Parenting is a challenging journey on its own, but it can become even more difficult when the parent has ADHD. The constant struggle to stay organized, focused, and on top of responsibilities can take a toll on both the parent and their child. However, there is hope. EMDR therapy, a unique and effective form of therapy, has shown promising results in helping parents with ADHD better manage their symptoms and become more confident and capable in their role as a parent. In this blog post, we will explore the struggles of parenting with ADHD and how EMDR therapy can be a valuable tool in navigating this challenge.

Understanding ADHD in Parents

Parenting is a challenging journey that requires patience, focus, and organization. But what happens when the parent themselves has ADHD? Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD, is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects both children and adults. It is characterized by difficulties in maintaining attention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. When a parent has ADHD, it can add an extra layer of complexity to the already demanding role of being a caregiver.

Additionally, ADHD can also impact a parent's ability to provide structure and consistency for their child. The lack of organization and planning can lead to inconsistency in parenting styles, which can be confusing for the child and create additional challenges in their development.

It's important to recognize that ADHD is a real and valid condition that requires understanding and support. By acknowledging and addressing the specific challenges that parents with ADHD face, we can begin to develop strategies and interventions that can help alleviate some of the burdens they face. In the next section, we will explore the struggles of parenting with ADHD in more detail, shedding light on the daily obstacles that parents with ADHD must overcome.

Struggles of Parenting with ADHD

Parenting is already a challenging task, but when a parent has ADHD, it can become even more overwhelming. The daily struggles of managing ADHD symptoms while also trying to meet the needs of your child can take a toll on both the parent and the child.

One of the main struggles for parents with ADHD is the difficulty in staying organized and focused. Simple tasks that seem easy for others can feel insurmountable for someone with ADHD. Time management becomes a constant battle, and feelings of frustration and guilt can easily arise. Juggling multiple responsibilities can be incredibly challenging, leaving parents feeling on edge and not good enough.

ADHD can also affect a parent's ability to provide structure and consistency for their child. The lack of organization and planning can lead to inconsistency in parenting styles, which can be confusing and unsettling for the child. This can create additional challenges in their development and may cause the child to struggle with routine and expectations.

Furthermore, the impulsivity that often accompanies ADHD can also be a struggle for parents. Impulsive reactions and decision-making can lead to unintended consequences and can make it difficult to maintain a calm and controlled environment for the child.

Overall, parenting with ADHD is a daily battle. However, it's important to remember that you are not alone. There are strategies and interventions available to help parents with ADHD navigate these challenges and become more confident and capable caregivers. In the next sections, we will explore the benefits of EMDR therapy, how it works, and finding a therapist to guide you through this unique form of therapy.

Benefits of EMDR Therapy for Parents with ADHD

EMDR therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, has shown promising benefits for parents with ADHD. This unique form of therapy can help alleviate the struggles that come with parenting while managing ADHD symptoms. Here are some of the benefits of EMDR therapy for parents with ADHD:

1. Reduction of ADHD symptoms: EMDR therapy has been found to be effective in reducing the symptoms of ADHD, such as difficulties with attention, focus, and impulsivity. Through targeted eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation, EMDR therapy helps reprocess traumatic memories and negative beliefs that may contribute to ADHD symptoms.

2. Improved executive functioning: EMDR therapy can enhance executive functioning skills, such as organization, planning, and time management. By addressing underlying emotional issues and working through past traumas, parents can develop new coping strategies and improve their ability to stay organized and focused.

5. Long-lasting results: EMDR therapy has been found to have long-lasting effects. Many parents report continued improvements in their ADHD symptoms and parenting abilities even after therapy has ended. This means that the benefits of EMDR therapy can extend beyond the therapy sessions and have a positive impact on parenting in the long term.

How EMDR Therapy Works

EMDR therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is a unique and effective form of therapy that has shown promising results in helping parents with ADHD. But how exactly does EMDR therapy work?

EMDR therapy is based on the understanding that traumatic or distressing experiences can get stuck in our brains, causing negative beliefs and emotional distress. These unresolved experiences can contribute to ADHD symptoms and difficulties in parenting. EMDR therapy works by targeting and reprocessing these traumatic memories, allowing the brain to process them more healthily.

During an EMDR therapy session, the therapist will guide the parent through a series of eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation. This bilateral stimulation helps stimulate the brain's natural ability to heal and reprocess traumatic memories. As the parent follows the therapist's hand movements or listens to sounds alternating in each ear, the brain's attention is split, allowing the distressing memories to be processed more effectively.

As the parent reprocesses these traumatic memories, they can experience a reduction in ADHD symptoms and an improvement in executive functioning. Negative beliefs about themselves as parents can be challenged and replaced with more positive and empowering beliefs. This leads to improved self-confidence and a stronger parent-child relationship.

EMDR therapy is a collaborative process, with the therapist providing a safe and supportive environment for the parent to explore their experiences and emotions. Each session builds on the progress made in the previous session, allowing for a gradual healing process.

Finding a Therapist for EMDR Therapy

1. Research online: Begin by searching online directories and therapist listings in your area. Look for therapists who specialize in EMDR therapy, have experience working with individuals with ADHD, and possess relevant credentials and experience. Read any reviews or testimonials from previous clients. The EMDR International Association website is a good start!

2. Seek recommendations: Reach out to your personal network for recommendations. Ask friends, family members, or support groups who have undergone EMDR therapy or know someone who has for their experiences. This can provide valuable insights and help you find a therapist who suits your needs.

3. Consult with professionals: Consider seeking recommendations from mental health professionals, such as psychologists or psychiatrists, who specialize in ADHD or trauma. They may be familiar with therapists who utilize EMDR therapy and can provide referrals.

4. Take advantage of consultation sessions: Many therapists offer free consultation sessions or phone calls to discuss their approach and answer any questions you may have. This can give you a better sense of the therapist and whether they are a good fit for you.

5. Trust your instincts: It is important to trust your instincts when choosing a therapist. Find someone you feel comfortable with and can build a strong therapeutic relationship with. Don't be afraid to ask questions and voice any concerns you may have during the consultation process.

Remember that finding the right therapist is a personal and individual process. Take your time, do your research, and trust that you will find the right therapist who can support you in managing your ADHD symptoms through EMDR therapy.

Other Resources and Coping Strategies for Parenting with ADHD

Parenting with ADHD can be a daily battle, but there are resources and coping strategies that can help alleviate some of the challenges and help you feel better connected with your family. Here are a few additional resources and strategies to consider:

3. Time management tools: Utilize tools and apps that can help with time management and organization. There are various apps available that can assist with setting reminders, creating schedules, and breaking tasks into manageable chunks. Experiment with different tools to find the ones that work best for you and your family.

4. Prioritize self-care: Taking care of yourself is essential when parenting with ADHD. Make time for self-care activities, such as exercise, meditation, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy. Remember, when you prioritize your well-being, you are better able to show up for your child.

5. Seek professional help: In addition to EMDR therapy, consider other therapeutic interventions that may benefit parents with ADHD. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and medication management can also be effective treatments for managing ADHD symptoms. Consult with a mental health professional who specializes in ADHD to explore the best treatment options for you.

Remember, managing ADHD as a parent is an ongoing journey. It's essential to be patient with yourself, practice self-compassion, and celebrate your successes along the way. With the right resources and coping strategies, you can navigate the challenges of parenting with ADHD and thrive in your role as a loving and capable caregiver.

As parents, we often see ourselves in our children - the good and the bad. It can be heartwarming to see our positive traits reflected in our little ones, but it can also be difficult and even painful to see our flaws mirrored in them. This phenomenon can be attributed to a variety of factors, including genetics and learned behavior. However, our children can also serve as mirrors for our unresolved issues and traumas. This is why therapy can be a valuable tool for both parents and children to work through their own struggles and create a healthier dynamic within the family.

The Importance of Identifying Negative Behaviors

Identifying negative behaviors in ourselves and our children is crucial for creating a healthy and positive family dynamic. When we can recognize these behaviors, we have the opportunity to address them and work toward change. Not only does this benefit our children, but it also allows us to grow as individuals and break free from harmful patterns.

Additionally, identifying negative behaviors helps us understand the underlying issues that may be contributing to these behaviors. It allows us to explore our own traumas and unresolved issues, so we can heal and move forward.

Overall, recognizing and addressing negative behaviors is a crucial step toward creating a loving and supportive family environment. It sets the foundation for personal growth, improved relationships, and a happier future for everyone involved.

Understanding Normal Childhood Development and Behavior Patterns

Understanding normal childhood development and behavior patterns is essential for parents to effectively navigate their child's growth and development. It helps us distinguish between behaviors that are part of a normal developmental process and those that may be a reflection of our own negative behavior patterns. By having this knowledge, parents can better respond to their child's needs and promote their overall well-being.

During childhood, children go through various stages of development, both physically and emotionally. These stages include milestones such as learning to walk, talk, and form relationships. Each child develops at their own pace, and it's important for parents to be aware of these variations.

By familiarizing ourselves with normal childhood development and behavior patterns, we can better support our children in reaching their full potential. It also enables us to identify when additional support or intervention may be necessary. Through this understanding, we can create a nurturing environment that fosters growth, resilience, and emotional well-being for our children.

