The weight of combat experiences does not fade after returning home. Veterans coping with PTSD often struggle with nightmares, flashbacks, and emotional distress. These symptoms can disrupt daily life, making even simple tasks feel overwhelming. Traditional therapy helps some, but others need different options. Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is one of the most effective approaches. It targets painful memories, helping the brain reprocess them. Over time, distress linked to past events becomes less intense. Research supports its effectiveness, and many veterans report significant improvement. Strength is not about ignoring pain but facing it with the right tools. EMDR offers hope without forcing veterans to relive every painful moment. Recovery takes effort, but progress is possible. No one has to fight PTSD alone.
What is EMDR and How Does It Work?
EMDR helps people process traumatic experiences in a structured way. It does not require veterans to talk about painful memories in detail, which makes it different from traditional therapies. It uses guided eye movements to process traumatic memories. A trained therapist directs the eye movements while focusing on distressing thoughts. Some therapists use tapping or sound cues instead of eye movements. EMDR doesn't erase memories, but it makes them easier to manage. It helps the brain organize and store memories, reducing their emotional impact.
Trauma can cause memories to stay "stuck," making them feel as intense as when they initially happened. EMDR changes how these memories are processed, so they no longer trigger the same emotional response. Over time, painful memories lose their intensity. Many veterans find relief, leading to better sleep, healthier relationships, and improved well-being.
Why EMDR is a Game-Changer for Veterans
EMDR works faster than some traditional therapies. Research shows that veterans often experience noticeable improvements in fewer sessions compared to talk therapy.
One of the biggest challenges with traditional PTSD treatment is revisiting traumatic events. EMDR focuses on how the brain processes memories rather than forcing someone to discuss painful moments at length and relive trauma in detail.
Also, EMDR can reduce emotional pain linked to distressing memories. Many veterans describe feeling "stuck" in the past as if the worst moments of their lives are happening all over again. EMDR helps rewire those memories, leading to fewer flashbacks, nightmares, and episodes of anxiety.
Lastly, many veterans report lasting improvements in daily life. They sleep better, feel more present with loved ones, and regain a sense of stability. EMDR does not erase the past, but it makes moving forward possible.
PTSD and Drug Addiction: Breaking the Cycle with EMDR
Many veterans turn to drugs or alcohol to numb the overwhelming symptoms of PTSD. While substance use may create temporary relief, it often worsens PTSD over time, deepening emotional distress and complicating recovery. The brain's response to trauma and addiction share similarities, making it challenging to break free from this cycle. This overlap can reinforce negative thought patterns and emotional triggers, leading to a dangerous loop of substance dependence and unprocessed trauma. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy offers a powerful solution by helping veterans process traumatic memories without relying on substances. A study published in BMC Psychiatry found that EMDR effectively reduces PTSD symptoms in patients with both substance use disorder and PTSD. By targeting the root causes of trauma, EMDR helps individuals confront and process painful experiences, reducing the need for drugs or alcohol as a coping mechanism.
The Importance of a Comprehensive Approach to Veteran Recovery
While EMDR is a valuable tool in addressing trauma, long-term recovery for veterans requires a comprehensive approach that tackles both the psychological and physical aspects of addiction. Veterans benefit most when EMDR is combined with peer support, counseling, and relapse prevention strategies tailored to their unique needs. Peer support fosters a sense of connection, helping veterans realize they’re not alone in their struggles. Counseling offers a safe space to explore emotions and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Additionally, structured aftercare programs play a critical role by providing ongoing support, regular check-ins, and continued therapy sessions to reduce the risk of relapse. Relapse prevention plans focus on identifying
triggers, managing high-risk situations, and building resilience. Evidence-based therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) complement EMDR by addressing the underlying psychological factors contributing to substance use.
Veterans Coping with PTSD: How to Get Started with
EMDR
Taking the first step toward PTSD treatment can feel overwhelming, but EMDR offers a
structured approach that many veterans find adequate. Getting started requires a few vital steps:
- Find a certified EMDR therapist. Checking credentials is necessary. The EMDR International Association (EMDRIA) has a directory of accredited providers.
- Use online resources and veteran support groups. Organizations such as the VA and non-profits offer guidance on accessing EMDR. Many veterans connect through forums and peer groups to share experiences and recommendations.
- Ensure the therapist has experience with PTSD. EMDR works best when guided by someone who understands combat-related trauma. Ask about past success with military clients.
- Personal readiness and commitment improve therapy outcomes. While EMDR does not require detailed discussions about trauma, being open to the process is significant.
EMDR is a proven option for veterans coping with PTSD and offers a way to process trauma without reliving it in detail.
What to Expect During EMDR Sessions
Sessions typically involve discussing traumatic events briefly. Unlike traditional therapy, EMDR does not require veterans to explain every detail of their trauma. Instead, the therapist helps identify specific memories linked to distress.
Guided eye movements or tapping help reprocess distress. The therapist directs eye movements from side to side or sometimes uses gentle tapping or auditory cues. The process is structured and follows a series of phases designed to lessen PTSD symptoms.
Emotional reactions may be intense at first but decrease over time. It is common to feel waves of emotions during sessions, but the intensity usually fades. Many veterans report feeling mentally exhausted after early sessions, but as therapy progresses, distress linked to past events weakens. The goal is to reduce PTSD symptoms and improve mental well-being. With repeated sessions, memories that once triggered anxiety or fear become less disruptive.
