Instead of being a burden, your friend or loved one will most likely be flattered that you trust them enough to confide in them.
Try to move beyond small talk. In order to develop a connection that will ease your loneliness and depression, it helps to take a risk and truly open up. Sticking to small talk and limiting yourself to a surface connection with others might actually make you feel even lonelier. Open up about what you’re going through, the feelings you’re experiencing.
If this seems too much, even the simple act of putting yourself in a social atmosphere can alleviate depressive symptoms. Try going to a place where there are people who may have similar interests as you, or even to a public spot like a museum, park, or mall, where you could enjoy being amongst people and feel a sense of connection.
3. Worry Less.
This is easier said than done. Worries are completely normal, but can become problematic when persistent and pervasive. Excessive worrying can hurt your well-being and lead to a state of chronic anxiety or stress, which if left untreated can lead to depression.
Stopping worrying involves confronting our beliefs, values, and emotions. Explore the origins of your worry, take constructive action when you are able, and accept what is outside of your control. Investigating your worries can be a helpful way to put these thoughts into their proper perspective. Observe your thoughts as an outsider-what would a friend or relative tell me in this situation? Am I being irrational? Is there evidence to combat my worry?
Bottom line: Don’t believe everything you think!
4. Be Mindful.
Mindfulness is the practice of purposely bringing your attention in the present moment without judgment. This can be beneficial in managing in depression by learning to detach and distance yourself from depressive thoughts. Mindfulness can help you realize that depression-fueled thoughts are just thoughts and not facts. Becoming emotionally attached to these thoughts is them often triggers negative thought spirals, not the thoughts themselves. One exercise that can assist with this is called “thought detachment,” where you imagine your thoughts are drifting clouds or leaves floating by while you practice not engaging them or becoming attached to them.
Also, instead of actively suppressing or resisting depressive thoughts, which may worsen symptoms, try to accept them. Acceptance does not mean resigning or giving up, it means acknowledging the feelings or thoughts are present, and letting go of things outside of your control. Research suggests that practicing acceptance can help improve symptoms of depression, quality of life, and ability to function.
5. Find Positives.
Depression can make things seem even worse than they really are. When you’re depressed, everything is filtered through a lens of negativity. By recognizes this, you can start to change your perspective to a more positive viewpoint.
Find simple sources of joy. A symptom of depression is anhedonia, which means you do not find pleasure in activities you normally found pleasurable. However, push yourself to do things that will boost your mood throughout day. Listening to uplifting music, watching funny television shows or videos, spending time with your pet, or being out in nature are some simple examples of joy-boosting activities.
Find one thing to be grateful for. When you’re depressed, especially at this awful time, it can seem that everything in life is bleak and hopeless. But even in the darkest days, it’s usually possible to find one thing you can be grateful about. It sounds cheesy but acknowledging your gratitude can provide relief from negative thinking and break the negative cycle of depression.
6. Self-Care.
Self-care can be difficult when you are depressed, because of the lack of energy, motivation and feeling unworthy of deserving anything positive that often accompany depression. Start by aiming for small goals like getting up out of bed, getting in the shower, sitting in a different room, and getting some sunlight or fresh air.
Pay attention to your senses. Take the time to see, feel, hear, taste and touch. Things like getting out in the sun, listening to music, getting a hug or eating tasty foods all help to soothe you. Activities that appeal to the senses boost frontal lobe functioning, which is helpful in combatting depression
With all of these suggestions, remember there is no “quick fix.” It may take weeks of developing a routine with the items listed before you start to feel better. However, if practiced regularly, it is scientifically proven that you will feel better with your depressive symptoms. If you feel you need additional support in managing your depression in New York, contact our office, we'd love to help you on your road to recovery.
Sometimes we convince ourselves that taking time to recharge is a luxury we can’t afford. However that is not true. Whether we can proactively allot an hour a day for ourselves or we have an unplanned ten minute gap between two meetings, we have time to take for ourselves. In this article we will take a look at how to prioritize self care.
Regardless of which group you belong to, you can use your time to reconnect with old friends, take some time outside or anything that will leave you feeling more centered. An important thing to keep in mind when it comes to using our downtime wisely is to make sure that whatever we are doing during our break increases our sense of wellbeing. With all the social media platforms, we may automatically go to our newsfeed and mindlessly scroll during unplanned free time. However, we may notice that after we’ve gotten lost in social media posts we don’t feel any more rejuvenated than when we started. This tells us that we didn’t use our time as wisely as we would have liked.