Recognizing Our Own Negative Behavior Patterns Reflected in Our Children

It can be a startling and eye-opening experience when we see our own negative behavior patterns reflected in our children. As parents, we often strive to be the best role models for our kids, but sometimes our own unresolved issues and traumas can unintentionally manifest in our behavior towards them. It's essential to recognize these patterns in order to break the cycle and create a healthier family dynamic.

When we see our negative behavior patterns in our children, it's important not to beat ourselves up or feel guilty. Instead, we should view it as an opportunity for growth and self-reflection. By acknowledging these patterns, we can begin to understand the underlying issues that may be contributing to them. This self-awareness allows us to address our own struggles and work towards healing and personal growth.

Recognizing our own negative behavior patterns in our children also provides an opportunity to model healthier behaviors. We can teach our kids important life skills such as emotional regulation, effective communication, and problem-solving. By being open and honest about our own challenges, we create a safe and supportive environment for our children to express themselves and navigate their own emotions.

Remember, it's never too late to make positive changes and break negative behavior cycles. By recognizing and addressing our own negative behavior patterns, we can create a loving and nurturing environment where our children can thrive and grow into resilient individuals.

Why Communicating Better is Easier Said Than Done

Effective communication is often easier said than done, especially within the family dynamic. Many factors contribute to the challenges we face when trying to communicate better with our children. One major factor is the emotional baggage and unresolved issues we carry from our past. These can hinder our ability to express ourselves openly and honestly, leading to miscommunication and misunderstandings.

Furthermore, stress and daily pressures can take a toll on our communication skills. When we're overwhelmed, it's easy to fall into reactive behaviors rather than responding calmly and empathetically to our children.

But don't worry, improving communication is absolutely possible! It starts with self-awareness and recognizing our own communication challenges. By prioritizing active listening, open dialogue, and practicing effective conflict resolution skills, we can create an environment where communication flows more smoothly. Seeking support from therapists or family counselors can also be immensely helpful in improving communication within the family.

Remember, improving communication takes time and patience. Celebrate the small victories and keep working towards open and effective communication, knowing that your efforts will ultimately strengthen the bond with your children and create a harmonious family dynamic.

The Role of Self-Awareness and Accountability in Positive Parenting

Self-awareness and accountability play crucial roles in positive parenting. When we become aware of our own flaws and negative behavior patterns, we have the power to make positive changes and break the cycle. By taking responsibility for our actions and choices, we model accountability to our children, teaching them the importance of self-reflection and personal growth.

Self-awareness allows us to recognize when our emotions and unresolved issues are influencing our interactions with our children. It helps us pause, reflect, and respond rather than react impulsively. By being aware of our triggers and emotional baggage, we can better understand how they impact our parenting style and make conscious efforts to address them.

Accountability involves taking ownership of our mistakes and making amends when necessary. It teaches our children that everyone makes errors, but what matters is how we take responsibility and learn from them. By modeling accountability, we create a safe and supportive environment where our children feel comfortable acknowledging their own mistakes and growing from them.

In order to cultivate self-awareness and accountability, it's important to practice self-reflection, seek support from therapists or parenting classes, and regularly assess our own behavior and its impact on our children. Remember, positive parenting is a journey, and embracing self-awareness and accountability is a powerful step toward creating a loving and nurturing family dynamic.

Strategies for Breaking Negative Behavior Cycles

Breaking negative behavior cycles can be a challenging but worthwhile endeavor. Here are some strategies to help you on your journey:

1. Self-reflection: Take the time to reflect on your behavior and identify the negative patterns you want to break. Understand the triggers that lead to these behaviors and explore the underlying emotions and experiences that contribute to them.

3. Set clear boundaries: Establish clear and consistent boundaries with your children. Clearly communicate expectations and consequences, and be firm yet loving in enforcing them. Consistency and clarity provide a sense of security for children and help break negative behavior cycles. Gentle or positive parenting does not mean no boundaries or consequences!

4. Practice positive discipline: Instead of resorting to punitive measures, focus on positive discipline techniques that promote learning and growth. Use praise and rewards to reinforce desired behaviors and provide guidance and redirection for negative behaviors.

5. Model healthy behavior: Be a role model for your children by exhibiting the behavior you want to see in them. Show empathy, effective communication, and problem-solving skills. Let them see you making mistakes and taking responsibility for them, emphasizing the importance of self-reflection and personal growth.

Remember, breaking negative behavior cycles takes time and patience. Be kind to yourself and your children throughout the process. Celebrate small victories, seek support when needed, and embrace the journey of creating a healthier and happier family dynamic.

With love,
Kristy Casper, LCSW

Intro

Have you ever experienced a persistent feeling of inadequacy no matter what you do? Or maybe it seems like your own negative self-talk is a constant battle. Negative core beliefs can be challenging to unravel, but understanding and addressing them is an important step in your journey to mental health. In this blog post, we’ll explore how to tackle negative core beliefs in therapy, and how to start unraveling the knots of self-doubt and fear. 

Understanding Negative Core Beliefs

They shape our perception of ourselves and the world around us, leading to a cycle of negative self-talk and self-doubt. Understanding negative core beliefs is crucial because it allows us to recognize and challenge these deeply ingrained beliefs, empowering us to break free from their hold. By unraveling the origins and impact of these beliefs, we can begin to reframe our thoughts and develop a healthier, more positive self-image.

Identifying Your Own Negative Core Beliefs

Many of us have negative core beliefs, but identifying them can be a daunting task. It requires introspection and a willingness to dig deep into our past experiences and emotions. One way to start identifying your negative core beliefs is by paying attention to your inner dialogue. What negative thoughts consistently arise? Do you often doubt your abilities or feel unworthy of love and success? Another helpful strategy is to reflect on past traumatic events or negative experiences that may have shaped your beliefs about yourself. By identifying and acknowledging these negative core beliefs, you can begin the process of unraveling them and taking steps towards healing and growth.

How Negative Core Beliefs Affect Our Lives

Negative core beliefs have a profound impact on our lives. They influence how we view ourselves, how we interact with others, and how we navigate the world around us. These beliefs can manifest as self-doubt, fear, and feelings of unworthiness. They can hold us back from reaching our full potential and hinder our personal growth. Negative core beliefs can affect our relationships, our career choices, and our overall mental well-being. By recognizing the ways in which these beliefs are affecting our lives, we can begin to challenge and change them. It's time to break free from the constraints of negative core beliefs and live a life of empowerment and self-acceptance.

Challenging Negative Core Beliefs in Therapy

Through various therapeutic techniques such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), you can learn to challenge the negative thoughts and beliefs that hold you back. Therapy provides a safe and supportive space to explore and challenge these beliefs, helping you to develop new, healthier perspectives about yourself and the world. With the guidance of a therapist, you can begin to replace self-doubt and fear with self-acceptance and empowerment.

Evidence-Based Therapies for Resolving Negative Core Beliefs

When it comes to resolving negative core beliefs, there are several evidence-based therapies that can be highly effective. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is one such therapy that focuses on identifying and challenging negative thoughts and beliefs. Through CBT, you can learn to replace self-defeating thoughts with more positive and realistic ones. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is another powerful therapy that combines elements of mindfulness, acceptance, and behavior change. DBT can help you develop skills to manage intense emotions and build healthier relationships. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is yet another therapy that can be particularly beneficial for trauma survivors, helping to process traumatic memories and change negative beliefs. Seeking out therapy that is rooted in evidence-based approaches can provide you with the tools and support you need to unravel those knots of negative core beliefs and find healing and growth.

The Importance of a Support System

They can offer a fresh perspective, help you see your own worth, and remind you of your strengths when self-doubt creeps in. A support system can also provide a safe space to vent, share your experiences, and seek guidance. Whether it's friends, family, or a therapist, don't underestimate the power of having people who believe in you and support your growth. Remember, you don't have to face these challenges alone.

Tools for Managing Negative Thoughts and Behaviors

When it comes to managing negative thoughts and behaviors, having the right tools in your toolkit can make all the difference. One effective tool is mindfulness, which involves being present in the moment and observing your thoughts without judgment. This can help you detach from negative thoughts and create space for more positive ones. Another helpful tool is journaling, where you can write down your negative thoughts and then challenge them with more rational and compassionate ones. Additionally, practicing self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, or engaging in hobbies can help distract from negative thoughts and promote a sense of well-being. Remember, these tools are meant to be personalized to your needs, so feel free to experiment and find what works best for you.

Taking Control of Your Own Life

Now that you have begun to understand and challenge your negative core beliefs, it's time to take control of your own life. This is the moment where you step into your power and start making choices that align with your true self-worth and potential. It may not be an easy journey, but remember that you are strong and capable of overcoming any obstacle. Surround yourself with people who believe in you, continue practicing self-care and mindfulness, and trust in the progress you have made. You have the power to create the life you deserve, filled with empowerment, self-acceptance, and growth.

Feeling anxious for no reason is a common but perplexing experience that can be hard to understand. If you’ve ever been in this position, know that you are not alone. Counseling for anxiety, such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, can help you make sense of why you feel anxious and how to work through it. EMDR therapy has been shown to be effective in helping people make mind and body congruence, creating an overall sense of calm and wellbeing. In this blog post, we will explore the benefits of EMDR therapy for understanding why we feel anxious for no reason.

Understanding Anxiety: Its Causes and Effects

Anxiety is a complex and multifaceted experience that can leave us feeling overwhelmed and confused. It often feels as if the anxiety comes out of nowhere, with no obvious trigger or reason. This can be frustrating and can make it difficult to understand why we are feeling this way.