Overcoming Common Misconceptions About EMDR
Many people misunderstand EMDR, leading to doubts about its effectiveness. Some think EMDR is hypnosis—it is not. Hypnosis puts a person into a trance-like state, while EMDR keeps them fully aware and in control. The therapy focuses on reprocessing memories, not altering consciousness.
Others doubt it works, but research supports its effectiveness. Organizations like the American Psychological Association and the Department of Veterans Affairs recognize it as an effective treatment. Many veterans experience meaningful improvements after completing therapy.
Skeptics believe PTSD never improves, but many veterans find relief. Trauma can feel
permanent, but the brain can heal. EMDR helps process distressing memories in a way that makes them less overwhelming. Veterans often report better sleep, fewer flashbacks, and reduced anxiety after treatment. Misconceptions should not stop veterans from considering a therapy that has helped many reclaim control over their lives.
How Veterans Can Maximize EMDR Benefits
Making the most of EMDR requires effort both inside and outside of therapy. Veterans can take several steps to increase the effectiveness of their treatment:
- Consistency is key - attend all sessions. Skipping appointments can slow progress. Regular sessions help maintain momentum and keep the brain actively engaged in reprocessing trauma.
- Combining EMDR with self-care enhances results. Practices like exercise, proper sleep, and balanced nutrition support mental health. Taking care of the body strengthens the mind’s ability to heal.
- Mindfulness and journaling help with emotional processing. Writing down thoughts and practicing breathing exercises between sessions can make it easier to manage emotions. These techniques provide a way to track progress and recognize improvements.
- Support from loved ones makes the process easier. Talking to family or close friends about therapy experiences can reduce feelings of isolation. Having a reliable support system improves confidence in the treatment process.
make it less lonely.
Conclusion
PTSD does not have to control a veteran’s life. Trauma may shape the past but does not have to define the future. EMDR provides real hope and lasting relief, offering a way to process painful memories without reliving them in detail. Many veterans have already experienced the benefits of this therapy and regained a sense of stability. Veterans Coping with PTSD deserve access to effective, life-changing treatment that works. Taking the first step toward healing is the hardest but most important. Progress is possible with the proper support and commitment, and a better future is within reach.
Dear fellow neurodivergent parent,
If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by your child’s stimming or wondered about your own habits and mental health—like tapping, pacing, or humming—this is for you. Stimming isn’t something to fear or fix. It’s as normal for neurodivergent individuals as breathing, and embracing it can help us thrive as parents, partners, and individuals.
Let’s explore what stimming is, why it’s so important, and how we can reduce the shame and stigma around it—for ourselves and our kids.
What Is Stimming?
Stimming, short for “self-stimulatory behavior,” refers to repetitive actions that help regulate emotions or sensory experiences. For neurodivergent individuals, stimming is a natural and meaningful way to:
• Find calm during overwhelming moments.
• Process sensory input in a world that can feel too loud or chaotic.
• Express emotions when words aren’t enough.
Some common examples of stimming include:
• Hand-flapping or finger-tapping
• Rocking back and forth
• Twirling hair or spinning objects
• Repeating words or phrases (echolalia)
• Playing with sensory toys like fidgets
Why Do Neurodivergent Individuals Stim?
Stimming helps the brain regulate itself, much like taking deep breaths when stressed. For neurodivergent individuals, it can serve a variety of purposes:
1. Regulating Sensory Input
The neurodivergent brain processes sensory input differently. Stimming helps block out overwhelming sensations or provides the stimulation needed to stay focused.
Big feelings—whether they’re joy, anxiety, or frustration—can feel even bigger for neurodivergent people. Stimming helps release and balance these emotions.
3. Communicating Needs
For individuals who are nonverbal or struggle with emotional expression, stimming can be a way to communicate: I’m excited, I’m stressed, or I need space.
How Does Stimming Impact Mental Health?
When embraced, stimming has many positive effects on mental health. However, societal misunderstanding and stigma can create challenges.
The Positives
• Stress Relief: Stimming acts as a natural stress reliever, like a built-in coping mechanism.
• Focus and Grounding: It helps redirect attention and provides comfort in high-pressure situations.
• Self-Expression: Stimming can be joyful and empowering, offering a way to feel connected to your body and emotions.
The Challenges
The real problem isn’t stimming—it’s how the world reacts to it. Misunderstanding, judgment, and pressure to “stop” stimming can lead to:
• Shame and Anxiety: Feeling judged for stimming can cause self-doubt and emotional distress.
• Masking Behavior: Suppressing stimming to fit in can result in burnout, sensory overload, and emotional dysregulation.
How to Reduce Shame Around Stimming
Here’s the good news: you have the power to create a world where stimming is accepted and celebrated—starting in your own home.
1. Normalize Stimming
Talk about stimming as a natural and healthy behavior. Explain to your kids (and remind yourself!) that it’s their body’s way of taking care of them.
2. Create Safe Stimming Spaces
Make sure your home, school, or work environment allows for stimming without judgment. This might mean giving your child access to sensory tools or advocating for understanding with teachers and caregivers.
3. Reframe Stimming as a Superpower
Instead of seeing stimming as a distraction or “quirk,” celebrate it as a strength. It’s a tool that helps neurodivergent individuals process the world in their own unique way.
4. Use Tools and Resources
Fidget toys, weighted blankets, and other sensory-friendly items can make stimming more accessible and enjoyable.
