A confident woman pointing at the camera.

Hyper-independence is a coping mechanism rooted in past trauma or difficult life experiences. It manifests as a strong inclination to handle everything alone. It avoids reliance on others for fear of vulnerability or perceived weakness. While this trait may have been vital for survival during challenging times, it often becomes a barrier to personal growth and healthy relationships. Here, we’ll explore hyper-independence as a leftover survival skill, its impact on daily life and relationships, and strategies to overcome it, helping individuals move toward healthier, more balanced forms of connection and self-reliance.

The Roots of Hyper-Independence: A Trauma Response

Hyper-independence as a leftover survival skill often stems from past trauma. Individuals learn to rely solely on themselves as a way of coping with difficult or unsafe environments. Whether it’s childhood neglect, emotional abandonment, or other forms of abuse, these early experiences create a deep-seated belief that others can’t be trusted to meet emotional or practical needs.

As a result, individuals develop self-sufficiency as a survival tool. They believe that depending on others will only lead to disappointment or harm. The ripple effect of family trauma, for example, can push someone to isolate themselves. This further entrenches the idea that they are alone in the world. Over time, this survival skill, though once protective, becomes a limiting barrier in adulthood, affecting relationships and personal growth.

A woman in the office with papers flying around wanting therapy in New York.
Hyper-independence as a leftover survival skill often manifests as taking on too much responsibility and not trusting others to do a good job

Recognizing Hyper-Independence in Daily Life

Recognizing hyper-independence in daily life can be challenging, as it often masquerades as strength or self-reliance. People with this trait tend to avoid asking for help, even when needed. They prefer to handle tasks alone, believing that relying on others will lead to failure or disappointment.

In work settings, they may take on excessive responsibility or struggle to delegate tasks, fearing they won’t be completed correctly. In personal relationships, hyper-independence often manifests as emotional distance, where individuals avoid sharing their struggles or vulnerabilities.

They may also resist being open about their needs, pushing others away without realizing it.
These behaviors can lead to stress, isolation, and burnout, making it crucial to identify and
address hyper-independence before it takes a toll on one's well-being.

The Psychological Effects of Hyper-Independence

Hyper-independence can take a serious toll on your emotional well-being. While it may start as a coping mechanism—offering a sense of control, strength, and self-reliance—it often leads to unintended consequences like isolation, chronic anxiety, and burnout. Over time, the pressure of handling everything alone can become overwhelming, making it difficult to ask for help or even recognize when support is needed. Trust issues frequently emerge, as hyper-independent individuals may struggle to believe others can truly meet their emotional needs.

In these situations, taking care of your mental health becomes more important than ever. Small, consistent strategies can make a big difference. Practices like mindfulness or meditation can help ground you in the present moment, while spending time in nature offers a calming reset for your nervous system. Finding a hobby you genuinely enjoy can also provide a healthy outlet for stress and help rebuild a sense of joy and connection. Prioritizing these simple yet powerful habits can slowly chip away at emotional walls and open the door to deeper healing and support.

The Connection Between Hyper-Independence and Control

The connection between hyper-independence and control is deeply rooted in the desire to protect oneself from uncertainty or failure. For many, hyper-independence is a leftover survival skill developed in response to environments where trust has been broken. It leads them to believe that managing everything alone is the only way to stay safe.

This need for control manifests in various aspects of life, from refusing help to micromanaging tasks in both work and personal settings. People with hyper-independence may feel uncomfortable or anxious when they cannot control every detail, fearing vulnerability or potential mistakes. As a result, this constant need for control can create significant stress and strain in relationships, ultimately preventing personal growth.

A couple with their backs turned on each other, wanting therapy near Smithtown, NY.
In relationships, hyper-independence can create emotional distance

How Hyper-Independence Affects Relationships

Hyper-independence can significantly affect relationships by creating emotional distance and communication barriers. Hyper-independent people may find it difficult to open up, often avoiding vulnerability or refusing to ask for help, making their partners, friends, or family feel shut out. That can lead to frustration or misunderstandings in romantic relationships, as the other person may feel disconnected or neglected.

These dynamics can easily go unnoticed or unresolved without self-awareness and effective communication. Over time, this isolation can erode trust and make it more challenging to establish strong, supportive connections. Addressing hyper-independence requires acknowledging these patterns and learning to share responsibilities and emotions with others.

Moving Beyond Hyper-Independence: Steps to Take

Moving beyond hyper-independence requires intentional effort and self-reflection. Here are some steps to help break the cycle:

● Acknowledge the need for change: Recognize that hyper-independence can hinder personal growth and healthy relationships.
● Practice vulnerability: Start small and share thoughts, feelings, or challenges with trusted individuals.

● Ask for help: Begin asking for support in minor and major tasks, even if it feels uncomfortable.
● Seek professional support: Consider therapy or counseling to address deeper emotional wounds or trust issues.
● Build trust gradually: Allow yourself to rely on others in healthy, controlled ways to develop stronger connections.

Building Healthier Interdependence

Building healthier interdependence involves learning to balance independence, trust, and support from others. Instead of relying solely on yourself, interdependence encourages mutual care and cooperation in relationships. It requires recognizing that it’s okay to need others and that collaboration fosters growth.

You must reparent your inner child by healing past wounds, learning to trust, and allowing vulnerability to flow in safe relationships. This shift helps replace the fear of relying on others with a sense of shared responsibility and support. Opening up to the idea that giving and receiving support are essential enables you to create a healthier balance between independence and interdependence.

A woman looking into a mirror and smiling.
Reparent your inner child to create a healthy view of independence

Cultivating Vulnerability: The Key to Breaking Free

Cultivating vulnerability is crucial for breaking free from hyper-independence and cultivating healthier relationships. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we open the door to deeper connections and emotional growth. It’s not about sharing everything with everyone, but rather letting trusted people in to witness our struggles and triumphs.