A lot of times we believe we are important if we are busy, especially important if we are unbelievably busy. We forget to remind ourselves that busyness often leads to stress and dissatisfaction with our lives. This is why we value time off from work and vacation so highly because those are times when we are either not busy or significantly less busy. It is time we can take to slow down and reset.
It can be helpful to sit down and make a list of things we want to have more of in our lives so when we get a block of free time, no matter how long it is or if it is planned or unplanned, we have an idea of how to feel more recharged after that time rather than getting lost in a social media newsfeed. So my challenge for you is to sit down at some point in the next week and make a list of things that bring you joy and have it saved in your phone or keep a copy in your wallet so next time you get a surprise 10 minute break, you can use it wisely.
If you are unsure of how to start, here are a few ideas to get your self-care going:
- Make a list of old friends or family you have fallen out of touch with. Next time you have a few minutes, send them a text or give them a call to set up a time to have dinner or meet for coffee to catch up.
- If you enjoy getting some sun, maybe take a walk around the block or sit outside for a few minutes.
- Make a Spotify playlist of songs that remind you of good times in your life.
- Keep options of your favorite drink nearby & make yourself a cup of your favorite tea or coffee next time you have a few minutes.
- Get yourself a gift card to a nearby bakery or shop that has snacks you enjoy.
- Breathe. Sometimes simply doing nothing can be the most rewarding thing. Close your eyes and take 5 deep breaths while thinking of nothing but the feeling of inhaling & exhaling. Try to count one breath at a time from 1-5, anytime your mind wanders, start over again at 1 until you can reach 5 without wandering off, (Even if you have to restart 5 times, this will likely take you less than a minute).
You Deserve to be a Priority
No one wins the game where the busiest, most stressed person gets a medal. Life is not one great big emergency, chronically not taking care of yourself is. Self-care is not selfish. If you find yourself struggling with separation busyness from importance, remind yourself that you are important regardless and can prove it to yourself by prioritizing time for you to recharge & reset so you can conquer what lies ahead of you. If you feel you need additional support in reducing your stress and figuring out your life goals, give our office a call.
Mindfulness practices have gained more popularity in recent years. When we think of mindfulness a lot of us may think of yoga or deep meditations in a forest somewhere. These are both wonderful practices but may not resonate with everyone. Mindfulness is the practice of doing one thing, with your full attention, at a time. When we allow ourselves to focus solely on one thing and permit ourselves to be in the present moment, we give ourselves the opportunity to be fully engaged in the here and now moment rather than having one foot in the present and the other in whatever our mind is thinking about. This can sound challenging at first but with effort, we can give ourselves the tools to enhance our concentration, decrease our stress and fully attune to what is going on around us.
Where to Start?
A great way to begin our foundational for mindfulness is to start by focusing on one thing, any one thing. In reality, this can be difficult since we are socially programmed to maximize every second by multitasking as much as possible. This means pursuing mindfulness can be challenging. It’s okay. There are no expectations and just like anything, it will take time, dedication and practice to hone your skills. To prevent from becoming frustrated or judging ourselves for struggling at first, we can encourage ourselves to show ourselves compassion and gratitude for trying something new to improve our well-being. If we begin a mindfulness practice, anything from driving our car to focusing on our breath, and we notice our mind is wandering elsewhere, we can gently recognize it and redirect ourselves back to the focus of our practice in the present moment. We can do this each time we have noticed our mind has wandered and by redirecting it each time, we are reminding ourselves that we have control over our thoughts and are capable of overcoming distractions.
Each person is different so naturally, how we start may be different as well. One person may pick mindfully listening to a song while another may choose to mindfully drink a beverage while another may decide to mindfully focus on their breath. There is no wrong way to practice mindfulness as long as you are staying engaged in the present moment and bringing yourself back whenever you notice your mind has wandered.
