Adult-ing can be really hard. One thing that makes it easier is having a healthy social circle of people you can rely on in times of stress. As discussed in last week's post, socialization is one major player in the vast array of things effecting our overall mental health. However, I often hear from clients how difficult it is to expand their social circle and increase their supports. After college or high school we kind of run out of the large pool of prospective individuals that we can potentially make into long lasting friendships. After school, we move away, have difficult schedules that don’t seem to match up or just end up with very different life stages or interests. So where do we go from here? Here are some ideas for working on strengthening and expanding your social-circle:
Once school is over, work becomes the new place to meet people, who you are around often, and build new relationships that can turn into supportive and beneficial friendships. You can start by having lunch with your colleagues, discussing similar challenges or experiences you share at work and similar interests that brought you both to that field. Once you are work buddies you can move to inviting them out for dinner or a community trip (wine tasting, movie night, hiking or beach day). Like all things if you nurture the relationship it should grow and blossom.
Volunteering is a great option for stay-at-home parents, who don’t have the option of meeting people at work. Or the busy-bodies who just love to fill their “free-time” with something to do. Often volunteers come to the same place again and again on the same days so you can see the same people and begin to develop rapport with them. Volunteering also just is a nice way to give back and often makes us feel good about ourselves for being a part of “something bigger” or for helping someone else in need.
Coffee dates are a great way to reconnect with an old friend after work, on the weekend or anytime you have an hour or so free. They can also be a really inexpensive way to just get out of your house and feel connected to another human. If you don’t like coffee, lunch or tea is always a good option.
Time easily can escape us. Setting up a set time to check in with mom, dad, an aunt or a sibling weekly or biweekly can help us to remember to connect with those we love. The consistency in communication will serve to strengthen your relationship and make you feel more comfortable discussing concerns with them should you need support in the future.
In Covid times I know this can be difficult. So maybe for now it’s a virtual game night if your not comfortable with groups just yet. Outdoors is also a great option, such as an organized hike. There are truly so many beautiful places on Long island to visit my favorites include: Elizabeth Morton Sanctuary, Nissequogue State Park, Montauk Point, Jones Beach (really any beach I’m happy) and Blydenburgh County Park. You can also visit the vineyard, go apple picking (or really any seasonal picking) or go to a drive-in movie. An added bonus is that planning an event gives you something to look forward to, which is always a great mood booster.
Reconnecting with an old friend that you lost touch with can be a good mood booster and possibly open up an avenue to rekindling that friendship. Sometimes we just fall out of touch and a phone call or email can go a long way to bringing back the closeness you once had.
This helps you two-fold: 1) it is a designated time to spend with a friend, family member or partner which is sure to build your relationship and 2) it makes it more likely that you will exercise consistently which is proven to boost mood and help regulate stress.
I tell all my adult how have partners, especially married with kids, to schedule in date night. It’s so essential to get that alone time. I do understand weekly may not be in everyone babysitting budget but even biweekly or once a month can go a long way to improving your relationship with your partner. If you are not dating or married a girls night or out night weekly with friends is always a great stress-reliever as well.
Seems silly but if you commit to something weekly like a class or a club, you will see the same people there every week! Even better, they are likely to have similar interests. It’s a good practice of self-care and a good way to expand your social circle.
Now this can be an old friend, a colleague you are getting closer with, you can do a double date night with your partners. Whatever works for you. For the parents out there, asking one of your child’s close friend’s parents over for dinner (and a play date) is a great way to again expand that social circle.
So I know that making friend’s is not as easy as checking off some of those to-do items listed above for everyone. Some people may have social anxiety or low self-esteem or really nagging self-talk that can make them feel really stuck when starting this process. If that sounds like you, please reach out to our office. We would love to help you work through those stressors, anxieties and negative thoughts so you can start building the life you really want.