That can be as simple as expressing your needs or sharing a personal challenge. Vulnerability fosters trust, enabling others to offer support and alleviate feelings of isolation. When we embrace vulnerability, we free ourselves from the rigid walls of hyper-independence, creating space for authentic, nurturing relationships to thrive.

Embracing Balance: Moving Beyond Hyper-Independence

Hyper-independence as a leftover survival skill can hinder personal growth and relationships. Individuals can overcome this survival mechanism by practicing vulnerability, building trust, and seeking support. Embracing interdependence fosters healthier connections and emotional well-being, paving the way for deeper, more fulfilling relationships.

White pills on a blue background.

There’s a kind of cruel efficiency in the way the human brain adapts. Once a person is in pain, their thoughts drag like a rusted chain, and something – alcohol, pills, a needle, a prescription – makes it all feel less immediate. The brain, ever the opportunist, takes note. It rewires. It reinforces. Before long, you’re not dealing with just one problem (the sadness, the paranoia, the panic) but two. And the two begin feeding off each other. Together, they blur the lines between cause and effect, symptom and self. This is dual diagnosis. It’s a term that represents a snarl of interlocking gears – mental illness and substance use disorder, tangled together, each complicating the treatment of the other. Yet, understanding dual diagnosis and its impact on recovery is crucial. Because untangling these gears, while unmistakably difficult, isn’t impossible as some might imagine it to be.

What is dual diagnosis?

Simply think of a person trying to fix a leaky roof in the middle of a hurricane. That’s what treating mental illness looks like when substance use is involved. The effort is there. The tools are there. But an external force, relentless and unpredictable, keeps trying to undo all the work you’ve put in.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), dual diagnosis – also called co-occurring disorders – happens when someone experiences both a mental illness and a substance use disorder at the same time. It’s common, much more common than you’d think. Anxiety paired with alcohol dependency. Depression – with opioid use. Bipolar disorder coexisting with stimulants. The brain, brilliant but messy, doesn’t always compartmentalize.

And the treatment? Well, that’s where things get a little complicated. You can’t just fix one problem and hope the other will politely fade into the background. They’re not independent variables. They’re, in a sense, a single system – knotted together.

Understanding dual diagnosis and its impact on recovery

brain function and dual diagnosis and its impact on recovery.

The treatment of dual diagnosis isn’t linear. It doesn’t follow a neat, step-by-step flowchart. Recovery equals unraveling old patterns, replacing them with something sturdier, and doing so while the brain is still trying to drag itself back to what it knows – chemical relief, however temporary.

Challenges of dual diagnosis treatment

Mental illness alone is a labyrinth. Addiction alone is a fire. Together, they are a burning maze. One of the biggest obstacles? Medications and substances don’t always play well together.

Some medications can be rendered useless by heavy alcohol use, and some can lead to symptom worsening. For example, drinking alcohol at the same time as taking antipsychotics is like letting two rival factions fight it out in your bloodstream, and that’s why you shouldn't mix them. And then there’s the issue of diagnosis itself. Substance use can mimic mental illness. Withdrawal can create symptoms that look like depression or psychosis. A person’s real baseline – who they really are without chemicals in their system – might not emerge for weeks, even months.

Treatment has to account for all of this, which means it has to be slow and careful and address both conditions at the same time.

Common pairs of co-occurring disorders

There’s a predictability to the way mental illness and substance use disorders pair up. Some combinations are particularly common, like recurring characters in a grim novel:

Depression and alcohol use disorder

Alcohol is a depressant, but, of course, it won’t tell you that upfront. It lures you in with a moment of relief, deepening the sadness it promised to numb.

Anxiety disorders and benzodiazepine dependency

The cycle here is vicious. Benzos quiet the anxiety, but dependence creeps in fast. And when withdrawal hits, the anxiety comes back stronger, meaner.

PTSD and opioid addiction

Trauma rewires the brain. It makes it hyper-alert, restless, exhausted. Opioids, with their warm, numbing effect, feel like the best solution out there – until you’ve developed a dependence and created a whole new problem.

Bipolar disorder and stimulant abuse

Mania already speeds up the brain. Stimulants pour gasoline on that fire. The crash, when it comes, is brutal.

a woman with PTSD looking for therapy in Smithtown NY.

These combinations – and many others – create a kind of push-pull effect in the brain. The substances seem to balance things out until they don’t. And by the time they stop working, they’re not optional anymore.

Treatment of dual diagnosis

The treatment of dual diagnosis – while its main objectives remain quitting substances and stabilizing mental health – is largely about rebuilding an entire way of thinking. It requires a kind of unlearning.

For one, traditional addiction treatment models don’t always work. The old school, just-stop-using approach doesn’t account for the fact that the substances were often a form of self-medication. Take them away, and the original problem comes rushing back.

So, treatment has to be tailored. Integrated. This means addressing both mental health and addiction at the same time, in the same setting, with professionals who understand how the two interact. Group therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), medication-assisted treatment (MAT) – each piece has to be carefully placed.

And then, of course, there’s the matter of support. Recovery is easier when you’re not doing it alone. Community – whether in the form of therapy groups, sober friends, or understanding, empathetic family members – can make all the difference between relapse and stability.

Conclusion

Understanding dual diagnosis and its impact on recovery means accepting the fact that healing is rarely a straight path. It’s a series of recalibrations, setbacks, and adjustments. It’s learning to sit with discomfort instead of trying to numb it in the quickest way possible. Lastly, it’s recognizing that addiction and mental illness are intertwined, feeding into each other like a closed loop, like a snake eating its tail. Recovery, then, is about breaking that loop. It’s about rewiring the brain, not just away from substance use, but toward something else – stability, connection, clarity.

While it isn’t easy, it’s highly possible. Because our brains, for all their flaws, are remarkably adaptable. Even after years of damage, they can learn to function in new ways. They can heal. And for anyone struggling with dual diagnosis, that is the most important thing to remember: healing is a process. And it’s one worth fighting for.

You are worth it!