Benefits of Mindfulness
Staying present can have wonderful benefits, it can reduce our stress, enhance our concentration and improve our sleep. This is because when we allow our minds to buzz about from topic to topic, stressor to stressor we are actually putting ourselves through that stress twice. If something is truly going to be challenging, then it will be challenging whether we perseverate about it or not so when we focus on how difficult it will be we are ensuring we will struggle both times. By honing our mindfulness skills, we allow ourselves to be engaged and focused in the present and give ourselves room to enjoy what is in front of us. Mindfulness can be a wonderful tool for those struggling with anxiety, emotional dysregulation due to trauma reminders, relationship stressors and a myriad of other challenges. If you feel this is something you are struggling, please reach out so we can enhance your mindfulness practice together.
Stress is defined as a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances. Stress is an unavoidable, normal bodily reaction to the challenges of daily life. Stress is a sign that you are alive; that you are pushing yourself and have care and concern for the people and situations that surround you.
Stress becomes a problem when the amount and severity of stress exceeds your capacity to cope. Some signs that stress may be taking a negative toll on your body and mind include exhaustion, chest pain, headaches, muscle tension, excessive worry, panic attacks, hopelessness, feeling overwhelmed, irritability, sadness, or engaging excessively in unhealthy behaviors (i.e. drinking/drug use, shopping, overeating, sex, or gambling).
Stress in unavoidable. However, consistent practice of healthy coping skills can reduce the detrimental impact stress can have on your overall well-being. Here are five 5-minute stress busters; 5 simple things you can do in 5 minutes or less to reduce the negative impact of stress in your life.
1. Jump!
Engage in 4 sets of jumping jacks for 45 seconds on, and 15 seconds of rest. Intense cardiovascular exercise reduces levels of the body’s stress hormones (adrenaline and cortisol) while increasing the feel-good endorphins (dopamine and serotonin). Exercise also forces you to be fully engrossed the present moment, giving your mind a welcome reprieve from your current worries.
2. Breathe.
The breathing method known as the 4-7-8 Breathing Technique has been scientifically proven to regulate cortisol, which controls your body’s fight or flight response. Find a comfortable position, and set a timer for five minutes. If you can, close your eyes. Breathe in through your nose for 4 seconds, hold the breath for 7 seconds, and exhale through your mouth for 8 seconds. By doing so, you are teaching your body to counteract the activation of the parasympathetic nervous system that occurs during stressful situations, which will help you to feel calmer and more at ease.
3. Write.
Writing is extremely therapeutic. Writing down the often big, scary, and chaotic thoughts that accompany stress can result in these thoughts becoming more tangible and less frightening than they were when they only existed in your head. Once you can see the problem more clearly, the solution doesn’t seem so daunting and out of reach. Try writing try a stream of consciousness style of writing, in which you write what is causing you stress for 4 minutes. Next, reread your writing and sort out what you can versus what you cannot control of the what you have written down. Recommit to doing your best towards what is within your control, and crumple up the paper to symbolize letting go of the worries that are out of your control.
4. Be Mindful.
Mindfulness is defined as engaging in a set of practices that anchor you to the present moment. Most stress results not only from the events themselves, but the negative projections into the future about how overbearing or overwhelming the stressor will be once we experience it. Being mindful to stay in the present moment can help you to slow down and clear away unnecessary, self-induced stress. Many of our worries never actually come to fruition. Take five minutes to pay attention to the sights, smells, sounds, touches, and tastes that surround. Repeat the positive affirmation “You are where your feet are” in an effort to remind you that you don’t have to be ten steps ahead of yourself; all you need to be is right here, and right now.
5. Laugh!
Many of us are guilty of taking ourselves far too seriously. Luckily, we live an era where we have endless entertainment at our fingertips, so why not take advantage of it? Type in your internet search engine, “Funniest animal videos”, “funniest TV bloopers” or “funniest stand-up comedy clips,” and give yourself 5 minutes to watch and laugh. Laughing helps to relieve your body’s stress response, relieve tension by relaxing your muscles, enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart and lungs, and increases endorphin production. It’s no wonder that they say laughter is the best medicine.
Stress can be crippling, but it doesn’t have to be.
Take preventative measures to manage your stress with these helpful techniques, and you will be able to cope effectively with whatever life throws your way. If you need help managing stress give our office a call, we'd love to help you start living a life you can enjoy!
