A burnt-out mom with her small children.

Parenting is no small feat. For many moms, the daily juggling act of work, family, and life’s endless demands can bring up feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, or even triggers from their own past. If you’ve heard about EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) as a therapeutic option, you might be curious—but also have questions about how it works and whether it’s right for you.

Let’s break down some of the most common questions moms ask about EMDR and provide clear answers to help you decide if it could be the right step toward healing.

1. What is EMDR, and how does it work?

EMDR is an evidence-based therapy designed to help individuals process and heal from trauma, stress, and negative experiences. Instead of traditional talk therapy, EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (such as eye movements, tapping, or audio tones) to help your brain reprocess distressing memories or triggers.

Here’s how it works:

2. Is EMDR just for trauma survivors?

While EMDR was initially developed for people with PTSD, it’s effective for a wide range of issues, including:

For moms, EMDR can address not only past trauma but also how those experiences show up in your parenting today—like reacting strongly when your child doesn’t listen or struggling with perfectionism.

3. What does an EMDR session look like?

Each session is structured to help you feel safe and supported as you work through challenging emotions. Here’s a general outline:

A woman getting EMDR therapy near Smithtown NY.

Closure: Each session ends with grounding exercises to ensure you leave feeling stable and calm.

History-taking: Your therapist will gather information about your life, triggers, and what you want to work on.

Preparation: You’ll learn calming techniques and coping strategies to use during and outside of therapy.

Reprocessing: During the core part of the session, you’ll focus on a specific memory or feeling while following the therapist’s bilateral stimulation (e.g., moving your eyes back and forth). This helps your brain reprocess the experience in a way that reduces its emotional charge.

4. How long does EMDR take?

This depends on your goals and the complexity of what you’re addressing. While traditional therapy might involve weekly sessions over months, EMDR can often produce results more quickly, especially with intensive formats.

For busy moms, EMDR intensives—where you work with a therapist for 1–3 full or half days—are a game-changer. They allow you to make significant progress in a short amount of time, which is ideal for those who can’t commit to long-term therapy.

5. Is EMDR safe for moms with young children?

A young girl with anger issues.

Absolutely! EMDR is non-invasive and designed to be as gentle as possible. If your triggers or stress are related to parenting (like yelling or feelings of inadequacy), addressing these through EMDR can actually help you feel more present and calm with your children.

Plus, the preparation phase of EMDR often includes learning techniques to regulate your nervous system—skills that can be applied during those hectic moments of motherhood.

6. What if I’m afraid to revisit painful memories?

This is a common concern, and it’s valid. The thought of bringing up old wounds can feel intimidating, especially for moms who are already stretched thin emotionally.

The good news is that EMDR doesn’t require you to talk about the details of your trauma if you’re not ready. The focus is on how your brain stores the memory, not the specifics of the event. Your therapist will guide the process at your pace, ensuring you feel supported and safe.

7. How does EMDR help with mom burnout?

Burnout often stems from juggling too much while carrying unresolved stress or trauma. EMDR helps moms by:

Many moms report feeling lighter, more patient, and more focused after EMDR therapy.

8. Are EMDR intensives covered by insurance?

View looking up at trees.

EMDR intensives are not covered by insurance, as they’re considered outside the scope of traditional therapy. We know therapy is an investment in your future. That’s why we offer:

9. What makes EMDR intensives different from regular sessions?

Traditional therapy sessions last around 50 minutes, which can sometimes feel too short to dive deeply into your concerns. EMDR intensives offer extended, focused time to work through your challenges without interruption.

For busy moms, this format is ideal because:

10. How do I know if EMDR is right for me?

EMDR could be a great fit if:

A woman who feels stuck and needs EMDR therapy in NY

You’re feeling stuck in patterns of stress, burnout, or reactivity.

Traditional talk therapy hasn’t provided the relief you’re looking for.

You want to heal deeply but don’t have the time for long-term therapy.

A consultation with an EMDR-trained therapist can help you determine whether it’s the right option for your unique situation.

Ready to Start Your EMDR Journey?

Motherhood is hard enough without carrying the weight of unresolved stress, burnout, or trauma. EMDR offers a pathway to healing that’s tailored for moms who need relief—quickly and effectively.

If you’re ready to stop yelling, calm your mind, and feel like yourself again, an EMDR intensive could be the perfect solution. In just 1–3 days, you can make life-changing progress and create space for the joy, patience, and confidence you deserve.

and take the first step toward healing for you—and your family.

A woman being the caretaker for her mother

You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be a caretaker—to always be the person others turn to, the one who holds everything together. I see you. I know how deeply you care. You give and give, often without a second thought, because that’s just who you are. And it’s beautiful. But it’s also exhausting, isn’t it?

Caretakers Are still Human

The truth is, if we’re always pouring out and never refilling our own cups, something’s gotta give. We end up drained, resentful, or feeling like there’s nothing left for ourselves. I’ve been there. It’s a hard place to be. We tell ourselves it’s noble, that we’re being selfless, but at what cost? If we’re constantly running on empty, who’s taking care of us? Who is our caretaker??

I want to tell you this: it’s okay to need care too. It’s okay to take a step back and say, “I need a moment.” We’ve been taught that taking care of ourselves is selfish. But let me flip that on its head: you can’t pour from an empty cup. When you’re running on fumes, you can’t show up for the people you love in the way you want to.

I deeply respect every person in the helping professions, every mom, every friend who gives so much of themselves. But I also want to say: you deserve to be cared for. You deserve rest. You deserve to be more than the person who fixes everyone else’s problems.

The Difference Between Caring and Taking Care Of

A mother taking care of her child.

Here’s where it gets tricky. There’s a huge difference between caring about someone and taking care of everything for them. When we care, we hold space. We listen. We show up. But when we take on the role of caretaker for every need, every crisis, every hurt—well, that’s a heavy load to bear. It’s one thing to support someone. It’s another thing to carry their entire burden.

I know what you might be thinking: “But if I don’t take care of it, who will?” It feels impossible to let go. But here’s the thing—sometimes, our drive to take on everything isn’t just about being kind or selfless. Sometimes, it’s rooted in our own fear.

Maybe we believe that if we don’t fix everything, we won’t be valued or loved. We might feel afraid that stepping back makes us less worthy. Maybe we’ve spent so long believing our worth is tied to how much we do that the thought of doing less feels like failing.

But let’s get real for a second: it’s not failing. It’s freeing. When we step back, we give others the chance to rise, to find their own strength. And we give ourselves the space to breathe.

Boundaries Are Hard—But Necessary

I’m not saying it’s easy. Setting boundaries can feel like ripping off a Band-Aid, especially when you’re used to saying yes, to fixing, to overextending. But boundaries aren’t walls; they’re bridges. They let us connect in healthy ways, without losing ourselves in the process. When we say, “I can’t take this on right now,” we’re not abandoning anyone. We’re just making room to be present without being depleted.

