In general people see a therapist when there is a problem. This is true. Most people need some sort of problem that’s uncomfortable enough that they will take the step to begin therapy. It’s of course not comfortable opening up with a stranger and telling them all your deep darkest secrets. It takes a lot of courage and internal motivation to take that step.
Most people also think when they are starting to feel better that therapy has worked and they can now stop coming. For some people this can be true. But with most of our trauma folks, “better” simply signifies not being in constant crisis mode. Yeah, that is an awesome feeling. But because you were in constant crisis mode your therapist likely was helping you develop coping skills and maybe change your behavior a bit so you could stop the cycle.
The truth is that deep work cannot be done when you are not stable. I cannot start EMDR with a client that is chronically suicidal, self-harming and self-sabotaging. I cannot do deep work with client’s coming in with a new fire to put out every week. I can help them learn to manage the moment and self-regulate better. I can help them set boundaries so they are less overwhelmed. I can help them build up their social support so they feel less alone. All of that is still gold. It’s great life changing stuff that ends the roller coaster.
But the deeper stuff that triggers them jumping back on that roller coaster. The inner voice that feels “not good enough”, “alone”, “unlovable”, “responsible”, “guilty” etc. will end up creeping in again and those great behavior changes will likely fade away again and you're back in crisis mode.
Why Stay in Therapy
So that deep stuff. That inner child that still gets “pinged” when you get a critic at work, or your husband says “did you change the diaper genie?”, or your friend cancels plans. That work is best done when you are stable. It’s hard work. But changing that inner voice and those automated thoughts and responses is what truly puts you in the driver's seat of your life. It is also what ends the intergenerational trauma from continuing forward with your children.
That inner voice comes out so often and so unconsciously that it perpetuates us in the cycle. The woman that struggles with self-esteem, ends up criticizing her daughter’s weight and making food comments- that cause her daughter to feel the same as her “unlovable” or that love is conditional or that my value is based on my appearance. It’s surely unintentional and likely not in any way what that mom wants for her kid. But when we don’t have full operational control of our inner voice we end up sending mixed messages to our children, our loved ones and our colleagues.
Why Low Stress Times is When Real Work Happens in Therapy
When it is smooth sailing it’s the perfect time to dive deep. There are less stressors from school, work, life problems which is why you now feel “there’s no stress. I don’t need therapy”. The lack of stress allows for you to now really dive into some deeper issues that are going to bring up some uncomfortable thoughts, memories and emotions. It is the best time to do that work because now that your daily stressors are gone you have the emotional bandwidth to add the work- and healing yourself is work.
When Do I Not Need Therapy
So now you're probably like, “Okay, Jamie. If even when I am not stressed I need therapy, when do I not need therapy?” Valid question.
My answer is when you can easily silence that inner voice that pops up. Whether that be the voice that makes you feel responsible for others, not good enough, unlovable, damaged, guilty, or that you cannot trust your judgment. When you can easily stop playing whack-a-mole and that voice doesn’t pester you- end therapy. When you have worked through and healed that inner child- end therapy. When life is stressful and you don’t want to rip out your hair, or feel your skin is crawling- end therapy. Don’t end when there is no stress. End when you can manage your stress without being in crisis mode.
But if you are a constant crisis mode client that is finally off the rollercoaster. Please talk to your therapist about doing some deeper work. About exploring those core beliefs and truly processing the memories associated with them. We want you to feel better. Truly better and in control of your life.
Looking For A Therapist?
If you are looking for a therapist our counselors at Long Island EMDR would love to help you. What sets us apart from most therapists is that we are authentic humans. Imperfectly perfect I like to say. We are real, down to earth people. We love what we do and who we work with. We do evidenced-based work and are not afraid to challenge you when needed. Because we are down-to-earth genuine humans we truly care about our clients. Even though we will push you, we are probably some of the most compassionate, empathetic, and empowering people you will meet. Give our office a call today to be matched with a therapist who truly understands your concerns. And sleep a little better tonight knowing you took that first step.
Because therapy and mental health are much more than just showing up every week!
What we know and understand about mental health has come a long way in recent years. Between that and everything else going on in the world, it’s no surprise that many people have been more open to receiving mental health treatment. This is great news, but it can also be hard to know where to start and how to get the most of this to improve mental health, especially if this is your first time in therapy. So, where do you begin?