One important thing to note is that anxiety is not our fault. It is not a character flaw or a weakness. It is a natural response to certain situations or experiences that have overwhelmed us in the past. Our brains and bodies are wired to protect us from perceived threats, and anxiety is a way for our system to alert us that something may be wrong.

The causes of anxiety can vary greatly from person to person. Some individuals may have a genetic predisposition to anxiety, while others may have experienced traumatic events that have triggered their anxiety response. Additionally, ongoing stress, unhealthy relationships, and even certain medical conditions can contribute to feelings of anxiety.

The effects of anxiety can be far-reaching and impact every aspect of our lives. It can lead to difficulty concentrating, problems with sleep, irritability, and physical symptoms such as headaches or stomachaches. Anxiety can also affect our relationships, making it challenging to connect with others and maintain healthy boundaries. It can feel as if anxiety is controlling our lives and preventing us from living to our fullest potential.

Understanding the causes and effects of anxiety is an essential step in finding ways to manage and overcome it. By recognizing the factors that contribute to our anxiety, we can begin to address them and work towards a greater sense of peace and calm. It is important to remember that we are not alone in this journey and that there is help available.

In the following sections, we will explore the mind-body connection and the role of trauma in anxiety, as well as delve into the benefits of EMDR therapy for mind and body congruence. We will also provide practical tips for finding an EMDR therapist and preparing for therapy sessions. Lastly, we will hear a personal story of how EMDR therapy has transformed someone's life, offering hope and inspiration for our own healing journeys.

The Mind-Body Connection and the Role of Trauma

When it comes to understanding anxiety and why we feel anxious for no reason, it's important to recognize the powerful connection between our mind and body. The mind-body connection refers to the intricate relationship between our thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations.
Anxiety, especially when it seems to come out of nowhere, can be deeply rooted in past traumatic experiences. Trauma is defined as an event or series of events that overwhelm our ability to cope. These experiences can leave a lasting impact on both our minds and bodies, even if we aren't consciously aware of them.

Our bodies have an incredible ability to remember trauma on a cellular level. When triggered, our bodies may respond with a heightened stress response, releasing stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. This can result in physical symptoms such as a racing heart, sweaty palms, or a tightness in the chest.
In addition to these physical symptoms, trauma can also impact our thought patterns and beliefs about ourselves and the world. We may develop hypervigilance, constantly scanning our environment for potential threats. We may also experience intrusive thoughts or memories that bring us back to the traumatic event. These cognitive and emotional responses can fuel feelings of anxiety, even in seemingly safe situations.

This is where Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy can be incredibly beneficial. EMDR therapy specifically targets the effects of trauma on both the mind and body. It helps individuals process and integrate their traumatic memories in a safe and controlled environment.
By engaging in bilateral stimulation, typically through eye movements, therapists help clients reprocess their traumatic experiences in a way that promotes healing. This can result in a decrease in the intensity and frequency of anxiety symptoms, as well as a greater sense of overall well-being.
By addressing the mind-body connection and understanding the role of trauma, we can gain valuable insights into our anxiety. EMDR therapy offers a path towards healing and finding relief from anxiety that seems to have no apparent reason. Through this therapy, we can cultivate mind and body congruence and experience a greater sense of calm and peace in our lives.

What is EMDR Therapy and How Does It Work?

EMDR therapy, short for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy, is a highly effective treatment approach that can help individuals who struggle with anxiety for no apparent reason. This therapy is based on the understanding that our minds and bodies are interconnected, and it focuses on processing traumatic memories and experiences that may be contributing to our anxiety.

During an EMDR therapy session, a trained therapist guides you through a series of bilateral stimulation exercises, which can include eye movements, taps, or sounds. These exercises activate both sides of the brain, mimicking the rapid eye movement that occurs during REM sleep. This bilateral stimulation helps the brain reprocess distressing memories and experiences, allowing for resolution and healing.
The therapy typically begins by identifying a specific target, which can be a distressing memory, an image, a negative belief about oneself, or a physical sensation associated with anxiety. You then hold that target in mind while engaging in the bilateral stimulation. As the therapist guides you through the exercises, you may experience a range of emotions, thoughts, or physical sensations. The goal is to process these experiences in a way that reduces their intensity and allows for adaptive and healing associations to be formed.

One of the unique aspects of EMDR therapy is that it does not require extensive talking about the traumatic experiences. Instead, it focuses on activating the brain's natural healing processes, allowing for emotional and cognitive reorganization. Through this process, negative beliefs and distressing memories can be reprocessed, leading to a greater sense of relief, understanding, and self-compassion.
EMDR therapy has been extensively researched and has consistently demonstrated its effectiveness in reducing symptoms of anxiety, including those experienced for no apparent reason. Many individuals who have undergone EMDR therapy report a significant decrease in their anxiety levels and an improvement in their overall well-being. This therapy can help you gain insight into the underlying causes of your anxiety, reprocess distressing memories, and develop new, healthier beliefs about yourself and the world.

In summary, EMDR therapy is a powerful approach that can help individuals understand and overcome their anxiety, even when it seems to come out of nowhere. By engaging in bilateral stimulation exercises, traumatic memories and experiences can be reprocessed, leading to a reduction in anxiety symptoms and a greater sense of mind and body congruence. If you're feeling anxious for no reason, EMDR therapy may offer the healing and relief you are seeking.

Benefits of EMDR Therapy for Mind and Body Congruence

One of the primary benefits of EMDR therapy is its ability to target and process traumatic memories and experiences that contribute to anxiety. By activating both sides of the brain through eye movements, taps, or sounds, EMDR therapy mimics the natural processing that occurs during REM sleep. This bilateral stimulation allows individuals to reprocess distressing memories and emotions, leading to a decrease in their intensity and the development of adaptive associations. Through this process, negative beliefs and thought patterns associated with anxiety can be replaced with healthier, more positive ones.
EMDR therapy also helps foster mind and body congruence by promoting integration and coherence within the individual's entire being. The mind and body are deeply interconnected, and when trauma or distressing experiences disrupt this connection, it can manifest as anxiety. EMDR therapy addresses this disconnection by facilitating the processing and integration of traumatic memories, helping individuals develop a greater sense of internal alignment and harmony.

Additionally, EMDR therapy can help individuals cultivate a sense of empowerment and control over their anxiety. When anxiety seems to come out of nowhere, it can feel overwhelming and uncontrollable. EMDR therapy provides individuals with the tools and strategies to better understand and manage their anxiety. Through the therapeutic process, individuals gain insight into the underlying causes of their anxiety, learn coping skills, and develop a greater sense of self-compassion and resilience.
Furthermore, EMDR therapy has been extensively researched and has consistently shown positive outcomes in treating anxiety. Many individuals who have undergone EMDR therapy report significant reductions in their anxiety levels, along with improvements in overall well-being. This evidence-based therapy offers a promising path to finding relief and healing for those who experience anxiety for no apparent reason.

Preparing for EMDR Therapy: What to Expect

Preparing for EMDR therapy can feel both exciting and nerve-wracking. It's normal to have questions and concerns about what to expect during your sessions. In this section, we will provide you with an overview of what to expect when preparing for EMDR therapy, so you can feel more prepared and confident in embarking on your healing journey.

First, it's important to remember that EMDR therapy is a collaborative process between you and your therapist. The therapist's role is to guide you through the therapy sessions, while you play an active role in your own healing. Together, you will work towards understanding why you feel anxious for no reason and finding ways to alleviate those feelings.

Before starting EMDR therapy, your therapist will likely conduct an initial assessment to gather information about your background, history of trauma, and current symptoms. This assessment is crucial in developing a treatment plan that is tailored to your specific needs.

During your EMDR therapy sessions, you can expect to focus on a specific target or memory that is contributing to your anxiety. This target could be a distressing memory, a negative belief about yourself, or a physical sensation associated with your anxiety. Your therapist will guide you through bilateral stimulation exercises, such as eye movements, taps, or sounds, while you hold the target in mind.
As you engage in these exercises, you may experience a range of emotions, thoughts, or physical sensations. It's important to remember that this is a normal part of the process, and your therapist is there to support you through any discomfort that may arise.

One of the unique aspects of EMDR therapy is that it does not require extensive talking about your traumatic experiences. Instead, the focus is on activating your brain's natural healing processes. By processing and integrating your traumatic memories, you can develop new, healthier associations and beliefs about yourself and the world.

It's essential to approach EMDR therapy with an open mind and a willingness to engage in the process. It's natural to have questions and uncertainties along the way, and your therapist is there to address them and provide guidance. Trusting the process and allowing yourself to be vulnerable can lead to transformative healing experiences.

Remember that healing takes time, and progress may not be linear. Some sessions may feel more challenging than others, but each session is an opportunity for growth and healing. Your therapist will work closely with you to create a safe and supportive environment for your healing journey.

A Personal Story: How EMDR Therapy Changed My Life

As a therapist interested in research-based modalities, I had heard a ton about EMDR and finally took the training. It was in this training that I experienced EMDR for the first time. And let me tell you, it was an amazing life-changing experience.