I know it’s scary. You worry people will think you’re selfish or that they’ll walk away. But the people who truly value you will understand. They’ll respect your need to take care of yourself. And if they don’t? Well, maybe that’s a sign they were relying too heavily on you anyway.

Caring Doesn’t Mean Carrying Everything

You can be a caretaker and love deeply without becoming a martyr. You can be there for the people you care about without losing yourself. Healthy caring means holding space, not absorbing every bit of pain and responsibility. It means showing up with empathy but knowing when to step back. I know how hard that is—it feels like pulling away from a role you’ve known your whole life. But it’s necessary.

When we let go of the need to “take care of” everything, we also let go of the belief that we’re only worthy if we’re giving everything. We can just be. We can love and support without sacrificing our entire selves.

Taking Care of Yourself Is a Radical Act of Love

A woman soaking in water.

Here’s the truth: you deserve care too. You deserve to rest, to be supported, to be seen for more than what you can do for others. Being the caretaker of yourself isn’t just important; it’s radical. It sends a powerful message—to yourself and everyone around you—that your needs matter too.

When you set boundaries, when you prioritize your own well-being, you’re not just helping yourself—you’re showing others that it’s okay to do the same. You’re breaking cycles of over-giving and burnout. You’re creating space for healthier, more balanced relationships. And that’s powerful.

So, take a deep breath. Give yourself permission to let go of what’s not yours to carry. It’s okay to care deeply without taking on the weight of everyone else’s world. It’s okay to choose yourself. You’re worthy of care, just as you are. And when you show up for yourself, you’ll have so much more to give—to the people you love, to your passions, to your life. You don’t have to be everything to everyone. You just have to be you. And that is more than enough.

Uncovering The Roots That Keep You Stuck

If you find yourself struggling to break free from the role of rescuer or feel immense guilt every time you say no, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Intensive EMDR sessions can help you uncover the roots of these patterns, heal the wounds that keep you stuck, and build the resilience to set boundaries with compassion and confidence. If you’re ready to step out of the cycle and reclaim your energy, reach out—I’m here to walk that journey with you.

A man with too much to do and post its all over him

Let’s dive into something a lot of us struggle with—over-identification. You know that feeling when your identity gets all tangled up with your responsibilities? It’s like you’re carrying around a heavy backpack stuffed with everyone else’s needs, problems, and expectations. Before you know it, that load is exhausting, and you’ve lost sight of who you are outside of what you do. Sound familiar? It’s okay to care deeply about your work, your family, or your friends—but you’re so much more than the roles you play. So, let’s talk about how to start noticing when you’re slipping into this pattern and how to gently reclaim yourself.

The Detachment Myth

You’ve probably heard it before—just detach, they say. Don’t care so much. But let’s be real for a second. Completely detaching doesn’t work. Not for me, not for you, not for anyone who genuinely cares. When you shut yourself off and detach, you end up feeling empty and disconnected, like you’re just going through the motions. No one wants that.

What we need is balance, not an all-or-nothing approach. Think of it like holding a balloon on a string. If you grip it too tight, it might burst. But if you let go completely, it floats away. The trick is finding that middle ground—being invested, but not so attached that you lose yourself in the process. You’re allowed to care deeply and still keep a hold on your own peace. This is where the magic happens: when you’re engaged without burning out, passionate without being consumed.

Establishing Healthy Boundaries

Let’s talk about boundaries. I know, it sounds serious, but it’s really about being honest with yourself about what you can handle. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s self-preservation. It’s about knowing your limits and respecting them. And guess what? When you say “no” to something that overwhelms you, you’re actually saying “yes” to your peace. No guilt, no apologies.

Healthy boundaries don’t just help you; they actually make things better for everyone around you. When you’re clear about what you can and can’t take on, people know where you stand. And trust me, that clarity can be a game-changer. Studies even show that when we blur the lines between work and personal life, it leads to more emotional exhaustion. But when we establish boundaries and live a healthier lifestyle, it softens that impact. Isn’t it empowering to know that a simple “no” can protect your well-being?

Maintaining Your Personal Identity

Hats on a rack.

Now, let’s talk about you. When was the last time you did something just for yourself? When we’re constantly wearing different hats—caretaker, professional, partner, friend—it’s easy to forget that there’s a whole person underneath. You’re not just defined by what you do for others; you have your own dreams, quirks, and passions. They deserve space, too.

Take a moment to think about what makes you feel alive. Is it painting, dancing, reading, or taking a quiet walk? Whatever it is, make time for it. Even if it’s just 15 minutes to sip your coffee in peace, those moments matter. They’re what recharge you, remind you who you are, and keep you grounded. You deserve that time to be just you—not someone’s caretaker, not the problem-solver—just you. Those small moments of joy? Hold onto them tightly. They’re yours, and they matter.

Nurturing Passion Without Attachment

Here’s the thing—being passionate doesn’t have to mean being consumed. Imagine putting your energy into a project, a relationship, or even a goal and focusing on the experience itself, rather than the outcome. It’s like savoring a meal instead of rushing to the end. When you shift your mindset like this, you free yourself from perfectionism and constant pressure. You’re not letting go of care; you’re letting go of the idea that everything has to be perfect.

This doesn’t mean you care less. In fact, it can mean you care more—about the right things. You can put your heart into something without being crushed if it doesn’t go exactly as planned. This kind of balanced passion lets you stay true to yourself and maintain your well-being. Dive in, but leave room to breathe. Love deeply, but don’t lose yourself. That’s where the real magic happens.

Trusting and Letting Go

Women trusting each other

Let’s be honest—trusting others and the process can feel scary. Letting go of control is hard, especially when you care so much. But holding on too tight? It’s exhausting. It’s like gripping sand in your hand—the tighter you hold, the more slips away. Trusting means loosening that grip just enough. It’s about believing in yourself and others, and knowing that things will unfold as they’re meant to.

And guess what? You don’t have to carry every burden alone. Letting others step in can actually strengthen your relationships and ease your load. You deserve that peace. Trust more, stress less. Caring deeply doesn’t mean you have to carry it all. You can let go without detaching, and you can love without losing yourself. You deserve to feel light, free, and at peace.

Last Thoughts...

If you find yourself overwhelmed by these patterns or struggling to let go of the role of the rescuer, consider reaching out for intensive EMDR sessions. It can help you explore and heal these deeply rooted beliefs, making it easier to say no without guilt and honor your own needs. You deserve that freedom. You deserve to care without carrying the weight of the world.

With love and light,

Jamie Vollmoeller LCSW, CCTP

Children dressed in costumes ready for Halloween.

