A Real-Time Healing Practice: Befriending the Inner Tug-of-War

One of the most valuable gifts of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is its practicality. It doesn’t just explain your inner world; it gives you tools to heal it in real-time.

If you’ve ever felt stuck between two strong inner urges—like pushing through or giving up, staying silent or exploding, striving for perfection or collapsing into despair—then you know what inner polarization feels like.

IFS teaches us that when these parts speak up, we don’t need to silence them. We need to pause and listen.

The Inner Tug-of-War: An Everyday Experience

Here’s a familiar example:

• One part says: "Get up. Be productive. You'll feel better."
• Another says: "Lie down. You never get a break. You're exhausted."

Most people respond by aligning with one voice and suppressing the other. But what if you could talk to both?

A Real-Time IFS Check-In

This practice works especially well when you feel overwhelmed, stuck, or emotionally torn. All it takes is a few quiet moments, honesty, and curiosity.

Step 1: Pause and Breathe

Close your eyes. Take a few slow breaths. Let go of the need to fix or rush. Just be.

Step 2: Name the Voices

Identify the parts that are showing up. What are they saying? Give them names if it helps: "The Pusher," "The Protector," "The Tired One."

Step 3: Unblend from the Parts

You are not these parts. You are the Self—the compassionate witness who can listen without getting overwhelmed. Say to yourself: "I am the Self, and I welcome all parts."

Step 4: Start the Dialogue

Speak to each part in turn:

• "Thank you for trying to help me."
• "What are you worried might happen if I don’t listen to you?"
• "What do you really need from me right now?"

Let them answer in their own words. Don’t rush to judge or correct. Just listen.

Step 5: Validate and Lead

Let each part know it’s been heard. Then, as the Self, offer leadership:

• "I understand you're trying to protect me. I’m here to care for us now."
• "We don’t have to do it all or shut down completely. Let’s find a middle way."

What This Practice Does

This simple check-in defuses inner conflict without repression. It invites connection and clarity. It builds trust between your parts and your Self.

Over time, you may notice:

• Less internal tension
• More emotional resilience
• A deeper sense of self-trust

You begin to move through life not by force, but by inner collaboration.

A Journal Prompt to Deepen the Practice

Try journaling from the voice of each part. Let them take turns on the page. Don’t filter. Just let the voices speak. Then, respond from the Self.

You might be surprised at what surfaces—and what softens.

Final Thought: The Power of Presence

Real-time healing isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about creating a space where all parts feel safe, seen, and supported.

When you pause and listen, you send a message to your inner system: I care. I’m here. I can handle this.

And in that space, healing begins.