As a women who struggled with infertility- I had some serious negative core beliefs about myself, and my bodies capabilities. I was pregnant at the time of this EMDR training with my second child and already experiencing significant perinatal anxiety. I chose to work on my worries regarding the viability of my pregnancy and am truly astounded at the impact it had. After the training, I had a significant decrease in my anxiety symptoms- especially the somatic or physical ones. Which for me was like experiencing a whole new world. When you have always operated on high alert- it is truly amazing to feel calm, for extended periods of time.

Since then I obtained my own EMDR therapist and continue to work through my negative core beliefs and strengthen my positive beliefs. EMDR therapy has truly been life-changing for me. It has allowed me to heal from past traumas and find a sense of peace and well-being that I never thought possible. If you cannot tell by our company name, Long Island EMDR, I am pretty passionate about EMDR therapy. So much so that my entire business has been shifted to focus on EMDR. Why? I know firsthand how effective this treatment is and I want to help others gain that sense of inner peace.

If you're feeling anxious for no reason, I encourage you to consider EMDR therapy as a potential solution. It may be the key to unlocking your own healing and finding relief from anxiety that seems to have no apparent reason. Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope for a brighter, anxiety-free future.

1) What is a specialized therapist and how do they differ from generalists?

When it comes to mental health therapy, there are generalists who work with a wide range of clients and mental health issues, and there are specialists who focus on specific areas of expertise. While generalists may have some experience and knowledge in different mental health conditions, a specialized therapist has specific training, education, and experience in a particular area of mental health.
A specialized therapist can help you address a specific issue that you may be struggling with, such as anxiety or depression, with more expertise than a generalist. They can provide more in-depth treatment that addresses your unique needs, while also considering any co-existing physical or mental health conditions.
Specialized therapists can have different levels of training and expertise, depending on their area of specialization. Some therapists specialize in a particular form of therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). Others specialize in specific mental health conditions, such as anxiety, eating disorders, or trauma.
One significant advantage of working with a specialized therapist is their knowledge of the mind-body connection and how it impacts mental health conditions. A specialized therapist may incorporate techniques such as mindfulness or yoga, or refer you to complementary therapists such as nutritionists or acupuncturists, to support your mental and physical well-being.
However, not everyone needs to see a specialized therapist. If you are experiencing mild or moderate symptoms of anxiety or depression, a generalist may be able to help you. A generalist may also be suitable if you are unsure of the exact nature of your mental health concerns, or if you are experiencing several different issues simultaneously.
In contrast, if you are struggling with severe or chronic symptoms, a specialized therapist may be better equipped to help you. For example, if you have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and traditional treatments have not been effective, working with a therapist who specializes in anxiety may be more beneficial.
Overall, working with a specialized therapist can provide significant benefits in terms of tailored treatment, greater expertise, and consideration of the mind-body connection. However, whether you need a specialized therapist or a generalist will depend on your unique mental health needs and symptoms. It's important to consult with a mental health professional who can help you determine the most appropriate course of treatment for you.

2) The mind-body connection and its importance in anxiety therapy

The mind-body connection refers to the relationship between a person's thoughts, emotions, and physical health. When it comes to anxiety therapy, it is important to understand the connection between the mind and body in order to achieve successful treatment outcomes. The mind-body connection emphasizes that a person's thoughts and emotions can have a significant impact on their physical well-being and vice versa.
Anxiety is a mental health condition that can manifest itself physically, leading to physical symptoms such as a rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms, or shortness of breath. The mind-body connection suggests that treating anxiety should involve addressing both the physical and mental aspects of the condition. Therefore, effective anxiety therapy will typically include techniques and interventions that address the connection between a person's thoughts and emotions and the physical sensations they are experiencing.
One example of a technique that involves the mind-body connection is mindfulness-based therapy. This type of therapy encourages patients to be present in the moment, fully aware of their thoughts and emotions without judgment. By doing so, individuals with anxiety can better understand the connections between their thoughts, emotions, and physical symptoms.
Another approach to anxiety therapy that focuses on the mind-body connection is biofeedback. Biofeedback involves using sensors attached to the body to measure physiological responses, such as heart rate or muscle tension. The information from these sensors is then used to teach patients how to regulate their body's responses, such as breathing exercises or relaxation techniques, which can reduce symptoms of anxiety.
In addition to mindfulness-based therapy and biofeedback, there are other types of specialized anxiety therapies that incorporate the mind-body connection. For example, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of therapy that helps individuals identify and change negative patterns of thinking and behavior. By doing so, individuals can better manage anxiety and improve their overall quality of life.

3) 5 signs that indicate you may need a specialized anxiety therapist

Anxiety is a common condition that affects many people at some point in their lives. While some people are able to manage their anxiety symptoms with self-care techniques or general therapy, others may need more specialized care. Here are five signs that may indicate it's time for you to seek out a specialized anxiety therapist.

1. Your anxiety is interfering with your daily life. If your anxiety is preventing you from completing everyday tasks, like going to work or socializing with friends, it may be time to seek out more specialized treatment. A specialized therapist can help you learn techniques to manage your anxiety and provide more targeted treatment for your specific symptoms.
2. You've tried general therapy but haven't seen significant improvement. If you've been seeing a general therapist for anxiety but haven't seen much progress, it may be time to consider working with a specialist. Specialized anxiety therapists have additional training and expertise in treating anxiety, and may be able to provide more effective treatment.
3. Your anxiety is triggered by a specific event or phobia. If your anxiety is related to a specific event or phobia, such as a fear of flying or a traumatic experience, a specialized therapist may be better equipped to help you address your symptoms. Specialized anxiety therapies like EMDR or CBT can help you confront and overcome your specific fears or triggers.
4. You have co-occurring mental health conditions. If you're struggling with anxiety and another mental health condition, like depression or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), it may be beneficial to work with a specialized therapist who can address both conditions simultaneously. Specialized therapists may be better equipped to provide more complex treatments, like cognitive-behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I), which can help address both anxiety and sleep issues.
5. You want to explore alternative treatment options. While general therapy can be effective for managing anxiety, specialized therapists may offer alternative treatment options like biofeedback, hypnotherapy, or mindfulness-based stress reduction. If you're interested in exploring these options, a specialized anxiety therapist may be able to help.
   Overall, if you're experiencing significant anxiety symptoms, it's important to seek out the care that's right for you. A specialized anxiety therapist can provide targeted, effective treatment to help you manage your symptoms and improve your overall quality of life.

4) Benefits of working with a specialized anxiety therapist

When it comes to anxiety therapy, there are many benefits to working with a specialized therapist. Here are some of the key advantages:

1. In-depth knowledge and expertise
   A specialized anxiety therapist has focused their training and education specifically on anxiety disorders. This means they have an in-depth understanding of the different types of anxiety, the causes and triggers, and the most effective treatment approaches. They have likely worked with many clients with anxiety and have honed their skills in helping clients manage symptoms and overcome the challenges that come with living with anxiety.
2. Tailored treatment approach
   Generalist therapists may have some knowledge and skills in treating anxiety, but they may not have the specialized expertise required to create a tailored treatment plan for each individual. A specialized anxiety therapist can take a more personalized approach to treatment, taking into account each client's unique needs and symptoms. This can lead to more effective treatment outcomes, as clients are receiving targeted, individualized care.
3. Access to cutting-edge treatment options
   Because specialized anxiety therapists have a focused area of expertise, they are more likely to be up-to-date on the latest treatment options for anxiety. This could include techniques such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), EMDR, and mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR). These evidence-based treatments have been shown to be effective for managing anxiety symptoms, and a specialized therapist will have the training and experience needed to apply them successfully.
4. Increased comfort and trust
   Many people with anxiety feel more comfortable and at ease working with a specialized anxiety therapist. Knowing that their therapist has specific expertise in anxiety can increase feelings of trust and confidence in the therapeutic relationship. This can be particularly important for people with anxiety who may struggle with trusting others or feeling comfortable in social situations.
5. Better outcomes
   Studies have shown that specialized therapy for specific mental health conditions, such as anxiety, can lead to better outcomes than generalist therapy. This is because specialized therapists are able to apply evidence-based treatment approaches more effectively, and can tailor treatment plans to each client's specific needs. Working with a specialized anxiety therapist may increase the likelihood of achieving lasting symptom relief and an overall improvement in quality of life.
   Overall, there are many benefits to working with a specialized anxiety therapist. If you're struggling with anxiety symptoms, it may be worth considering seeking out a therapist who has specialized training and expertise in this area. With their help, you can develop the tools and strategies needed to manage your symptoms and live a fuller, more satisfying life.

5) Different types of specialized anxiety therapies available

When it comes to anxiety therapy, there are a variety of specialized approaches that can be tailored to an individual's specific needs and experiences. Here are just a few examples:

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
   CBT is a well-established type of talk therapy that focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns that contribute to anxiety. This type of therapy helps individuals reframe their thoughts and emotions, and learn new coping strategies to manage anxiety in the moment.
2. Exposure Therapy
   Exposure therapy is a form of CBT that specifically targets anxiety related to specific triggers or situations. In this type of therapy, a person gradually confronts the thing they fear in a safe and controlled environment. Through repeated exposure, the person learns that they can tolerate the anxiety and that the feared situation is not as dangerous as they originally thought.
3. Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
   MBSR is a type of meditation-based therapy that teaches individuals to be present in the moment and observe their thoughts and emotions without judgment. This type of therapy has been shown to be effective in reducing anxiety and stress levels.
4. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
   ACT is another type of mindfulness-based therapy that helps individuals accept and make peace with uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. Rather than trying to control or suppress anxiety, ACT encourages individuals to focus on what is important to them and take action towards their values, despite their anxiety.
5. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
   EMDR is a specialized therapy that is often used to treat anxiety related to trauma. In this type of therapy, a person recalls a traumatic event while following a therapist's hand movements or other types of stimulation. Over time, the therapy aims to help the person process and make sense of the traumatic event, and reduce anxiety related to it.
   These are just a few examples of the types of specialized anxiety therapies available. It's important to remember that different types of therapy work better for different people, and what works for one person may not work for another. A specialized therapist can help guide an individual towards the type of therapy that is best suited for their specific needs.