Halloween is a time of great excitement for children, filled with costumes, decorations, and of course, candy. However, for many parents, managing children’s behavior during this sugar-fueled holiday can be a daunting task. The thrill of trick-or-treating and the subsequent candy consumption often lead to heightened energy levels and emotional swings. By understanding the dynamics at play, parents can better navigate this candy-filled Halloween, ensuring a fun and memorable experience for everyone involved.

Understanding the Causes of Halloween Stress in Children

Halloween can bring a lot of pressure for children, stemming from various factors like costumes, social interactions, and candy anticipation. Sensory overload from spooky decorations, loud noises, and large crowds adds to their stress levels. Children might also feel anxious if their Halloween experience doesn’t meet societal expectations. All these factors combined can create a challenging environment for young ones, making it difficult for them to cope. Understanding these stressors helps parents offer the necessary support and create a more manageable Halloween experience for their children. Research shows that engaging in creative storytelling using Halloween themes can improve cognitive flexibility in children, helping them manage stress by finding constructive outlets for their energy.

Setting Realistic Expectations for Halloween Fun

Pumpkins and trick or treat.

Halloween is often portrayed as a magical night, but it's important to ground this excitement with realistic expectations. Discuss with your child what the evening will entail, including any limitations. If trick-or-treating will be brief or include only a few houses, make sure they understand this beforehand. Clarify the amount of candy they can collect and consume, and outline any plans for alternative activities like a small Halloween party at home or a movie night. By doing so, you help set the stage for a satisfying experience that matches what is actually feasible, reducing the likelihood of disappointment or frustration.

Managing Candy Consumption and Sugar Rushes

One of the biggest challenges of Halloween is managing the inevitable sugar rush from candy consumption. Establish rules around candy intake before the festivities begin. Consider allowing a small amount of candy on Halloween night, with the promise of rationing the rest over the following days. Encourage your child to choose their favorite pieces to enjoy first. Offer healthy snacks alongside candy to balance out the sugar. Make sure to keep children hydrated, as water can help moderate sugar's effects on their system. Involve them in a discussion about how too much candy can make them feel unwell, fostering an understanding of moderation. This approach not only curbs sugar overload but also teaches children valuable lessons about self-control and healthy eating habits.

Encouraging Positive Behaviors Through Fun Activities

Halloween activities in New York

Halloween-themed activities can be a fantastic way to direct children's excitement into positive behaviors. Host a small craft session where kids can create their own decorations or design costumes from materials you already have at home. This not only keeps them engaged but also sparks their creativity. Organize team-based games like scavenger hunts or pumpkin carving contests to promote cooperation and patience. Activities like these can teach valuable skills and improve children's behavior. Consider setting up a storytelling circle where each child can share their own spooky tales. This helps develop their listening and storytelling abilities.

You could also plan a Halloween-themed baking session, allowing kids to help make simple treats. This not only makes for a fun activity but also gives you a chance to teach them about following instructions and working together. For a calming activity, a Halloween movie night with a selection of age-appropriate films can help wind down the excitement while still keeping the festive spirit alive. By incorporating these activities, you can create a structured yet enjoyable environment that encourages good behavior and makes Halloween special for your children.

Making the Most of Halloween For Your Children on a Budget

Halloween doesn’t have to be an expensive affair to be enjoyable. With many families working with limited resources, creativity is key. About 69% of consumers plan to purchase costumes for Halloween, but you can save by creating unique outfits from items you already own. Engage your children in making their own costumes, turning it into a fun bonding activity. Additionally, nearly 45% of consumers start their Halloween shopping before October, which can lead to better deals and less stress. Planning ahead allows for budget-friendly preparations without last-minute pressure. Emphasizing simple joys like storytelling or movie nights can also contribute to a memorable holiday experience.

Preparing for Post-Halloween Transition

Mother and child reading a book at bedtime.

As Halloween draws to a close, it's important to help children transition smoothly back to their regular routines. Begin by gradually reducing candy consumption and re-establishing normal eating habits. This can help regulate their energy levels and mood, making it easier to return to daily activities. Engage your child in a discussion about their favorite moments from Halloween to help them process the excitement and bring a sense of closure to the event.

Reinforce bedtime routines to ensure your child gets adequate rest, which is crucial for maintaining balanced behavior. Consider creating a calm and soothing environment for bedtime, perhaps by reading a favorite book or playing gentle music to help them unwind. Encouraging physical activities during the day can also help burn off any lingering energy from the holiday's excitement.

If your child feels a sense of letdown after Halloween, plan some simple, enjoyable activities to look forward to. These could be small family outings, craft projects, or playdates with friends. Keeping them engaged can ease the post-holiday blues and provide a positive focus.

Additionally, review and acknowledge the lessons learned from Halloween, such as the importance of moderation in candy consumption and the value of sharing and cooperation. These conversations can reinforce good habits and behaviors, setting a positive tone for the future.

By carefully managing the post-Halloween transition, you can help your child return to their everyday routine with minimal disruption, ensuring that the fun of the holiday is remembered fondly without lingering stress or behavioral challenges.

New school year blues, find a therapist near Bethpage, NY

Does your child struggle with back-to-school blues? As a parent, it can be heartbreaking to see your child feeling anxious or depressed as the new school year approaches. However, there are steps you can take to help prepare your child and support them through this challenging time. In this blog post, we will discuss how to identify signs of back-to-school anxiety and depression, set up a support system both inside and outside of school, create a safe and supportive environment at home, explore the role of Internal Family Systems Therapy, navigate school refusal behaviors, and find the right therapist for your teen. If you are searching for a therapist for teens near you, keep reading to discover ways to help your child thrive during the upcoming school year. If seeing your child struggle makes you feel not good enough as a parent, gain some support and insight from this episode of the Shades of Trauma Healing podcast!

Identifying Signs of Back-to-School Anxiety and Depression

Recognizing the early signals of anxiety and depression in your child can be pivotal as the school year looms. Kids prone to anxiety get clingier and more nervous than usual during the start of the school year. Watch for alterations in their usual behavior, such as increased irritability or withdrawal from family and friends. Pay attention to any shifts in sleeping or eating patterns, which can be significant indicators of distress. Additionally, a diminished interest in previously enjoyed hobbies or activities should raise concern. Physical complaints that lack a clear medical cause, may also be manifestations of their emotional turmoil. This can be in the form of persistent stomachaches or headaches, By staying attuned to these changes, parents can proactively seek the necessary support and interventions to assist their child through this transitional period.

Setting Up a Support System Inside the School

A class being taught in NY

To facilitate your child's adjustment and success at school, establishing a network of support within the educational setting is crucial. Initiating a dialogue with educators and school counselors about your child’s emotional needs can create a partnership aimed at monitoring and aiding their progress. It's beneficial to inquire about available resources as well. These can be things such as peer support groups or mentorship programs that can offer additional layers of support. Encouraging your child to cultivate relationships with trusted adults on campus. Having a favorite teacher or coach can be a safe outlet to express concerns and receive guidance. Proactive communication between home and school can ensure that your child does not feel isolated in their experiences. Its can also foster a sense of community and belonging that is essential for their emotional and academic well-being.