A man standing on stage before the American flag.

The weight of combat experiences does not fade after returning home. Veterans coping with PTSD often struggle with nightmares, flashbacks, and emotional distress. These symptoms can disrupt daily life, making even simple tasks feel overwhelming. Traditional therapy helps some, but others need different options. Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is one of the most effective approaches. It targets painful memories, helping the brain reprocess them. Over time, distress linked to past events becomes less intense. Research supports its effectiveness, and many veterans report significant improvement. Strength is not about ignoring pain but facing it with the right tools. EMDR offers hope without forcing veterans to relive every painful moment. Recovery takes effort, but progress is possible. No one has to fight PTSD alone.

What is EMDR and How Does It Work?

EMDR helps people process traumatic experiences in a structured way. It does not require veterans to talk about painful memories in detail, which makes it different from traditional therapies. It uses guided eye movements to process traumatic memories. A trained therapist directs the eye movements while focusing on distressing thoughts. Some therapists use tapping or sound cues instead of eye movements. EMDR doesn't erase memories, but it makes them easier to manage. It helps the brain organize and store memories, reducing their emotional impact.

Trauma can cause memories to stay "stuck," making them feel as intense as when they initially happened. EMDR changes how these memories are processed, so they no longer trigger the same emotional response. Over time, painful memories lose their intensity. Many veterans find relief, leading to better sleep, healthier relationships, and improved well-being.

A person in a green uniform sitting on a chair.
With the help of a great therapist, painful memories will be easier to remember with less intense emotions tied to it.

Why EMDR is a Game-Changer for Veterans

EMDR works faster than some traditional therapies. Research shows that veterans often experience noticeable improvements in fewer sessions compared to talk therapy.

One of the biggest challenges with traditional PTSD treatment is revisiting traumatic events. EMDR focuses on how the brain processes memories rather than forcing someone to discuss painful moments at length and relive trauma in detail.

Also, EMDR can reduce emotional pain linked to distressing memories. Many veterans describe feeling "stuck" in the past as if the worst moments of their lives are happening all over again. EMDR helps rewire those memories, leading to fewer flashbacks, nightmares, and episodes of anxiety.

Lastly, many veterans report lasting improvements in daily life. They sleep better, feel more present with loved ones, and regain a sense of stability. EMDR does not erase the past, but it makes moving forward possible.

PTSD and Drug Addiction: Breaking the Cycle with EMDR

Many veterans turn to drugs or alcohol to numb the overwhelming symptoms of PTSD. While substance use may create temporary relief, it often worsens PTSD over time, deepening emotional distress and complicating recovery. The brain's response to trauma and addiction share similarities, making it challenging to break free from this cycle. This overlap can reinforce negative thought patterns and emotional triggers, leading to a dangerous loop of substance dependence and unprocessed trauma. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy offers a powerful solution by helping veterans process traumatic memories without relying on substances. A study published in BMC Psychiatry found that EMDR effectively reduces PTSD symptoms in patients with both substance use disorder and PTSD. By targeting the root causes of trauma, EMDR helps individuals confront and process painful experiences, reducing the need for drugs or alcohol as a coping mechanism.

The Importance of a Comprehensive Approach to Veteran Recovery

While EMDR is a valuable tool in addressing trauma, long-term recovery for veterans requires a comprehensive approach that tackles both the psychological and physical aspects of addiction. Veterans benefit most when EMDR is combined with peer support, counseling, and relapse prevention strategies tailored to their unique needs. Peer support fosters a sense of connection, helping veterans realize they’re not alone in their struggles. Counseling offers a safe space to explore emotions and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Additionally, structured aftercare programs play a critical role by providing ongoing support, regular check-ins, and continued therapy sessions to reduce the risk of relapse. Relapse prevention plans focus on identifying
triggers, managing high-risk situations, and building resilience. Evidence-based therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) complement EMDR by addressing the underlying psychological factors contributing to substance use.

A man in a military uniform looking down at the floor.
Substance abuse is a commonly chosen option for creating relief among veterans coping with PTSD. However, it’s numbness it creates can be dangerous.

Veterans Coping with PTSD: How to Get Started with
EMDR

Taking the first step toward PTSD treatment can feel overwhelming, but EMDR offers a
structured approach that many veterans find adequate. Getting started requires a few vital steps:

EMDR is a proven option for veterans coping with PTSD and offers a way to process trauma without reliving it in detail.

What to Expect During EMDR Sessions

Sessions typically involve discussing traumatic events briefly. Unlike traditional therapy, EMDR does not require veterans to explain every detail of their trauma. Instead, the therapist helps identify specific memories linked to distress.

Guided eye movements or tapping help reprocess distress. The therapist directs eye movements from side to side or sometimes uses gentle tapping or auditory cues. The process is structured and follows a series of phases designed to lessen PTSD symptoms.

Emotional reactions may be intense at first but decrease over time. It is common to feel waves of emotions during sessions, but the intensity usually fades. Many veterans report feeling mentally exhausted after early sessions, but as therapy progresses, distress linked to past events weakens. The goal is to reduce PTSD symptoms and improve mental well-being. With repeated sessions, memories that once triggered anxiety or fear become less disruptive.

Overcoming Common Misconceptions About EMDR

Many people misunderstand EMDR, leading to doubts about its effectiveness. Some think EMDR is hypnosis—it is not. Hypnosis puts a person into a trance-like state, while EMDR keeps them fully aware and in control. The therapy focuses on reprocessing memories, not altering consciousness.

Others doubt it works, but research supports its effectiveness. Organizations like the American Psychological Association and the Department of Veterans Affairs recognize it as an effective treatment. Many veterans experience meaningful improvements after completing therapy.

Skeptics believe PTSD never improves, but many veterans find relief. Trauma can feel
permanent, but the brain can heal. EMDR helps process distressing memories in a way that makes them less overwhelming. Veterans often report better sleep, fewer flashbacks, and reduced anxiety after treatment. Misconceptions should not stop veterans from considering a therapy that has helped many reclaim control over their lives.