If you are struggling with anxiety and this post spoke to you, please do not hesitate to give our office a call or fill out a consultation form. Healing is possible and we are happy to help.

Sending Love & Light,

Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW

We've all felt it: that nagging sense of self-doubt that holds us back from achieving our goals. It's called imposter syndrome, and it can be debilitating. But there is hope. In this blog post, I'm going to provide you with five proven techniques to help you crush your doubts and overcome imposter syndrome. So if you're ready to feel empowered and move forward, keep reading!

1) Understanding Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome is a psychological phenomenon where individuals doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud. Despite evidence of their skills and achievements, people experiencing imposter syndrome are convinced that they are undeserving of their success and attribute it to luck or external factors. This internal struggle often leads to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and anxiety.

Imposter syndrome can affect anyone, regardless of their level of success or competence. It is especially prevalent among high achievers, perfectionists, and individuals who constantly strive for success. The pressure to meet high expectations, coupled with a fear of failure, fuels imposter syndrome.

Understanding imposter syndrome is the first step towards overcoming it. By recognizing that these feelings are common and not exclusive to oneself, individuals can gain a sense of relief and realize that they are not alone in their struggles. It is essential to remind ourselves that success is often the result of hard work, dedication, and talent.

By educating ourselves about imposter syndrome and its impact on our mental well-being, we can begin to challenge the negative thoughts and beliefs that fuel it. Taking the time to understand the psychological aspects of imposter syndromecan provide a fresh perspective and allow individuals to regain control over their self-perception.

2) Recognizing the Signs of Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome is a common phenomenon that affects many individuals, causing them to doubt their abilities and feel like a fraud. It can be a debilitating experience that holds people back from reaching their full potential. Recognizing the signs of imposter syndrome is an important step towards overcoming it.

One common sign of imposter syndrome is the feeling of inadequacy, despite evidence of accomplishments and success. Individuals with imposter syndrome often attribute their achievements to luck or external factors, rather than their own abilities and hard work. They constantly fear being exposed as a fraud and worry that others will realize they are not as competent as they appear.

Another sign of imposter syndrome is a constant need for validation and approval from others. Individuals with imposter syndrome seek reassurance and affirmation from others to feel worthy and capable. They often believe that their achievements are not deserved and fear being criticized or judged.

Perfectionism is also closely associated with imposter syndrome. People with imposter syndrome often set unrealistically high standards for themselves and strive for perfection in everything they do. They are afraid of making mistakes or falling short of expectations, leading to feelings of anxiety and self-doubt.

Additionally, imposter syndrome often leads to a fear of failure. Individuals may avoid taking on new challenges or opportunities out of fear of being exposed as a fraud. They may underestimate their abilities and shy away from stepping outside of their comfort zones.

Recognizing these signs of imposter syndrome is the first step towards overcoming it. By becoming aware of these patterns and understanding that they are common experiences, individuals can start to challenge their negative self-perceptions and work towards building self-confidence and embracing their achievements.

3) Techniques to Overcome Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome is a common phenomenon that affects many individuals, making them doubt their own abilities and feel like a fraud despite evidence of their success. Fortunately, several techniques can help individuals overcome imposter syndrome and regain their self-confidence.

1. Reframe your mindset: Instead of focusing on your perceived shortcomings, reframe your thoughts to recognize your strengths and achievements. Remind yourself of the hard work and dedication that has brought you to where you are today.

2. Seek support: Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, and colleagues who can offer encouragement and reassurance. Share your feelings and experiences with others who may have experienced imposter syndrome themselves, and learn from their strategies for overcoming it.

3. Challenge your inner critic: Pay attention to your self-talk and challenge the negative thoughts and beliefs that contribute to imposter syndrome. Replace self-doubt with positive affirmations and remind yourself that you are capable and deserving of success.

4. Set realistic goals: Break down big tasks into smaller, achievable goals. By setting realistic goals and focusing on one step at a time, you can build a sense of accomplishment and confidence in your abilities.

5. Practice self-care: Take care of your physical and mental well-being by engaging in activities that help reduce stress and promote relaxation. This could include exercise, meditation, or hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment.

By implementing these techniques, individuals can overcome imposter syndrome and develop a stronger sense of self-worth. Remember, you are not alone in experiencing imposter syndrome, and with the right strategies and support, you can overcome it and embrace your achievements with confidence.

4) Building Self-Confidence

One of the most effective ways to combat imposter syndrome is by building self-confidence. When you believe in yourself and your abilities, it becomes much easier to silence the negative thoughts and doubts that come with imposter syndrome.

To build self-confidence, start by acknowledging your accomplishments and strengths. Make a list of all the achievements, big or small, that you have accomplished throughout your life. This exercise will help you realize just how capable you are and give you a confidence boost.

Additionally, surround yourself with supportive and positive people. Seek out mentors or friends who believe in your abilities and can provide encouragement when imposter syndrome rears its ugly head. Surrounding yourself with positivity can help counteract any negative self-talk that may contribute to imposter syndrome.

Another technique to build self-confidence is to challenge your negative thoughts. Whenever you catch yourself doubting your abilities or feeling like a fraud, ask yourself for evidence that supports these thoughts. Often, you will find that there is no substantial evidence to support your doubts, and this realization can help shift your mindset and boost your self-confidence.

Finally, practice self-care and self-compassion. Taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally is essential for building self-confidence. Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, and be kind to yourself when you make mistakes or face setbacks. Remember that everyone experiences imposter syndrome at times, and you are not alone in this struggle.

By actively working on building self-confidence, you can overcome imposter syndrome and embrace your true capabilities. Remember, you are talented, skilled, and deserving of success. So, go out there and conquer your goals with confidence!

5) Celebrating Your Accomplishments

Imposter syndrome can often make us feel like we are undeserving of our achievements. We might downplay our accomplishments or attribute them to luck or external factors. However, one effective way to combat imposter syndromeis by celebrating our accomplishments.

Take a moment to reflect on all the hard work and effort you put into achieving your goals. Recognize that your success is a result of your skills, knowledge, and determination. Give yourself credit for the obstacles you overcame and the challenges you conquered along the way.

Celebrating your accomplishments can boost your self-confidence and help you realize your true worth. It serves as a reminder that you are capable and deserving of the recognition and opportunities that come your way. It also encourages a positive mindset and empowers you to continue striving for excellence.

Celebrate your accomplishments by sharing them with others. Share your achievements with friends, family, or colleagues who can appreciate and acknowledge your hard work. By vocalizing your successes, you not only inspire others but also reinforce your own self-belief.

Lastly, don't forget to reward yourself for your achievements. Treat yourself to something special, whether it's a small indulgence or a larger reward. This not only provides a sense of satisfaction but also serves as a reminder that you deserve to be celebrated.

Remember, imposter syndrome is a common experience, but you have the power to overcome it. By celebrating your accomplishments, you can reaffirm your worth and build the self-confidence necessary to conquer any doubts or insecurities that come your way.

Book With a Therapist Today

By booking a session with one of our therapists, you will have the opportunity to explore the root causes of your imposter syndrome and develop strategies to overcome it. Our therapists create a safe and non-judgmental space where you can freely express your fears and doubts. Through various therapeutic techniques, we will work together to reframe negative thoughts, challenge self-limiting beliefs, and cultivate a strong sense of self-worth.

Do not let imposter syndrome hold you back any longer. Take the first step towards reclaiming your confidence and achieving your true potential. Book a session with one of our therapists today and start your journey toward overcoming imposter syndrome. You deserve to live a life free from self-doubt and fear.

Sending Love & Light,

Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW

Understanding People Pleasing

People pleasing is a behavior pattern that involves sacrificing one's own needs and desires in order to gain the approval of others. While wanting to make others happy is not inherently bad, constantly putting the needs of others above your own can have negative effects on your mental and emotional health.
At its core, people pleasing stems from a fear of rejection or a desire for acceptance. Those who struggle with people pleasing often have low self-esteem and feel that they need external validation to feel good about themselves. They may also fear that if they don't please others, they will be rejected or abandoned.
While people pleasing is often seen as a personality trait, it is actually a learned behavior. Children who are raised in homes where there is a lot of emphasis placed on pleasing others or avoiding conflict may develop people pleasing tendencies as a way to cope with their environment. Similarly, cultural norms and societal expectations can also contribute to the development of people pleasing behaviors. For example, women are often socialized to be nurturing and selfless, which can lead to a tendency to put others' needs before their own.
While people pleasing can sometimes result in positive outcomes, such as maintaining healthy relationships, it can also have serious negative consequences. People pleasers may become so focused on pleasing others that they lose touch with their own wants and needs, leading to feelings of resentment and burnout. They may also experience anxiety and depression as a result of constantly trying to meet the expectations of others.
In addition to these emotional costs, people pleasing can also hurt one's physical health. Chronic stress, which can be a result of trying to constantly please others, has been linked to a variety of health problems, including heart disease and immune system dysfunction.
So what can be done to break the cycle of people pleasing? One effective approach is eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. EMDR can help individuals identify the underlying causes of their people pleasing tendencies, such as past traumas or negative beliefs about themselves. By processing these experiences and beliefs, individuals can learn to value their own needs and desires, and to set boundaries that allow them to live more fulfilling lives.