My Journey as a Neurodivergent Mom
I’ll be honest—embracing stimming hasn’t always been easy. Growing up, I was told to “stop fidgeting” or “sit still,” and I carried that shame for years. But as I learned more about my neurodivergent brain, I realized stimming wasn’t something to hide—it was a way to thrive.
Now, as a mom, I let my kids see me stim. When I tap my fingers during a tough moment or hum to calm myself, I’m showing them it’s okay to regulate their emotions in their own way. In turn, they’ve felt freer to flap, spin, and stim without fear of judgment.
Additional Resources for Parents
If you’d like to learn more about stimming and how to support neurodivergent individuals, here are some helpful tools:
• Books:
• Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism by Barry M. Prizant
• NeuroTribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity by Steve Silberman
• Online Communities:
• Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN)
• Sensory Tools:
• Fidget spinners, chewable jewelry, and noise-canceling headphones are widely available online and in stores.
Stimming Is a Superpower, Not a Problem
Here’s the truth: stimming is as normal as breathing. It’s not something we need to fix or hide—it’s a vital part of how neurodivergent individuals thrive.
When we embrace stimming as a strength, we create a world where neurodivergent people feel safe, accepted, and celebrated—for exactly who they are.
With love and understanding,
Jamie
Have you ever noticed how certain emotions push you toward behaviors you later regret? Maybe it’s a rough day at work that makes you reach for a drink or feelings of loneliness that tempt you to escape through substances. These moments, driven by emotional triggers, can feel like they control you. But the truth is, they don’t have to define your choices. By understanding emotional triggers that lead to substance abuse and learning how to manage them, you can break free from harmful patterns. This guide will walk you through actionable steps to recognize them, build healthier coping mechanisms, and find lasting relief from the cycle of emotional stress and substance use.
What are emotional triggers?
Emotional triggers are those intense feelings or experiences that spark an immediate, often overwhelming, reaction in you. They’re deeply tied to your:
● Past experiences
● Unresolved emotions and trauma
● Coping mechanisms developed over time
When it comes to emotions that can drive substance abuse, sadness seems to play a major role. This is according to a report in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, which analyzed data from over 10,000 people across four studies spanning 20 years.
When emotional triggers lead to substance abuse, it’s often because substances provide a temporary escape or relief. These short-term fixes, however, create a harmful cycle where triggers reinforce substance dependence. This makes it all the more harder to break free.
How to identify your emotional triggers?
It's not enough to know what emotional triggers are. You need to learn how to recognize them in you.
Start by asking yourself: What moments or feelings tend to push me toward substance use? Triggers aren’t always obvious—they can hide in routines or habits that feel automatic.
Thus, to identify your triggers, be sure to:
Keep a trigger journal
Grab a notebook (or a phone) to write down moments when you feel overwhelmed. What were you doing? Who were you with? How did you feel? Over time, patterns will emerge.
Look for subtle signs
Sometimes, triggers show up as physical sensations—tight shoulders, a racing heart, or a gnawing feeling in your stomach. Other times, they’re linked to recurring thoughts, like I can’t handle this or I need a break. Tuning into these signs can help you catch a trigger before it takes over.
Connect the dots
Once you start noticing patterns, dig deeper. Why does this trigger affect you so strongly? For instance, if criticism from a boss makes you spiral, it could stem from past feelings of inadequacy. Understanding the “why” behind your triggers gives you the power to address them at their root.
Strategies to manage emotional triggers that lead to substance abuse
Once you’ve identified your emotional triggers, the next challenge is figuring out how to respond to them in healthier ways. That said, here are a few ideas on how to do so.
1 Develop healthy coping mechanisms
When emotions hit hard, it’s natural to want some kind of relief. But instead of turning to substances, try channeling that energy into healthy habits.
If stress is your go-to trigger, a quick workout or even a walk outside can do wonders to clear your head. Feeling lonely? Call a friend or pour your thoughts into a journal—it can be surprisingly freeing.
Sure, these alternatives might feel awkward or forced at first, but stick with them. Over time,
they’ll become second nature, and you’ll feel the difference.
2 Practice mindfulness
When a trigger arises, take a moment to breathe and ground yourself. Mindfulness won’t make triggers disappear, though. Still, it can prevent them from spiraling into substance abuse.
3 Set boundaries
Triggers are often linked to people, places, or situations that drain your emotional energy. If certain environments or relationships consistently push you toward substance use, it’s time to set boundaries. This might mean saying no to events where substances are heavily present or limiting contact with people who create unnecessary stress.
4 Create a distraction plan
When a trigger hits, the urge to react can feel overpowering. Having a pre-planned distraction can help you ride out the wave. Watch a favorite show, dive into a hobby, organize your space, or do anything that shifts your focus for long enough to regain control.
5 Build a support system
You don’t have to manage triggers alone. Surround yourself with people who encourage and uplift you. This could be friends, family, or even a support group where others understand what you’re going through.
6 Replace triggers with positive routines
Some triggers come from gaps in your routine, like idle time that fuels negative thinking. Fill those gaps with meaningful activities. Pick up a new skill, commit to regular exercise, or explore creative outlets. Positive routines will help rewire your response to emotional stress.
Seeking help
Despite your best efforts, managing emotional triggers on your own can feel like an uphill battle.
But who said you had to go through it alone?