How Veterans Can Maximize EMDR Benefits

Making the most of EMDR requires effort both inside and outside of therapy. Veterans can take several steps to increase the effectiveness of their treatment:

A man holding a baby.
Family and friends are there to offer support during this recovery period, which will
make it less lonely.

Conclusion

PTSD does not have to control a veteran’s life. Trauma may shape the past but does not have to define the future. EMDR provides real hope and lasting relief, offering a way to process painful memories without reliving them in detail. Many veterans have already experienced the benefits of this therapy and regained a sense of stability. Veterans Coping with PTSD deserve access to effective, life-changing treatment that works. Taking the first step toward healing is the hardest but most important. Progress is possible with the proper support and commitment, and a better future is within reach.

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A child covering their face

Dear fellow neurodivergent parent,

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by your child’s stimming or wondered about your own habits and mental health—like tapping, pacing, or humming—this is for you. Stimming isn’t something to fear or fix. It’s as normal for neurodivergent individuals as breathing, and embracing it can help us thrive as parents, partners, and individuals.

Let’s explore what stimming is, why it’s so important, and how we can reduce the shame and stigma around it—for ourselves and our kids.

What Is Stimming?

Stimming, short for “self-stimulatory behavior,” refers to repetitive actions that help regulate emotions or sensory experiences. For neurodivergent individuals, stimming is a natural and meaningful way to:

• Find calm during overwhelming moments.

• Process sensory input in a world that can feel too loud or chaotic.

• Express emotions when words aren’t enough.

Some common examples of stimming include:

• Hand-flapping or finger-tapping

• Rocking back and forth

• Twirling hair or spinning objects

• Repeating words or phrases (echolalia)

• Playing with sensory toys like fidgets

Why Do Neurodivergent Individuals Stim?

A child overwhelmed with sensory overload. Stimming and mental health

Stimming helps the brain regulate itself, much like taking deep breaths when stressed. For neurodivergent individuals, it can serve a variety of purposes:

1. Regulating Sensory Input

The neurodivergent brain processes sensory input differently. Stimming helps block out overwhelming sensations or provides the stimulation needed to stay focused.

2. Managing Emotions

Big feelings—whether they’re joy, anxiety, or frustration—can feel even bigger for neurodivergent people. Stimming helps release and balance these emotions.

3. Communicating Needs

For individuals who are nonverbal or struggle with emotional expression, stimming can be a way to communicate: I’m excited, I’m stressed, or I need space.

How Does Stimming Impact Mental Health?

When embraced, stimming has many positive effects on mental health. However, societal misunderstanding and stigma can create challenges.

The Positives

• Stress Relief: Stimming acts as a natural stress reliever, like a built-in coping mechanism.

• Focus and Grounding: It helps redirect attention and provides comfort in high-pressure situations.

• Self-Expression: Stimming can be joyful and empowering, offering a way to feel connected to your body and emotions.

The Challenges

The real problem isn’t stimming—it’s how the world reacts to it. Misunderstanding, judgment, and pressure to “stop” stimming can lead to:

• Shame and Anxiety: Feeling judged for stimming can cause self-doubt and emotional distress.

• Masking Behavior: Suppressing stimming to fit in can result in burnout, sensory overload, and emotional dysregulation.

How to Reduce Shame Around Stimming

Here’s the good news: you have the power to create a world where stimming is accepted and celebrated—starting in your own home.

1. Normalize Stimming

Talk about stimming as a natural and healthy behavior. Explain to your kids (and remind yourself!) that it’s their body’s way of taking care of them.

A fidget toy for stimming and mental health.

2. Create Safe Stimming Spaces

Make sure your home, school, or work environment allows for stimming without judgment. This might mean giving your child access to sensory tools or advocating for understanding with teachers and caregivers.

3. Reframe Stimming as a Superpower

Instead of seeing stimming as a distraction or “quirk,” celebrate it as a strength. It’s a tool that helps neurodivergent individuals process the world in their own unique way.

4. Use Tools and Resources

Fidget toys, weighted blankets, and other sensory-friendly items can make stimming more accessible and enjoyable.

Find Support TODAY

My Journey as a Neurodivergent Mom

I’ll be honest—embracing stimming hasn’t always been easy. Growing up, I was told to “stop fidgeting” or “sit still,” and I carried that shame for years. But as I learned more about my neurodivergent brain, I realized stimming wasn’t something to hide—it was a way to thrive.

Now, as a mom, I let my kids see me stim. When I tap my fingers during a tough moment or hum to calm myself, I’m showing them it’s okay to regulate their emotions in their own way. In turn, they’ve felt freer to flap, spin, and stim without fear of judgment.

Additional Resources for Parents

If you’d like to learn more about stimming and how to support neurodivergent individuals, here are some helpful tools:

• Books:

• Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism by Barry M. Prizant

• NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity by Steve Silberman

• Online Communities:

• Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN)

• ADDitude Magazine

• Sensory Tools:

• Fidget spinners, chewable jewelry, and noise-canceling headphones are widely available online and in stores.

Stimming Is a Superpower, Not a Problem

Here’s the truth: stimming is as normal as breathing. It’s not something we need to fix or hide—it’s a vital part of how neurodivergent individuals thrive.

When we embrace stimming as a strength, we create a world where neurodivergent people feel safe, accepted, and celebrated—for exactly who they are.

With love and understanding,

Jamie

Join Me and Many Others in Our Embrace & Empower Mini Series!
A woman sitting on the floor while holding her hand over her chest, looking anxious.

Have you ever noticed how certain emotions push you toward behaviors you later regret? Maybe it’s a rough day at work that makes you reach for a drink or feelings of loneliness that tempt you to escape through substances. These moments, driven by emotional triggers, can feel like they control you. But the truth is, they don’t have to define your choices. By understanding emotional triggers that lead to substance abuse and learning how to manage them, you can break free from harmful patterns. This guide will walk you through actionable steps to recognize them, build healthier coping mechanisms, and find lasting relief from the cycle of emotional stress and substance use.