Where Does People Pleasing Stem From?

People pleasing is a common trait that can often be found in individuals who struggle with asserting themselves and setting healthy boundaries. It’s important to recognize that this behavior stems from a variety of sources and can manifest in different ways for each individual.
For some, people pleasing may stem from a fear of rejection or abandonment. This fear may be rooted in childhood experiences, such as growing up in a household where one parent was absent or where there was a lack of emotional support and validation. Children who grow up in environments like this may have learned that the only way to receive attention and love is by pleasing others. As a result, they may carry this behavior into their adult relationships.
Cultural norms can also play a significant role in developing people pleasing tendencies. In some cultures, it is considered impolite or rude to assert oneself and speak up for their own needs. The emphasis on collectivism over individualism can also contribute to people pleasing behaviors. In these cultures, putting others’ needs before one’s own is often seen as a sign of respect and humility.
Additionally, social conditioning can lead to people pleasing. In our society, we are often told that it’s important to be agreeable and that saying “yes” is the right thing to do. We’re taught that being helpful and accommodating to others is the key to success and happiness. Unfortunately, this messaging can make it challenging to set boundaries and say “no” when necessary, as it goes against the social norms we’ve been taught.
Ultimately, people pleasing behavior can have a significant impact on one’s mental health and well-being. The constant need to please others and put their needs before your own can lead to feelings of resentment, stress, and anxiety. This behavior can also lead to unhealthy relationships, as people pleasers may attract individuals who take advantage of their desire to please.
Fortunately, there are techniques and therapies that can help individuals work through people pleasing tendencies and set healthy boundaries. One effective therapy is EMDR, which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. EMDR is a therapy that focuses on processing and resolving past experiences that contribute to current emotional and behavioral patterns.
During EMDR therapy, a therapist helps individuals identify the specific events and beliefs that contribute to their people pleasing behavior. They then use eye movement or other forms of bilateral stimulation to help the individual reprocess these memories in a safe and controlled environment. Over time, this can lead to a reduction in people pleasing behaviors and an increase in self-confidence and assertiveness.
Overall, people pleasing behavior can be challenging to overcome, but it is possible.

The Role of Upbringing and Cultural Norms in Developing People Pleasing Tendencies

The development of people pleasing tendencies often has deep roots in our upbringing and cultural norms. Children who grow up in homes where there is an emphasis on obedience, conformity, and putting others' needs before their own can often become conditioned to seek validation and approval from others. Similarly, in certain cultures, there is a high value placed on the concept of harmony and avoiding conflict, which can lead to a pattern of people pleasing.
In many households, children are taught from a young age that pleasing others is more important than satisfying their own desires. For example, a child may be rewarded for cleaning their room or doing well in school, but may not receive praise for pursuing their own passions or standing up for themselves. This kind of behavior can set the stage for a lifetime of people pleasing, as the child grows up seeking validation and approval from others to feel successful.
Additionally, certain cultural norms can also reinforce the concept of people pleasing. In collectivist cultures, the importance of the group outweighs the importance of the individual, leading individuals to prioritize maintaining positive relationships with others. In these cultures, conflict is often avoided, and the emphasis is on creating a harmonious environment for everyone. As a result, individuals who grow up in these cultures may become conditioned to seek approval from others and avoid confrontation at all costs.
However, the constant need to please others can take a toll on one's mental health and well-being. The fear of rejection and disapproval can lead to anxiety, stress, and a sense of low self-worth. People pleasing can also be a drain on one's time and energy, as individuals are constantly prioritizing others' needs over their own. It can lead to burnout and leave individuals feeling resentful and unfulfilled.
Fortunately, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy can be an effective treatment for working through people pleasing tendencies. EMDR is a psychotherapy technique that focuses on processing past traumatic experiences that may be impacting one's present-day behaviors. By addressing the underlying beliefs and experiences that are contributing to the pattern of people pleasing, individuals can develop healthier coping mechanisms and learn to prioritize their own needs.

The Cost of People Pleasing

While it may seem like people pleasing is a harmless habit, it can have a serious impact on your mental health and well-being. Constantly putting the needs of others before your own can lead to feelings of burnout, resentment, and low self-esteem. In this section, we will explore some of the costs associated with people pleasing and how it can negatively impact your life.

1. Anxiety and Stress
   People pleasing often stems from a fear of rejection or a desire to be liked and accepted by others. However, constantly seeking approval and validation from others can lead to feelings of anxiety and stress. The fear of saying no or disappointing someone can result in feelings of overwhelming pressure, leading to sleepless nights and a constant feeling of being on edge.
2. Difficulty Making Decisions
   When you're a people pleaser, making decisions can become a daunting task. Constantly worrying about what others will think can lead to analysis paralysis, making it challenging to make even the most basic of decisions. This can be incredibly frustrating and lead to feelings of powerlessness and helplessness.
3. Neglecting Your Own Needs
   People pleasing often comes at the cost of neglecting your own needs. When you're constantly putting others first, it's easy to forget to prioritize your own self-care, resulting in a host of physical and mental health issues. This can include things like neglecting to exercise, skipping meals, and neglecting to set healthy boundaries.
4. Damaged Relationships
   While it may seem counterintuitive, constantly putting others first can actually damage your relationships in the long run. When you're not being true to yourself and your needs, it's impossible to build genuine, authentic connections with others. You may end up resenting those you're trying to please, leading to conflict and damaged relationships.
5. Loss of Self-Identity
   Lastly, people pleasing can result in a loss of self-identity. Constantly trying to be what others want you to be can lead to a loss of individuality and a lack of personal growth. Over time, you may forget who you are and what you stand for, leading to a deep sense of dissatisfaction and unfulfillment.
   If you recognize any of these costs in your life, it's important to take action. Seeking the help of a trained professional, such as an EMDR therapist, can help you identify and work through your people pleasing tendencies. With time, patience, and support, you can break free from this habit and rediscover your sense of self.

How EMDR Can Help You Work Through People Pleasing Tendencies

People pleasing tendencies are often deeply ingrained and can be challenging to overcome. However, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy can help you work through these tendencies and find healthier ways to interact with others.
EMDR is a type of therapy that focuses on processing past traumas and negative experiences. During an EMDR session, you'll be guided through a series of eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation. This process can help reduce the intensity of negative emotions associated with past experiences, allowing you to process them more effectively.
One of the ways EMDR can be helpful for people pleasers is by uncovering and addressing any underlying traumas or negative beliefs that contribute to their people pleasing behavior. For example, if you were raised in an environment where your worth was tied to your ability to please others, this belief may be at the root of your people pleasing tendencies. EMDR can help you identify these beliefs and work through them, allowing you to develop healthier patterns of behavior.
EMDR can also help people pleasers develop better boundaries and assertiveness skills. In EMDR sessions, you may work on visualizing yourself in situations where you would normally feel compelled to please others, and then practice setting boundaries and communicating your needs. Through this process, you'll learn to prioritize your own well-being while still maintaining positive relationships with others.
Finally, EMDR can help people pleasers develop greater self-compassion and self-esteem. People pleasing often stems from a lack of self-worth and a belief that our value lies in our ability to make others happy. Through EMDR, you'll learn to challenge these negative beliefs and develop a more positive sense of self. As you begin to prioritize your own needs and recognize your own inherent worth, you'll find that people pleasing becomes less of a compulsion and more of a choice. If you want to meet with someone for assistance working through this- fill out a consultation form.

Sending Love & Light,

Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW

Therapy is a powerful tool to help individuals achieve inner peace and calm. In our modern lives, it can be difficult to find ways to manage stress and anxiety that can leave us feeling overwhelmed. Through therapy, it is possible to unlock inner calm and find ways to cope with the pressures of life. This blog post will explore how therapy can be an effective way to reduce stress and promote overall well-being.

The Importance of Inner Calm

n today's fast-paced and stressful world, finding inner peace and calm is more crucial than ever. Inner calm is not just a luxury; it is a necessity for our mental and emotional well-being. When we are constantly overwhelmed and anxious, it takes a toll on our health and happiness.

This is where therapy can play a significant role in helping us achieve that much-needed inner calm. Therapy provides a safe and supportive environment where we can explore our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It helps us gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and the root causes of our anxiety and stress.

Through therapy, we can learn various techniques and strategies to manage our emotions and find peace within ourselves. These techniques can range from mindfulness and meditation practices to cognitive-behavioral therapy and relaxation exercises. Therapists are trained to provide guidance and support, tailoring their approach to the specific needs and preferences of each individual.

Inner calm is not just about the absence of stress or external challenges. It is about cultivating a sense of balance, tranquility, and resilience in the face of life's ups and downs. Therapy can help us develop coping mechanisms, improve self-awareness, and reframe negative thought patterns that contribute to our inner turmoil.