1. Do your mental health related research
It’s always a good idea to do a little bit of research to find a therapist that best suits your needs. Although most therapists are educated and trained on a wide range of issues, some therapists have spent a lot of time working with specific populations and consider that to be their ‘specialty.’ If you’re seeking help for a specific issue, it may be beneficial to see someone who already has experience in that area.
In addition, it’s very important that you feel comfortable with your therapist. People usually go to therapy to discuss challenging things in their lives and mental health issues, and if you’re not comfortable with the person sitting across from you, it will only make talking about those things more difficult. Most therapists post a little bit about themselves in a bio online, or even write blog posts like this one about things that interest them! Doing research about different therapists can give you an idea if he/she would be a good fit for you.
And if you find yourself working with a therapist that you feel isn’t a good fit, speak up about it! Chances are your therapist will be understanding and can even provide referrals for other therapists in the area.
2. Think about you’re mental health goals and what you're hoping to get out of therapy
You will most likely start your first appointment by discussing what brings you to therapy and some of your history. It can be helpful if you’ve already put some thought into the issues you’re hoping to address. Are you looking to change some negative behaviors, or learn healthy coping skills? Maybe you want to improve your interpersonal relationships by learning better communication skills, or manage symptoms of anxiety or depression. Whatever it is you’re looking to address, being prepared with clear goals can help keep your sessions focused so you’re getting the most of your time each week. It can also help to think about any significant experiences from your past that may be impacting you currently, as that can be helpful information that therapists will want to know about you.
3. Don’t be afraid to ask questions
Therapy is a safe place where you should feel comfortable sharing your deepest insecurities or struggles. You should also feel comfortable enough to speak up and ask questions if something isn’t making sense to you or isn’t working for you. Your therapist can only work with the information you bring to the session, so if you feel like those breathing exercises you keep talking about each week just aren’t working, be honest and say that. Then we can try to explore what isn’t working with the breathing exercises, or maybe even discuss different calming techniques altogether.
Therapy is also a great place to practice things like communication skills, setting or enforcing boundaries, and being assertive (like saying ‘hey, these breathing exercises aren’t working for me!’). If these are things you struggle with, discuss it with your therapist so they can be sure to address these issues during the session.
4. Be positive but also realistic
It’s a pretty common misconception that you’ll receive some advice from a therapist in one or two sessions and you’ll be able to apply that advice to your life and move on. It’s important to understand that therapy is a process that often requires some patience. For some people it takes more than one or two sessions to even feel comfortable enough to discuss some of those deepest insecurities, and that’s okay. Treatment will be ongoing. There’s no set number of sessions and it can differ for everyone.
It can be helpful to approach therapy with curiosity. Be curious about the ways you currently behave, think, and feel. Have you experienced anything in life that may be contributing to these behaviors, thoughts, and feelings?
5. Do your homework
Therapy is much more than simply showing up for your session each week. Some therapists may give ‘homework assignments’ hoping to keep you engaged in between sessions. Homework could be asking you to journal and reflect on certain areas of your life. It may be simply noticing when something you discussed in session comes up, or even practicing certain skills like breathing exercises, grounding techniques, and self-care, all which help improve mental health.
Even if your therapist doesn’t assign you specific tasks, you should still be putting in work outside of session. Therapy is a great place to receive tips, guidance, and education about things you’re struggling with, but the actual change takes place when you start applying those tips to your everyday life.
LGBT+ affirming therapy/counseling in Smithtown, NY and Bohemia, NY
LGBT+ affirming therapy/counseling online across New York State
Long Island EMDR offers counseling/therapy to the LGBT+ population.
A counselor or therapist that treats LGBT+ people needs to be more than just “gay friendly”.
Being “LGBT+ informed” is ever changing! Our therapists engage in continuing training/education to best meet your needs. LGBT+ affirming therapy is based on the idea that being a part of the LGBT+ community is not in itself pathological or wrong. What is wrong, is the discrimination that LGBT+ people face, just by choosing to be who they are. This discrimination can happen in very bold or very subtle ways and it can happen in many different aspects of society. The impact that this discrimination has on LGBT+ people can lead to the development of symptomatic conditions.