Creating a Safe and Supportive Environment at Home

Creating a nurturing space for your child involves more than just physical safety. It encompasses fostering open communication and emotional security as well. A loving and supportive home life can significantly increase emotional regulation. Make it a priority to dedicate moments each day to simply listen, without judgment or the rush to offer solutions. This will allow your child to share their thoughts and feelings freely. A routine that balances structure with flexibility can help ease anxiety, offering predictability in daily life while accommodating the need for occasional adjustments based on your child's emotional state.

Encourage practices that support mental and physical well-being. This can be engaging in regular physical activities together and prioritizing nutritious meals, to reinforce the connection between body and mind health. Above all, ensure that your home is a haven of understanding and positivity. It should encourage an environment that flows freely, and challenges are met with empathy and teamwork. This approach can significantly bolster your child's confidence and sense of security as they face the school year ahead.

The Role of Internal Family Systems Therapy

2 men laughing together.

Internal Family Systems Therapy offers a transformative approach for families navigating the complexities of back-to-school anxiety and depression. This method delves into the intricate internal dynamics of individuals. It acknowledges and addresses the different parts within oneself that contribute to emotional distress.

Through this therapeutic practice, both children and parents can discover the underlying causes of their fears and negative core beliefs. It encourages a deeper understanding of one's emotional world, fostering self-compassion and resilience. By engaging with a therapist versed in this modality, families can learn effective strategies to manage and alleviate emotional struggles, promoting harmony and understanding within the family unit. This approach empowers children and parents alike to face the school year with confidence and a stronger, more supportive connection.

Navigating School Refusal Behaviors

Addressing school refusal with sensitivity and empathy is paramount. Delving into the reasons behind your child's hesitation to attend school allows for a compassionate response to their concerns. It may be necessary to explore various stressors, such as social dynamics or academic pressures, that contribute to their reluctance. Engaging in open and honest conversations about their fears and anxieties regarding school can illuminate potential pathways to resolution. Collaborating on strategies that empower your child to face school-related challenges is crucial. This might include establishing a gradual re-entry plan, identifying supportive staff members they can connect with, or adjusting their schedule to better suit their needs.

A boy with new school year depression

Facilitating a connection with a therapist who can provide tools and coping mechanisms can also offer your child additional support. By focusing on understanding and collaborative problem-solving, you can guide your child toward a more positive and confident approach to school attendance.

Finding the Right Therapist for Your Teen

In the journey to bolster your child's mental health for the school year ahead, the step of selecting an appropriate therapist is critical. To locate a therapist for teens in your vicinity, prioritize those who are skilled in adolescent psychology and have a proven track record with issues of anxiety and depression. It's important to opt for professionals who employ evidence-based practices and who exhibit an understanding, compassionate approach. Consider the rapport between your teen and the potential therapist, as a comfortable and trusting relationship is fundamental to therapeutic success. Taking the initiative to carefully choose a therapist is important. The right therapist can equip your teen with the strategies and support needed to face the new school year's challenges with resilience.

A boy on his tablet.

In today's digital age, the internet plays a significant role in our daily lives. While it provides a wealth of information and opportunities for learning, it also poses risks, especially for young adolescents. As modern parenting continues to evolve, it is crucial for parents to navigate conversations about internet safety and age-appropriate content with their children. In this blog post, we will explore strategies for addressing this important issue and empowering parents to guide their children in the digital landscape.

Understanding the Digital Landscape and Its Impact on Adolescents

The digital world is an ever-changing environment filled with both opportunities and challenges. Adolescents, in particular, find themselves at the intersection of curiosity. The vast expanse of the internet at their fingertips, which is not without its pitfalls. The exposure to inappropriate content can range from mildly offensive to deeply disturbing. It can potentially affect their psychological development and shape their understanding of complex issues. This can happen before they are emotionally mature enough to process them. This landscape is not static. New apps, games, and social platforms emerge, often designed to capture and hold the attention of young users for as long as possible. This can lead to an excessive amount of time spent online, further increasing the risk of encountering harmful content.

Understanding this dynamic is vital for parents who aim to protect their children from these dangers. It's not just about the content but also about understanding how and why certain content appeals to adolescents. This comprehension allows parents to have more meaningful conversations with their children about their digital habits, the content they consume, and the potential impact on their well-being. In navigating this complex digital terrain, the goal is to equip young adolescents with the critical thinking skills needed to discern and make wise choices amidst a sea of endless digital possibilities.

Recognizing the Signs Your Child May Have Been Exposed to Inappropriate Content

A young girl on her laptop.

Being aware of behavioral changes in your child can be a key indicator that they may have stumbled upon inappropriate content on the internet. These signs can manifest in various ways, such as an increased level of secrecy surrounding their online activities. For instance, they might quickly switch tabs or hide their screens when you approach. This can indicate they are viewing something they don't want you to see. Additionally, a sudden shift in mood or behavior could be a response to disturbing content they've encountered. An example might be them becoming more withdrawn or displaying unusual aggression or anxiety.

Another red flag could be an unexplained reluctance to participate in previously enjoyed activities. It may suggest their focus or interests have been negatively influenced by their online experiences. Observing these changes requires a nuanced approach, avoiding direct accusations which may close off communication lines. Instead, these observations should serve as a cue for parents to gently probe their child's online habits and feelings about their digital interactions. This method allows parents to gather insights into their child’s online world without causing them to retreat further into secrecy. Recognizing these signs is the first step in addressing potential exposure to harmful content and reinforcing a safe online environment for your child.

Initiating the Conversation: Tips for Modern Parents

Broaching the subject of internet safety and appropriate online content with your children doesn't have to be overwhelming. The key is to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. Don't forget to recognize that the digital world is a big part of their lives. Begin by finding a comfortable setting that feels non-confrontational, perhaps during a casual family dinner or a car ride, which can make the discussion feel more natural and less like an interrogation. It's important to communicate your concerns without instilling fear or shame. Frame the discussion around their safety and well-being. Emphasize that your goal is to ensure they enjoy the internet's vast resources responsibly.

Encourage them to share their online experiences and any uncomfortable situations they might have encountered. This approach helps to normalize discussing internet usage openly. It reinforces that they can always turn to you for guidance without fear of retribution or harsh judgment. Use this opportunity to set mutual expectations about internet use. This should include discussing what types of content are not suitable and why. Highlight the importance of critical thinking and being cautious about the information they share or receive online. Make sure they understand that you're not trying to invade their privacy or limit their exploration but are interested in their safety and development. This conversation should be an ongoing dialogue, adapting as they grow and as the digital landscape changes.

Establishing Clear Internet Usage Guidelines

Internet safety and modern parenting in NY.

