You wake up to the sound of a notification—another email, another demand. Before your feet even touch the floor, you’re already calculating. Did I respond to that request? Did I handle that thing for work? Did I confirm the plans for my friend’s event this weekend? You scan through your mental list, a running tally of everything you’re doing for everyone else. It’s an exhausting game of emotional calculus, where you factor in everyone else’s wants, needs, and expectations.

And yet… when was the last time you put yourself in your own equation?

It’s easy to believe that if we just do enough, people will finally see us—really see us. Maybe if we work a little harder, go the extra mile, or anticipate their needs before they even have them, we’ll earn the love, validation, and appreciation we crave. We tell ourselves it’s just being a good partner, employee, mother, friend. But beneath it, there’s a quiet, desperate hope: If I do this, maybe they’ll finally acknowledge my worth. Maybe I’ll feel like I matter.

The Trap of Emotional Outsourcing

For high-achieving, neurodivergent women, this pattern is second nature. We’ve spent a lifetime pushing through exhaustion, overriding our own needs, and convincing ourselves that asking for help is selfish. We learned early on that “good girls” don’t take up space. They don’t need much. They just try harder. And so we do.

We over-function at work, taking on extra tasks even though our plate is already overflowing. We stretch ourselves thin at home, trying to be the mom who does it all—laundry folded, kids entertained, kitchen spotless. We make space for other people’s emotions, nodding and reassuring and holding their burdens, even as our own pile higher.

But here’s the painful truth: If you are constantly factoring someone into your decisions while they never factor you into theirs, you are misaligned.

You think about their feelings, how your choices will impact them, how they might react—but do they do the same for you? Are they adjusting their life to accommodate you, the way you do for them?

If not, you’re playing a one-sided game. You are running a race where no one else is even on the track.

Signs You’re Outsourcing Your Self-Esteem

Maybe you don’t realize how much of your self-worth you’ve handed over to other people. But if your inner monologue sounds something like this:

• If my boss would just acknowledge my work, I’d feel more confident.
• If my spouse would stop drinking, I’d finally feel at peace.
• If my child would just listen, I’d feel like a good mom.

Then you’ve unknowingly outsourced your happiness, your sense of worth, and your emotional well-being. It’s like expecting a vending machine to give you a gourmet meal—you keep inserting your time, energy, and hope, only to get back crumbs and disappointment.

Because the hard truth is: No one else is responsible for making you feel whole.

Your boss, your partner, your mother, your friends—none of them were meant to be the guardians of your self-esteem. They have their own lives, their own wounds, their own limitations. And when you place your worth in their hands, you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak.

Rebuilding Your Relationship With Yourself

So how do you stop? How do you reclaim yourself when you’ve spent years—decades—defining your worth through other people’s eyes?

You start by turning inward.

Instead of waiting for someone else to reflect your value back at you, you begin the work of seeing yourself. It won’t feel natural at first. It might even feel ridiculous. But re-parenting your inner child—the part of you that never got the validation she needed—isn’t a one-and-done task. It’s a practice.

Here’s where you begin:

1. Take inventory. What actually brings you joy? Not what makes other people happy, not what wins you praise—what fills you up? Write it down. Look at it. Remind yourself that you matter.
2. Set boundaries, even if they’re uncomfortable. Saying “no” to things that drain you is saying “yes” to yourself. If you are the default go-to for everything, it’s time to ask why.
3. Rebuild your attachment with yourself. If you’ve spent years seeking external validation, you might not even trust your own judgment. That’s okay. Start small. Make a promise to yourself—and keep it. Even if it’s as simple as drinking water when you’re thirsty instead of ignoring your needs.
4. Give yourself the validation you seek from others. Before you chase someone’s approval, pause and ask yourself: What am I hoping they’ll say? Then, say it to yourself. You don’t need permission to feel worthy.

You Are Not a Group Project

You don’t need to keep auditioning for love. You don’t need to work overtime for scraps of validation. Your well-being is not a team effort—it belongs to you.

So step back from the mental gymnastics of trying to be “enough” for others. Sit with yourself. Breathe. And remember: You were already enough before anyone else had an opinion.

Having strong self-esteem is essential to success in your career, happiness in life, and the ability to set boundaries. Unfortunately, many of us struggle with low self-esteem, which can significantly impact our lives. Fortunately, EMDR therapy can be used to increase confidence and help individuals gain a more positive outlook on themselves. In this blog post, we will explore the link between self-esteem and success, and provide a guide to using EMDR therapy to improve confidence and reach desired goals.

Understanding the Importance of Self-Esteem in Career Success

When it comes to career success, self-esteem plays a vital role for professional women, career women, and working moms alike. Your self-esteem, or how you view and value yourself, directly impacts your confidence, motivation, and ability to take risks.

Having a healthy sense of self-worth allows you to believe in your abilities and talents, which in turn enables you to pursue challenging opportunities and strive for higher goals. It fuels your resilience in the face of setbacks, giving you the confidence to bounce back and keep moving forward.

On the other hand, low self-esteem can be detrimental to your career. It can lead to self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and a fear of failure, all of which can hold you back from reaching your full potential. It may also prevent you from advocating for yourself, seeking promotions or advancements, or taking on leadership roles.

Recognizing the importance of self-esteem in career success is the first step towards improving it. By valuing and nurturing yourself, you can enhance your confidence, increase your resilience, and unlock new opportunities for growth and success.

The Negative Effects of Low Self-Esteem on Life Fulfillment

Low self-esteem can have profound negative effects on all areas of life, including overall life fulfillment. When individuals lack self-worth and confidence, they may find it challenging to pursue their dreams, engage in meaningful relationships, and prioritize their own needs. For professional women, career women, and working moms, low self-esteem can be particularly detrimental.