In fact, there are treatment facilities that exist for the sole purpose of helping individuals struggling with addiction regain control of their lives. Mental health professionals at Tranquility Recovery Center can help you identify emotional triggers that lead to substance abuse and teach you how to manage them in a way that involves no substances.
Of course, there’s also comfort in knowing you’re not alone. Thus, groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), or SMART Recovery can be a good place to share your struggles and find support from those who've been in your shoes. Here, you'll also find a ''sponsor'' whom you can contact whenever you feel a trigger will lead you toward a dark path.
No matter the kind of help, know that the sooner you seek it, the easier it will be to address your triggers. Not sure where to start? A simple call to a local helpline or a conversation with your doctor can open doors to the support you need.
The bottom line
Your triggers don’t define you—they’re just part of the story. The real power lies in how you choose to respond. Every time you recognize emotional triggers that lead to substance abuse and face them without turning to substances, you’re breaking the cycle. But to actually get to this point, you need to understand your triggers first. Once you do, you can work toward building healthier habits step by step. Of course, if you can't do it alone, help is just a call or session away. And know this: asking for help doesn't make you weak. On the contrary, it makes you stronger than you'll ever know. The road to recovery is hard, but your willingness to change proves your strength. Keep fighting, and sooner than you know, you'll not only be managing your triggers. You'll own them!
When I first began my EMDR journey, I didn’t realize how much it would open the door to meeting and healing the many parts of myself. Through Internal Family Systems (IFS) work, I learned to connect with these inner parts—the protector, the exile, the wounded child—and to understand their roles in my life. It was humbling and emotional, but also deeply empowering.
Among all these parts, my inner child stood out. She carried so much of the vulnerability and pain I had long buried. She also held the joy, curiosity, and hope I longed to rediscover. Learning to reparent her—to be the caregiver, protector, and nurturer she always needed—became one of the most profound aspects of my healing.
Yet, it was Yoga Nidra that truly reinforced and deepened this process. It offered me a way to nurture her in the quietest and most loving of ways.
The Gentle Intersection of IFS and Yoga Nidra
IFS taught me to approach my inner parts with curiosity and compassion. Yoga Nidra became the safe container for these conversations. During one particular practice, as the guide invited me to visualize my inner child, I found her waiting in a warm, inviting space. She wasn’t angry or scared—she was just waiting for me, with quiet trust.
Using the tools I had learned in EMDR and IFS, I approached her with love and reassurance. In that moment, I could feel the integration happening. The protective parts of me stepped aside, letting me connect with her without fear. The exile within me softened, allowing the pain she carried to be acknowledged without shame.
Reparenting Through Presence
In this Yoga Nidra session, I spoke to my inner child with the words I wished I had heard when I was younger:
“I see you, my love. You are safe now. You don’t have to carry the weight of guilt or shame anymore. I am here to protect you.”
Each word felt like a thread, weaving together a stronger bond between us. And as I embraced her—both in my mind and in my heart—I could feel her trust in me grow. It was a deeply moving moment, one that solidified the reparenting I’d been working on for months in therapy.
The Role of Yoga Nidra in Healing
Yoga Nidra makes such a powerful companion to IFS and EMDR. This is because of its ability to create a calm, nonjudgmental space where healing can unfold naturally. In these sessions, I can connect with my inner child in a way that feels intuitive and safe. The guided relaxation quiets the noise of the outside world, making space for the soft whispers of my soul.
Yoga Nidra also reinforces the new, healthier patterns I’m building through reparenting. By consistently returning to this practice, I’m teaching my inner child—and myself—that safety, love, and care are available to us now.
An Invitation to Your Journey
If you’re exploring Internal Family Systems, EMDR, or any other therapeutic modality, I encourage you to try Yoga Nidra as a way to deepen your healing. Imagine it as a bridge that connects your inner work to the present moment, allowing you to embody the safety and love you’re cultivating within.
Healing isn’t linear, and it isn’t always easy. But in these moments of connection—when you sit with your inner child, hold her hand, and promise her the care she deserves—you take one more step toward wholeness. And that, I’ve learned, is a gift worth giving yourself.
As the New Year approaches, many families feel the pressure to establish elaborate traditions that mirror idealized images seen in media. However, the essence of family traditions lies not in their complexity but in the meaning and connection they foster among family members.
The Importance of Family Traditions
Family traditions and routines serve as powerful organizers of family life, offering stability during times of stress and transition. Research has shown that these practices are associated with marital satisfaction, adolescents’ sense of personal identity, children’s health, academic achievement, and stronger family relationships.
Creating Meaningful Traditions
2. Keep It Simple: Traditions don’t have to be elaborate to be meaningful. Simple activities like a weekly family game night or a New Year’s Day nature walk can become cherished rituals that strengthen family bonds.
3. Involve Everyone: Encourage each family member to contribute ideas for new traditions. This inclusion fosters a sense of ownership and ensures the traditions are meaningful to all.
4. Be Flexible: Allow traditions to evolve as your family grows and changes. Flexibility ensures that traditions remain relevant and enjoyable rather than becoming sources of stress.
Benefits of Family Traditions
Engaging in family traditions provides a predictable structure that guides behavior and creates an emotional environment that supports development. Consistent daily routines have been associated with children’s well-being, including improved behavior and social skills.
Conclusion
As you welcome the New Year, focus on creating or continuing family traditions that reflect your unique family dynamics and values. Remember, the goal is to foster connection and joy, not to meet external expectations. Embrace the simplicity and authenticity of your family’s traditions, and let them be a source of comfort and unity in the year ahead.