Stay Shining,
It’s a known fact that our species are social beings. We evolved by living in communities relying on one-another to help us meet our daily needs like: food, child-care, shelter, safety, and of course emotional well being. Nowadays though, that sense of community seems to have dissipated in our individualistic society. Life get’s busy, we have to work, we have to pay our bills and socialization has become more of a luxury than a daily given. But it truly is essential for our emotional and mental well being to have a supportive network of friends and family to help us through tough times.
One of the most calming experiences can be to spend time with people who make you feel loved and understood. Face-to face interaction can counter act our body’s “fight or flight” response by releasing a slew of hormones that elevate our mood. When we socialize with those we love our brain releases “oxytocin” which is a lovely little chemical that boosts mood. Oxytocin is produced by a part of the brain which is instrumental in regulating many of the most basic and necessary physical rhythms of the body: sleep, hunger, thirst, and emotional reaction. Oxytocin has also been shown to be the driving factor in the triggering of another fabulous chemical “Dopamine”. Dopamine release signals feelings of pleasure and supports behaviors we need to survive- such as eating, drinking and procreating.
Building social networks and participating in social activities are like exercises for your brain because they keep your mind agile and improve cognitive function. In a California study published by the American Journal of Public Health, researchers reported that older women who managed large social networks reduced their risk of dementia by 26%. Furthermore, women who had daily contact with their individuals in their social circle cut their risk of dementia by almost half!
Close supportive relationships with friends, family and colleagues act as a buffer to hashes of the real world. They improve our feelings of self-worth, lower our symptoms of depression and anxiety and help us to feel accepted. When you have loved ones to lean on in times of stress and to fill your life with fulfilling activities, you are less likely to struggle with anxiety and depression related symptoms.
Socializing is just a good way in general to take your mind off the stressors of life. Participating in social activities alleviates pressure, gives us something to look forward to on the hard days and take our mind off of stressors easier than when we do activities alone.
Socialization is a basic NEED. We all need to feel loved and accepted by others. It fuels our brain chemistry; affecting our mood, diet, thought patterns and self-esteem. If you or a loved one need help in becoming more social due to struggling with mental health symptoms, we would be glad to help you get there. Contact our office to see how we can assist you in moving towards the life you want and deserve.
Stay Shining,
In todays society I feel many people, especially the younger generations are just completely absorbed in technology. They stare mindlessly into their smart phones, I-pad, laptop etc. and unfortunately miss the beauty that surrounds them. It can be a very humbling and awe inspiring experience when you realize the vastness of nature that surrounds you; even in midst of heavily trafficked suburban areas or on your drive to work, nature is pervasive.
Walking through your local parks, forests, etc. with your children and really looking around and enjoying the present moment yields a much different experience than that of what many experience in todays modern society. It promotes mindfulness, connectedness, togetherness and an appreciation for our earth. Getting your child away from the screens and bringing them through the trails of one of your local parks can be a great way to facilitate that connectivity between your surroundings and your family. To take it a step further, learning about the local plant life and the role it plays in your environment will not only deepen the bond that you and your child form with nature and your local habitat, but can also be a deeply satisfying and rewarding experience; soon enough your child may even be teaching you a few things. If just getting your little one away from paw patrol or bubble guppies and out into nature is enough of a task right now, that is perfectly fine. Maybe once out into the woods you create your own show (Pine Cone Patrol) that can only be experienced out in the wild (you would have to come up with the characters, character development, plot, illustrations, lighting, etc.; I can’t do everything).
If the prospect of leaving the warm comfy couch cushions that have molded to the shapes of you and your little ones bodies is still too uncomfortable of a thought, listen up because there has actually been some very interesting research on the benefits of immersing oneself in nature and how it may benefit your overall health (I don’t think watching a few episodes of man vs. wild will have the same therapeutic effect).One such study conducted by Repke, Berry, Conway, Metcalf, Hensen and Phelan (2018) found that study participants who scored high on items determining their accessibility to nature (accessibility to nature measured as prevalence of parks or other pleasant natural features nearby, amount of time spent outdoors and how safe one feels being outdoors in the area they live) found that those that scored high on the accessibility to nature measure also showed statistically significant higher scores on mental health measures. Another interesting finding in this study is that those participants who had increased accessibility to nature also showed lower scores on a task that measured impulsivity in decision-making. More interesting yet, participants place of residence was also examined to assess their proximity to nature (natural land cover) in their area. Interestingly enough, it was found that geospatial proximity of the participants to nature had no significant effect on health measures or reducing impulsive decision-making.