What are emotional triggers?

Emotional triggers are those intense feelings or experiences that spark an immediate, often overwhelming, reaction in you. They’re deeply tied to your:

● Past experiences
● Unresolved emotions and trauma
● Coping mechanisms developed over time

When it comes to emotions that can drive substance abuse, sadness seems to play a major role. This is according to a report in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, which analyzed data from over 10,000 people across four studies spanning 20 years.

When emotional triggers lead to substance abuse, it’s often because substances provide a temporary escape or relief. These short-term fixes, however, create a harmful cycle where triggers reinforce substance dependence. This makes it all the more harder to break free.

A sad woman wiping tears
Research indicated sadness is one of the primary emotional triggers that lead to substance abuse.

How to identify your emotional triggers?

It's not enough to know what emotional triggers are. You need to learn how to recognize them in you.

Start by asking yourself: What moments or feelings tend to push me toward substance use? Triggers aren’t always obvious—they can hide in routines or habits that feel automatic.

Thus, to identify your triggers, be sure to:

Keep a trigger journal

Grab a notebook (or a phone) to write down moments when you feel overwhelmed. What were you doing? Who were you with? How did you feel? Over time, patterns will emerge.

Look for subtle signs

Sometimes, triggers show up as physical sensations—tight shoulders, a racing heart, or a gnawing feeling in your stomach. Other times, they’re linked to recurring thoughts, like I can’t handle this or I need a break. Tuning into these signs can help you catch a trigger before it takes over.

Connect the dots

Once you start noticing patterns, dig deeper. Why does this trigger affect you so strongly? For instance, if criticism from a boss makes you spiral, it could stem from past feelings of inadequacy. Understanding the “why” behind your triggers gives you the power to address them at their root.

Strategies to manage emotional triggers that lead to substance abuse

Once you’ve identified your emotional triggers, the next challenge is figuring out how to respond to them in healthier ways. That said, here are a few ideas on how to do so.

1 Develop healthy coping mechanisms

When emotions hit hard, it’s natural to want some kind of relief. But instead of turning to substances, try channeling that energy into healthy habits.


If stress is your go-to trigger, a quick workout or even a walk outside can do wonders to clear your head. Feeling lonely? Call a friend or pour your thoughts into a journal—it can be surprisingly freeing.

Sure, these alternatives might feel awkward or forced at first, but stick with them. Over time,
they’ll become second nature, and you’ll feel the difference.

Two journals used to document emotional triggers that lead to substance abuse with two pencils stacked on top
Looking for a healthy coping mechanism to adopt? Try journaling!

2 Practice mindfulness

When a trigger arises, take a moment to breathe and ground yourself. Mindfulness won’t make triggers disappear, though. Still, it can prevent them from spiraling into substance abuse.

3 Set boundaries

Triggers are often linked to people, places, or situations that drain your emotional energy. If certain environments or relationships consistently push you toward substance use, it’s time to set boundaries. This might mean saying no to events where substances are heavily present or limiting contact with people who create unnecessary stress.

4 Create a distraction plan

When a trigger hits, the urge to react can feel overpowering. Having a pre-planned distraction can help you ride out the wave. Watch a favorite show, dive into a hobby, organize your space, or do anything that shifts your focus for long enough to regain control.

5 Build a support system

You don’t have to manage triggers alone. Surround yourself with people who encourage and uplift you. This could be friends, family, or even a support group where others understand what you’re going through.

6 Replace triggers with positive routines

Some triggers come from gaps in your routine, like idle time that fuels negative thinking. Fill those gaps with meaningful activities. Pick up a new skill, commit to regular exercise, or explore creative outlets. Positive routines will help rewire your response to emotional stress.

Seeking help

Despite your best efforts, managing emotional triggers on your own can feel like an uphill battle.

But who said you had to go through it alone?


In fact, there are treatment facilities that exist for the sole purpose of helping individuals struggling with addiction regain control of their lives. Mental health professionals at Tranquility Recovery Center can help you identify emotional triggers that lead to substance abuse and teach you how to manage them in a way that involves no substances.

A man sitting on a couch in a therapist office learning emotional triggers that lead to substance abuse
Don't be afraid to seek professional help. You're not supposed to struggle alone!

Of course, there’s also comfort in knowing you’re not alone. Thus, groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), or SMART Recovery can be a good place to share your struggles and find support from those who've been in your shoes. Here, you'll also find a ''sponsor'' whom you can contact whenever you feel a trigger will lead you toward a dark path.

No matter the kind of help, know that the sooner you seek it, the easier it will be to address your triggers. Not sure where to start? A simple call to a local helpline or a conversation with your doctor can open doors to the support you need.

The bottom line

Your triggers don’t define you—they’re just part of the story. The real power lies in how you choose to respond. Every time you recognize emotional triggers that lead to substance abuse and face them without turning to substances, you’re breaking the cycle. But to actually get to this point, you need to understand your triggers first. Once you do, you can work toward building healthier habits step by step. Of course, if you can't do it alone, help is just a call or session away. And know this: asking for help doesn't make you weak. On the contrary, it makes you stronger than you'll ever know. The road to recovery is hard, but your willingness to change proves your strength. Keep fighting, and sooner than you know, you'll not only be managing your triggers. You'll own them!

Seek Help Today!
A woman reparenting her inner child through yoga

When I first began my EMDR journey, I didn’t realize how much it would open the door to meeting and healing the many parts of myself. Through Internal Family Systems (IFS) work, I learned to connect with these inner parts—the protector, the exile, the wounded child—and to understand their roles in my life. It was humbling and emotional, but also deeply empowering.