As a neurodivergent mom navigating the ups and downs of parenting, I’ve personally experienced how life-changing Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) can be. EMDR therapy gave me the tools to process my past, calm my nervous system, and show up as the mindful parent I’ve always wanted to be. For neurodivergent moms and other individuals like me, who often feel overstimulated and overwhelmed, EMDR offers a path to healing that feels safe, supportive, and empowering.
What Is EMDR?
EMDR is a therapy designed to help people process and release distressing memories. It uses guided movements, like following a therapist’s fingers, or other forms of bilateral stimulation to help the brain “reorganize” how it stores past experiences. It’s been widely studied for trauma, but recent research is shining a light on its potential benefits for neurodivergent individuals, including those with ADHD and autism.
Benefits of EMDR for Neurodivergent Individuals
- Emotional Regulation
For neurodivergent moms, processing emotions can sometimes feel like navigating a storm. EMDR helps calm those emotional waves by addressing the root of the distress. I found it transformative in helping me respond rather than react during challenging parenting moments. - Reduction in Anxiety and Stress
EMDR can help untangle the web of anxiety that many neurodivergent people face daily. By reprocessing triggering memories, EMDR can reduce the weight of worry and create space for a greater sense of peace. - Improved Focus and Clarity
For those with ADHD, unresolved stress or trauma can make it harder to focus. EMDR helps clear mental clutter, allowing individuals to approach tasks with a clearer mind. - Boosted Confidence and Self-Worth
Negative self-talk can be a constant companion for neurodivergent individuals. EMDR replaces those intrusive thoughts with healthier, affirming beliefs. Personally, it’s helped me shift from “I’m not good enough” to “I am more than enough.” - Stronger Relationships
As a mom, I’ve seen firsthand how EMDR has made me more present and connected with my kids. Many neurodivergent individuals also find it helps reduce social anxiety, making it easier to connect with others.
How EMDR Can Be Adapted for Neurodivergent Individuals
The neurodivergent brain is beautifully unique, and EMDR works best when tailored to each person’s needs. Here are some ways therapists can adapt EMDR for neurodivergent individuals:
- Clear and Simple Communication
Therapists can explain EMDR techniques in plain language and use visual aids to help individuals understand the process. - Sensory Sensitivity Awareness
Creating a sensory-friendly environment—whether that means dimming lights or avoiding certain sounds—can make the experience more comfortable.
- Building Trust
A strong therapeutic relationship is key. This means therapists need to meet clients where they are and move at a pace that feels right.
Potential Challenges and How to Address Them
While EMDR is incredibly effective, neurodivergent individuals might face unique challenges:
- Communication Differences
Some neurodivergent individuals may struggle to articulate their feelings or experiences. A therapist skilled in alternative communication methods can bridge this gap. - Sensory Overload
The bilateral stimulation used in EMDR can sometimes feel overwhelming. Therapists can modify techniques to suit sensory preferences, such as using gentle tapping instead of eye movements.
By being aware of these potential challenges, EMDR therapists can ensure that neurodivergent individuals feel supported and understood throughout their healing journey.
The Personal Impact of EMDR for Neurodivergent Moms
As a neurodivergent mom, my EMDR sessions felt like peeling back layers of doubt, fear, and overwhelm to uncover the confident, mindful parent within. It’s helped me stay present during meltdowns, embrace imperfection, and give my kids the unconditional love they deserve.
If you’re a neurodivergent individual considering EMDR, know that it’s more than a therapy—it’s a gift to yourself and those you love.
You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be a caretaker—to always be the person others turn to, the one who holds everything together. I see you. I know how deeply you care. You give and give, often without a second thought, because that’s just who you are. And it’s beautiful. But it’s also exhausting, isn’t it?
Caretakers Are still Human
The truth is, if we’re always pouring out and never refilling our own cups, something’s gotta give. We end up drained, resentful, or feeling like there’s nothing left for ourselves. I’ve been there. It’s a hard place to be. We tell ourselves it’s noble, that we’re being selfless, but at what cost? If we’re constantly running on empty, who’s taking care of us? Who is our caretaker??
I want to tell you this: it’s okay to need care too. It’s okay to take a step back and say, “I need a moment.” We’ve been taught that taking care of ourselves is selfish. But let me flip that on its head: you can’t pour from an empty cup. When you’re running on fumes, you can’t show up for the people you love in the way you want to.
I deeply respect every person in the helping professions, every mom, every friend who gives so much of themselves. But I also want to say: you deserve to be cared for. You deserve rest. You deserve to be more than the person who fixes everyone else’s problems.
The Difference Between Caring and Taking Care Of
Here’s where it gets tricky. There’s a huge difference between caring about someone and taking care of everything for them. When we care, we hold space. We listen. We show up. But when we take on the role of caretaker for every need, every crisis, every hurt—well, that’s a heavy load to bear. It’s one thing to support someone. It’s another thing to carry their entire burden.
I know what you might be thinking: “But if I don’t take care of it, who will?” It feels impossible to let go. But here’s the thing—sometimes, our drive to take on everything isn’t just about being kind or selfless. Sometimes, it’s rooted in our own fear.
Maybe we believe that if we don’t fix everything, we won’t be valued or loved. We might feel afraid that stepping back makes us less worthy. Maybe we’ve spent so long believing our worth is tied to how much we do that the thought of doing less feels like failing.