These findings are interesting in that they may suggest that there is not so much a link between your proximity to nature and mental/physical health, but rather your relationship with the nature in your surrounding area is what positively impacts your health. Let’s be honest, we could all use some decreases in impulsivity and definitely decreases in stress! Knowing that simply exposing yourself to nature (No, not in that way!) can potentially provide these benefits for you and your child (did I mention it’s free…), why would you not take advantage of this? Go out there and hug a tree; connect with your children, your environment and become healthier in the process.
Stay Shining,
Reference:
Repke MA, Berry MS, Conway LG, III, Metcalf A, Hensen RM, Phelan C (2018) How does nature exposure make people healthier?: Evidence for the role of impulsivity and expanded space perception. PLoS ONE 13(8): e0202246. https:// doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0202246
If your teen is angry about their life or is hurt easily, they may need some additional supports from a teen therapist. Teens develop anxiety and depression from a host of issue: life transitions like divorce or a move, bullying, peer anxiety and body image concerns to name a few. The transition in the teenage years from being a child to becoming an adult comes with it’s own unique set of stressors. For an adolescent losing a friend, ending a relationship or struggling academically can be a big loss for them. Working with a therapist can help your teen learn to overcome these obstacles, find their inner strengths and move towards more productive choices and outcomes.
At Long Island EMDR our therapists help teens with self-harm behaviors, suicidal thinking, teen drinking, and low self-esteem. Working with a teen therapist can help your teen to develop: a strong moral compass, self-esteem, and healthy coping skills to manage life’s challenges.
Adolescents have trouble making decisions and often struggle with impulsivity and peer pressure. This can lead to self-harming behavior, poor self-image, drinking, drug use, eating difficulties, poor school performance, defiance and oppositional behavior, as well as other acting out behaviors. Teens usually turn to their peers for advise in absence of a trusted adult relationship. Which as we know, teens advising other teens on major life choices- may not be the best situation for you or your child.
As parents, we always want to be our teens go-to person. The person they come to when they need help, support or comfort. Many teens however, feel uncomfortable talking with their parents about what is bothering them. Whether it be the are afraid of getting in trouble or do not want to cause their parents any more stress- teens often just don’t go to parents if they are having a hard time. A therapist is a safe-place where they can share their concerns and experiences. If you think about it, there was probably a great deal you kept from your parents and tried to handle on your own when you were teen. Being a teenager can feel overwhelming, frustrating, and scary. Having their own “person” to confide in can provide that safe place to explore their feelings, needs, difficulties and find healthy ways of coping and moving forward in life. It can also be the start to fostering that relationship with you again. By incorporating family therapy, we break down some of the barriers that keep your child from coming to you and teach them that they can speak with you when they are having difficulties. Counseling can help teenagers to build positive self-talk and learn to love themselves. Lastly, learning positive coping skills boosts self-confidence and promotes a healthy release of anger.
For the first session, parents and guardians will come in for the initial intake. After that, teenagers receive individual counseling to foster independence and leadership. Often, we start rapport building the first few sessions so your teen feels comfortable opening up to their therapist. We encourage family sessions when family conflict is impacting the teen or family dynamic and will prepare your teen to discuss, calmly and effectively their concerns and difficulties so that you may be a part of the solution. We also teach teens a range of skills depending on their concerns and difficulties including: self-regulation techniques, anger management skills, cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, relaxation techniques, non-violent communication skills and conflict resolution skills. Essentially, each session can be a positive experience of building self-acceptance and self-care skills.At Long Island EMDR we help teens to form their identifies and help them express themselves in a healthy and positive manner.
If your teen needs help with working through anxiety, depression, ADHD, self-esteem, or oppositional behaviors contact us today to speak with a teen therapist.