Prioritizing our mental health and seeking therapy is an act of self-care and self-love. It is an investment in our overall well-being and our ability to navigate life's challenges with grace and resilience. So, if you find yourself constantly overwhelmed or struggling to find inner peace, therapy can be the stepping stone towards unlocking the calm you deserve.

How Therapy Can Help

One of the key ways that therapy can help is by providing individuals with the opportunity to gain insight into the root causes of their stress and anxiety. Through open and honest conversations with a therapist, clients can explore past experiences, trauma, or negative patterns of thinking that may be contributing to their lack of inner peace. This deeper understanding can be the first step towards healing and finding inner calm.

Additionally, therapy offers individuals coping mechanisms and strategies to manage their stress and anxiety in a healthy way. A therapist can provide practical tools and techniques to help individuals regulate their emotions, manage stress, and find a sense of peace amidst life's challenges. These skills can be invaluable in maintaining a state of inner calm even when faced with difficult situations.

Therapy also offers individuals a space for self-reflection and personal growth. In therapy, individuals have the opportunity to explore their values, beliefs, and goals, and align them with their actions and choices. This self-awareness and alignment can contribute to a sense of inner peace and fulfillment.

Moreover, therapy can provide individuals with the support and encouragement they need to navigate the ups and downs of life. A therapist acts as a compassionate and nonjudgmental listener, offering validation and guidance as individuals work towards finding their inner calm. This support can make a significant difference in an individual's journey towards inner peace.

Ultimately, therapy is a powerful tool for unlocking inner calm. Through gaining insight, learning coping mechanisms, fostering self-reflection, and receiving support, individuals can find the peace they long for. If you are struggling with anxiety, stress, or a lack of inner peace, therapy can be a transformative step towards a more fulfilling and calm life. Don't hesitate to reach out and seek the help you deserve.

Different Therapeutic Approaches for Finding Calm

In the pursuit of inner peace and tranquility, therapy can serve as a valuable tool for individuals looking to unlock their inner calm. Understanding the importance of the mind-body connection in learning to regulate your nervous system is essential in this journey. One therapeutic approach that has gained recognition for its effectiveness in finding calm is somatic-based therapy.

Somatic-based therapy emphasizes the connection between the mind and the body. It recognizes that unresolved emotional experiences can manifest as physical sensations and tension in the body. Through techniques such as body awareness, breathing exercises, and gentle movement, somatic-based therapy aims to release this stored tension, allowing individuals to achieve a greater sense of calm and well-being.

One of the key aspects of somatic-based therapy is resolving the disconnect between what you logically know and how you feel in your body. Often, we may understand intellectually that we should be calm and at peace, but our body may still feel tense and anxious. Somatic-based therapy works to bridge this gap by helping individuals become more attuned to their bodily sensations and providing tools to release any emotional or physical tension.

Ultimately, therapy offers a variety of therapeutic approaches for individuals seeking to find calm. Whether it be somatic-based therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness-based approaches, or others, therapy can provide the guidance and support needed to navigate the path towards inner calm and peace. By addressing both the mind and the body, therapycan help individuals develop strategies to regulate their nervous system and cultivate a sense of tranquility in their everyday lives.

Overcoming Barriers to Achieving Inner Calm

Achieving inner calm is often easier said than done. We live in a fast-paced world filled with constant demands and distractions, making it challenging to find peace within ourselves. However, therapy can provide invaluable support in overcoming the barriers that prevent us from achieving inner calm.

One of the most common barriers to inner calm is stress. The demands of work, relationships, and everyday life can quickly become overwhelming, leaving us feeling anxious and restless. Therapy offers a safe space to explore and address the underlying causes of stress, helping us develop coping mechanisms and stress reduction techniques.

Another barrier is unresolved trauma or past experiences that continue to impact our present lives. Therapy provides an opportunity to process and heal from these wounds, freeing us from the burden they create and enabling us to find peace within ourselves.

Additionally, negative thought patterns and self-doubt can hinder our ability to experience inner calm. Through therapy, we can identify and challenge these thoughts, replacing them with more positive and empowering beliefs. Therapists can teach us cognitive-behavioral techniques and mindfulness practices that help us manage negative thoughts and cultivate inner peace.

Finally, lack of self-care and prioritization can also be barriers to achieving inner calm. Therapy can help us recognize the importance of self-care and provide guidance on setting healthy boundaries and practicing self-compassion.

Tips for Incorporating Calming Techniques Into Everyday Life

In our fast-paced and chaotic world, finding inner-peace and calm can sometimes feel like an elusive goal. However, by incorporating calming techniques into our everyday lives, we can create a sense of tranquility that can greatly improve our overall well-being. Therapy can provide the tools and support needed to unlock this inner calm and learn to manage stress in a healthier way.

One technique that has been proven effective in cultivating calm is meditation and mindfulness practices. Taking just a few minutes each day to sit in silence and focus on your breath can do wonders for your mental and emotional state. It allows you to connect with the present moment and let go of worries or anxieties.

Another powerful technique for regulating your nervous system and promoting calm is deep breathing exercises. By taking slow, deep breaths and focusing on your breath entering and leaving your body, you can activate your body's relaxation response and reduce stress levels. Simple techniques like inhaling for a count of four, holding for four, and exhaling for four can be done anywhere, anytime.

Incorporating wind-down time before bed is another valuable habit to develop. By creating a bedtime routine that includes activities such as reading, taking a warm bath, or practicing relaxation exercises, you can help your body learn to settle and calm itself before sleep. This can greatly improve the quality of your sleep and contribute to a greater sense of inner-peace.

If you are craving more peace and tranquility in your life please give our office a call or fill out a consultation form. We'd love to help you achieve more calm, peace and joy in your life.

Sending Love & Light,

Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW

Are you considering therapy near you, but not sure what approach to take? If so, you're not alone. Many people are interested in investing in themselves by seeking therapy, but may not know the difference between top-down and bottom-up approaches. Understanding these differences can make a huge impact in how effective your therapy is, so it's important to do your research. In this blog post, we'll discuss the difference between top-down and bottom-up approaches in therapy, as well as the magic in bottom up approaches.

Understanding Top-Down Approach to Therapy

When it comes to therapy, there are various approaches that therapists can take to help their clients navigate through their challenges. One such approach is the top-down approach. This approach focuses on addressing thoughts and behavior as the primary factors influencing an individual's well-being.

In a top-down approach to therapy, therapists often start by exploring their clients' thoughts and beliefs. They help clients identify any negative or irrational thinking patterns that may be contributing to their struggles. By challenging these thoughts and helping clients develop more positive and realistic thinking, therapists aim to bring about lasting change in their clients' behavior and emotions.

This approach emphasizes the importance of cognitive restructuring and cognitive-behavioral techniques to promote change. Therapists may use interventions such as cognitive reframing, thought-stopping, or problem-solving skills training to help their clients gain insight into their thought processes and make healthier choices.

While the top-down approach can be effective for some individuals, it may not be suitable for everyone. Some clients may benefit more from a bottom-up approach, which focuses on the mind-body connection. This approach recognizes that our bodies can store unresolved trauma and emotional experiences, leading to various psychological and physical symptoms.

If you are looking for therapy near me, it is important to consider which approach aligns best with your needs and preferences. Remember that therapy is a personal journey, and finding the right fit with a therapist who utilizes an approach that resonates with you is crucial for effective treatment. Whether you opt for a top-down or bottom-up approach, therapy can provide you with the support and tools you need to navigate life's challenges and achieve a sense of well-being.

Contrasting Thoughts and Behavior vs. Mind-Body Connection

When it comes to therapy, there are two primary approaches that therapists often employ: focusing on thoughts and behavior or exploring the mind-body connection. Both approaches have their merits and can be effective depending on the individual and their unique circumstances.

The traditional top-down approach to therapy emphasizes the importance of thoughts and behavior in influencing one's emotions and well-being. Therapists using this approach may help clients identify negative thought patterns, challenge distorted thinking, and develop more adaptive behaviors. This approach can be highly effective in helping individuals gain insight into their thoughts and behaviors and make positive changes.

On the other hand, the bottom-up approach to therapy emphasizes the mind-body connection and the importance of addressing physical sensations, emotions, and bodily experiences. This approach recognizes that emotions and traumatic experiences are stored not only in our minds but also in our bodies. Therapists using this approach may incorporate techniques such as body-focused therapies, somatic experiencing, or mindfulness practices to help clients become more attuned to their bodily sensations and work through past trauma.

Both approaches have their place in therapy, and the choice of approach often depends on the individual's needs and preferences. Some individuals may benefit from a more cognitive-focused approach, while others may find that exploring the mind-body connection brings about deeper healing. It's essential to find a therapist who offers both approaches and who is invested in understanding and supporting your unique healing journey.

If you're considering therapy and wondering, "Is there therapy near me that offers both top-down and bottom-up approaches?" it's important to do your research. Finding a therapist who is experienced in both approaches and has a genuine investment in yourself can greatly enhance your therapy experience. Remember, therapy is an investment in yourself, and finding the right therapist is crucial for your healing journey.

The Magic in Bottom-Up Approaches

When it comes to therapy, there is something truly magical about bottom-up approaches. These methods recognize the undeniable connection between our minds and bodies and use it to facilitate healing and growth.