But let’s get real for a second: it’s not failing. It’s freeing. When we step back, we give others the chance to rise, to find their own strength. And we give ourselves the space to breathe.
Boundaries Are Hard—But Necessary
I’m not saying it’s easy. Setting boundaries can feel like ripping off a Band-Aid, especially when you’re used to saying yes, to fixing, to overextending. But boundaries aren’t walls; they’re bridges. They let us connect in healthy ways, without losing ourselves in the process. When we say, “I can’t take this on right now,” we’re not abandoning anyone. We’re just making room to be present without being depleted.
I know it’s scary. You worry people will think you’re selfish or that they’ll walk away. But the people who truly value you will understand. They’ll respect your need to take care of yourself. And if they don’t? Well, maybe that’s a sign they were relying too heavily on you anyway.
Caring Doesn’t Mean Carrying Everything
You can be a caretaker and love deeply without becoming a martyr. You can be there for the people you care about without losing yourself. Healthy caring means holding space, not absorbing every bit of pain and responsibility. It means showing up with empathy but knowing when to step back. I know how hard that is—it feels like pulling away from a role you’ve known your whole life. But it’s necessary.
When we let go of the need to “take care of” everything, we also let go of the belief that we’re only worthy if we’re giving everything. We can just be. We can love and support without sacrificing our entire selves.
Taking Care of Yourself Is a Radical Act of Love
Here’s the truth: you deserve care too. You deserve to rest, to be supported, to be seen for more than what you can do for others. Being the caretaker of yourself isn’t just important; it’s radical. It sends a powerful message—to yourself and everyone around you—that your needs matter too.
When you set boundaries, when you prioritize your own well-being, you’re not just helping yourself—you’re showing others that it’s okay to do the same. You’re breaking cycles of over-giving and burnout. You’re creating space for healthier, more balanced relationships. And that’s powerful.
So, take a deep breath. Give yourself permission to let go of what’s not yours to carry. It’s okay to care deeply without taking on the weight of everyone else’s world. It’s okay to choose yourself. You’re worthy of care, just as you are. And when you show up for yourself, you’ll have so much more to give—to the people you love, to your passions, to your life. You don’t have to be everything to everyone. You just have to be you. And that is more than enough.
Uncovering The Roots That Keep You Stuck
If you find yourself struggling to break free from the role of rescuer or feel immense guilt every time you say no, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Intensive EMDR sessions can help you uncover the roots of these patterns, heal the wounds that keep you stuck, and build the resilience to set boundaries with compassion and confidence. If you’re ready to step out of the cycle and reclaim your energy, reach out—I’m here to walk that journey with you.
Let’s dive into something a lot of us struggle with—over-identification. You know that feeling when your identity gets all tangled up with your responsibilities? It’s like you’re carrying around a heavy backpack stuffed with everyone else’s needs, problems, and expectations. Before you know it, that load is exhausting, and you’ve lost sight of who you are outside of what you do. Sound familiar? It’s okay to care deeply about your work, your family, or your friends—but you’re so much more than the roles you play. So, let’s talk about how to start noticing when you’re slipping into this pattern and how to gently reclaim yourself.
The Detachment Myth
You’ve probably heard it before—just detach, they say. Don’t care so much. But let’s be real for a second. Completely detaching doesn’t work. Not for me, not for you, not for anyone who genuinely cares. When you shut yourself off and detach, you end up feeling empty and disconnected, like you’re just going through the motions. No one wants that.
What we need is balance, not an all-or-nothing approach. Think of it like holding a balloon on a string. If you grip it too tight, it might burst. But if you let go completely, it floats away. The trick is finding that middle ground—being invested, but not so attached that you lose yourself in the process. You’re allowed to care deeply and still keep a hold on your own peace. This is where the magic happens: when you’re engaged without burning out, passionate without being consumed.
Establishing Healthy Boundaries
Let’s talk about boundaries. I know, it sounds serious, but it’s really about being honest with yourself about what you can handle. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s self-preservation. It’s about knowing your limits and respecting them. And guess what? When you say “no” to something that overwhelms you, you’re actually saying “yes” to your peace. No guilt, no apologies.
Healthy boundaries don’t just help you; they actually make things better for everyone around you. When you’re clear about what you can and can’t take on, people know where you stand. And trust me, that clarity can be a game-changer. Studies even show that when we blur the lines between work and personal life, it leads to more emotional exhaustion. But when we establish boundaries and live a healthier lifestyle, it softens that impact. Isn’t it empowering to know that a simple “no” can protect your well-being?
Maintaining Your Personal Identity
Now, let’s talk about you. When was the last time you did something just for yourself? When we’re constantly wearing different hats—caretaker, professional, partner, friend—it’s easy to forget that there’s a whole person underneath. You’re not just defined by what you do for others; you have your own dreams, quirks, and passions. They deserve space, too.
Take a moment to think about what makes you feel alive. Is it painting, dancing, reading, or taking a quiet walk? Whatever it is, make time for it. Even if it’s just 15 minutes to sip your coffee in peace, those moments matter. They’re what recharge you, remind you who you are, and keep you grounded. You deserve that time to be just you—not someone’s caretaker, not the problem-solver—just you. Those small moments of joy? Hold onto them tightly. They’re yours, and they matter.
