Some days, it feels like I’m two people.
There’s a quiet, wise voice—my higher self—whispering, “You’re okay. It’s hard, but you’re doing your best. Breathe. Keep going.”
But then there’s another voice. Louder. Raw. A younger version of me who screams, “This isn’t fair! I’m tired! I want someone to fix it or at least let me rest!”
This is the everyday tug-of-war that Internal Family Systems (IFS) calls polarization: when parts of us battle each other for control, safety, or love.
IFS 101: You’re Not Broken, You’re Multidimensional
IFS teaches that we’re not a single, static identity—but a beautifully layered system of inner parts, each trying to protect us.
Some of mine?
- The Achiever who gets things done, fueled by “what if you fail?”
- The Comfort Seeker who wants to nap, eat something sweet, and shut the world out.
- The Wounded Child who still aches from being overlooked or unheard.
- And the Calm Self—that soft, clear space that sees it all without judgment.
Learning to listen to these parts, rather than silence or shame them, is the heart of inner child healing.
Polarized Parts: When Love Feels Like a Battlefield
When two parts lock into opposition—like mine do often—it’s not sabotage. It’s strategy. It’s protection. It's legacy.
My inner child wants safety, comfort, care. She’s not lazy; she’s tired from holding decades of unmet needs.
My higher self isn’t dismissive; she’s the part of me that’s seen that I can survive hard things.
Through IFS, I’ve learned to stop picking sides—and start creating space where both voices can be heard.
Why the Conflict Hurts (and What It's Teaching Us)
These inner battles often stem from childhood wounds, moments we had to “be strong” before we were ready. In response, some parts became overly responsible, while others held onto grief, rage, or fatigue.
IFS and inner child healing help us:
- Understand how those roles came to be.
- Let each part tell its story.
- And gently invite our Self—compassionate, calm, curious—to mediate.
A Real Practice: Healing the "Push Through vs. Lay Down" Fight
Next time you feel that pull—keep going or give up—try this IFS-inspired check-in:
- Pause. Breathe. Name the voices. Mine often sound like:
- “Get up. You’ll feel better if you’re productive.”
- “Lie down. You never get a break.”
- Unblend. You are not either voice. You are the Self in the middle.
- Talk to them. Yes, really. Try: “Thank you for trying to help me. What are you scared will happen if I don’t listen to you?”
- Listen. Love. Lead. Your job isn’t to shut them down—it’s to help them feel heard and held.
Research Meets Real Life
IFS isn’t just feel-good fluff—it’s backed by evidence:
- It reduces anxiety and trauma symptoms by unburdening overwhelmed parts.
- It builds inner trust, increasing emotional resilience.
- And it strengthens the connection to Self-energy, which improves mental clarity and self-compassion.
A Warm Invitation to Start
If you’re curious to begin your own journey of inner child healing through IFS, here’s what helped me:
- Journal like you're in a group chat: Let each part take the mic. You might be surprised who shows up.
- Talk out loud when you’re alone: Give the tired voice space to complain. Let the wise one soothe. Let your Self listen.
- Rest is a right, not a reward: That inner child deserves a nap before she earns it.
Final Whisper: All Parts Are Welcome Here
Your exhaustion isn’t weakness. Your inner child’s tantrum isn’t immaturity. Your calm voice isn’t naïve optimism.
They're all you. They're all worthy of love.
IFS taught me this: The battle within isn’t something to win—it’s something to understand. And when you do, something shifts.
The voices get softer. The tension loosens. And in that space, healing begins. Contact us today to work with an IFS trained therapist.
Sending Love & Light,