– Alexandria (Alex) Fairchild, LMSW
Unfortunately, being a survivor of trauma or abuse is exceedingly common. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center,one in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before they turn 18 years old. Additionally, they also found that one in five women and one in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives.
Being a survivor of abuse can be challenging, thankfully with some self-care in place you can begin your healing journey to a healthier you. That journey from feeling scared, afraid, angry and/or alone to a place of peace and acceptance can be an empowering one. Regardless of whether your trauma was recent or happened years ago, a daily self-care regimen will help you cope with the trauma that still affects you today.
1. Quality Sleep
An essential component of maintaining optimum physical, mental, and emotional health is ensuring you get adequate sleep each night. According to The Sleep Foundation, “while sleep issues after a traumatic experience can be distressing, they may also be an important opportunity for treating and healing from trauma. Research suggests that being able to sleep after a traumatic event can reduce intrusive trauma-related memories and make them less distressing.” Additionally, getting adequate sleep helps to improve memory, increase positive mood and decrease stress.
2. Meditate
Meditating for just five to ten minutes can have some really positive benefits including: boosting immune response, regulating stress levels, increasing focus and elevating mood. Headspace (the App) now has a program on Netflix that not only guides you through meditations but also explains why and how a particular exercise can help you. I’ve also always been a big fan of the App Insight Timer. I find guided meditations are often easier for people to start off with and you can then work your way into solely music, nature sounds or silent meditations. For anxious folx, guided meditation can help to give you a focus point so it is not so overwhelming in the beginning.
3. Exercise
Exercise is beneficial for just about everyone, but for trauma survivors it can also be a way to release pent-up emotions you have relating to what has happened to you. The type of exercise is not really as important, as engaging in a daily practice of release. If you like to dance, do some Zumba, if you are more of a yoga lover, go with that. For some, taking kickboxing or jiu-jitsu can help them feel more in control after an assault and better able to defend themselves. No matter what you choose remember that exercise should be an act of self-care, meaning it should be something you enjoy- not a punishment.
4. Positive Affirmations
For many survivors there is a good-deal of shame and guilt that comes with what has happened to them. For those reasons, it is all the more important to really focus on programing yourself with positive thoughts and beliefs. For example: “I am loved,” “I am worthy,” “I am valued,” “I am strong,” “I am enough.” I often tell client’s to pick an opposite thought to their negative self-talk, so if your inner “Karen” is saying: “I am disposable”, you say to yourself: “I am worthy and deserving of love, respect and affection”. There is a really amazing App that spams your phone, however often you set it, to give you positive affirmations called “I Am”. If its a struggle for you at first to come up with your own affirmations, I really recommend it.
This process of changing that inner voice takes time and truly is a practice so be gentle with yourself. You will have days where it works great and other days where you cannot seem to get “Karen” to stop talking. It’s okay, just take it one step, one moment at a time.
5. Support
Support is critical need for healing, surround yourself with people who build you up, cheer you on and pick you up when you are down. If you have a solid support system don’t be afraid to engage them, by calling a friend or family member, attending a support group and/or finding a therapist. If your support system is lacking, use a smartphone app or the Meetup website to find a local, like-minded group and make some new friends.
Often times survivors feel alone and like no one can or will understand how they feel, or that they will be judged for what happened to them. However, as said in the beginning abuse is more common than we would like to believe in this country. Sharing your struggles with people who understand and care about you and your well-being is an important aspect of your healing journey. If you are a sexual abuse survivor and need some words of advise from others who have been through it but are not ready to take that step of opening up just yet, I highly recommend Dear Sister by Lisa Factora-Borchers and Aishah Shahidah Simmons - a book of letters from survivors of sexual abuse to other survivors.
Are you a survivor of trauma or abuse? A licensed mental health professional can help you so you don’t have to go through this alone. Give our office a call today so we can set up a time to talk.
Keep Shining,
Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, many individuals have begun working from home. If you are one of these individuals, kudos to you; you have been forced to make the best of a sudden change that you had very little say in. As time has gone on, you have begun to see that working from home can have its perks; you have the benefit of improved flexibility, more independence, no commuting stress, and best of all-comfy clothes!