Nurturing Passion Without Attachment
Here’s the thing—being passionate doesn’t have to mean being consumed. Imagine putting your energy into a project, a relationship, or even a goal and focusing on the experience itself, rather than the outcome. It’s like savoring a meal instead of rushing to the end. When you shift your mindset like this, you free yourself from perfectionism and constant pressure. You’re not letting go of care; you’re letting go of the idea that everything has to be perfect.
This doesn’t mean you care less. In fact, it can mean you care more—about the right things. You can put your heart into something without being crushed if it doesn’t go exactly as planned. This kind of balanced passion lets you stay true to yourself and maintain your well-being. Dive in, but leave room to breathe. Love deeply, but don’t lose yourself. That’s where the real magic happens.
Trusting and Letting Go
Let’s be honest—trusting others and the process can feel scary. Letting go of control is hard, especially when you care so much. But holding on too tight? It’s exhausting. It’s like gripping sand in your hand—the tighter you hold, the more slips away. Trusting means loosening that grip just enough. It’s about believing in yourself and others, and knowing that things will unfold as they’re meant to.
And guess what? You don’t have to carry every burden alone. Letting others step in can actually strengthen your relationships and ease your load. You deserve that peace. Trust more, stress less. Caring deeply doesn’t mean you have to carry it all. You can let go without detaching, and you can love without losing yourself. You deserve to feel light, free, and at peace.
Last Thoughts...
If you find yourself overwhelmed by these patterns or struggling to let go of the role of the rescuer, consider reaching out for intensive EMDR sessions. It can help you explore and heal these deeply rooted beliefs, making it easier to say no without guilt and honor your own needs. You deserve that freedom. You deserve to care without carrying the weight of the world.
With love and light,
Jamie Vollmoeller LCSW, CCTP
As an EMDR therapist living with ADHD and childhood trauma, I’ve seen firsthand how these experiences intertwine. Many neurodivergent moms with ADHD have also faced developmental trauma, often rooted in neglect or emotional abandonment. When caregivers fail to provide the nurturing support that neurodivergent children need, it can leave lasting wounds. If you’re an ADHD mom navigating these challenges, you’re not alone. Here are common core wounds and reflections on how to start healing.
1. Self-Esteem Struggles
When caregivers don’t understand or validate us as children, we can grow up feeling fundamentally flawed or unworthy of love.
• The Challenge: If my caregivers couldn’t see and accept the real me, does that mean I’m unlovable?
• The Work: As an EMDR therapist, I know that healing begins with confronting these deeply held beliefs. We can reprocess past experiences, challenge negative self-perceptions, and cultivate self-compassion. You are not broken—you are worthy of love and acceptance just as you are.
2. People-Pleasing Tendencies
Many ADHD trauma survivors learn to prioritize others’ needs in hopes of earning love and approval, often at the cost of their own well-being.
• The Challenge: Maybe if I meet everyone’s demands and expectations, I’ll finally be enough.
• The Work: Setting boundaries and respecting your own capacity is deeply uncomfortable but transformative. EMDR can help desensitize the fear of rejection and build confidence in your worth, even when you can’t be everything for everyone. True connection doesn’t require you to sacrifice yourself.
3. Chronic Burnout
For neurodivergent moms with trauma histories, the drive to “keep it together” and mask struggles can lead to overwhelming burnout. The pressure to appear in control often drains what little energy remains.
• The Challenge: I can’t let anyone see me struggling; I have to handle it all.
• The Work: Vulnerability is a strength. Allowing others to see you when you’re struggling—and seeking support when you need it—can be deeply healing. EMDR therapy can address the underlying fear of showing weakness and help you cultivate safe, trusting connections.
4. Rejection Sensitivity
Rejection sensitivity can be heightened by ADHD and trauma, making even small interactions feel intensely painful or anxiety-provoking.
• The Challenge: I’m always bracing for rejection. Will I be hurt again?
• The Work: Healing involves learning to trust yourself and others again. With EMDR, we can reprocess past rejections and reduce the emotional charge they hold. By showing up as your true self, you create space for authentic connections with those who genuinely accept you.
5. Demand Avoidance
For ADHD trauma survivors, even basic tasks can feel overwhelming and painful. If you weren’t given nurturing support and life skills as a child, adult responsibilities can trigger deep feelings of inadequacy.
• The Challenge: I can’t meet everyone’s expectations when I’ve never been properly cared for myself.
• The Work: Grieving what you didn’t receive is part of the process. EMDR therapy can help you reprocess unmet needs and find ways to care for your inner child. Building gentle routines and prioritizing self-compassion can make “adulting” less overwhelming.
6. Perfectionism and Performance
Many neurodivergent moms with trauma feel driven to be perfect, hoping to earn love and validation through flawless performance.
• The Challenge: I need to be perfect to be valued or loved.
• The Work: Perfection is not the answer; it’s often a protective response to past wounds. EMDR therapy can help you let go of this exhausting cycle, showing you that you’re enough, just as you are. Embracing imperfection allows you to be present and authentic, for yourself and your family.
Finding Healing as an ADHD Mom
Living with ADHD and trauma is complex, but healing is possible. Through EMDR therapy, I’ve witnessed powerful transformations. We can reprocess painful memories, reduce triggers, and challenge deeply rooted beliefs that no longer serve us.
Healing involves self-compassion, boundary-setting, and finding supportive spaces where you can be fully seen and accepted.
You are not alone. You are not broken. You deserve to heal, thrive, and live authentically.