Among all these parts, my inner child stood out. She carried so much of the vulnerability and pain I had long buried. She also held the joy, curiosity, and hope I longed to rediscover. Learning to reparent her—to be the caregiver, protector, and nurturer she always needed—became one of the most profound aspects of my healing.

Yet, it was Yoga Nidra that truly reinforced and deepened this process. It offered me a way to nurture her in the quietest and most loving of ways.

The Gentle Intersection of IFS and Yoga Nidra

IFS taught me to approach my inner parts with curiosity and compassion. Yoga Nidra became the safe container for these conversations. During one particular practice, as the guide invited me to visualize my inner child, I found her waiting in a warm, inviting space. She wasn’t angry or scared—she was just waiting for me, with quiet trust.

Using the tools I had learned in EMDR and IFS, I approached her with love and reassurance. In that moment, I could feel the integration happening. The protective parts of me stepped aside, letting me connect with her without fear. The exile within me softened, allowing the pain she carried to be acknowledged without shame.

Find Your IFS Therapist Here!

Reparenting Through Presence

A child and her doll feeling safe.

In this Yoga Nidra session, I spoke to my inner child with the words I wished I had heard when I was younger:

“I see you, my love. You are safe now. You don’t have to carry the weight of guilt or shame anymore. I am here to protect you.”

Each word felt like a thread, weaving together a stronger bond between us. And as I embraced her—both in my mind and in my heart—I could feel her trust in me grow. It was a deeply moving moment, one that solidified the reparenting I’d been working on for months in therapy.

The Role of Yoga Nidra in Healing

Yoga Nidra makes such a powerful companion to IFS and EMDR. This is because of its ability to create a calm, nonjudgmental space where healing can unfold naturally. In these sessions, I can connect with my inner child in a way that feels intuitive and safe. The guided relaxation quiets the noise of the outside world, making space for the soft whispers of my soul.

Yoga Nidra also reinforces the new, healthier patterns I’m building through reparenting. By consistently returning to this practice, I’m teaching my inner child—and myself—that safety, love, and care are available to us now.

An Invitation to Your Journey

A woman healing her inner child

If you’re exploring Internal Family Systems, EMDR, or any other therapeutic modality, I encourage you to try Yoga Nidra as a way to deepen your healing. Imagine it as a bridge that connects your inner work to the present moment, allowing you to embody the safety and love you’re cultivating within.

Healing isn’t linear, and it isn’t always easy. But in these moments of connection—when you sit with your inner child, hold her hand, and promise her the care she deserves—you take one more step toward wholeness. And that, I’ve learned, is a gift worth giving yourself.

Sign up for our Embrace & Empower Mini Series!
Two neurodivergent moms talking and sitting at a table, looking for therapy near Smithtown, NY

As a neurodivergent mom navigating the ups and downs of parenting, I’ve personally experienced how life-changing Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) can be. EMDR therapy gave me the tools to process my past, calm my nervous system, and show up as the mindful parent I’ve always wanted to be. For neurodivergent moms and other individuals like me, who often feel overstimulated and overwhelmed, EMDR offers a path to healing that feels safe, supportive, and empowering.

What Is EMDR?

EMDR is a therapy designed to help people process and release distressing memories. It uses guided movements, like following a therapist’s fingers, or other forms of bilateral stimulation to help the brain “reorganize” how it stores past experiences. It’s been widely studied for trauma, but recent research is shining a light on its potential benefits for neurodivergent individuals, including those with ADHD and autism.

Benefits of EMDR for Neurodivergent Individuals

  1. Emotional Regulation
    For neurodivergent moms, processing emotions can sometimes feel like navigating a storm. EMDR helps calm those emotional waves by addressing the root of the distress. I found it transformative in helping me respond rather than react during challenging parenting moments.
  2. Reduction in Anxiety and Stress
    EMDR can help untangle the web of anxiety that many neurodivergent people face daily. By reprocessing triggering memories, EMDR can reduce the weight of worry and create space for a greater sense of peace.
  3. Improved Focus and Clarity
    For those with ADHD, unresolved stress or trauma can make it harder to focus. EMDR helps clear mental clutter, allowing individuals to approach tasks with a clearer mind.
  4. Boosted Confidence and Self-Worth
    Negative self-talk can be a constant companion for neurodivergent individuals. EMDR replaces those intrusive thoughts with healthier, affirming beliefs. Personally, it’s helped me shift from “I’m not good enough” to “I am more than enough.”
  5. Stronger Relationships
    As a mom, I’ve seen firsthand how EMDR has made me more present and connected with my kids. Many neurodivergent individuals also find it helps reduce social anxiety, making it easier to connect with others.

How EMDR Can Be Adapted for Neurodivergent Individuals

A family enjoying outdoors together

The neurodivergent brain is beautifully unique, and EMDR works best when tailored to each person’s needs. Here are some ways therapists can adapt EMDR for neurodivergent individuals:

  • Clear and Simple Communication
    Therapists can explain EMDR techniques in plain language and use visual aids to help individuals understand the process.
  • Sensory Sensitivity Awareness
    Creating a sensory-friendly environment—whether that means dimming lights or avoiding certain sounds—can make the experience more comfortable.
Start Here: Embrace & Empower Mini Series

Potential Challenges and How to Address Them

While EMDR is incredibly effective, neurodivergent individuals might face unique challenges:

By being aware of these potential challenges, EMDR therapists can ensure that neurodivergent individuals feel supported and understood throughout their healing journey.

The Personal Impact of EMDR for Neurodivergent Moms

As a neurodivergent mom, my EMDR sessions felt like peeling back layers of doubt, fear, and overwhelm to uncover the confident, mindful parent within. It’s helped me stay present during meltdowns, embrace imperfection, and give my kids the unconditional love they deserve.

If you’re a neurodivergent individual considering EMDR, know that it’s more than a therapy—it’s a gift to yourself and those you love.

Find an EMDR Therapist HERE
A busy mom with her 2 children.