However, working from home has some challenges were not foreseeable at the start of this pandemic. These challenges have only started to be understood through the tried-and-true experience of those who have been on the forefront of this new working-from-home era. Difficulties with willpower/motivation, increased distractions, isolation, challenges with a work/home life balance, and feeling as if you have to overcompensate by working around the clock are all obstacles in working from home. If you have taken interest in reading this article, you most likely understand that working from home isn’t the idyllic, carefree playground it is cracked up to be.
Here are some tips to protect your mental health while working from home:
1. Create a designated workspace.
It is extremely tempting to roll over, open up the lap top, and get to work. A basic rule of thumb is if something feels too good and easy, it’s probably not the best thing for your overall mental health and well-being. You’ll want to keep your work zone separate from your relaxation zone as best you can with the space you have available. This can help with motivation levels, and from keeping your mind and body from receiving mixed messages about when it’s time to work and when it’s time to relax. Also, change into “real” clothes, brush your hair, brush your teeth, eat breakfast, drink coffee, and whatever else helps you to feel like a HUMAN before starting work. It is easy to “let ourselves go” when working from home, but doing so on a regular basis can have a negative impact on our confidence and zest for life.
2. Keep regular work hours (and stick to them!).
Flexibility is viewed as one of the biggest benefits of working from home. However, we as humans respond best to structure and routine. It is easy to drag out your work day while mixing in household responsibilities. However, doing so can result in being “at work” for much longer than you would be if you worked a typical 8-hour office day. Set work hours and do you best to only work within these hours. DO NOT ANSWER WORK CALLS/EMAILS AFTER WORK HOURS. I repeat-DO NOT ANSWER WORK CALLS/EMAILS AFTER WORK HOURS.Develop an “end of the work day” ritual to further solidify that your work day is over and you are “returning home.” Some suggestions for this can include putting away all of your work items, changing your clothing, putting on some music, or meditating. This will assist in not allowing work life and home life blend into one giant conglomerate mess, and in turn will benefit greatly in maintaining balance-which is something we are all striving for!
3. Take regular breaks.
Speaking of balance-take regular breaks! Often it is tempting to “push straight through,” believing there is no time or usefulness in taking a break. Afterall, won’t a break just cause me to have to work longer to complete what I need to accomplish? Wrong. It has been scientifically proven that taking breaks results in you returning to work more refreshed, centered, and more productive than you were prior to taking a break. Your stress levels will decrease as well. Just as you set regular work hours, set regular break times. Most 8-hour shifts require two ten-minute breaks and one half hour break by law, so keep this in mind when scheduling your breaks. You deserve it!
4. Get up and get moving.
Working from home can result in a sedentary lifestyle. The average person is recommended to take 10,000 steps a day. You are not getting that in your “commute” from your bed to your designated work space, even if you live in the lap of luxury. Take walks around your neighborhood on your breaks, or while making phone calls. Go up and down the stairs if you have them, do some jumping jacks or squats, or even put some music on and start dancing! If you can, set up your computer so you can type standing up. Utilize anything you can think of to get the blood flowing. This will assist with energy, motivation, and releasing feel-good endorphins to help get you through the day!
5. Take time to communicate with coworkers.
WAIT, I thought this was a benefit of working from home??? Not having to communicate with those annoying people you work with and for seems like a dream come true! Won’t this HELP my sanity? Although not having to engage in small talk or deal with difficult coworkers can be a rather enjoyable perk of working from home, TOO much isolation can be detrimental to your wellbeing. As much as we can have an aversion to it, we thrive on human interaction. Make an effort to keep the lines of communication flowing to keep from turning too far inward (it can be scary in that mind of yours!). Plus, it can boost morale and creativity to bounce ideas off another someone else.
6. Stay on task.
Part of the challenge of working from home is the plethora of distractions that are available to us. There are often an endless number of household chores that can be done, shows that can be watched, online purchases that can be made, and naps that can be taken-all of which can be done without anyone “watching over” you. Oftentimes, it can be tempting to distract ourselves from one work related task to another work-related task, and tell ourselves, “We are multitasking!” Hate to break it to you folks, but multitasking is a myth. It is scientifically proven that completing one task at a time is the most efficient way to get things done. Go ahead, google it! We are so trained in distraction that it has become a way of life. Focus on completing one task at a time, and you will see your efficiency skyrocket! This in turn reduce your stress and increase confidence in your own abilities.