One such approach is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), which has gained significant recognition for its effectiveness in treating trauma and anxiety. EMDR works by targeting the underlying emotional distress associated with traumatic experiences and reducing the intensity of triggering responses. This therapy encourages individuals to engage in bilateral stimulation, such as eye movements or tapping, while simultaneously recalling distressing memories. Through this process, the brain is rewired, allowing for adaptive resolution of traumatic events.

Research has shown that EMDR can result in a decrease in responsiveness to triggers, reducing symptoms associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This bottom-up approach emphasizes the importance of engaging the body's natural ability to heal and reprocess traumatic memories.

Investing in yourself through therapy can be a life-changing decision, and finding the right therapy near you is crucial for your well-being. Bottom-up approaches, like EMDR, offer a unique and effective way to address underlying emotional distress. By focusing on the mind-body connection and targeting the root causes of distress, these approaches bring about lasting change and growth.

If you are struggling with trauma, anxiety, or any other mental health issue, consider exploring bottom-up approaches like EMDR. The magic lies in the ability to tap into your body's innate healing capabilities and find true relief from distress. Remember, therapy is an investment in yourself, and the right therapy near you can lead you on a transformative journey towards healing and well-being.

Why invest in a specialist?

Investing in a specialist for your therapy needs can make a significant difference in your overall well-being and long-term success. Research consistently shows that specialized care leads to better outcomes compared to generalist approaches. 

Why settle for a therapist who may have a broad understanding of various issues, when you can see someone who specializes in your specific concern? Whether it's sexual abuse, postpartum struggles, imposter syndrome, people pleasing, or childhood trauma, seeking out a specialist ensures that you receive targeted and effective treatment.

The impact of specialized care extends beyond your mental health. It can enhance your overall functioning as an employee, improve your earning potential, strengthen your relationships as a friend, parent, and spouse. By addressing your specific issues through specialized therapy, you can experience transformative healing and personal growth.

Another crucial consideration is the time factor. Why wait to feel better and begin your journey to true healing? By seeing a specialist, you can get results more quickly, allowing you to start feeling better and living a fulfilling life sooner.

Finding a specialized therapist is easier than ever with the help of technology. Simply search "therapy near me" online, and you will be connected to a wide range of professionals who specialize in your specific concern.

Investing in yourself through specialized therapy is a decision that can change your life. Don't settle for a generic approach when you can receive personalized and impactful care from a specialist who truly understands your unique needs. If you're ready to accelerate your healing and begin living the life you deserve to have give our office a call today.

Sending Love & light,

Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW

What is urge-surfing?

We have all been there in one way or another. We feel overwhelmed by an intense emotion and want to break down or explode. Maybe we feel engulfed by an oncoming panic attack. Or perhaps we want to smoke a cigarette or vape pen, or try to calm down with some weed and alcohol. Whatever the reason and the resulting behavior, all these examples and more are driven by intense emotions that feed into a lack of impulse control and the need to give in to urges.

I get it. It can feel exhausting and challenging not to just give in. For instance, when we feel stressed, we may have the urge to eat right out of the Ben & Jerry’s carton or to pour a glass of wine. We may feel the urge to say something cruel to someone or to yell at them. Maybe we get cut off in traffic and want to pursue the driver. We may want to even hurt ourselves.

Our urges and impulses have reasons behind them, but these reasons are not justifications to act on them. It is our responsibility to ourselves to learn how to effectively, healthfully cope.

One way to learn to control impulses and urges is called urge-surfing, a distress tolerance skill from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). Simply put, urge-surfing is about “riding the wave” of an urge by controlling your impulse control. It is a mental trick. We are conditioned to think that the longer we resist the urge the more powerful it seems to become, much like a wave builds up to the crest before breaking down into the trough. However, if you surrender yourself to an urge, it trains our brains to think that the surrender is the one and only way to grant us psychological relief. This is not true. While an urge can feel like it is long-lasting and is getting stronger, the truth is that most pass within five to ten minutes. Just like a wave, it will dissipate.

Yes, I know, this is easier said than done. I fully admit trying to stop an urge can sound hard, maybe even impossible. If you have ever dared yourself to swim directly against a wave in the ocean, you know full well it can suck all the energy out of you. You may even fear getting caught in the undertow and swept out to sea. However, if you swim along the side of the wave, you can safely avoid much of its strength which in turn will let it break down with less force. Thus, applying the wave metaphor to our emotions makes sense.

How do I urge-surf?

The urge-surfing process is customizable. Play around with it until you find a pattern that works best for you! However, in general, it goes in the following sequence:

1. Stop. Take a breath in. Notice and acknowledge you are having an urge.

2. Pay attention to the emotions and thoughts you are experiencing, while picking up cues from the situation too. There is no need to try to change, drown out, or avoid them. It may all feel very unpleasant, even uncomfortable, but that is to be expected.

3. Tell yourself the following mantas. Some can be changed to your specific issues:
- “It is okay and normal to feel discomfort.”
- “It is not weird or wrong to have urges. All people have them. They come from having desires, wants, habits and addictions.”
- “An urge is a want, not a need. I need food. I do not need it to be a slice of chocolate cake.”
- “I can still have the chocolate cake, but I can save it for later. It does not need to be right now.”
- “To have an urge is out of my control. What is in my control is deciding not to act on it!”
- “All urges are short-lived and temporary. They will pass. I can get through them.”

Urge-surfing can also be helpful in preventing anxious feelings from evolving into panic attacks. You may try a mantra such as, “a panic attack can be scary, but I can recognize it before it hits its peak. I can do something like deep breathing to avoid it from becoming a full-blown panic attack.”

Above all, remember… you are in control. It is true you cannot prevent an urge from arising, but you do have the power to not act on the urge.

How urge-surfing helps with nicotine withdrawal

Urge-surfing is something I frequently teach to clients who are trying to quit smoking/vaping. I do this through two parts.

First, I educate my clients that nicotine withdrawal reaches its peak at around 72 hours or 3 days. If we figure the average person sleeps for 8.5 hours, that comes out to 25.5 hours the urge to smoke/vape is eliminated. Now add in other factors that can prevent the behavior. If you have a typical 8-hour workday, that is 24 more hours you cannot smoke (I did not add in breaks because this varies by state laws and businesses). Those two activities alone come out to 49.5 hours you cannot smoke/vape, so you only need to figure out solutions to the remaining 22.5 hours! You can then plug in other additional activities that can prevent you from being able to smoke/vape, such as time for hobbies and interests, meals, social situations where it is unacceptable (i.e., restaurants, watching your child play soccer, etc.).

Second, I tell my clients that as a further motivational tool to keep them from giving into the urge, they can replace their “smoke times” with other tasks that provide distraction. In your case, think about how long it takes for you to smoke or vape. This is probably 5 to 10 minutes; thus, you need to find a replacement behavior for that 5-to-10-minute time frame. For example, if you like to have a cigarette the first thing in the morning and that takes 6 minutes for you, you only need to distract yourself with anything else for 6 minutes. This could be a guided meditation, quick yoga session, giving more time to enjoy your breakfast, putting extra effort into your hair and make-up, reading the news, or even browsing social media (although for this last one I suggest you exercise caution because social media can also be an addiction).

Obviously, urge-surfing can work for other addictions too. I also suggest urge-surfing for other problematic behaviors such as self-injury.

How urge-surfing can prevent arguments

Urge-surfing is a key tool to help prevent arguments. Think back on a time you felt hurt, offended, or angry at a friend or family member. You may have screamed at them or said something callous to feel better… and yes it made you feel powerful at the time, but it came with consequences, right? Perhaps you were later plagued with guilt. Even worse, the person may have stopped talking to you and you were fearful your relationship with them had ended. As you reflect on the incident, you recognize that there could had been a good outcome if you responded differently to the person – even if they were in the wrong.

When it comes to interpersonal conflicts, urge-surfing can work by having you pause to consider the consequences of acting on the urge to scream and so on. You can stop to notice how you think and feel, remind yourself that the emotion is temporary but the urge may have permanent bad results, and decide how to proceed (this is a DBT skill called “STOP”; detailed here). You can also think of ways you can distract yourself in the moment, such as with these DBT distress tolerance skills. Or you could tell the person, “I feel myself getting angry and wanting to say something I don’t mean, so I am going to walk away right now. Please give me space so I can calm down.” 

Journaling as a method to urge-surf

Finally, you may find it beneficial to journal about your urges as they relate to your impulses, thoughts, emotions, and experiences. There is something liberating about writing down your innermost issues; it serves as an emotional, cognitive, and spiritual release from the pain. Journaling can tap into your inner wisdom by having you make connections about why giving into an urge can be harmful. Furthermore, journaling can let you come up with solutions about how to get through the problem in a healthy way. It can also let you think of what could happen if you continue to surrender to the urge (i.e., chronic alcohol use can lead to cirrhosis). 

Final thoughts

In summary, urge-surfing is important because it teaches us that an urge will lessen in its intensity as time passes. At the peak of an urge, it can feel like our discomfort will consume us unless we act on it to quell it. However, by doing that it only conditions us to have to act on it no matter what, which ironically makes it stronger. Instead, remind yourself that all urges will pass, decrease in frequency as you become more skilled, and that all you are the master of your actions.

Celebrate your victories when you urge-surf to get through a situation. See it as a reminder you are in self-control.

As you become better at learning to control yourself by not giving in to urges, your brain will adapt to these newfound changes. This will make it far easier to resist the pressure of surrendering to urges throughout the rest of your life!

- Valerie Smith, LMSW