As a mom, your schedule is a nonstop whirlwind of school pickups, work deadlines, meal prep, and everything in between. It's no wonder the idea of taking time for therapy or self-care feels impossible. You’re not alone in thinking, “How can I make time for me when everyone else depends on me?”

The truth is, making time for your own healing isn’t just important—it’s essential. When you prioritize your well-being, you’re better equipped to care for your family, manage stress, and enjoy your life. Let’s explore realistic ways to carve out time for therapy, healing, and self-care, even with the busiest of schedules, and why EMDR intensives might be the perfect solution for moms on the go.

Why Healing Matters for Moms

Burnout and unresolved stress don’t just affect you—they ripple out to your family, work, and relationships. Healing isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity for:

Investing in yourself benefits everyone around you—but how can you fit it into an already packed schedule?

5 Tips for Making Time for Healing

A woman prioritizing self care and paying more attention to Mom’s Schedule.

1. Shift Your Mindset: You Deserve This

The first step is recognizing that your healing is a priority, not a luxury. Moms often feel guilty for taking time for themselves, but think of it this way: when you’re well, your family thrives.

  • Reframe Self-Care: See therapy and self-care as non-negotiable, like feeding your kids or paying bills.
  • Start Small: Even 30 minutes a week to focus on yourself can make a difference.

2. Audit Your Schedule

A packed schedule often includes obligations that aren’t as critical as they feel. Take a close look at where your time is going:

3. Build a Village

Mom's often carry an invisible mental load, which feels like more tasks on a busy schedule already, but you don’t have to do it all alone.

Daily check list.

4. Schedule Self-Care Like an Appointment

When something is on your calendar, it’s more likely to happen. Treat therapy and self-care like any other commitment.

5. Consider EMDR Intensives for Faster Results

One of the biggest barriers to healing for busy moms is the time commitment of traditional therapy, which often involves weekly sessions over months or even years. This is where EMDR intensives shine.

What is an EMDR Intensive?
An EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) intensive condenses weeks of therapy into 1–3 full or half-day sessions. It’s a highly focused format designed to help you make significant progress in a short amount of time.

Why Moms Love Intensives:

What Happens During an EMDR Intensive?

An EMDR intensive is structured to maximize healing while ensuring you feel supported and safe, and fitting into any mom's schedule. Here’s what you can expect:

  1. Preparation: You’ll learn grounding techniques and set goals for the intensive.
  2. Processing: The core part of the session involves reprocessing painful memories or triggers using bilateral stimulation (e.g., guided eye movements).
  3. Closure: Each session ends with grounding exercises to leave you feeling calm and empowered.

The best part? You’ll walk away with tools and strategies to continue your healing journey long after the session ends.

How to Get Started

Imagine how different life could feel if you:

Mom’s Schedule having more time for family time.

Making time for your own healing might feel impossible at first, but with small shifts in your mindset and schedule, it can become a reality. And if you’re ready for a solution that fits your busy life, an EMDR intensive could be the perfect fit.

  • Stopped reacting to triggers with frustration or yelling.
  • Had more patience, calm, and joy in your daily life.
  • Finally felt like you again, not just a mom juggling a million things.

Healing is possible, and it doesn’t have to take forever.

Ready to make time for YOU?
Click here to schedule your free consultation and learn how an EMDR intensive can help you reclaim your balance and thrive as the amazing mom you already are.

Because you deserve to feel whole, happy, and present—for your family and for yourself.

Contact Us TODAY!
A burnt-out mom with her small children.

Parenting is no small feat. For many moms, the daily juggling act of work, family, and life’s endless demands can bring up feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, or even triggers from their own past. If you’ve heard about EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) as a therapeutic option, you might be curious—but also have questions about how it works and whether it’s right for you.

Let’s break down some of the most common questions moms ask about EMDR and provide clear answers to help you decide if it could be the right step toward healing.

1. What is EMDR, and how does it work?

EMDR is an evidence-based therapy designed to help individuals process and heal from trauma, stress, and negative experiences. Instead of traditional talk therapy, EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (such as eye movements, tapping, or audio tones) to help your brain reprocess distressing memories or triggers.

Here’s how it works:

2. Is EMDR just for trauma survivors?

While EMDR was initially developed for people with PTSD, it’s effective for a wide range of issues, including:

For moms, EMDR can address not only past trauma but also how those experiences show up in your parenting today—like reacting strongly when your child doesn’t listen or struggling with perfectionism.

3. What does an EMDR session look like?

Each session is structured to help you feel safe and supported as you work through challenging emotions. Here’s a general outline:

A woman getting EMDR therapy near Smithtown NY.

Closure: Each session ends with grounding exercises to ensure you leave feeling stable and calm.

History-taking: Your therapist will gather information about your life, triggers, and what you want to work on.

Preparation: You’ll learn calming techniques and coping strategies to use during and outside of therapy.

Reprocessing: During the core part of the session, you’ll focus on a specific memory or feeling while following the therapist’s bilateral stimulation (e.g., moving your eyes back and forth). This helps your brain reprocess the experience in a way that reduces its emotional charge.

4. How long does EMDR take?

This depends on your goals and the complexity of what you’re addressing. While traditional therapy might involve weekly sessions over months, EMDR can often produce results more quickly, especially with intensive formats.

For busy moms, EMDR intensives—where you work with a therapist for 1–3 full or half days—are a game-changer. They allow you to make significant progress in a short amount of time, which is ideal for those who can’t commit to long-term therapy.

5. Is EMDR safe for moms with young children?

A young girl with anger issues.

Absolutely! EMDR is non-invasive and designed to be as gentle as possible. If your triggers or stress are related to parenting (like yelling or feelings of inadequacy), addressing these through EMDR can actually help you feel more present and calm with your children.

Plus, the preparation phase of EMDR often includes learning techniques to regulate your nervous system—skills that can be applied during those hectic moments of motherhood.

6. What if I’m afraid to revisit painful memories?

This is a common concern, and it’s valid. The thought of bringing up old wounds can feel intimidating, especially for moms who are already stretched thin emotionally.