Trauma-Informed LGBT+ Therapy
LGBT+ individuals experience abuse and neglect as children and adolescents at higher rates than the general public. As a result, the prevalence of sexual assault is higher among the LGBT+ population. Growing up LGBT+ many of our clients experience trauma in: coming out, deciding not to come out and just being your true and authentic self. Therefore, our practice is proud to be a trauma-informed practice with multiple EMDR and TF-CBT trained clinicians.
Long Island EMDR is proud to offer a safe space and open environment to talk about who you are and who you may want to be. SFT is also proud to offer affirming therapy/counseling to individuals, couples, families and groups in the LGBT+ community. Contact us today!
Long Island EMDR is proud to be offering Telehealth services for our current and incoming clients, but we understand that it also may be a foreign concept to our community. We hope to address any questions and concerns you may have about this revolutionary platform for providing and receiving mental health care.
What is Telehealth?
Telehealth is the process of engaging in mental health therapeutic treatment through an online, secure video platform. Telehealth involves a licensed mental health clinician connecting with and providing therapeutic services to clients in need of mental health support and help through a HIPAA-Compliant online video/audio platform. Telehealth is not a new concept, but has been evolving and refining as technology progresses and is now a nearly-comparable experience for certain in-person mental health therapies.
What does Telehealth look like?
The practice and platforms of Telehealth are constantly updating as advancements in technology are made, but the bare bones of Telehealth involves speaking with a live Licensed Mental Health Provider through audio and ideally video. Most Hipaa-compliant platforms facilitate video conferencing, but some go further and provide interactive elements such as a collaborative whiteboard or handout sharing. Mental Health Therapists are trained to operate in a quiet and confidential setting, void of interruptions or people within ear-shot. Tele Therapists encourage their clients to set up a laptop or table with video access in a quiet and private setting in their homes. Clients are typically given a link to open which will give them access to the confidential video conference. Most platforms do not require clients to create a log in or profile, but some may ask for a client to input their name and basic identifying information for therapists to know who is entering the video. Sessions typically last for the standard 45 minutes but may be adjusted based on the specific needs and capabilities of the client. In order for Telehealth to work, both parties need reliable internet access. In cases where reliable internet is not accessible, speaking on the phone may be permitted on a case-by-case basis.
Is it Confidential?
Confidentiality is the state of keeping and maintaining privacy and is the foundational element to mental health therapy that helps clients to feel safe to explore their deepest thoughts, worries, memories, and struggles. Therapists are bound by ethics and the law to maintain confidentiality so long as everyone is physically safe, with a few exceptions involving judge orders and parental rights. Because of the importance of confidentiality, health care companies have developed platforms that align with standards of the national HIPAA Act, which is a legal regulation that establishes the protection of every individual’s personal health information. Because of the HIPAA Act, therapists are unable to utilize less regulated platforms like Facetime and Skype to conduct therapy sessions, as those platforms do not adhere to HIPAA standards. Therapists who conduct Telehealth sessions are enrolled in a specific program that facilitates secure dialogue. These programs are designed to be user friendly and easily accessible to clients with internet.
Would I benefit from Telehealth?
Most mental health providers that offer in-person therapy utilize Telehealth as a “plan B” when faced with circumstances that limit or prohibit face-to-face interaction. Not all types of therapies operate best through telehealth, but many can be effectively conducted through secure online platforms. Licensed Mental Health Providers are trained to discern which therapies would be most effective when conducting therapy through Telehealth. Likewise, a trained and licensed mental health professional will be able to help you navigate your struggles and decide if Telehealth is the appropriate platform to use. Many people do prefer in-person therapy, but Telehealth opens the doors to certain populations that are unable to access in-person therapy due to mental or physical challenges. Likewise, certain environmental or safety circumstances may limit or prohibit in-person therapy as an option, thus making Telehealth a great resource to have available.
If you are struggling with a social, emotional, or mental challenge and are experiencing limitations or hesitations to seeking in-person therapy, Telehealth may be a great option for you. All of our therapists at Long Island EMDR are undergoing trainings and peer supervisions to advance their abilities in providing quality and effective Telehealth services for you and/or your family. In response to the limitations and restrictions caused by COVID-19, our therapists are working diligently to provide Telehealth services for our community. Please reach out today if you or a loved one is in need, and our therapists can help guide you to finding the best fit for the care you need.
Let’s face it-the COVID 19 pandemic was something that most could have not imagined, let alone prepared for. Life as we knew it was immediately turned upside down. While there were many losses incurred, none seemed to compare to the families who lost loved ones to COVID-19. As a society, we were called on to do everything we could to prevent this from happening. This resulted in losing our way of life as we knew it and disenfranchised grief.