To maintain a balance between the benefits and potential risks of internet use, it is imperative for parents to implement and clearly communicate internet usage guidelines. Crafting rules about when and how long the internet can be used, as well as what types of content are off-limits, lays a foundation for healthy digital habits. This involves a collaborative effort where children have a say in setting these guidelines, making them more likely to adhere to the rules.

Additionally, explaining the rationale behind restrictions helps children understand the importance of these guidelines beyond mere rules. It fosters a sense of responsibility towards their online behavior.

It's also beneficial to designate tech-free zones or times within the home. This will encourage offline activities and interactions, promoting a well-rounded lifestyle. Regularly review these guidelines together, making adjustments as your child grows and as new challenges arise in the digital world. Through clear, consistent, and collaborative guidelines, parents can create a safer online experience that respects their child's independence while safeguarding them from potential digital dangers.

Educating Your Child About Internet Safety and Age-Appropriate Content

Empowering your child with the knowledge to navigate the internet safely is a crucial aspect of modern parenting. Begin by discussing the various types of content they may encounter online. Highlight the importance of discernment in what they view, share, and engage with. Explain the concept of digital footprints and the long-term implications of their online actions. Use real-world examples to illustrate how easily personal information can be shared and exploited if not careful. Encourage them to think critically about the sources of the information they find and to question the credibility of online content.

Introduce them to the idea of digital wellness, emphasizing the balance between online activities and real-life interactions. Provide them with strategies to deal with uncomfortable situations online, such as encountering inappropriate content or being approached by strangers. This should include knowing when and how to report such instances. It also includes the importance of discussing them with a trusted adult. By fostering an environment of learning and curiosity around internet safety, you help your child develop a healthy relationship with digital technology. This can ensure they become responsible and informed digital citizens.

Utilizing Parental Controls and Safe Browsing Tools

A young boy on the internet.

Leveraging parental controls and safe browsing tools offers an additional layer of protection for children navigating the internet. These tools provide a means to filter out harmful content, limit screen time, and monitor online behavior. It is done without infringing on a child’s sense of independence. Educating yourself on the various options available is key. There are browser settings that restrict access to adult content to apps that track the amount of time spent on social media platforms. Engaging with your child about why these tools are being implemented helps demystify their purpose. It presents them not as measures of control but as safeguards for their digital journey.

It’s also important to regularly update these tools to keep up with new threats and to adjust settings as your child grows older and their online needs change. Involve your child in this process to foster a sense of responsibility and awareness about their digital footprint. These proactive steps not only enhance your child's online safety but also teach them about the value of boundaries in the digital realm, setting the stage for responsible internet use as they mature.

Building Trust and Fostering Open Communication

Internet safety and modern parenting can co exist!

Building trust and fostering open communication with your child is foundational in navigating the digital age together. This relationship is strengthened not by fear, but through honest and empathetic dialogue about their online experiences. Encourage your child to share both their positive and negative encounters on the internet. Make sure they feel heard and supported rather than judged. Highlight that mistakes are part of learning, ensuring they understand they can come to you with any issue without fear of punishment.

Active listening plays a crucial role. When your child speaks, give them your full attention, acknowledging their feelings and offering guidance when sought. Discuss your own experiences and challenges with technology. Show them that navigating the digital world is a continuous learning process for everyone. Regularly engage in conversations about their digital interests, and together, explore new and safe online spaces that align with their passions. This ongoing dialogue reinforces that you are a reliable ally in their digital exploration, cementing a bond of trust that encourages open communication about their online life.

Parenting is a challenging journey on its own, but it can become even more difficult when the parent has ADHD. The constant struggle to stay organized, focused, and on top of responsibilities can take a toll on both the parent and their child. However, there is hope. EMDR therapy, a unique and effective form of therapy, has shown promising results in helping parents with ADHD better manage their symptoms and become more confident and capable in their role as a parent. In this blog post, we will explore the struggles of parenting with ADHD and how EMDR therapy can be a valuable tool in navigating this challenge.

Understanding ADHD in Parents

Parenting is a challenging journey that requires patience, focus, and organization. But what happens when the parent themselves has ADHD? Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD, is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects both children and adults. It is characterized by difficulties in maintaining attention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. When a parent has ADHD, it can add an extra layer of complexity to the already demanding role of being a caregiver.

Woman feeling frustrated with life. Get help managing your life, find a therapist near Holbrook, NY.

Understanding ADHD in parents is crucial in order to navigate this unique challenge. For parents with ADHD, the struggle to stay organized and focused can make even the simplest tasks feel overwhelming. Time management becomes a constant battle, leading to feelings of frustration and guilt. The ability to juggle multiple responsibilities can become incredibly challenging, leaving parents feeling overwhelmed and inadequate.

Additionally, ADHD can also impact a parent's ability to provide structure and consistency for their child. The lack of organization and planning can lead to inconsistency in parenting styles, which can be confusing for the child and create additional challenges in their development.

It's important to recognize that ADHD is a real and valid condition that requires understanding and support. By acknowledging and addressing the specific challenges that parents with ADHD face, we can begin to develop strategies and interventions that can help alleviate some of the burdens they face. In the next section, we will explore the struggles of parenting with ADHD in more detail, shedding light on the daily obstacles that parents with ADHD must overcome.

Struggles of Parenting with ADHD

Parenting is already a challenging task, but when a parent has ADHD, it can become even more overwhelming. The daily struggles of managing ADHD symptoms while also trying to meet the needs of your child can take a toll on both the parent and the child.

One of the main struggles for parents with ADHD is the difficulty in staying organized and focused. Simple tasks that seem easy for others can feel insurmountable for someone with ADHD. Time management becomes a constant battle, and feelings of frustration and guilt can easily arise. Juggling multiple responsibilities can be incredibly challenging, leaving parents feeling on edge and not good enough.

ADHD can also affect a parent's ability to provide structure and consistency for their child. The lack of organization and planning can lead to inconsistency in parenting styles, which can be confusing and unsettling for the child. This can create additional challenges in their development and may cause the child to struggle with routine and expectations.

Furthermore, the impulsivity that often accompanies ADHD can also be a struggle for parents. Impulsive reactions and decision-making can lead to unintended consequences and can make it difficult to maintain a calm and controlled environment for the child.

Overall, parenting with ADHD is a daily battle. However, it's important to remember that you are not alone. There are strategies and interventions available to help parents with ADHD navigate these challenges and become more confident and capable caregivers. In the next sections, we will explore the benefits of EMDR therapy, how it works, and finding a therapist to guide you through this unique form of therapy.

Benefits of EMDR Therapy for Parents with ADHD

EMDR therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, has shown promising benefits for parents with ADHD. This unique form of therapy can help alleviate the struggles that come with parenting while managing ADHD symptoms. Here are some of the benefits of EMDR therapy for parents with ADHD:

1. Reduction of ADHD symptoms: EMDR therapy has been found to be effective in reducing the symptoms of ADHD, such as difficulties with attention, focus, and impulsivity. Through targeted eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation, EMDR therapy helps reprocess traumatic memories and negative beliefs that may contribute to ADHD symptoms.