The good news is that EMDR doesn’t require you to talk about the details of your trauma if you’re not ready. The focus is on how your brain stores the memory, not the specifics of the event. Your therapist will guide the process at your pace, ensuring you feel supported and safe.

7. How does EMDR help with mom burnout?

Burnout often stems from juggling too much while carrying unresolved stress or trauma. EMDR helps moms by:

Many moms report feeling lighter, more patient, and more focused after EMDR therapy.

8. Are EMDR intensives covered by insurance?

View looking up at trees.

EMDR intensives are not covered by insurance, as they’re considered outside the scope of traditional therapy. We know therapy is an investment in your future. That’s why we offer:

9. What makes EMDR intensives different from regular sessions?

Traditional therapy sessions last around 50 minutes, which can sometimes feel too short to dive deeply into your concerns. EMDR intensives offer extended, focused time to work through your challenges without interruption.

For busy moms, this format is ideal because:

10. How do I know if EMDR is right for me?

EMDR could be a great fit if:

A woman who feels stuck and needs EMDR therapy in NY

You’re feeling stuck in patterns of stress, burnout, or reactivity.

Traditional talk therapy hasn’t provided the relief you’re looking for.

You want to heal deeply but don’t have the time for long-term therapy.

A consultation with an EMDR-trained therapist can help you determine whether it’s the right option for your unique situation.

Ready to Start Your EMDR Journey?

Motherhood is hard enough without carrying the weight of unresolved stress, burnout, or trauma. EMDR offers a pathway to healing that’s tailored for moms who need relief—quickly and effectively.

If you’re ready to stop yelling, calm your mind, and feel like yourself again, an EMDR intensive could be the perfect solution. In just 1–3 days, you can make life-changing progress and create space for the joy, patience, and confidence you deserve.

Click here to reach out to us today 

and take the first step toward healing for you—and your family.

A neurodivergent mom reading to her child.

As an EMDR therapist living with ADHD and childhood trauma, I’ve seen firsthand how these experiences intertwine. Many neurodivergent moms with ADHD have also faced developmental trauma, often rooted in neglect or emotional abandonment. When caregivers fail to provide the nurturing support that neurodivergent children need, it can leave lasting wounds. If you’re an ADHD mom navigating these challenges, you’re not alone. Here are common core wounds and reflections on how to start healing.

1. Self-Esteem Struggles

When caregivers don’t understand or validate us as children, we can grow up feeling fundamentally flawed or unworthy of love.

• The Challenge: If my caregivers couldn’t see and accept the real me, does that mean I’m unlovable?

• The Work: As an EMDR therapist, I know that healing begins with confronting these deeply held beliefs. We can reprocess past experiences, challenge negative self-perceptions, and cultivate self-compassion. You are not broken—you are worthy of love and acceptance just as you are.

2. People-Pleasing Tendencies

Hands holding onto another hand.

Many ADHD trauma survivors learn to prioritize others’ needs in hopes of earning love and approval, often at the cost of their own well-being.

• The Challenge: Maybe if I meet everyone’s demands and expectations, I’ll finally be enough.

• The Work: Setting boundaries and respecting your own capacity is deeply uncomfortable but transformative. EMDR can help desensitize the fear of rejection and build confidence in your worth, even when you can’t be everything for everyone. True connection doesn’t require you to sacrifice yourself.

3. Chronic Burnout

For neurodivergent moms with trauma histories, the drive to “keep it together” and mask struggles can lead to overwhelming burnout. The pressure to appear in control often drains what little energy remains.

• The Challenge: I can’t let anyone see me struggling; I have to handle it all.

• The Work: Vulnerability is a strength. Allowing others to see you when you’re struggling—and seeking support when you need it—can be deeply healing. EMDR therapy can address the underlying fear of showing weakness and help you cultivate safe, trusting connections.

4. Rejection Sensitivity

Rejection sensitivity can be heightened by ADHD and trauma, making even small interactions feel intensely painful or anxiety-provoking.

• The Challenge: I’m always bracing for rejection. Will I be hurt again?

• The Work: Healing involves learning to trust yourself and others again. With EMDR, we can reprocess past rejections and reduce the emotional charge they hold. By showing up as your true self, you create space for authentic connections with those who genuinely accept you.

5. Demand Avoidance

A neurodivergent mom avoiding tasks.

For ADHD trauma survivors, even basic tasks can feel overwhelming and painful. If you weren’t given nurturing support and life skills as a child, adult responsibilities can trigger deep feelings of inadequacy.

• The Challenge: I can’t meet everyone’s expectations when I’ve never been properly cared for myself.

• The Work: Grieving what you didn’t receive is part of the process. EMDR therapy can help you reprocess unmet needs and find ways to care for your inner child. Building gentle routines and prioritizing self-compassion can make “adulting” less overwhelming.

6. Perfectionism and Performance

Many neurodivergent moms with trauma feel driven to be perfect, hoping to earn love and validation through flawless performance.

• The Challenge: I need to be perfect to be valued or loved.

• The Work: Perfection is not the answer; it’s often a protective response to past wounds. EMDR therapy can help you let go of this exhausting cycle, showing you that you’re enough, just as you are. Embracing imperfection allows you to be present and authentic, for yourself and your family.

Finding Healing as an ADHD Mom

A woman and her daughter on a motorcycle.

Living with ADHD and trauma is complex, but healing is possible. Through EMDR therapy, I’ve witnessed powerful transformations. We can reprocess painful memories, reduce triggers, and challenge deeply rooted beliefs that no longer serve us.

Healing involves self-compassion, boundary-setting, and finding supportive spaces where you can be fully seen and accepted.

You are not alone. You are not broken. You deserve to heal, thrive, and live authentically.

Does this resonate with you? Let’s create a space to share, reflect, and support one another on the path to healing.

You’re seen, valued, and NEVER alone in this journey.

With love,

Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW

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