7. Celebrate your victories.
Many of us were thrown into the sea of working from home without so much as a life jacket to help us. Working from home is NOT natural for us, so any day you are able to defy the odds and maintain some semblance of productivity is a successful day! You put real pants on today? Good job! Made it through the whole day without napping? Right on! What you are doing is not easy and requires a huge amount of self-discipline, self-motivation, and inner strength to maintain. So, give yourself a pat on the back; you are doing amazing.
- Alexandria (Alex) Fairchild, LMSW
Being a mom is hard, being a mom who strives to meet your child’s every need is taxing but well worth the effort. How do we balance meeting our children’s needs and taking care of ourselves? Being a good mom doesn’t mean neglecting yourself for the sake of your baby. What your child needs most is a happy mama who is able to be their calm and support. Self-care is really important for both you and your little one. What self-care looks like and what that means for each person is different. At Long Island EMDR we provide Postpartum Therapy for moms experiencing postpartum depression and/or anxiety. Here is a list of suggestions of what you can do for self-care so afterwards, you are more ready and able to meet the needs of your little one.
- Support.
Support is number one because it makes taking a needed break possible. Utilizing grandparents, your partner, other family members or close friends is important. If you have supports around you, ask for help. I know we want to do it all but sometimes even someone coming by for you to cook without the baby on you or take a shower alone will help you to feel relaxed. I struggled the first few months with leaving my son for any stretch of time but if you are comfortable, a walk outside in the park or dinner out with your partner is a good way to relax and center yourself. As I said earlier just having someone come over so you can enjoy little things like cooking, showering, or reading alone may be the bit of relaxation you need.
Understandably, this is not always possible if you have a limited support network. The phrase “it takes a village” really is true so it is important that you work on building your supports. Finding like-minded parents that you feel comfortable leaving your child/children with can be a great source of relief.
No matter whom you leave your child with make sure they know how you want your child taken care of when you’re away. Tell them your preferences for medications. Teach them your child’s hunger cues and ways you soothe your child when he/she becomes upset. Always leave an emergency contact list.
- Exercise.
If possible go to the gym when your spouse is still home (before work or after). If you’re like me and that’s not possible, join a gym where you can bring your baby. I go to Fit4mom, which has the added benefit of also being a second support network of like-minded moms (at least in my location).
- Take a relaxing bath.
If you can’t get anyone to supervise your little ones, bring them in with you. My child loves baths. So its usually relaxation time for us both.
- Read.
I really love reading and always feel accomplished after I finish a good book.
- Take a walk!
If it’s nice out put on that baby carrier and take your baby with you. Just being outdoors is relaxing. Michael and I go on walks often. He likes to look at nature and usually is lulled to sleep while we walk. Fresh air and a change of scenery can be nice, especially in the early months where you may feel like your stuck in the house.
- Meditate.
Whether you have 5 minutes or an hour, meditation is a great way to relax and center yourself. I love the app Insight Timer they have all sorts of meditations and they vary in time commitments. I also love the “sleep” feature so you can drift off to sleep and the app turns off when the meditation is finished.
- Color.
Seriously. I know it sounds childish to some but there are an array of adult coloring books that really are quite relaxing to do.
- Gratitude Journal.
Did you know studies actually show you can train your brain to be more positive by writing down 3 positive things a day? The list should be specific, not “my husband, my child, work”, but more like ” my child is healthy”, “I’m able to breastfeed”, ” my husband is supporting me in returning (or not returning) to work”. Postpartum therapy can assist you in identifying what is going right if you are feeling so anxious or hopeless you cannot think of a single thing to be grateful for.
- Call a friend.
If you can’t get out and you have no one able to come to you, a phone call can be a lifeline. Call someone who is supportive and willing to listen. Catching up with a friend or relative can really brighten your day.
- Listen to music.
Even if it’s music on while you have a spare minute to vacuum the floor. Crank up some old jams and dance around yourself. I love to sing, my dancing skills are not so great (but I will still dance like a fool), and I find singing really helps to release anxiety.
Take care of yourself. On an airplane they always tell you to put your mask on first. You need to be calm and happy to help your child be calm and happy. You’re also modeling good coping strategies for your child. They learn more from what you do, then what you say.
If you need some more help with navigating postpartum symptoms and want to begin postpartum therapy, please reach out to our office.
Sending love and light,