2. Improved executive functioning: EMDR therapy can enhance executive functioning skills, such as organization, planning, and time management. By addressing underlying emotional issues and working through past traumas, parents can develop new coping strategies and improve their ability to stay organized and focused.

A man and his son enjoying time together. To form better connections with your family, find a counselor near Glen Cove, NY.

3. Enhanced self-confidence: Many parents with ADHD struggle with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. EMDR therapy can help parents develop a more positive self-image and improve their self-confidence as a parent. By reprocessing negative experiences and beliefs, parents can gain a greater sense of their strengths and abilities.

4. Improved parent-child relationship: EMDR therapy can also benefit the parent-child relationship. By addressing and resolving emotional issues that may contribute to parenting challenges, parents can develop healthier and more secure attachments with their children. This can lead to improved communication, trust, and overall family dynamics.

5. Long-lasting results: EMDR therapy has been found to have long-lasting effects. Many parents report continued improvements in their ADHD symptoms and parenting abilities even after therapy has ended. This means that the benefits of EMDR therapy can extend beyond the therapy sessions and have a positive impact on parenting in the long term.

How EMDR Therapy Works

EMDR therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is a unique and effective form of therapy that has shown promising results in helping parents with ADHD. But how exactly does EMDR therapy work?

EMDR therapy is based on the understanding that traumatic or distressing experiences can get stuck in our brains, causing negative beliefs and emotional distress. These unresolved experiences can contribute to ADHD symptoms and difficulties in parenting. EMDR therapy works by targeting and reprocessing these traumatic memories, allowing the brain to process them more healthily.

During an EMDR therapy session, the therapist will guide the parent through a series of eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation. This bilateral stimulation helps stimulate the brain's natural ability to heal and reprocess traumatic memories. As the parent follows the therapist's hand movements or listens to sounds alternating in each ear, the brain's attention is split, allowing the distressing memories to be processed more effectively.

As the parent reprocesses these traumatic memories, they can experience a reduction in ADHD symptoms and an improvement in executive functioning. Negative beliefs about themselves as parents can be challenged and replaced with more positive and empowering beliefs. This leads to improved self-confidence and a stronger parent-child relationship.

EMDR therapy is a collaborative process, with the therapist providing a safe and supportive environment for the parent to explore their experiences and emotions. Each session builds on the progress made in the previous session, allowing for a gradual healing process.

Finding a Therapist for EMDR Therapy

A woman sitting with someone. Find an EMDR therapist near Westhampton, NY.

Finding a qualified therapist who specializes in EMDR therapy can greatly benefit those managing ADHD symptoms and navigating the challenges of parenting. To find the right therapist for you, follow these tips:

1. Research online: Begin by searching online directories and therapist listings in your area. Look for therapists who specialize in EMDR therapy, have experience working with individuals with ADHD, and possess relevant credentials and experience. Read any reviews or testimonials from previous clients. The EMDR International Association website is a good start!

2. Seek recommendations: Reach out to your personal network for recommendations. Ask friends, family members, or support groups who have undergone EMDR therapy or know someone who has for their experiences. This can provide valuable insights and help you find a therapist who suits your needs.

3. Consult with professionals: Consider seeking recommendations from mental health professionals, such as psychologists or psychiatrists, who specialize in ADHD or trauma. They may be familiar with therapists who utilize EMDR therapy and can provide referrals.

4. Take advantage of consultation sessions: Many therapists offer free consultation sessions or phone calls to discuss their approach and answer any questions you may have. This can give you a better sense of the therapist and whether they are a good fit for you.

5. Trust your instincts: It is important to trust your instincts when choosing a therapist. Find someone you feel comfortable with and can build a strong therapeutic relationship with. Don't be afraid to ask questions and voice any concerns you may have during the consultation process.

Remember that finding the right therapist is a personal and individual process. Take your time, do your research, and trust that you will find the right therapist who can support you in managing your ADHD symptoms through EMDR therapy.

Other Resources and Coping Strategies for Parenting with ADHD

Parenting with ADHD can be a daily battle, but there are resources and coping strategies that can help alleviate some of the challenges and help you feel better connected with your family. Here are a few additional resources and strategies to consider:

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1. Support groups: Connecting with other parents who also have ADHD can provide a sense of community and understanding. Support groups can offer valuable advice, tips, and a safe space to share experiences and frustrations. Look for local support groups or online communities specifically for parents with ADHD.

2. Parenting classes or workshops: Many organizations offer parenting classes or workshops specifically tailored to parents with ADHD. These classes can provide valuable strategies and techniques for managing ADHD symptoms while still being an effective parent. Check with local community centers, mental health clinics, or online resources for upcoming classes or workshops.

3. Time management tools: Utilize tools and apps that can help with time management and organization. There are various apps available that can assist with setting reminders, creating schedules, and breaking tasks into manageable chunks. Experiment with different tools to find the ones that work best for you and your family.

4. Prioritize self-care: Taking care of yourself is essential when parenting with ADHD. Make time for self-care activities, such as exercise, meditation, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy. Remember, when you prioritize your well-being, you are better able to show up for your child.

5. Seek professional help: In addition to EMDR therapy, consider other therapeutic interventions that may benefit parents with ADHD. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and medication management can also be effective treatments for managing ADHD symptoms. Consult with a mental health professional who specializes in ADHD to explore the best treatment options for you.

Remember, managing ADHD as a parent is an ongoing journey. It's essential to be patient with yourself, practice self-compassion, and celebrate your successes along the way. With the right resources and coping strategies, you can navigate the challenges of parenting with ADHD and thrive in your role as a loving and capable caregiver.

As parents, we often see ourselves in our children - the good and the bad. It can be heartwarming to see our positive traits reflected in our little ones, but it can also be difficult and even painful to see our flaws mirrored in them. This phenomenon can be attributed to a variety of factors, including genetics and learned behavior. However, our children can also serve as mirrors for our unresolved issues and traumas. This is why therapy can be a valuable tool for both parents and children to work through their own struggles and create a healthier dynamic within the family.

The Importance of Identifying Negative Behaviors

Identifying negative behaviors in ourselves and our children is crucial for creating a healthy and positive family dynamic. When we can recognize these behaviors, we have the opportunity to address them and work toward change. Not only does this benefit our children, but it also allows us to grow as individuals and break free from harmful patterns.

Mother and daughter talking on swings. Find a therapist near Southampton, NY.

By identifying negative behaviors, we can prevent them from being passed down from generation to generation. This self-awareness gives us the power to stop the cycle and create a more nurturing environment for our children. It also allows us to model healthier behaviors, teaching our children important life skills.