Disenfranchised grief is defined as experiencing grief and loss that is not readily recognized by a person, group of people, or society as a whole. The symptoms of grief are the same-experiencing shock, sadness, guilt, regret, anger, fear-however disenfranchised grief makes the process of grieving more challenging due to the lack of validation, social support, and rituals that are often associated with grief. This can induce feelings of isolation and powerlessness, leaving one to feel helpless to reducing their own pain and struggle.
“But we were all going through the COVID-19 pandemic together,” you think. “Doesn’t this count for something?” While we can cite many examples of people making the best of a difficult situation during the pandemic, the undertone has always remained the same-our loss pales in comparison to the loss of human life. The time we lost with loved ones, the loss of our routines, missing graduations, homecoming, sports, weddings, travel plans, holiday traditions, and in general life as we knew it-these losses were expected of us to protect the greater good of human life. We told ourselves, “Those who lost loved one’s to COVID-19; THOSE are the people who are struggling.”
I am here to remind you that everyone’s grief matters. Loss in any form deserves to be validated, acknowledged, and processed. Symptoms of grief are not to be taken lightly, as left unattended can lead to depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges. It does not serve us to minimize, separate, or compare our losses.
So, what can we do to cope with our disenfranchised grief?
- Acknowledge and validate your loss. Hopefully this article started you on your journey of awareness in understanding that your loss MATTERS, regardless of the messages you have gotten from others, society, and yourself. Remind yourself that you are worthy of the time and space to grieve your loss.
- Begin to get to the root of your grief. When dealing with grief, what you don’t address will ultimately address you. Avoid the urge to suppress your grief and hope it goes away; unresolved feelings have a tendency to resurface later on.
- Write! Writing can be a therapeutic tool to uncover suppressed emotions. There are many writing prompts available online for coping with grief and loss. Do so slowly and with self-compassion, going at a pace that feels right to you.
- Make your own grieving ritual. Part of the challenge of coping with disenfranchised grief is that there are no clear rituals to honor and provide closure for the grief experienced. Rituals will vary from person to person; however, it may help to pick a place that has emotional significance where you can spend time to honor what was lost.
- Find support. If there is a name for it, someone has experienced it. Seek out friends and family members that have experienced similar losses, or that you feel are supportive. Consider what you need from others and ask for it. As always, seeking professional help is recommended, as this individual is trained to guide you through this challenging process.
Tips for Your Long Island EMDR Teletherapy Session
Online therapy is effective and convenient. It can be difficult at first to navigate the technology and to find your rhythm with teletherapy. Here’s tips to have a great session.
Follow these instructions
- Click on the link sent to you by your therapist
- Enter your name
- Your therapist will let you into the session once your session time starts.
- Use a laptop or desktop
Use a Laptop or a Desktop (Phones and Ipads work too, but can be a hassle to hold for the duration of your session).
Experience has proven that teletherapy sessions run more smoothly when both the client and therapist are using a computer. Chrome is the recommended browser, but Firefox and Safari will work as well. If you must use your cellphone, you will also need to have eitherChrome or Safaridownloaded on your computer.
Prepare ahead of time
Make sure that your device is charged, that you have headphones (if you prefer to use them) and that you have allowed access to your camera and microphone.
- Find a quiet and distraction-free space
In order to maintain HIPAA compliance, your therapist will make sure that they are in a space where no one can hear them (or you). You will get the most out of your session if you are able to find a private space as well.
- Put a post-it on the square that shows your own face
Looking at our own face for an extended period of time is one of the reasons cited for developing video call fatigue. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of being on a video call for this reason, consider putting a piece of paper on the square that shows you your own face.
- Be flexible with technology issues
Another possibly frustrating aspect of teletherapy is when technology fails us. If for any reason, the teletherapy session freezes or cuts out, Use the chat feature to communicate if you think your therapist cannot hear you. Please know that your therapist is doing everything in their power to get things up and running again on their end.
- Know that your therapist is in the same boat
You are not alone-your therapist is also getting frustrated with technology issues and feeling uncomfortable looking at their own face!
Teletherapy can be a very effective means of therapy. Follow tips to ensure you make the most out of your sessions. Contact Now to schedule your online session today!
Keep Shining,