Does this resonate with you? Let’s create a space to share, reflect, and support one another on the path to healing.
With love,
Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW
Managing your daily life and being a functional, productive adult is difficult with bipolar and other personality disorders. Sure, proper treatment can help you become the best version of yourself even with this mental health issue — but you still need to do a lot of work on your own if you want to manage symptoms daily. Besides seeking aid for bipolar disorder, there are a few things you can do to alleviate the resulting stress. Let’s dive in and see what you can do to take more control of your daily life!
Aid for Bipolar Disorder: Seek Treatment
Managing bipolar disorder can feel overwhelming, with the brain’s biochemistry often seeming to dictate one’s emotions. Yet, effective treatment can significantly change that. Through a combination of therapy and medication from qualified professionals, many individuals find they can regain a sense of emotional control.
Unfortunately, access to this kind of local care can sometimes be challenging, especially in states with poorer mental health care. For instance, in Tennessee alone, approximately 115,000 adults experience severe bipolar disorder, aligning with national prevalence rates of 2.8%. Despite this, many individuals may not receive the necessary treatment, highlighting a need for accessible mental health resources in the area.
As a leading mental health treatment center in the state, Time Wellness Tennessee actively addresses this growing need for accessible mental health care. They work hard to close the treatment gap for those with bipolar disorder. Through comprehensive services focused on mood stabilization and stress management, they empower individuals across Tennessee to better manage the unique challenges of this condition. By providing locally accessible treatment options, this center plays a vital role in improving the quality of life for those navigating bipolar disorder, fostering stability and resilience in the community.
However, self-management strategies can make a significant difference in addition to professional support. Techniques like structured routines, mindfulness, and regular exercise can help alleviate symptoms. This leads to fewer and less intense mood swings over time. Remember, life with bipolar disorder involves ongoing choices. By making healthy ones, it’s possible to lead a more balanced and fulfilling life with symptoms that feel more manageable.
Learn More About Your Condition
The best way to improve the effectiveness of your treatment is to participate in it actively. That means doing more than passively listening to your healthcare provider.
Instead, start reading up on your condition and study its causes, effects, and symptoms. If you find the energy to become an everyday expert on the subject, you can make better choices in the long run. Being informed is its kind of superpower, especially when you’re collaborating with therapists and doctors.
You’ll always be expected to voice questions and opinions while the experts plan your treatment. If you want to communicate effectively, you might as well try to have an informed opinion.
In the process, you’ll also learn to be more patient with the treatment. When you know more about bipolar disorder, you’ll understand why a total and instant cure isn’t an option. Instead, you’ll be more open to exploring different treatment plans and programs until you find something that works for you.
With more information, you’ll also be able to verbalize your needs better and explain any medication side effects to your doctor in more detail.
Actively Monitor Your Symptoms
As we’ve mentioned above, seeking aid for bipolar disorder is important. It is equally crucial to constantly self-regulate and monitor your emotional states. Bipolar disorder is far from a static condition, and your treatment is likely to change over time.
To ensure you’re getting the most effective help, you must be more in tune with your feelings than the average person. You need to know when depressive and manic episodes begin and roughly when they end. Incorporating self-monitoring practices into your daily routine can significantly enhance the management of bipolar disorder.
In truth, a study published in the International Journal of Bipolar Disorders highlights that self-monitoring increases illness insight and self-management by helping patients make lifestyle adjustments and facilitating communication with clinicians.
By diligently tracking your mood fluctuations, energy levels, and sleep patterns, you can identify early signs of mood episodes and take proactive steps to mitigate their impact.
Unfortunately, mood swings are often difficult to intercept because we notice their warning signs too late. You must closely monitor your energy levels, general mood, and sleeping patterns.
Otherwise, you are more likely to stay one step behind your bipolar disorder instead of managing the worst mood swings in advance. It’s exhausting, and such intentional monitoring of your emotional states takes up much time and energy — but it’s necessary to stabilize your mood in the long run.
Develop Mood Stabilizing Techniques
Every person is different, and no two cases of bipolar disorder are the same. This is why you’ll need ways to stabilize your mood and reduce stress. However, there are plenty of methods that you can include in your overall strategy.
It’ll take some time and energy to experiment with different techniques and find what works best for you, but the result will be more long-term stability.
For instance, you can always take extra care to get enough sleep — at least eight hours. Also, you can develop a network of close friends and family who are available for an honest conversation about how you’re feeling.
If you’re not sure your closest social circle provides enough support, consider looking for a support group nearby. On the other hand, you can consider which activities and chores drain your energy more than others and find ways to cut back on them.
Depending on whether you’re the creative type, you can also write a journal or find another outlet for your pent-up energy. Exercise is always a great idea, as is exposing yourself to as much sunlight as possible.
For most people with bipolar disorder, minimizing the amount of caffeine you drink daily is beneficial. Eliminating alcohol is a must, considering its disruptive effects on your mood. Plus, alcohol is almost guaranteed to interfere with your medications — so it’s not something you want to mess around with.
Of course, the specific mix of techniques you use to improve your mood will depend on your preferences.
Wrapping Up
While there’s no definitive cure for bipolar, you can do plenty to manage the illness and minimize its symptoms. Besides seeking professional aid for bipolar disorder, you can do everything in your power to lead a healthy, fulfilled life. Over time, these healthy habits will help you stabilize your mood — but they require persistence.