Additionally, identifying negative behaviors helps us understand the underlying issues that may be contributing to these behaviors. It allows us to explore our own traumas and unresolved issues, so we can heal and move forward.

Overall, recognizing and addressing negative behaviors is a crucial step toward creating a loving and supportive family environment. It sets the foundation for personal growth, improved relationships, and a happier future for everyone involved.

Understanding Normal Childhood Development and Behavior Patterns

Understanding normal childhood development and behavior patterns is essential for parents to effectively navigate their child's growth and development. It helps us distinguish between behaviors that are part of a normal developmental process and those that may be a reflection of our own negative behavior patterns. By having this knowledge, parents can better respond to their child's needs and promote their overall well-being.

During childhood, children go through various stages of development, both physically and emotionally. These stages include milestones such as learning to walk, talk, and form relationships. Each child develops at their own pace, and it's important for parents to be aware of these variations.

Little girl who is angry. Find a child therapist near Holtsville, NY.

Understanding normal childhood behavior patterns allows us to differentiate between typical behavior and potential signs of distress or concern. For example, temper tantrums and mood swings are common in young children, but persistent aggression or withdrawal may indicate underlying issues that require further attention.

By familiarizing ourselves with normal childhood development and behavior patterns, we can better support our children in reaching their full potential. It also enables us to identify when additional support or intervention may be necessary. Through this understanding, we can create a nurturing environment that fosters growth, resilience, and emotional well-being for our children.

Recognizing Our Own Negative Behavior Patterns Reflected in Our Children

It can be a startling and eye-opening experience when we see our own negative behavior patterns reflected in our children. As parents, we often strive to be the best role models for our kids, but sometimes our own unresolved issues and traumas can unintentionally manifest in our behavior towards them. It's essential to recognize these patterns in order to break the cycle and create a healthier family dynamic.

When we see our negative behavior patterns in our children, it's important not to beat ourselves up or feel guilty. Instead, we should view it as an opportunity for growth and self-reflection. By acknowledging these patterns, we can begin to understand the underlying issues that may be contributing to them. This self-awareness allows us to address our own struggles and work towards healing and personal growth.

Recognizing our own negative behavior patterns in our children also provides an opportunity to model healthier behaviors. We can teach our kids important life skills such as emotional regulation, effective communication, and problem-solving. By being open and honest about our own challenges, we create a safe and supportive environment for our children to express themselves and navigate their own emotions.

Remember, it's never too late to make positive changes and break negative behavior cycles. By recognizing and addressing our own negative behavior patterns, we can create a loving and nurturing environment where our children can thrive and grow into resilient individuals.

Why Communicating Better is Easier Said Than Done

Effective communication is often easier said than done, especially within the family dynamic. Many factors contribute to the challenges we face when trying to communicate better with our children. One major factor is the emotional baggage and unresolved issues we carry from our past. These can hinder our ability to express ourselves openly and honestly, leading to miscommunication and misunderstandings.

Mother holding her child and listening to her. Find a family therapist near Port Jefferson, NY.

Additionally, communication styles and patterns can be deeply ingrained within us. We may have learned ineffective ways of expressing ourselves or coping with conflicts from our parents or previous relationships. Breaking these patterns and adopting new, healthier communication habits takes time and effort.

Furthermore, stress and daily pressures can take a toll on our communication skills. When we're overwhelmed, it's easy to fall into reactive behaviors rather than responding calmly and empathetically to our children.

But don't worry, improving communication is absolutely possible! It starts with self-awareness and recognizing our own communication challenges. By prioritizing active listening, open dialogue, and practicing effective conflict resolution skills, we can create an environment where communication flows more smoothly. Seeking support from therapists or family counselors can also be immensely helpful in improving communication within the family.

Remember, improving communication takes time and patience. Celebrate the small victories and keep working towards open and effective communication, knowing that your efforts will ultimately strengthen the bond with your children and create a harmonious family dynamic.

The Role of Self-Awareness and Accountability in Positive Parenting

Self-awareness and accountability play crucial roles in positive parenting. When we become aware of our own flaws and negative behavior patterns, we have the power to make positive changes and break the cycle. By taking responsibility for our actions and choices, we model accountability to our children, teaching them the importance of self-reflection and personal growth.

Self-awareness allows us to recognize when our emotions and unresolved issues are influencing our interactions with our children. It helps us pause, reflect, and respond rather than react impulsively. By being aware of our triggers and emotional baggage, we can better understand how they impact our parenting style and make conscious efforts to address them.

Accountability involves taking ownership of our mistakes and making amends when necessary. It teaches our children that everyone makes errors, but what matters is how we take responsibility and learn from them. By modeling accountability, we create a safe and supportive environment where our children feel comfortable acknowledging their own mistakes and growing from them.

In order to cultivate self-awareness and accountability, it's important to practice self-reflection, seek support from therapists or parenting classes, and regularly assess our own behavior and its impact on our children. Remember, positive parenting is a journey, and embracing self-awareness and accountability is a powerful step toward creating a loving and nurturing family dynamic.

Strategies for Breaking Negative Behavior Cycles

Breaking negative behavior cycles can be a challenging but worthwhile endeavor. Here are some strategies to help you on your journey:

1. Self-reflection: Take the time to reflect on your behavior and identify the negative patterns you want to break. Understand the triggers that lead to these behaviors and explore the underlying emotions and experiences that contribute to them.

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2. Seek support: Reach out to therapists, parenting classes, or support groups that can provide guidance and tools for breaking negative behavior cycles. Professional guidance can be immensely helpful in gaining new insights and strategies.

3. Set clear boundaries: Establish clear and consistent boundaries with your children. Clearly communicate expectations and consequences, and be firm yet loving in enforcing them. Consistency and clarity provide a sense of security for children and help break negative behavior cycles. Gentle or positive parenting does not mean no boundaries or consequences!

4. Practice positive discipline: Instead of resorting to punitive measures, focus on positive discipline techniques that promote learning and growth. Use praise and rewards to reinforce desired behaviors and provide guidance and redirection for negative behaviors.

5. Model healthy behavior: Be a role model for your children by exhibiting the behavior you want to see in them. Show empathy, effective communication, and problem-solving skills. Let them see you making mistakes and taking responsibility for them, emphasizing the importance of self-reflection and personal growth.

Remember, breaking negative behavior cycles takes time and patience. Be kind to yourself and your children throughout the process. Celebrate small victories, seek support when needed, and embrace the journey of creating a healthier and happier family dynamic.

With love,
Kristy Casper, LCSW

Have you heard the phrase “helicopter parent?” It describes a mother or father that ‘hovers’ around their child 24/7, overseeing every aspect of the child’s life to keep safe from every potential danger, pitfall and mishap. In theory this sounds great right? “If I am there to guide and direct every step I know my child will be okay.” However, this style of parenting is rarely realistic, or productive, as we cannot monitor their every move and in reality: life happens.