Feeling not good enough or constantly overwhelmed can lead to chronic anxiety, somatic symptoms, and difficulty sleeping. The fear of failure and self-doubt associated with low self-esteem may also make it challenging to trust others, resulting in difficulty forming deep connections and relying on others for support. Additionally, those with low self-esteem often struggle to set boundaries and say no, leading to feelings of being burnt out and unappreciated.

Overall, low self-esteem can significantly limit one's sense of fulfillment in life. However, through EMDR therapy, individuals can work towards improving their self-worth and confidence. By addressing past traumas and negative beliefs, EMDR therapy helps individuals reprocess and reframe their thoughts, allowing them to cultivate a more positive outlook on themselves and their abilities. As self-esteem improves, individuals can experience greater life fulfillment and enjoy healthier relationships, career success, and overall well-being.

Overcoming Difficulty Setting Boundaries and Saying No Through Improved Self-Esteem

For many women, setting boundaries and saying no can be a real challenge. It's not uncommon to feel the pressure to please others and take on more than we can handle. However, having difficulty setting boundaries and constantly saying yes to everyone else's demands can have a detrimental impact on our self-esteem and overall well-being.

When we struggle to set boundaries, we may end up feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, and unappreciated. Our self-worth can take a hit, as we prioritize the needs of others over our own. It becomes a cycle that perpetuates low self-esteem and prevents us from advocating for ourselves.

EMDR therapy offers a solution for overcoming this difficulty. By addressing past traumas and negative beliefs, EMDR therapy helps us reprocess and reframe our thoughts, allowing us to cultivate a more positive outlook on ourselves and our abilities. As our self-esteem improves, we gain the confidence to set healthy boundaries and say no when necessary.

Through EMDR therapy, we can break free from the cycle of people-pleasing and prioritize our own well-being. We learn to value ourselves and our needs, leading to greater self-esteem and a more fulfilling life.

How EMDR Therapy Works to Boost Confidence and Self-Esteem

EMDR therapy, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy, is a powerful tool for boosting confidence and self-esteem. This therapy works by targeting past traumas and negative beliefs that may be holding you back from feeling confident in yourself and your abilities. Through a series of guided eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation, EMDR helps to reprocess and reframe these negative thoughts and memories.

During EMDR therapy, you'll work closely with a trained therapist who will guide you through the process. They will help you identify the negative beliefs or traumatic experiences that have contributed to your low self-esteem. From there, they will guide you through sets of eye movements or other forms of stimulation while focusing on these memories or beliefs. This bilateral stimulation helps to activate both sides of the brain, facilitating the reprocessing and integration of these negative experiences.

As the negative beliefs and traumas are reprocessed, you'll begin to develop a more positive outlook on yourself and your abilities. You'll start to see yourself as deserving of success, capable of achieving your goals, and worthy of setting boundaries. This newfound confidence and self-esteem can have a profound impact on all areas of your life, from your career to your personal relationships.

In summary, EMDR therapy works to boost confidence and self-esteem by addressing past traumas and negative beliefs that contribute to low self-worth. Through the reprocessing and reframing of these experiences, individuals can cultivate a more positive outlook on themselves and their abilities, leading to greater confidence, resilience, and success.

EMDR Processing for Future Events to Improve Self-Efficacy

Have you ever found yourself feeling anxious or doubting your abilities when faced with a future event? Whether it's a job interview, a big presentation, or a social gathering, our self-esteem can take a hit when we anticipate these situations. Thankfully, EMDR therapy can help improve self-efficacy and boost confidence when it comes to future events.

EMDR therapy works by targeting past traumas and negative beliefs that contribute to low self-esteem. However, it can also be used to reprocess future events. During therapy sessions, you can visualize the upcoming event that's causing you anxiety or self-doubt. Through the use of eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation, your therapist can help you reprocess your thoughts and emotions surrounding that event.

As you go through this process, you'll begin to reframe your beliefs and view the upcoming event in a more positive light. You'll gain a sense of self-efficacy and confidence in your abilities to handle the situation. By reprogramming your brain's response to future events, EMDR therapy helps you feel more prepared and empowered, leading to improved self-esteem and success.

EMDR therapy not only focuses on healing past traumas but also equips you with the tools and confidence to tackle future challenges. Through this approach, you can develop a more positive outlook on yourself and your abilities, setting yourself up for greater success and fulfillment in all areas of your life.

The Benefits of Improved Self-Esteem in All Areas of Life

Improving your self-esteem through EMDR therapy can have a multitude of benefits in all areas of your life. When you have a strong sense of self-worth and confidence, you'll notice a positive shift in how you navigate your career, relationships, and overall well-being.

Career Benefits:

In your career, improved self-esteem allows you to take on new challenges and pursue higher goals. You'll have the confidence to advocate for yourself, seek promotions, and take on leadership roles. This can lead to increased success and fulfillment in your professional life.

Personal Life Benefits:

In your personal relationships, higher self-esteem enables you to set healthy boundaries and prioritize your own needs. You'll no longer feel burnt out and unappreciated, and you'll be able to form deeper connections based on trust and mutual respect.

Mental and Physical Benefits:

Improved self-esteem also has a profound impact on your overall well-being. You'll experience less anxiety, better sleep, and reduced somatic symptoms associated with low self-worth. You'll feel more fulfilled and satisfied with your life, knowing that you are deserving of success and happiness.

By using EMDR therapy to enhance your self-esteem, you can unlock these benefits and experience a more confident and fulfilling life in all areas. Don't let low self-esteem hold you back, contact our office today. Take the steps to improve your confidence and reap the rewards in every aspect of your life.