Adversity is a part of life. Those children who engage with adversity in their formative years learn how to handle it well and develop the ability to come up with strategies and solutions to overcome challenges. These are the kids that grow up to be resilient, getting right back up when life knocks them down a few pegs.

Here are some ways parents can raise resilient children:

Plant the Right Mindset

How your child sees the world, and their own potential in it, directly informs how they make decisions. Teach them a positive and empowering mindset from the beginning- a “growth mindset”. Teach them that mistakes and failures are opportunities to learn what does and does not work. Validate that losing a game, or doing poorly on a test really stinks and help them focus on steps they can take to improve. Above all your kids should know that it’s not about win or lose- what really matters is the commitment and effort they put into reaching their goal.

Allow Them to Come Up With Solutions on Their Own

A child will never be able to develop their own coping strategies if someone is there every second making sure they never become hurt or disappointed. If your child is coming to you for help ask probing questions to get them thinking about how they can fix the problem. For example, “is there another way you both can play with that toy?” Communicating your belief in your children’s ability to solve their own problems with help to increase their self-esteem and belief in their own abilities. 

Let Them Take Some Risks

All parents want to keep their kids safe, but there comes a point when you’ve got to let go a bit and let them learn HOW to be safe on their own. For instance, one day your child will need to get their driver’s license. You can help that older child be a safe driver by allowing their younger self to ride their bicycle around the neighborhood. This will teach them to pay attention, look both ways, etc.

Teach Them the Right Skills

Teach your child how to navigate anxiety-producing or uneasy situations. Rather than focusing on the problematic areas of those experiences, focus on how to ensure safety or cope with them.  I work with lots of anxious kids, who have anxious parents. What I find is often the children are reacting to their parents anxieties. For example, a child who is concerned about bullying had a parent who was combing their hair and picking out their clothes in 8thgrade- because the parent was worried if the child did these tasks alone they would be bullied. This child then felt very insecure about their ability to make their own choices, keep themselves safe and how their peers perceived them. A better approach for that parent would be to teach them how to do their hair independently, encourage the child to be confident in whatever they choose to wear, praise the child on their best traits (humor, intelligence, kindness) and to discuss with their child how to handle a bully- if and when- a situation occurs.

Ensure Healthy Attachment

Children with secure attachment to their primary caregivers feel a sense of support and resilience. When a child is securely attached to their parents this serves a few functions: shapes mindset about the world and those in it (.e. the world is safe; I am loved), ensures they feel comfortable venturing on their own but equally as comfortable seeking support when needed, and these children also have greater ability to be open and honest with others about their feelings and needs. 

Seek Support When Needed

Resiliency isn’t something we are born with. It is a skill that must be instilled and molded over time. Planting these seeds now will allow for a child raised to face adversity, solve-problems, and do so with confidence and grace. Parenting is a challenge and it certainly does not come with a manual. If you need support in your parenting journey, give my office a call today and let’s schedule a time to talk.

Being a mom is hard, being a mom who strives to meet your child’s every need is taxing but well worth the effort. How do we balance meeting our children’s needs and taking care of ourselves? Being a good mom doesn’t mean neglecting yourself for the sake of your baby. What your child needs most is a happy mama who is able to be their calm and support. Self-care is really important for both you and your little one. What self-care looks like and what that means for each person is different. At Long Island EMDR we provide Postpartum Therapy for moms experiencing postpartum depression and/or anxiety. Here is a list of suggestions of what you can do for self-care so afterwards, you are more ready and able to meet the needs of your little one.

  1. Support.

Support is number one because it makes taking a needed break possible. Utilizing grandparents, your partner, other family members or close friends is important.  If you have supports around you, ask for help. I know we want to do it all but sometimes even someone coming by for you to cook without the baby on you or take a shower alone will help you to feel relaxed. I struggled the first few months with leaving my son for any stretch of time but if you are comfortable, a walk outside in the park or dinner out with your partner is a good way to relax and center yourself. As I said earlier just having someone come over so you can enjoy little things like cooking, showering, or reading alone may be the bit of relaxation you need.

Understandably, this is not always possible if you have a limited support network. The phrase “it takes a village” really is true so it is important that you work on building your supports.  Finding like-minded parents that you feel comfortable leaving your child/children with can be a great source of relief.

No matter whom you leave your child with make sure they know how you want your child taken care of when you’re away. Tell them your preferences for medications. Teach them your child’s hunger cues and ways you soothe your child when he/she becomes upset. Always leave an emergency contact list.

  1. Exercise.

If possible go to the gym when your spouse is still home (before work or after). If you’re like me and that’s not possible, join a gym where you can bring your baby. I go to Fit4mom, which has the added benefit of also being a second support network of like-minded moms (at least in my location).

  1. Take a relaxing bath.

If you can’t get anyone to supervise your little ones, bring them in with you. My child loves baths. So its usually relaxation time for us both.

  1. Read.

I really love reading and always feel accomplished after I finish a good book.

  1. Take a walk!

If it’s nice out put on that baby carrier and take your baby with you. Just being outdoors is relaxing. Michael and I go on walks often. He likes to look at nature and usually is lulled to sleep while we walk. Fresh air and a change of scenery can be nice, especially in the early months where you may feel like your stuck in the house.

  1. Meditate.

Whether you have 5 minutes or an hour, meditation is a great way to relax and center yourself. I love the app Insight Timer they have all sorts of meditations and they vary in time commitments.  I also love the “sleep” feature so you can drift off to sleep and the app turns off when the meditation is finished.

  1. Color.

Seriously. I know it sounds childish to some but there are an array of adult coloring books that really are quite relaxing to do.

  1. Gratitude Journal.

Did you know studies actually show you can train your brain to be more positive by writing down 3 positive things a day? The list should be specific, not “my husband, my child, work”, but more like ” my child is healthy”, “I’m able to breastfeed”, ” my husband is supporting me in returning (or not returning) to work”. Postpartum therapy can assist you in identifying what is going right if you are feeling so anxious or hopeless you cannot think of a single thing to be grateful for.

  1. Call a friend.

If you can’t get out and you have no one able to come to you, a phone call can be a lifeline. Call someone who is supportive and willing to listen. Catching up with a friend or relative can really brighten your day.

  1. Listen to music.

Even if it’s music on while you have a spare minute to vacuum the floor. Crank up some old jams and dance around yourself. I love to sing, my dancing skills are not so great (but I will still dance like a fool), and I find singing really helps to release anxiety.

Take care of yourself. On an airplane they always tell you to put your mask on first. You need to be calm and happy to help your child be calm and happy. You’re also modeling good coping strategies for your child. They learn more from what you do, then what you say.

If you need some more help with navigating postpartum symptoms and want to begin postpartum therapy, please reach out to our office.

Sending love and light,

Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW

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